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Having kids?

Should my wife and I go ahead and start trying whether or not we are financially set?

  • Yes

    Votes: 11 37.9%
  • No

    Votes: 18 62.1%

  • Total voters
    29
  • Poll closed .
This has nothing to do with riding, so if you don't want to read this, Stop Now!

My question is; Does anybody else have the desire to have children in the near future but is not financially stable/comfortable to do so?

I want to have kids. I think about it alot. My wife and I haven't really talked about it in depth, and I haven't spoken with any of my friends about it. I just want some non bias opinions. I know nobody knows my finances better than me but, any response would help.

Oh, and I would like responses from people who have kids, as well as, people who don't.

If you respond, I just would like to thank you in advance.

mountainbikernut

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<PURA VIDA>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<RIDE HARD>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
 

Snacks

Turbo Monkey
Feb 20, 2003
3,523
0
GO! SEAHAWKS!
I don't have kids, nor do I want them. Maybe if money wasn't an issue then we would be more inclined to have one. Yes, I know that sounds bad, but when my s/o and I discuss to have or not to have how expensive it is to raise them does come up.

I'm pretty sure that even if we won the lottery we still wouldn't have kids, but since we haven't I really can't say either way. I don't feel I was born with that 'mothering gene' so honestly no amount of $$$ would change that.

I don't think you can really be finacially ready for kids. I think it's more of a mental, emotional, and life style changing issue. Kids are expensive even if you save for them. BUT like I said I don't have any so I could just be talking out of my ass!
 

TreeSaw

Mama Monkey
Oct 30, 2003
17,669
1,847
Dancin' over rocks n' roots!
I don't know that anyone really feels "ready" either financially or otherwise to have children. If you really want children, you should definately sit down and discuss it with your wife to see how she feels. Children are amazing and a life-changing experience that you both need to be on the same page with. I am sure, if you both want children, that you will find a way to save $ and plan for the baby's needs.
 

llkoolkeg

Ranger LL
Sep 5, 2001
4,329
5
in da shed, mon, in da shed
If you want to be a father and your wife wants to be a mother and you both feel confident that you will be able to raise a loving family together, go for it. Better while you are younger and stand a chance of being able to keep up with the kids on no sleep. You really have no way of being "ready" for parenthood, financially or psychologically.

My wife and I thought we were ready. We'd both finished college and were just about to start extended-term gruaduate programs. My wife had three years of teaching and county tenure under her belt and I'd been in the same job for a while. We owned a house together and lived comfortably, so we though we were prepared. Our first daughter had health problems for her first year, though, so we got pinched. She grew out of her issues, so we decided to give it a go again and have both kids close together in age.

Again, our second daughter has had health issues for her first year which we hope she will also outgrow(she's improving nicely). We have had a lot to deal with and it has been very trying, but we see the pendulum gaining positive momentum. I can't help but feel we did the right thing, though, because we are pushing through our difficulties as a FAMILILY and the future is looking great. We're getting by again fairly comfortably and once our youngest is all better and kindergarten-aged, my wife will go back to teaching at the kids' school and we'll get the benefit of a second income that otherwise would be substantially lost to child care expenses.

If you and your wife wait until you feel 100% ready to have kids, there will always be some reason why later will seem better. Just make sure you are being realistic about your reasoning and remember that when it comes to having and raising kids, time is definitely not on your side. Kids have boundless energy and no matter how tired you are after a long day of work, they will wring the last bit of juice from the battery. Most nights, I more accurately pass out(from exhaustion) than fall asleep.
 

geargrrl

Turbo Monkey
May 2, 2002
2,379
1
pnw -dry side
I think it's most important that a child be loved and wanted. Sure the money thing factors in, but there is also a lot of pressure to buy "stuff" for your kids that you dont' really need. ( don't get me going on consumerrism) If you can swing it so that the kid is not in daycare (IMNSHO) that is the most important financial sacrifice; whether it's wearing Baby Gap or garage sale clothes is not.

geargrrl

mom of two, one's off to NAU in the fall.
 
