a few of my favorites:angry:
Question:
Watching the news recently, I have noticed that the Chinese don't look like us whities. How does the bible account for the difference? Which of Noah's sons had almond eyes?
Answer:
They were quite clearly the result of some nocturnal encounters by Noahs son and some shipboard Siamese cats. Truly, as a Republican who would adore going to war with all of them this very moment, I must say that the Chinese are more trouble than they are worth it was a lot easier when we had them all addicted to opium.
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Question:
I am concerned about my sister. She and I have never been real close but I am tried to bring her to Jesus. I am concerned about some things she has said when she was angry. Things I can't repeat. Basically she swore at the Holy Spirit. My pastor says that that is the only sin that God will never ever forgive. Is this true? Is my sister lost? This breaks my heart.
Answer:
Your sister is indeed lost to eternal damnation, so any time you spend with her is completely wasted. Indeed, you would be better off using the time to shop for a kicky pair of new shoes, rather than trying to futilely bring unsavable trash to Jesus. Listen to Him for a change -- He has already said He doesn't want to have anything to do with her! Honestly, you risk really annoying Jesus by pestering Him with prayers for someone who makes Him want to vomit.
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Question:
Since Catholics technically drink the blood of Christ, can they be considered vampires?
Answer:
Those Mary-worshipping idolatrous catamites are so otherwise sinful that their penchant for taking a swig of our Savior's Blood (type A) hardly bears mention, dear. I do have it from reliable, if not reputable, Catholic sources that the blood of Christ tends to be light in tannins with a blackberry-tobacco finish.
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Question:
A preacher once blessed my cat. What exactly did he do to it?
Answer:
Don't be alarmed, dear. I'm sure the approach will be quite different from the time he blessed Dora Denkins' pussy.
http://www.bettybowers.com/espistle15a.html
Question:
Watching the news recently, I have noticed that the Chinese don't look like us whities. How does the bible account for the difference? Which of Noah's sons had almond eyes?
Answer:
They were quite clearly the result of some nocturnal encounters by Noahs son and some shipboard Siamese cats. Truly, as a Republican who would adore going to war with all of them this very moment, I must say that the Chinese are more trouble than they are worth it was a lot easier when we had them all addicted to opium.
-----------------
Question:
I am concerned about my sister. She and I have never been real close but I am tried to bring her to Jesus. I am concerned about some things she has said when she was angry. Things I can't repeat. Basically she swore at the Holy Spirit. My pastor says that that is the only sin that God will never ever forgive. Is this true? Is my sister lost? This breaks my heart.
Answer:
Your sister is indeed lost to eternal damnation, so any time you spend with her is completely wasted. Indeed, you would be better off using the time to shop for a kicky pair of new shoes, rather than trying to futilely bring unsavable trash to Jesus. Listen to Him for a change -- He has already said He doesn't want to have anything to do with her! Honestly, you risk really annoying Jesus by pestering Him with prayers for someone who makes Him want to vomit.
------------------
Question:
Since Catholics technically drink the blood of Christ, can they be considered vampires?
Answer:
Those Mary-worshipping idolatrous catamites are so otherwise sinful that their penchant for taking a swig of our Savior's Blood (type A) hardly bears mention, dear. I do have it from reliable, if not reputable, Catholic sources that the blood of Christ tends to be light in tannins with a blackberry-tobacco finish.
------------------
Question:
A preacher once blessed my cat. What exactly did he do to it?
Answer:
Don't be alarmed, dear. I'm sure the approach will be quite different from the time he blessed Dora Denkins' pussy.
http://www.bettybowers.com/espistle15a.html
