probably running some carbon barz, too!
or...
That was an elaborated hoax. At least two of the cases were either relatives or friends of that guy.
Ben's charisma is awesome. He keeps adding interesting stuff on each video. Loved the part of the Cannondale bike.
Even moar important, HOW COMES IT'S FRIDAY AND WE DON'T HAVE ANY OF @jackalope 'S PREDICTIONS!!!
Given the tune of his comments these last days, I'm concerned he won't pass a doping test.
Trying google translate.[emerges from hemp tenement...takes a long piss on flowerbed...goes inside the actual house to get more shitty English beer]
Yep, its that time again...time for pairs of forks, smoking fags, incessant use of the word "bloody", mispronouncing "fucks sake" as "fooks sake", and explaining to people that "bangers and mash" is not a weird sex move. Its yet another tired installment of Fort William Wallace, inn the land of my ancient ancestors (who apparently were pretty good at drinking and little else). So lets get cracking on the obligatory background info:
* I am pretty fond of scotch
* The game "Hop Scotch" obviously originated in Scotland, and it involved players consuming vast quantities of hoppy beers and scotch. Needless to say, this was an ephemeral effort and the game quickly devolved into a series of numerical box jumps, which is nigh impossible when consuming said libations.
* Apparently it rains a fair bit in Scotland.
* Kidwoo has previously expressed disdain for one Steve Peat, who's surname clearly honors one of the signature descriptors of scotch, which means Kidwoo is probably a semi-crippled troll who doesn't own any lower body garments and makes fun of ATVs while owning a snowmobile.
* I am still pretty fond of scotch
* I don't think I could actually describe the flavor of "butter scotch" to someone.
* I had corned beef this morning in my eggs, and I will be damned if that shit doesn't look and smell like wet catfood until you cook it. Once properly pan fried tho, it hits the mark.
* The actor who played the Hound in GOT is Scottish and pretty much a bad ass - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rory_McCann
* Tracey Hannah still hasn't sent me a message on Tinder. This makes me sad, even with scotch to help cheer me up.
* Scotts toilet "paper" originated in Scotland, and even though it had the functional consistency of wax paper, it was considered a marginal improvement over dried sheeps wool.
Right then, seems like more than enough intel to get us a top 5 prediction:
1.) Theresa May - testicles, ovaries...who gives a fook, this is World Cup Racin' we're talking about, and whats between your legs (or was in some cases) doesn't matter as long as you can bring the hot pace. And ole Terry May can do that, especially now that she is free of the burden of guiding the country into a bloody fookin suicidal separation from the EU. Ye auld lass straps herself atop an one off retro Orange 224 (made from the recovered alloy from the HMS Hood) and murders the ancient, worn sheep track that is Ft. Willy, Rocking an Endureau tactical kilt, it frequently lifts up to expose the goods, and even porn 'stache Warner is left speechless at the spectacle. Long live the (former) PM.
2.) Rupaul - speaking of non-binary sexuality, its been a minute since we've heard from the towering mocha colored bombshell. Turns out she/he has been training like mad to get ready for this event as a way to upstage a certain guy/gal named Kate. But there was one glaring problem, the Roop didn't have a sexy, hot bike to ride...if only there was a Ferrari red sex bike around...Well how do ya like that, he/she found an Intense M19 just laying about, and lets face it...he/she can rock a red kit like no other
3.) Reeses The World Cup Wilson - talk about home cooking! The latest fast ass Scot throws down a magnificent run to 3rd place, all the while rocking a traditional Scottish kit comprised of a scotch soaked tartan sleeveless vest and wielding a Claymore sword to dissuade any course marshals from impeding his progress while take Eddie Masters lines under the course tape.
4.) @drkenan 's dentist - after the embarrassing showdown with Kenan (noted anti-dentite) over a decade ago, things were pretty grim for the Asheville tooth fairy. So our intrepid enamel scraper decided to pack up and head back across the pond, since he figured almost everyone on the island of imbreeding had teeth that even Jewel would recoil at (to say nothing of the free health care). While he was spot on about the endemic dental disasters, it turns out they just don't give AF, so he had to eventually think of another way to make $$$. And lets face it, if you want to get wealthy, one of the easiest ways is to race WC-DH. Burning down the old highland bog path, Kenan's former mouth samurai crushes the gnar on his vintage stage coach, showing all the whippersnappers what 4 wagon wheels can do.
5.) John Comyn - my great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather, who was a pretty bad ass scotsman in his own right...but not bad ass enough to avoid being killed by Robert the Bruce & friends in a church no less (which is one of the many reasons I avoid going to churches). But just like that slightly more well known hippie socialist Jesus guy, me auld G-pa arises from the grave to take back his stolen glory. Charging down the hill on a freeride sheep (and occasional bed mate), JC comyns crashing through the finish line at a terrific pace to claim the final spot on the box. Guzzling a bottle of Oban before returning to the peat bog, JC's immaculate success confirms that "thoughts and prayers" do indeed work. Here's looking at you Gramps.
Lasses (or whats left of the field):
1.) Rach - seems that she was being coy on her quali run, leading by over a second at the first split.
2.) Trace - on form this year for sure...and moving up from her customary 3rd or 4th place with Seagraves and Pom Pom out.
3.) "Kate"
4.) attractive Italian lady
5.) Jolanda Neff - not in the field, but this chica can ride
Can't see'em that clearly - are they RFs?
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