Apr 12, 2005
6
0
mother of three here....teenagers...i can't imagine life without my children! They keep me young and doing crazy things (like MTBing, paintball, riding ATVs...MUCH better than doing needlepoint or some terribly boring thing :) ) and they make me so happy!!!! Becoming a parent is a major adjustment in the beginning. Making the transition from "it's all about me" to "it's all about the kid(s)" is not easy for everyone. On a personal level, making sacrifices for my kids (time, financially, loving unconditionally) has never been an issue. My kids are awesome and they make me proud every day!
 

towelie

Monkey
May 14, 2003
140
0
Santa Barbara county
It really depends on what you mean by "financially set". If you're in deep consumer debt, or couldn't imagine lowering your standard of living, or living off of one income, then don't.

Fact is, ther'll be less money for the two of you, and ideally one of you should probably not work for the first 3-4 years (at least). Run the numbers. If the sacrifice is worth it to you, go for it. If it isn't, don't. It could cause a lot of stress and hardship otherwise.
 

WarEagle2K

Chimp
Feb 28, 2005
92
0
Tucson, AZ
My wife and I had our first child at 19 years old. We definitely were not financially ready. Somehow, it always seemed to work out. If you guys are considering it, you must have a passion for kids. I must say that I did not. However, looking back on it, I would not change a thing. Don’t let the finances worry you. It may be tight but having a child will change your life in some many ways. Parenthood is the most rewarding thing I have ever experienced. You HAVE to be willing to sacrifice. If you are not ready to devote everything to your child and wife, I would say wait until you are.
 

Bobby Peru

Monkey
Jul 16, 2004
151
0
Big Tuna, TX
Nothing, I mean NOTHING can compare to the day that my daughter was born. I have done a lot of great/fun/cool/bitchin' things in my life and all of them combined don't hold a candle to having a child. You WILL adjust, you have to. You have one thing that many children don't have- a parent that WANTS kids. I was the same way, I wanted kids really bad. Now we are working on our second. Yes, she is 8 weeks along and I couldn't be happier! Sure, I don't get to ride as often (or do fun things) but that doesn't compare to my child reaching for me and smiling at me when I come home from work. Kids don't want stuff, they want your love and affection. I say do it, have kids! Nobody is ever really 100% ready anyways... JMHO.
 

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Dirtface

Chimp
May 22, 2005
36
0
Austin, Texas
I have two kids and raced five XC seasons in a row. We couldn't afford vacations so the race weekends became our mini vacations. We had a ball. My daughter likes dance, my son is going to be the BMX'er...I just know it!

Kids are expensive if you let them be. You have to be practical about it; diapers and formula will probably cost $150/month and daycare will be anywhere from $600+ per month depending where you live. Somtimes you "think" you can't afford things but actually you really have to learn where to cut back if you want it bad enough. The most expensive thing in my opinion is buying all the crap you don't need. I know...I just had a garage sale and sold all the crap we all thought they needed.
 

altagirl

Monkey
Aug 27, 2002
160
0
Utah
Snacks said:
I don't have kids, nor do I want them.
Same here. My husband and I don't ever plan on having any, and I've never had the urge, so that probably affects my opinion.

While I agree you'll never be 100% ready, I also think you've got to apply some common sense. If you're already drowning in debt, or just barely making ends meet... how are you planning on making this work with extra bills and most likely less income? We don't know what your financial situation is, but you should sit down with your wife and go over all the aspects of having kids and how it will change things for you and figure out your situation.
 

yentna

Chimp
Jun 22, 2005
13
0
Maybe, but not feeling it yet. If the time comes and it's something I / we want, then sure, but not like my parents with 7 kids (how'd they DO that????).
Go with your gut. If you deep down don't want kids, don't have them, it's not fair to them. If you deep down want them, go for it, now or later. Unless your financial situation is such that your child may starve or go to school barefoot, in that case wait until things are a bit more stable. Unfortunately, maybe you are like me and deep down you.....

.....have no idea.
 

shocktower

Monkey
Sep 7, 2001
622
0
Molalla Oregon
I would say no for many rerasons one of them is there are enough people in the world ,we do`nt need any more and if your not set now money wise it get`s worse with kid`s ,also by just having one is not fair to the child and you will need another JMO ....................................

BTW I have 4 children 3 of them are living one was killed last year in an auto accident ,I nearly lost another in the same accident ,and now my wife has left because of the accident .... kids are great but they will change your life :nope: :nope: :nope: :nope:
 

Reactor

Turbo Monkey
Apr 5, 2005
3,976
1
Chandler, AZ, USA
I love my daughter and couldn't imagine not having her. My wife and I are and tried for years to have children. About the time we gave up she finally got pregnant. We thought we were ready. We weren't. It's taken a lot of adjusting, and were barely scraping by. If you really can't see financially having a child, I'd wait, especially if you are younger, and not in a hurry.

