Children of the Cairns 2016
- Thread starter William42
- Start date
Apologies, but I've been immersed in a veritable purple waterfall of mournful tears, somewhat related to the recent passing of
but more problematic was the issue of trying to fit back into my latex assless chaps.
Painfully pressed leather eggs aside, there's apparently a non-ebike race going down in the down under. So whats up in Oz?
* Australia rhymes with genitalia.
* The Japanese actually had plans to invade Australia in 1942...LOL
* Fosters sucks and I'm not presently aware of any good Australian export beer.
* Udi lives in Australia, which makes the above bullet somewhat distressing.
* Australia used to be connected to India and Antarctica...Steve Peat won those races too.
* Cairns is a terrible track that could be (easily) ridden be Stevie Wonder riding shotgun with Stephen Hawking, much less Stevie Smith.
* Sik Mik can apparently still ride a gravi-cycle, despite what Butch claims.
* I've seen Midnight Oil in concert...meh.
* Russell Crowe was not overweight in Romper Stomper.
* Similar to 2 notable GOP presidential candidates, koala bears have exceptionally small brains given their skull size.
* It's probably going to rain in the next 5 hours.
Thusly, I don't think the following will take anybody by surprise:
1. Prince - In short, not dead yet mutha fawkers! Before floating off to go bang Whitney Houston and probably Glenn Frey, the wispy little sparkplug from Minneapolis stops by Cairns on his CB400A (crushing some Strava segments along the way), equipped with a purple ano DVO fork and a one-off TLD helmet that doesn't compress heavily permed hair. Quitely crying and aggressively brapping, the musical elf of MN takes the purple gold.
2. Sik Mik - duh
3. Steve Peat - Sheffield Steel fools us all by not showing up for practice or qualies, but is allowed to race in the finals by drinking no less than 2 dozen Ozy fans under the table (as permitted under UCI rule 2.3 subsection A, paragraph 6). While the old timer doesn't quite equal his epic Canberra victory, its a pleasant way to leave his mark on kangaroo island.
4. Xenomorph - hardly unexpected, but the constant trauma to part of the alien hive (derisively referred to as the "alien root") finally leads to a praetorian stirring and taking matters into its own claws. Riding a prototype Unno dh bike, the slimey rascal from LV-426 is at home is the vaginally slippery conditions and cruises to a solid 4th place. He is then promptly tackled and subsequently sexually assaulted by drunken Ozy fans. This is why they can't have nice things.
5. Kidwoo - despite his absolute disdain for this bitch track and its tiled rock gardens, the towering terror from Norcal (he is a solid 7" taller than Prince) proves his point by cutting tape to mitigate those damnable switchbacks and destroys the course on his trusty, if somewhat dated, SX equipped with 16" wheels to get that BB down a bit.
Women (that "glow") :
1. Steve Irwins daughter
2. Ragot
3. PomPom
4. Leigh Donovan
5. SCB den mother
but more problematic was the issue of trying to fit back into my latex assless chaps.
Painfully pressed leather eggs aside, there's apparently a non-ebike race going down in the down under. So whats up in Oz?
* Australia rhymes with genitalia.
* The Japanese actually had plans to invade Australia in 1942...LOL
* Fosters sucks and I'm not presently aware of any good Australian export beer.
* Udi lives in Australia, which makes the above bullet somewhat distressing.
* Australia used to be connected to India and Antarctica...Steve Peat won those races too.
* Cairns is a terrible track that could be (easily) ridden be Stevie Wonder riding shotgun with Stephen Hawking, much less Stevie Smith.
* Sik Mik can apparently still ride a gravi-cycle, despite what Butch claims.
* I've seen Midnight Oil in concert...meh.
* Russell Crowe was not overweight in Romper Stomper.
* Similar to 2 notable GOP presidential candidates, koala bears have exceptionally small brains given their skull size.
* It's probably going to rain in the next 5 hours.
Thusly, I don't think the following will take anybody by surprise:
1. Prince - In short, not dead yet mutha fawkers! Before floating off to go bang Whitney Houston and probably Glenn Frey, the wispy little sparkplug from Minneapolis stops by Cairns on his CB400A (crushing some Strava segments along the way), equipped with a purple ano DVO fork and a one-off TLD helmet that doesn't compress heavily permed hair. Quitely crying and aggressively brapping, the musical elf of MN takes the purple gold.
2. Sik Mik - duh
3. Steve Peat - Sheffield Steel fools us all by not showing up for practice or qualies, but is allowed to race in the finals by drinking no less than 2 dozen Ozy fans under the table (as permitted under UCI rule 2.3 subsection A, paragraph 6). While the old timer doesn't quite equal his epic Canberra victory, its a pleasant way to leave his mark on kangaroo island.
4. Xenomorph - hardly unexpected, but the constant trauma to part of the alien hive (derisively referred to as the "alien root") finally leads to a praetorian stirring and taking matters into its own claws. Riding a prototype Unno dh bike, the slimey rascal from LV-426 is at home is the vaginally slippery conditions and cruises to a solid 4th place. He is then promptly tackled and subsequently sexually assaulted by drunken Ozy fans. This is why they can't have nice things.
5. Kidwoo - despite his absolute disdain for this bitch track and its tiled rock gardens, the towering terror from Norcal (he is a solid 7" taller than Prince) proves his point by cutting tape to mitigate those damnable switchbacks and destroys the course on his trusty, if somewhat dated, SX equipped with 16" wheels to get that BB down a bit.
Women (that "glow") :
1. Steve Irwins daughter
2. Ragot
3. PomPom
4. Leigh Donovan
5. SCB den mother
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God you're uglier than I thoughtwho the hell dislikes my post being excited for racing to start in 12hours?!?!
*3 1/2 hours now, muthafuggers!
Cut 3 minutes from the first run? Wtf?
Y'all bitches up? I got a 12 pack sampler pack from Highland Brewery and ready for a party.
Loic pulls it off!!!
Finally gets it done on a track he did not think he would do well on.
First one of many
Well done,
Finally gets it done on a track he did not think he would do well on.
First one of many
Well done,
whew...good one!
Warner needs a mandatory enforced drinking session before he's allowed near the microphone.
I tried to convince Wyn that as he's not racing (a good move after his concussion) he should gate crash Warners Commentary booth.
Also should I feel bad at laughing at Gwin's facial expression as he exited the hot seat podium?
No Gwin, actually I think today God hates you.
No Gwin, actually I think today God hates you.
Don't you just love it when riders like Bruni and Brosnan are within two hundreths of a second after the semi technical top section and you hear Warner say for the n-th time: "It's all about pedaling now!"?
Got drunk and fell asleep. No surprise there. Had to be up early on kid duty this morning.
Seems like they could have saved some time, only played the 5 qualifiers runs, and only shown the sprint at the bottom. In fact, seems like they could save some time and just legit cut the entire top half of the course out, and just have a sprint at the bottom.
Although I do like it when times are tight and you don't have any idea till the last second who's gonna win.
Tbro being up at the split by .2 was pretty exciting. And that the top 3 were all within 1 second.
Although I do like it when times are tight and you don't have any idea till the last second who's gonna win.
Tbro being up at the split by .2 was pretty exciting. And that the top 3 were all within 1 second.
Maybe they'll go all out and build TWO corkscrews! I mean that thing is just so wacky! Can you imagine TWO!!???
You think Palmer learned his lesson and will run clipless pedals this year? I think the vproccess nico is on just can't be beat! These new hydraulic brakes these guys are running really seem swell too.
That terrain is awesome. I just really hope they do something different with that track. I'm all for cutting down more rain forest in this case. I mean that's where the spiders live, how could you not?
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Burn it. Burn it all to the ground.
Good race!
I had thought the days of "locals" like Mik and that other aussie pulling into the top5 or 10 as upsetters were long gone. It was also nice to see Tracy's result.
I had thought the days of "locals" like Mik and that other aussie pulling into the top5 or 10 as upsetters were long gone. It was also nice to see Tracy's result.
^^
Agreed. Interesting to see Aussies finish 2nd in mens, womens and juniors.
Agreed. Interesting to see Aussies finish 2nd in mens, womens and juniors.
Do I recall correctly that Josh Button was on a borrowed bike from Connor Fearon? Or was that different Aussie? Pretty amazing result. Otherwise I thought the rest was kinda unexciting (to watch least get the results were pleasing)
Seems to me that Loic is the man to beat.
Until he has a major off / crash and then goes the speed of the rest of the field. (Due to mind f@ck things that the rest of the field has had to deal with)
Debbie downer moment of the day.
Until he has a major off / crash and then goes the speed of the rest of the field. (Due to mind f@ck things that the rest of the field has had to deal with)
Debbie downer moment of the day.
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downer moment is that the next race isn't until fucking june @ fort bill. amirite?
Two things I observed last night:
1) These guys need to stop dropping f-bombs in interviews. Yeah, it shouldn't be a big deal, but you're a professional athlete. Act like it. Multiple guilty parties here.
2) Man, some of these pyjama suits are getting awfully tight again eh?
1) These guys need to stop dropping f-bombs in interviews. Yeah, it shouldn't be a big deal, but you're a professional athlete. Act like it. Multiple guilty parties here.
2) Man, some of these pyjama suits are getting awfully tight again eh?
Steve Smith is pretty much rocking a skinsuit at this point. I have no problem with the suits getting aero. They are supposed to be trying to go fast.
To be fair to Josh Button - he's not a professional athlete. The guy has a fulltime job in earthmoving - he's allowed to be a bit less polished, especially sitting in the hot seat at a home world cup.
I bet if they had microphones on course you would have heard some colourful language from other guys during their runs.
Plus. They do make the guys tight little asses look mighty purty on TV
... Oh... did I say that out loud?
Yeah we also need more old swiss men involved in the sport and have strange gear regulations that don't allow certain technologies.
His interview might have been the the least profane thing an Aussie tradesman ever said.