[mantispf2000]

Ok, he was a complete azzhole to us, didn't take the time to visit or have the kids visit. Obligatory celebration cards/calls. Fell behind on over $20,000+ in child support and back medical payments to us. Good riddens to bad garbage? I feel so, and I know I have to watch what I say. He's visiting my daughter now.

As greedy as this will sound, is there a way we can go about collecting on his social security benefits to help cover what he legally owes his kids? Just wondering...........

Ok, I'm going to try and give them the support they need. Thanks for any input.

 

[stoney]

Solves that whole adoption problem.

 

[stevew]

no comment.

 

[mantispf2000]

no comment.

Please??? No, really, I need some guidance at the moment. I'm trying to hold my head high, as I know what I've done (and not done) for his kids. However, to hear what's being said by his mom when she calls the kids now, and what his ex-/my current in-laws are saying to them is making me really want to go to his service just so I can say "here I am, what do you want to say to my face"? Ok, that sounds like I'm making it about me. Maybe I am.

I'll leave it up to the kids if I go or not...........

 

[stevew]

common sense should tell you not to sh!t on their father....no matter how little you thought of him.

if you don't understand that....

 

[daisycutter]

Just go and suck it up. What do you want a medal for being a good fatherl? Hell no you just get bills. You have a good wife and the kids sound cool. It sounds to me her ex was a head ache you no longer have to even worry about because he is "DEAD"!!!!

As for you question on SSI.

http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10084.html

 

[mantispf2000]

common sense should tell you not to sh!t on their father....no matter how little you thought of him.

if you don't understand that....

Thanks for saying it like it is, SteveW. I do appreciate honesty and being straight forward when I ask for input.

Just go and suck it up. What do you want a medal for being a good fatherl? Hell no you just get bills. You have a good wife and the kids sound cool. It sounds to me her ex was a head ache you no longer have to even worry about because he is "DEAD"!!!!

As for you question on SSI.

http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10084.html

No, don't want a medal. Got the best gift when the 2 older texted "happy father's day" earlier. Simple, yet effective. As for the link, thank you. That does help a whole lot, though in the brief time I read it, it doesn't look good for "survivor's benefits". But it's a start on the research side.


I did give kudos to the younger daughter last night. The way she spoke to the grandparents, both sides, well, made me proud. She can be a hot-head, yet she says what she feels, and I applaud her......

 

[JohnE]

Seek the higher ground. You are already the bigger person for raising anothers offspring as your own. Follow the lead of the kids...what do they want?

 

[MMike]

Have him stuffed and mounted

 

[SkaredShtles]

Have him stuffed and mounted

"Nice beaver..."

 

[MMike]

 

[I Are Baboon]

She reminded me of my mother alright, no doubt about it.

 

[Silver]

common sense should tell you not to sh!t on their father....no matter how little you thought of him.

 

[mantispf2000]

Seek the higher ground. You are already the bigger person for raising anothers offspring as your own. Follow the lead of the kids...what do they want?

Funny you should mention this. I told the 3 that I'll abide by their decision if I should go to his service in support, or stay back and let them handle it. Told them it would not hurt me if they said to stay.

To all that read, and replied, thank you for taking the time to do so. Yes, I'm very concerned, both for the kids and for our finances with what he owes, however, in the big picture.......

You still can't take your bikes with you to ride Heaven's single track............

 

[rockofullr]

You still can't take your bikes with you to ride Heaven's single track............

WTF? Do they have rentals? I hope they're not a bunch of clapped out old Konas.

 

[mantispf2000]

WTF? Do they have rentals? I hope they're not a bunch of clapped out old Konas.

Now this is a laugh I needed today. Thanks...................

 

[H8R]

My understanding is yes, you can collect a portion of the SS.

Aside from that, be the man your step kids need you to be.

 

[gonefirefightin]

Dude!

WTF!

Are you effing kidding me? even if he was a complete douche bag you dont need to let the kids know and feel its your obligation to collect money that you evidently havent needed.

the kid/kids are going to be watching you more than ever right now and its up to you to use this opportunity to teach them whats right and wrong and how to be a person with morals...

its still a birth father.....that cant be replaced.

money isnt everything and the kids will see you trying to get to it.

your at bat now, the only father figure from here on out. be the man, dont be a greedy dbag....do the right thing

 

[H8R]

your at bat now, the only father figure from here on out. be the man, dont be a greedy dbag....do the right thing

I vote collect the available SS and put in in a college fund.

 

[mantispf2000]

Dude!

WTF!