On the other hand you probably never going to feel like you are financially set enough. If you own a home, and can realistically budget for the loss of income and increased expenses, you probably can afford it with compromises. Baby's are expensive. It seems like we were going through $50 a month in diapers, and another $100 or so in formula, plus all the other incidentals, doctor visits, clothing, baby furnature.

You need to have a serious talk with your spouse. Will one of you stay home? For how long? Return to work when? Full time or part time> Child care? Health insurance? Make sure you are on the same page.
 

SkaredShtles

Michael Bolton
Sep 21, 2003
65,379
12,533
In a van.... down by the river
I'd say if you're suffering at the hands of consumer debt, get rid of it before having the kids.

If you don't have much/any consumer debt, I say go for it. Especially if you both want kids.

Don't do the daycare thing if you can swing it at all.

Encourage your wife to breastfeed. It's best for the baby, and it's free. That's a killer combo. :thumb:
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,959
35
You will never feel like you're ready, and you'll regret not having them earlier.

Hit it!
 

geargrrl

Turbo Monkey
May 2, 2002
2,379
1
pnw -dry side
SkaredShtles said:
Encourage your wife to breastfeed. It's best for the baby, and it's free. That's a killer combo. :thumb:
no kidding, always the right temp, no bottles to wash gives kids better natural immunity... I was on a plane that got delayed for 5 hours when I was pregant with #1. I was headed to Billings, got rerouted to Great Falls, Kalispell and a whole bunch of other places. Two ladies on that plane ran out of formula for thier babies, and there was nothing to be done. That was a quick lesson.

geargrrl
 

SkaredShtles

Michael Bolton
Sep 21, 2003
65,379
12,533
In a van.... down by the river
H8R said:
You will never feel like you're ready, and you'll regret not having them earlier.
I'd disagree somewhat with the second part of this - I was 30 when my first was born - I'm glad I waited until then. Had a lot of livin' to do in my 20's. :D

Of course, everyone is different. :thumb:

This advice is spot on, whether you're planning to have kids or not. Hit it often. :D
 

Backpack1

Monkey
Mar 16, 2005
227
0
GNORKAL
I didn't read all the responses and I have 3 (when I married my wife, she had 1, we made 2 more)

We are both happy we lived thru our twenties raging on the edge of sanity without kids, but are really, really happy with them now. We were not, nor are we now, financially 'set'. Aint gonna happen. Doesn't matter. Someone's remark about dealing with consumer debt first makes sense, since you'll need it again when you have kids. We pay $1000 a month for daycare (1.5 YEAR OLD)and $1000 a month for preschool(3.5 YEAR OLD) here in S.F. and that's on the low end. Yes it's as much as college. Yes it's rough. The bottom line is: you will find a way. Putting things off til everything is 'just so' is a big mistake.

Consider adopting a less fortunate child if you can. BY ALL MEANS BREASTFEED!!!
FORMULA does not pass on the mother's immune system and god knows what else.
Formula is made by evil multinationals like Nestle- do a little research before raising a child with that crap. Remember C-sections are major surgery, too...SO MANY women opt for those because it's 'convenient' I dont get it. If you have a regular vaginal birth, there is nothing wrong with having an epidural anesthetic (you wouldnt pull a tooth without meds to be 'natural' would you?) My wife did 2 'without painkillaz and 1 Epi....she knows whats up. Get the epidural despite how scary it sounds to have a needle injected into your spinal column. Where is the love? it's between parents and kids - it's worth it.
 

McGRP01

beer and bikes
Feb 6, 2003
7,793
0
Portland, OR
Backpack1 said:
FORMULA does not pass on the mother's immune system and god knows what else.
Formula is made by evil multinationals like Nestle- do a little research before raising a child with that crap.
Hahaha... My neighbor breastfed both her children, and I've never seen a more sickly lot of kids. They're always sick! Not that the parents are particularly healthy either. Not trying to spark a debate, just thought the tone of your comment was a bit harsh.
 

geargrrl

Turbo Monkey
May 2, 2002
2,379
1
pnw -dry side
the bigger point would be to get informed and make an educated decisions, question everything and don't take any one's word for something. He's 100% right about Nestle and formula, they have a pretty bad record in the social consience area.

geargrrl
 

RemfRider

Chimp
Jul 6, 2005
5
0
Connecticut
Having kids is great. I have two now and another on the way. If you really want kids (and you should really want them if you want to make them) you will find a way to make it work.

