[slein]

say you have an affair on yo sig other.

do you tell them? as if you are getting a weight off your chest? or tell them because they deserve to know?

or should you just zip it and not worry about it? after all, you did use a barrier, right?

me, i wouldn't say anything. sure, i lack a moral fibre. sure, i'm a dick. however, i save the skin for her and that's it.

 

[johnbryanpeters]

You keep your **** together and avoid cheating in the first place.

In today's world of lethal STDs, you damn better well tell if you falter.

J

 

[WillRidesRigid]

If they never find out, they never get hurt. Some people get distant or act funny after cheating, creating problems. Just don't think about it and you should be fine.

 

[LordOpie]

No one should ever tell the spouse, it serves no purpose. However, making a mistake is one thing, but doing it twice... get a divorce... unless you both agree to that lifestyle.

 

[Serial Midget]

Maybe you can talk them into a threeway. This happens in Springer all the time but you have to becareful that they don't leave you out.

 

[Snacks]

Originally posted by LordOpie
No one should ever tell the spouse, it serves no purpose. However, making a mistake is one thing, but doing it twice... get a divorce... unless you both agree to that lifestyle.

I totally agree.......I have cheated before, not on a spouse, and really saw know reason to tell. It didn't mean anything and I didn't put him at risk.

The only reason to tell is to make yourself feel better, in turn the other person feels like sh*t.

 

[Mocha]

Originally posted by Snacks

The only reason to tell is to make yourself feel better, in turn the other person feels like sh*t.

Gotta agree with this. The reason most people tell is to alleviate their own guilt. You would probably suffer more if you had to live with it forever.

 

[ohio]

wow this thread is disturbing me. Not that I necessarily disagree, but because I'm not sure how I feel.

I've never cheated. Ever.

I feel like if I was ever told I'd been cheated on, it would have been instant end of the relationship. But I think I would rather have that, than continue to date someone that got to the point where she could cheat without me ever knowing there was a problem.

 

[ummbikes]

Originally posted by ohio
wow this thread is disturbing me. Not that I necessarily disagree, but because I'm not sure how I feel.

I've never cheated. Ever.

I feel like if I was ever told I'd been cheated on, it would have been instant end of the relationship. But I think I would rather have that, than continue to date someone that got to the point where she could cheat without me ever knowing there was a problem.

Dr. Laura says if it's a one time deal and it will never happen again to just keep it behind closed doors.

If your personal faliures (not your's, Ohio, but the the genral YOUR) must be shouted out, you are more more effed up than the guy who just cheats.

Who knows if that broad is right or not, but my night in Bancock with the triplets and an ounce of "E" are completely unknown to my wife.

 

[laura]

i dont know what i would do because i wouldnt cheat. i've made up my mind that its not going to happen because i think that it is unforgivable and shows a major weakness in willpower. if i had to go out and cheat, i wouldnt need to be in a relationship in the first place. i have been cheated on before and it is the worst feeling in the world. i didnt find out until long after we had been broken up and it still hurt really bad.


besides, my baby rocks my world in bed and out.

 

[llkoolkeg]

I had a girlfriend once that cheated on me. She was a bit of a freak that I'd known as a friend for quite a while and I really should have never dated. I knew how she was and wanted a piece of that action so I asked her out. Between our second and third dates, before I hit paydirt, I found out from one of my friends that she had been invited by one of her ex-boyfriends to an extravagant event at a ritzy hotel and had spent the night with him. Initially, I was very hurt but hadn't scored yet so I tried to swallow my feelings. We dated for four months and after our third date, I was getting regular nookie so I decided to not confront her about her early infidelity. I later received another report that she had spent the night with another of her old bang-buddies. Now that she and I had been dating(supposedly exclusively) for a few months, it really pissed me off. I verified the two accounts of cheating then confronted her with them...but she denied it all. Even though I had confirmation from third parties, she maintained her innocence...so I dumped her.

Now that I am older and more experienced, I have come to realize how difficult it can be to remain faithful to one partner. Not because you don't love or care or respect the one you are with, but because life can throw you some real juicy slow ones over the plate that are hard to not take a cut at. Perhaps it is an unfair double-standard, but the way men and women(in general) view the sex act is so different that I feel it's far easier for a couple to get beyond male infidelities than female ones. Certainly they are equally reprehensible from a moral standpoint, but when men cheat, it is usually just animalistic sex devoid of real emotional commitment. When women cheat, it is much more difficult to separate the act from their feelings and emotions. i.e. men cheat simply to wet their tips while women cheat because they are yearning emotional connectivity that they attach to sex. Most marriages do not end when the husband cheats, but when it is the wife who is unfaithful, it is usually due to more serious flaws in the relationship.

To answer the original question, though, the others are correct. If your SO is not aware of the infidelity, don't volunteer the information simply to mitigate your well-earned feelings of guilt. If your SO asks you directly, however, admit that it happened but provide no details. Knowledge of the cheating will be hard enough to overcome as it is without visions of the specific acts haunting the injured partner.

 

[RhinofromWA]

I have always taken the position of:

How can I expect my GF to be faithfull if I can't do it myself. Kind of a rule of thumb thing......do unto others............

I have never cheated. I know buddies who have and I just can't see the reason they are still in a relationship. If you want it that bad break up....at least for the weekend.

 

[Jr_Bullit]

Cheating is bad...not to happen. I've never cheated, and if I discovered my SO was cheating it would end things....

However, the first...I dunno four or five times out, if you haven't already had "a talk" about "your relationship" and it's just the "getting to know you stage" I would tend to expect that the other person was still looking, if not actively finding others to go out with...

Although - once the whole sleeping together thing occurs, I personally would be extremely POd to find out the other person was still seeing others....

Honesty is always the best policy, but then if you're cheating and you're honest with your SO about it, then it's probably for the best that things end anyways.

 

[SuzyCreamcheese]

Originally posted by Serial Midget
Maybe you can talk them into a threeway. This happens in Springer all the time but you have to becareful that they don't leave you out.

That's the problem with 3 ways, someone usually gets left out. It's sort of a stoichiometric thing. Now, a 4way 'round the world:dancing:

The Cheese

 

[LordOpie]

Originally posted by SuzyCreamcheese
That's the problem with 3 ways, someone usually gets left out.

how so? I mean, i have two hands, a penis, a mouth... hell, I'll throw in a toe if need be!

 

[N8 v2.0]

..is it cheating if no one knows...????


:devil:

 

[Jr_Bullit]

Originally posted by N8
..is it cheating if no one knows...????


:devil:

Does this mean the cheater doesn't know?

Of course - this sorta follows my logic of, speeding is not illegal until I get caught - nor was that U-turn - or my off-roading.

I guess it depends on how guilty you feel about it...if cheating is to you as speeding in my car is to me...well then....I just hope your wife knows that .

 

[ohio]

It's not cheating 'cause it's YOUR dog.

 

[golgiaparatus]

Originally posted by ohio
wow this thread is disturbing me. Not that I necessarily disagree, but because I'm not sure how I feel.

I've never cheated. Ever.

I feel like if I was ever told I'd been cheated on, it would have been instant end of the relationship. But I think I would rather have that, than continue to date someone that got to the point where she could cheat without me ever knowing there was a problem.

I'm with Ohio. If my GF, or any GF ever cheats on me then thats the end of the line. I wouldnt even give a "goodbye", just a "I'm going to the bar, you & your $hit better not be here when I get back or you will be removed by force".

Also, If I ever slip up and cheat... Relationship is over, because whatever the relationship was built on obviously wasnt strong enough to stop me. I probably wouldnt drop a double bomb like "hey BTW I cheated on you AND Its over". I'd probably just figure out some way to end it while causing the least amount of pain possible.

 

[LordOpie]

Originally posted by golgiaparatus
Also, If I ever slip up and cheat... Relationship is over, because whatever the relationship was built on obviously wasnt strong enough to stop me. I probably wouldnt drop a double bomb like "hey BTW I cheated on you AND Its over". I'd probably just figure out some way to end it while causing the least amount of pain possible.

Hopefully that'll never happen, but if you don't give her a good reason to hate you, she'll spend a long time wondering what she did wrong. It'd be better for the S.O. to hate the opposite sex instead of losing all faith in themself.

 

[Jr_Bullit]

Okay - time for a minor hijack...

At what point is it considered cheating?

You've gone out with person a couple of times...in the "get to know each other" stage....a hot babe (male or female) asks you out for a drink - you join them...so are you now "cheating" on the other person you're just getting to know? Is it considered cheating LATER if you and the person you're now getting know end up together and they find out about the interlude at the bar?

Is it considered cheating if you're with an SO, and go out to dinner/drinks with a "friend" but then go your separate ways after dinner/drinks, i.e. no physical contact beyond like a hug/peck on the cheek...even if you personally were harboring those illicit thoughts...?

Then there's the more obvious forms of cheating - you went out with person, went to a hotel/back of car/whatever got your bidness on...went home after a quick overdose on your perfume/cologne and hopped straight into the shower before your SO figured it out. But - is this form of cheating, if only occurring once ever with this person worthy of entirely destroying a family - or is it only serious when it becomes an "affair" i.e. happens more than once/frequently/suddenly you have two SOs?

 

[SuzyCreamcheese]

I don't think it's cheating until you've had THE TALK about being exclusively with someone. It may or may not include the word lo....lo.....lo...lo...nope can't can't say that one.

Dinner with someone is not cheating if you're out in the open about it. Sneaking around is not OK, even if there's no sex. It's the appearance of sex that will lead to suspicion and it isn't worth it if you care about someone.

Having sex with someone who isn't your SO/spouse is cheating whether it happens once or is an ongoing thing.

"Hopefully that'll never happen, but if you don't give her a good reason to hate you, she'll spend a long time wondering what she did wrong."

Be careful you don't give TOO good a reason. I've gotten many a good reason to hate those who cheated. That's why there are several shallow graves under the lilacs.

The Cheese

 

[ummbikes]

Originally posted by SuzyCreamcheese

That's why there are several shallow graves under the lilacs.

The Cheese

The movie Fatal Attraction ruined any cheating ambition I may have ever had potential for.

I reached a point with my wife early in our courtship where I choose to love her. Because of our choice to be married and have children together and the years we been together we have trust in each other. I couldn't imagine being intimate with some else at the point in my life. Trust is a big deal for me in the nookie department and there is no way I could grant that trust to another person at this point in my life.

 

[shocktower]

Originally posted by Serial Midget
Maybe you can talk them into a threeway. This happens in Springer all the time but you have to becareful that they don't leave you out.

Have to invite your mom to be springer like

 

[shocktower]

Originally posted by ummbikes


The movie Fatal Attraction ruined any cheating ambition I may have ever had potential for.

I reached a point with my wife early in our courtship where I choose to love her. Because of our choice to be married and have children together and the years we been together we have trust in each other. I couldn't imagine being intimate with some else at the point in my life. Trust is a big deal for me in the nookie department and there is no way I could grant that trust to another person at this point in my life.

Who talking about being intamate you just going to FVCK the Hell out of some chick ,and not tell her

 

[gorgechris]

Originally posted by ohio
wow this thread is disturbing me.

I agree. If you're cheating, even once "because I was drunk and I didn't know what I was doing", I call BS. You've got problems, or at the very least you've got problems with your relationship. I say no cheating when in a serious relationship. If you wanna' be a skank, that's fine, just make sure you're single.

 

[ummbikes]

Originally posted by shocktower
Who talking about being intamate you just going to FVCK the Hell out of some chick ,and not tell her

Hey man if thats how you like to do it, more power to ya!

 

[Jr_Bullit]

Originally posted by SuzyCreamcheese
I don't think it's cheating until you've had THE TALK about being exclusively with someone. It may or may not include the word lo....lo.....lo...lo...nope can't can't say that one.

Dinner with someone is not cheating if you're out in the open about it. Sneaking around is not OK, even if there's no sex. It's the appearance of sex that will lead to suspicion and it isn't worth it if you care about someone.

Having sex with someone who isn't your SO/spouse is cheating whether it happens once or is an ongoing thing.

"Hopefully that'll never happen, but if you don't give her a good reason to hate you, she'll spend a long time wondering what she did wrong."

Be careful you don't give TOO good a reason. I've gotten many a good reason to hate those who cheated. That's why there are several shallow graves under the lilacs.

The Cheese

Exactly my mentality - however my genetic structure for some reason prevents me from agreeing with the whole wait for the talk....If I'm into a guy, we've gone out a few times, I have a super duper hard time going out with another guy at the same time even without "the talk." And then I feel hurt if I learn that he's been seeing others - unless we verbally agreed that that was the standard cuz we were both "playing around."

Argh....boys are so complicated...I just need someone like me who just wants to be with just me and I just wanna be with just him and then we could ride bikes together and hike together and life would be dandy!

 

[LordOpie]

Originally posted by N8
..is it cheating if no one knows...????


:devil:

I just read in the Lounge that you're really getting married. I thought the XTR rings was humor, but CONGRATS!

That being said, does the future Mrs. N8 post here?

 

[Jorvik]

I've never cheated and will not. I've been in the position too, drunk with a girl actually trying to take advantage of me (which was flattering). Didn't cheat then, and won't cheat in the future.

I've had a GF cheat on me. Early into the relationship we (she) agreed that we "wouldn't get bent out of shape" if the other cheated. I said that if she cheated, I'd want to know what happened with who. I only wanted to know that so I'd know who to beat, and how long. I beat the hell out of him. I honestly wouldn't have been mad at him if he didn't know I was dating her, but he did.

I'll get madder at the guy who instigates the cheating with my girl than the girl. If its a girl she cheats on me with, I expect her to do it again only with me too.

 

[goosemagoo]

dealing w/ 2 or more chicks at once is such a pain in the arse it's not worth it. There aren't enough hours in the day to keep yourself, chick1 and chick2 happy all at once.

 

[Jorvik]

It is not about them.

It is about me.

 

[Sideways]

It is all in your head.
Therefore, it is whatever you want it to be.

 

[TheJaybird]

Originally posted by goosemagoo
dealing w/ 2 or more chicks at once is such a pain in the arse it's not worth it. There aren't enough hours in the day to keep yourself, chick1 and chick2 happy all at once.

What he said, but more of it. Screw cheating. As if it isn't hard enough to hit on then maintain the attention of one individual. Once in a relationship that at least one half of thinks as exclusive you've got: family dinners, social obligations, baby showers, guys night out, weddings, etc etc etc. Who the hell has time for all that and a job and the all important sleep? Then toss in the hassle of wooing some girl/guy (making sure they're of the same mind and won't go running off at the mouth about your advances) to bed down with you. Too much effort.

You want anonymity? You want extramarital/extrarelationship-al sexual gratification? Try this: Pay a hooker/gigolo. duh.