Are you effing kidding me? even if he was a complete douche bag you dont need to let the kids know and feel its your obligation to collect money that you evidently havent needed.

the kid/kids are going to be watching you more than ever right now and its up to you to use this opportunity to teach them whats right and wrong and how to be a person with morals...

its still a birth father.....that cant be replaced.

money isnt everything and the kids will see you trying to get to it.

your at bat now, the only father figure from here on out. be the man, dont be a greedy dbag....do the right thing

No offense, but easy on the money not being needed. For him to fall $26k behind, that's been a chunk to come up with consistantly. I do agree, though, that the kids don't, and won't, know about this part. I do thank you on the vote for morals. Yes, that is always tough, raising another man's children. Nope, birth fathers can't be replaced, and I know the other end of that situation. I did tell the kids this morn I'll go to service if they want my support there, otherwise, no offense if they don't want me there. Granted, part of my "greediness" is coming from my wife/his ex/kids' mom, as she feels burned about the money, too. I did state to her that we should prepare for the worse (not getting anything) and plan from there.

I need to take the son to N* or Mammoth so he can ride out his feelings and feel good. The girls? I'm not much into fashion or shopping, so maybe their mom should handle that......

 

[H8R]

I need to take the son to N* or Mammoth so he can ride out his feelings and feel good. The girls? I'm not much into fashion or shopping, so maybe their mom should handle that......

Take em all camping. Not brutal style, just easy car camping. Get away from everything and eat some food and watch some stars and make a fire.

 

[mantispf2000]

Take em all camping. Not brutal style, just easy car camping. Get away from everything and eat some food and watch some stars and make a fire.

Son = yes.
Daughters = what's the word? Oh yeah........ too prissy.
Wife = Only in a RV.

 

[mantispf2000]

Here's a small update, and this I'm hearing from the kids.

Apparently, his mom/their grandma is trying to get them to sign some papers or write a letter for her (about what, I don't know). She's stating that in their time of grief, it's to "help relieve them of the burden". Hhhmmmmm-- this lady has not been in their lives for 14 years, and now she wants to help? They(the kids) are saying she has property from investments, and there may be a chance she put their dad's name on the deed/title. It also appears he doesn't have a will, so it's thought any assets of his would go to the kids, and she wouldn't want to lose the property.

Now yes, this is all speculation, and can be a whole can o' worms if it's true. I know earlier it was stated not to be a greedy prik and worry about collecting money, however, if this is something she did, and the kids are rightfully due "whatever", then most excellent for them. They said they would like something personal of their dad to remember him by. Well.........

I really need Mammoth to open to the top so I can get some clean, fresh air in my lungs and get my brain thinking right.

 

[H8R]

Here's a small update, and this I'm hearing from the kids.

Apparently, his mom/their grandma is trying to get them to sign some papers or write a letter for her (about what, I don't know). She's stating that in their time of grief, it's to "help relieve them of the burden". Hhhmmmmm-- this lady has not been in their lives for 14 years, and now she wants to help? They(the kids) are saying she has property from investments, and there may be a chance she put their dad's name on the deed/title. It also appears he doesn't have a will, so it's thought any assets of his would go to the kids, and she wouldn't want to lose the property.

Now yes, this is all speculation, and can be a whole can o' worms if it's true. I know earlier it was stated not to be a greedy prik and worry about collecting money, however, if this is something she did, and the kids are rightfully due "whatever", then most excellent for them. They said they would like something personal of their dad to remember him by. Well.........

I really need Mammoth to open to the top so I can get some clean, fresh air in my lungs and get my brain thinking right.

The best relief they can get is for you to get a lawyer to look at anything they are "suppose" to sign. Make sure your wife knows everything you've heard. Don't let anyone sign anything until clearer heads prevail.

You're not being a greedy prick by protecting the kid's best interests. You didn't lose a blood relative, they did. Watch their backs for them.

 

[JohnE]

She knows something she isnt telling them/you. I would look into an attorney...

 

[MMike]

Maybe you an mooshoo could go halvesies.....

 

[TheMontashu]

Maybe you an mooshoo could go halvesies.....

Nope, I'm just smart enough to know that rubbers are a better idea than me reproducing. After all, we wouldn't want to have to resort to a coat hanger or a staircase.

 

[MMike]

Nope, I'm just smart enough to know that rubbers are a better idea than me reproducing. After all, we wouldn't want to have to resort to a coat hanger or a staircase.

You are living proof that anal sex in fact CAN produce a child.

 

[shocktower]

Well I will say Lawyer up, when money and property comes into play people are greedy Hi everybody I am back

 

[Pesqueeb]

Maybe you an mooshoo could go halvesies.....

Don’t you think Mantispf2000 has suffered enough?

 

[TheMontashu]

You are living proof that anal sex in fact CAN produce a child.

Good thing I don't trust girls not to have the clap. Rubbers work there too. Now are you done? Cause really I'm getting the impression, even though you came out the right side (unlike me apparently), actually came out with the aid of a coat hanger, and had it been a doctor doing the work, a big lawsuit would have followed (good thing you came out the womb with 4 or 5 lawyers in your phone)

 

[mantispf2000]

The best relief they can get is for you to get a lawyer to look at anything they are "suppose" to sign. Make sure your wife knows everything you've heard. Don't let anyone sign anything until clearer heads prevail.

You're not being a greedy prick by protecting the kid's best interests. You didn't lose a blood relative, they did. Watch their backs for them.

A step ahead of you. I emailed 5 local attorneys here, and will see what they say. Figure the more input, the better. Thanks for the vote of confidence.

Well I will say Lawyer up, when money and property comes into play people are greedy Hi everybody I am back

Damn good to see you're back, Shock!!!!!!!!!! How you holding up? Been thinking about you and taking your daughter on my rides, with your permission still.

Don’t you think Mantispf2000 has suffered enough?

Again, thank you for your words. I may be a jerk to them, yet like I've told them, I will always have their back, as long as they're honest with me.


BTW, the little 8miler I did when I got home did wonders for clearing my thoughts.....

 

[mantispf2000]

Another update on this matter--

Wife just spoke with her stepmom a couple days ago. Found out he was cremated, and they had a memorial for him about 2-3 weeks ago........... without calling the kids to let them know!! Wife's parents/his mom were "too scared" that I might show up, though it would be in support of the kids (see previous reply here). Hey, lady, the kids are 23/21/18, they are old enough to make their own decisions about coming or not. Real piece of work to make that decision for them.

Oh, how I wanted to call them and let them know how I feel. Yet when I did, our house phone and my cell were both blocked. The house I can understand, my cell? Maybe they're blocking all incoming 775#'s? I did write a letter, and copied it to both of them so they'd know exactly what I was saying before finding out about the cremation. Even challenged them to call me (oh, that's where they got my number-- haha). Neither did, though when the kids contacted them, all the parents would bring up is "how I threatened them" instead of why the kids were not informed of the service.

I applaud the girls for saying they gparents are dead to them. Son has been fighting the Ray May Way fire and doing a damn good job, so I don't know his feelings.

As for me, I'm tempted to write one more letter, though I know I need to let it go. Still no word on any "property" he may have to recover for the kids. Now I know why lawyers cost so much for their time..........

 

[stoney]

stuff

It sounds like this is a dead topic to the kids, so just let it die. I know their perspective in a family drama like this, so hear me out. Due to a long series of incidents, my biological mother and her entire family was dead to me by the time I was in my late teen's. My Mom (step-mom) has tried to be the good parent and get me to open contact, but understands that this is my decision. I do not know if she holds any grudges as she keeps that hand pretty close, but she did end up paying a large part of my schooling with my Dad. But as a good parent she does not let me know, even if it does bother her.

It's time for you to be the good parent and let any grudges you had be gone - don't show the grudges, talk about them, or let the kids know that you hold a grudge. Support your kids, because it sounds like you are their father (not biological). While nobody can take the place of Alaina (spelling?) you have kids to be a father for, so take that role whole hearted.

edit: And drop all contact with the bio-father's family. Ignore them, stop calling, don't write anymore letters. Take the high road, because you are the kids father now. That family is dead to the kids, so match their wants. I know you want to state your position, but this is the time to eat your pride and walk away. It takes a far larger man to walk away than to fight.

 

[Pesqueeb]

edit: And drop all contact with the bio-father's family. Ignore them, stop calling, don't write anymore letters. Take the high road, because you are the kids father now. That family is dead to the kids, so match their wants. I know you want to state your position, but this is the time to eat your pride and walk away. It takes a far larger man to walk away than to fight.

I'm with Joker on this. When things went south with my folks (long story I'm not gonna tell here) the best decision I made was to throw up my hands and say "fvck em". No matter how hard we tried, my parents, especially my mom, were totally unwilling to accept any responsibility for mistakes, hurt feelings, etc. At some point it becomes self destructive to continue these kinds of battles and all your fighting for is ego and pride, you lose sight of whats really important, like the kids. If the kids (all adults at this point) are writing these people off, maybe its time you do too. With any luck, this is the last your ever gonna have to deal with these people.
Thats not to say its easy. Sure, its sad to think about it, my daughter has never met my parents, but she, and we, don't need that kind of vindictive, poisonous, spite filled influence in our lives. Trying to get the last word in edge wise is just a spiraling race to the bottom, cut them out of your life and move on. You'll be better off for it.

 

[mantispf2000]

As J and P have mentioned, this is now more of me wanting to get in the last word and try to get the bio's to change their mind/thoughts on me. In other words, wasting good energy after bad. I must look at this the way I looked at going to his service-- if the kids wanted me to, I would, if not, I wouldn't. Since the bio's/wife's parents are dead to the kids, then I must honor that and move on. Sure, I'd like to rip them, and that would accomplish what?

I have a son that just fought the Ray May Way fire (google it) and kicked its a$$. I have 2 daughters that are going on to college (one says she wants to be a lawyer, the other a dental hygeinist(SP?)), and a wonderful wife that drives me crazy with all the dogs and I will be taking to Italy in a month. And most importantly, I have my angel Alaina (yes, you spelled it right) who is always looking at me and trying her best to guide me correctly.

My venting/ranting now stops with this post, and thank you for letting me do it here..........