They do consume considerable amounts of personal resources, e.g. Money, Time (and that means riding time, too), and patience. But they are wonderful and its worth it.

My wife and I are stopping at three but if I'd known it would be like this I wish I could of started sooner and had more.

Kids are alot of work and alot of fun.
 

altagirl

Monkey
Aug 27, 2002
160
0
Utah
H8R said:
You will never feel like you're ready, and you'll regret not having them earlier.

Hit it!
Ugh. I know what you're saying, but that just reminds me of the advice my old bosses were giving a co-worker of mine who was getting married:

"Hurry up and have your kids immediately. You'll never be "ready" financially anyway. But do it fast, because you want them grown and out of the house as soon as you can so you can actually enjoy the rest of your life. Don't wait too long!"

GOOD GRIEF! Why do these people have children in the first place? Not that I don't know why - I'm in Utah after all... but it still makes me sick. There are enough neglected children in the world that no one should be having children just because they feel obliged to, for religious or any other reasons.

And I know that's not the question here - the poster does want them. I'm just saying.... I hate that "You'll regret it if you don't!" My mom gives me that nonsense ALL THE TIME. I don't want kids at all, ever - but she seems to think I should have a few anyway, just in case I change my mind later. :think:
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,959
35
altagirl said:
Ugh. I know what you're saying, but that just reminds me of the advice my old bosses were giving a co-worker of mine who was getting married:

"Hurry up and have your kids immediately. You'll never be "ready" financially anyway. But do it fast, because you want them grown and out of the house as soon as you can so you can actually enjoy the rest of your life. Don't wait too long!"

GOOD GRIEF! Why do these people have children in the first place? Not that I don't know why - I'm in Utah after all... but it still makes me sick. There are enough neglected children in the world that no one should be having children just because they feel obliged to, for religious or any other reasons.

And I know that's not the question here - the poster does want them. I'm just saying.... I hate that "You'll regret it if you don't!" My mom gives me that nonsense ALL THE TIME. I don't want kids at all, ever - but she seems to think I should have a few anyway, just in case I change my mind later. :think:
I was thinking along the lines of why I had a child at 21. I wanted to be young and enjoy my time with my kid from a young person's perspective. You don't HAVE to be older and mature to raise a kid. (it helps, but - meh)

If you want to have kids, why wait? Enjoy the rest of my life? I'm digging it right now.

I'm not more than a grown teen at 35 anyway. I figured, if I'm not going to grow up, might as well have em young.

:)
 

HypNoTic

Man Whore
Aug 3, 2004
144
0
Montreal, Qc
Then what would be the best age to get kids in your opinions?

I'm 24 and my GF is starting to talk a lot about it. IMO, its still a little too soon. She's still at school, we (I ???) still have a lot of things we want to do and see, we don't want to raise a child in town but somewhere where air is more breathable, we're living in a small apt in Montreal with crappy neighbors, etc. I think we should wait at least a few years, somewhere around 27-30. Before that, I consider you dont have the full experience needed to properly raise a kid in our society and give him all the tools he may need in his life.

Quebec's rural lifestyle is way different of big cities like NY. An healthy place is a very important consideration to take when looking at that.

Oh, and one last thing. Congrats TreeSaw! :)
 

TreeSaw

Mama Monkey
Oct 30, 2003
17,669
1,847
Dancin' over rocks n' roots!
HypNoTic said:
Then what would be the best age to get kids in your opinions?

I'm 24 and my GF is starting to talk a lot about it. IMO, its still a little too soon. She's still at school, we (I ???) still have a lot of things we want to do and see, we don't want to raise a child in town but somewhere where air is more breathable, we're living in a small apt in Montreal with crappy neighbors, etc. I think we should wait at least a few years, somewhere around 27-30. Before that, I consider you dont have the full experience needed to properly raise a kid in our society and give him all the tools he may need in his life.

Quebec's rural lifestyle is way different of big cities like NY. An healthy place is a very important consideration to take when looking at that.

