[mandown]

I was in the gym, when in walks a membership guy with a prospective client on a tour. The prospect was accompanied by a service dog, and had no outward signs of a physical disability. I'm aware that not all disabilities are visible, since most people don't notice mine until I point them out. However, living in LA, I see this "service dog" usage everywhere, and several of them are obviously more pet than helper. So I got to thinking about concepts that started off with, and generally still have legitimate purposes, but have become assimilated into pop culture as security blanket accessories. So here is my list rant. Please feel free to comment and add.

Service Animals - Agreed there are people benefitting from this. However, I see modern day wizards toting familiars into every inconceivable public place in this town. Stop being silly.

Medical Marijuana - Evidently, there are lots of sick people around me. I can't swing a dead service cat without hitting the awning of a local pot shop. Again, I understand some people benefit from it. However, let's call a spliff a spliff and admit this is recreational and stop with the green crosses.

Personalized audio microclimates - Headphones on everyone in this town. Big white outlines on faces, or bigger, bolder Beats on their heads. I get it; a world full of high people dragging their pets into the Walgreens is a world I'd want to ignore, too.

Lululemon - The irony is that they make it obvious you weren't doing anything athletic.

Starbucks cups - If you liked coffee, it'd be an espresso, not a giant golden brown milkshake. I've also seen you not doing shit all day, so that caffeine isn't necessary to help you sit on your ass faster.


To be continued.

 

[Pesqueeb]

You should get a lawn, so you can yell at the kids who are on it.

 

[IH8Rice]

did you get turned down for your medical marijuana card or service dog while wearing yoga pants, sipping starbucks and listening to kanye?

 

[mandown]

I should probably add Forum Rants. Zero fvks given about your first world problems. You have a web connection and a device. You're probably sipping on a $7 coffee while you type with your "bad" thumb. Well, at least that ice blended diabetes silo is probably cooling the carpel tunnel inflammation you got from watching intent porn in your dong shed.

 

[mandown]

You should get a lawn, so you can yell at the kids who are on it.

Artificial grass lawns - Great idea to reduce water consumption and gas powered yard work utensils. Except, it really means you are a Prius driving attention seeker, begging the affection of the general populous for your selfless act. Ignore the environmental damage caused by the production of this gimmick, and the fact that it will look like green Velcro dragged through the lint trap of your dryer after six months of winds through your yard, and being saturated with service dog piss and shit.

 

[Adventurous]

Handicap parking spots- I feel as though I see quite a few folks using those spots who are either mooching off of an elderly family member or their only disability is being too goddamn fat to schlep their celestial sized ass any further than they have to.

Open carrying firearms - just because you can doesn't mean you should.

 

[Serial Midget]

Lulumon, almost always see through in the sunlight... I'm good.

Service dogs, I only like fake ones I can pet. Too many rules with real ones.

Headphones make it hard to hear "on your left" so I hopes it's cool if I run over you.

Pot smokers... meh, a scotch or two a day is good for the heart so I'm good there to.

 

[Pesqueeb]

while you type with your "bad" thumb.

Good enough for medical marijuana!

 

[Serial Midget]

Handicap parking spots- I feel as though I see quite a few folks using those spots who are either mooching off of an elderly family member or their only disability is being too goddamn fat to schlep their celestial sized ass any further than they have to.

Open carrying firearms - just because you can doesn't mean you should.

After heart surgery I was automatically qualified under state law, there was a application already filled out and signed by the discharge nurse. I never sent it in because total failure if I had to use it.

 

[mandown]

After heart surgery I was automatically qualified under state law, there was a application already filled out and signed by the discharge nurse. I never sent it in because total failure if I had to use it.

Probably a good idea. The open carry makes accidental discharge more likely, and the shock from that sudden, loud noise might undo whatever they fixed in your ticker.

 

[Serial Midget]

Probably a good idea. The open carry makes accidental discharge more likely, and the shock from that sudden, loud noise might undo whatever they fixed in your ticker.

I have no idea what this means and I'm still good with it.

 

[Pesqueeb]

After heart surgery I was automatically qualified under state law, there was a application already filled out and signed by the discharge nurse. I never sent it in because total failure if I had to use it.

I got one of these too, but goddamnit, there was no way I was going to use one as long as I could actually walk again.

 

[mandown]

Tattoos - At one time, these were representative and symbolic of achievements and affiliations, Now they are fashion forward bumper stickers. I know there are monkeys, from jK DDS to the late, great Dirt McGerp Esq. who fly colors, and are semi-responsible (if not a little mischievous) members of society, having earned their money and made grown-man decisions about how to spend it. However, I'm forever surrounded by 21 year olds who celebrate turning 22 by rounding out their bucket lists with a boutique armful of ink, elegantly stopping clean and even, just before it peeks out from under a formal sleeve. You're different, just like all the other girls.

 

[mandown]

I got one of these too, but goddamnit, there was no way I was going to use one as long as I could actually walk again.

Oh. We're talking handicap signs. I got one and use it, just like everyone else in this town with a pink-mafia doctor. Otherwise, I gotta call an über to take me from my parking spot to where I intended to arrive. I generally use it to get out of paying for metered parking, and park in permit-only areas. However, if I've gotta carry something heavy (by my standards) from the shop, I'm parking close. I've got a short bladder fuse, too, so every extra minute walking through a parking lot means I'm that much closer to pissing someone's pants (probably mine).

 

[4xBoy]

Artificial grass lawns - Great idea to reduce water consumption and gas powered yard work utensils. Except, it really means you are a Prius driving attention seeker, begging the affection of the general populous for your selfless act. Ignore the environmental damage caused by the production of this gimmick, and the fact that it will look like green Velcro dragged through the lint trap of your dryer after six months of winds through your yard, and being saturated with service dog piss and shit.

I was at Thanksgiving dinner and the yard at this person's house was Astro turf, kept the cows from breaking the fence down.

 

[stevew]

1st post of thread covered everything.

 

[Pesqueeb]

Oh. We're talking handicap signs. I got one and use it, just like everyone else in this town with a pink-mafia doctor. Otherwise, I gotta call an über to take me from my parking spot to where I intended to arrive. I generally use it to get out of paying for metered parking, and park in permit-only areas. However, if I've gotta carry something heavy (by my standards) from the shop, I'm parking close. I've got a short bladder fuse, too, so every extra minute walking through a parking lot means I'm that much closer to pissing someone's pants (probably mine).

Well, I for one would be happy to take a swing at the man you claimed you didn't have a use for one.

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

I got one of these too, but goddamnit, there was no way I was going to use one as long as I could actually walk again.

I could have gotten one when I was hobbling around on a cane with massive gout flare-ups, but I could technically still walk.

I don't like seeing people who are ambulatory use those spots. So one day I decided to call someone out on it, and the dude tells me it's for his kid with autism. I thought it was BS, and went on my ride only to have what I thought was a heart attack. It took Fire and Rescue six hours to get me out of the woods. Turns out one of the side effects from a gout med causes heart attack like symptoms, yay.

I later sort of felt like a dick for calling that guy out. And maybe it was Karma, or just coincidence. Either way, I try not to let those kind of judgements get out of my head.

 

[mandown]

Well, I for one would be happy to take a swing at the man you claimed you didn't have a use for one.

I once thought an elderly gentleman approaching me at the grocery store lot was going to launch into a lecture. Turns out, he just wanted to make a lighthearted comment and compliment my choice in car color.

 

[JohnE]

When did this become Grumpymonkey?

 

[mandown]

When did this become Grumpymonkey?

 

[Serial Midget]

When did this become Grumpymonkey?

Sometimes it's just fun to piss on the fire.

 

[4xBoy]

Sometimes it's just fun to piss on the fire.

Some just want to watch the world burn.

 

[jonKranked]

You should get a lawn, so you can yell at the kids who are on it.

He's just bitter because he didn't get approved for a helper monkey

 

[mandown]

He's just bitter because he didn't get approved for a helper monkey

Mojo

 

[canadmos]

Drop off spots.

I get it, you don't want to get out of your car while your husband or wife runs into the store to get milk. But move out of the god damn way and go park somewhere that isn't in front of the grocery store doors. I've seen people parked in the emergency services no parking area for 20+ minutes, only for the other person to come hobbling out of the store with a weeks worth of crap. And not that I'm a tree hugger or anything, but they sit there with their cars running.

 

[mandown]

Internet product reviews - Whatever you bought didn't come with unicorn anal... The good nor bad kind. You either want validation or you need to vent. Nobody reads past the star-count. You aren't helping anyone.

 

[Toshi]

Drop off spots.

I get it, you don't want to get out of your car while your husband or wife runs into the store to get milk. But move out of the god damn way and go park somewhere that isn't in front of the grocery store doors. I've seen people parked in the emergency services no parking area for 20+ minutes, only for the other person to come hobbling out of the store with a weeks worth of crap. And not that I'm a tree hugger or anything, but they sit there with their cars running.

You'd absolutely loathe Long Island then.

 

[johnbryanpeters]

When did this become Grumpymonkey?

yes.

 

[Tom Ritchey's Moustache]

Hey man, it helps with my anorexia.

If the Fed would just make marijuana legal, then people wouldn't have to pretend it's for medical reasons.

 

[Jim Mac]

 

[SkaredShtles]

This thread is pure, unadulterated, FUCKING GOLD. Well done, mandown... well DONE, sir!

 

[eaterofdog]

The manager of a local grocery store told me he's only allowed to ask if it's a service animal. They say yes, he can't do anything. So I've started confronting the idiots pushing their stupid mutt around the store and just being mean as shit.

 

[kazlx]

Stupid signed parking for everything lately 'this spot reserved for' that they manage to sign all the best spots with:

to-go orders between 11-2pm
expectant mothers
people with children
trucks with trailers
yada yada yada

F that jazz. It's every man for himself. If you legitimately need a handicap placard to park closer, get from your grandma like everyone else does.

On a side note, I don't really mind the to-go order signs at Chipotle. Nobody actually reads them, they just see a sign and park elsewhere. It's like I always have my own reserved spot, which goes for most of the other signs as well, because IDGAF.

 

[jimmydean]

Stupid signed parking for everything lately 'this spot reserved for' that they manage to sign all the best spots with:

to-go orders between 11-2pm
expectant mothers
people with children
trucks with trailers
yada yada yada

F that jazz. It's every man for himself. If you legitimately need a handicap placard to park closer, get from your grandma like everyone else does.

On a side note, I don't really mind the to-go order signs at Chipotle. Nobody actually reads them, they just see a sign and park elsewhere. It's like I always have my own reserved spot.

Vet got sh!t for parking in Vet only parking

Oops.

 

[Jeremy R]

I should probably add Forum Rants. Zero fvks given about your first world problems.

 

[kazlx]

Disclaimer: I don't park handicap spots or some spot like that. I'm not that clueless or a douche.

 

[WestCoastHucker]

i will continue to smoke all the weed i want, while i park wherever i want, while ignoring all of you with my headphones in...

 

[DaveW]

When did this become Grumpymonkey?

When we made it great again.

 

[mandown]

I was at Thanksgiving dinner and the yard at this person's house was Astro turf, kept the cows from breaking the fence down.

We live in very different towns.