Oh, and one last thing. Congrats TreeSaw! :)
Thanks! I was just thinking about you two. I've got to send out the Deck Party info!!! I am 28 and Earl is 32 and we aren't even sure if we're "ready". We decided that we wanted to have a baby and that we may never really feel ready so we went for it. I'll have to let you know how it turns out ;) We know it's going to totally change our lives, but I think we're both ready for a little change. Hope to see you soon!
 

SkaredShtles

Michael Bolton
Sep 21, 2003
65,379
12,533
In a van.... down by the river
HypNoTic said:
Then what would be the best age to get kids in your opinions?

I'm 24 and my GF is starting to talk a lot about it. IMO, its still a little too soon. She's still at school, we (I ???) still have a lot of things we want to do and see,
If you're not both committed to the idea, then don't do it. If you want to do and see, by all means do and see! It's easiert without kids. My wife and I went on a 4-month summer holiday to Europe before getting married, buying a house, and having kids. Worked well for us. :D
 

WV Hippy

Chimp
May 20, 2004
41
0
Kids are awesome!!! I've got two that I wouldn't trade for anything. More important than money is being emotionally ready. Take a long hard look at your lifestyle, what ever it's like now it's gonna change. If you're not ready to give up a signifigant portion of your time then you'd better think twice. Who ever said the Peace Corp is the toughest job you'd ever love never had kids.
:thumb:
 

RemfRider

Chimp
Jul 6, 2005
5
0
Connecticut
HypNoTic said:
Then what would be the best age to get kids in your opinions?

I'm 24 and my GF is starting to talk a lot about it. IMO, its still a little too soon. She's still at school, we (I ???) still have a lot of things we want to do and see, we don't want to raise a child in town but somewhere where air is more breathable, we're living in a small apt in Montreal with crappy neighbors, etc. I think we should wait at least a few years, somewhere around 27-30. Before that, I consider you dont have the full experience needed to properly raise a kid in our society and give him all the tools he may need in his life.

Quebec's rural lifestyle is way different of big cities like NY. An healthy place is a very important consideration to take when looking at that.
Move to Mont Laurier! I'd give my left nut to live up there. If I could make the same $$$ that I do now and my wife wouldn't kill me I would be there in heart beat. In fact I would live on the Baskatong Reservoir, ride all the time like a crazed heathen and fish till I drop. Oh yeah, somewhere fit in a full work schedule.

Hell, with the medical system you have, you should be getting hitched (assuming you are in love AND you are compatible) and start creankin' them out!
 

RemfRider

Chimp
Jul 6, 2005
5
0
Connecticut
mountainbiker said:
Well my wife and I have started trying. Which of course is alot of fun :sneaky: .
Dude, just wait when it becomes a chore. We were trying to get pregnant for kid #2 and it was taking a long time. Kid #1 was one shot, one kill. Kid #2 took for ever. Wife was charting and would pick the precise moment when we had to get down to business. I felt like a piece of steak a few times.

Obviously, something good came of it because I am talking about kid #2. Kid #3 was one shot, one kill. In fact I was still recouperating from surgery and two weeks later my wife surprised me on my birthday with a positive preggo test! Woo Hoo!

My recommendation is if it starts to become a chore, relax and don't worry about it because that will complicate things. Just let it happen!
 

eio

Monkey
Jul 16, 2004
124
0
PNW
I got news for you........

NO MATTER HOW MUCH MONEY YOU HAVE OR MUCH YOU THINK YOU ARE READY.....

YOU WILL NEVER BE PREPARED FOR HAVING CHILDREN. PERIOD.

We had a 5 year plan (4 years ago) laid out which culminated in having children.

About 3 months into the plan....Oops!......along came my son.

We were no where near prepared for such a thing to happen, but it did, and we just adapted our plan and rolled with it.

Guess what? Everything turned out fine and looking back there's not much I would change about the whole experience. In fact I'm glad things happened the way they did.

I'm not saying run home and make a baby, but if it happens, you'll figure it out when the time comes.
 

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shocktower

Monkey
Sep 7, 2001
622
0
Molalla Oregon
mountainbiker said:
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone whom put their two cents in. It is nice to here that so many people love their kids.

Well my wife and I have started trying. Which of course is alot of fun :sneaky: .

Hopefully we will have some news for you guys soon.

Thanks again everybody
Hey if you need any pointers I can come over and show just how to do it :sneaky: :sneaky: :sneaky: :sneaky: :evil: