[MMike]

This one is actually most likely my first retardo move...

I'm pretty sure I was 16 or 17....so you can figure nothing too monumental was in store.......or was there?

It was in the summer, at the waterfront hang out known as Ste Anne de Bellevue. What's cool about it is that it's "a strip" of bars and restaurants but it can be approached by boat. At the time I has a little 14' runabout. And a couple of friends also had small power boats. Anyway, I pull up in my boat and I see two girls from my high school (in a grade behind me). But they were super hot.

I walked up to them, with some dumbass line....just an excuse to be talking to them...but I was sure to make my boat keys (complete with bright orange floaty key chain) VERY visible. Turns out chicks dig boats.

They see the keys, "Oooooh! Do you have a boat??"
Smugly, "Why yes, I do"
"Can you take us for a ride?"
"Oh I think so"

I should point out that these girls had had a drinky-poo or two. Not slobbering drunk...but nicely primed. So by the time we make it back to the boat, get it fired up, it's getting kinda dark. I pull out my spot light........and where we were going I had no idea.

Now I should also point out that this boat was a work in progress. I had installed my running lights, but I had not yet wired them up. Just as we get about 20 yards from the dock, the coast guard pulls up. I freak. Why? No idea. They hadn't even given me a second glance. But I'm certain that they are going to bust me and send me to a mexican prison for not having functioning running lights.

Meanwhile the girls, are giggling and whispering among themselves. (I'm only able to make out a few words, but they were good words. Words you like to hear).

But nay, I turn the boat around and head back to the dock for fear of being busted by the Coast Guard. The girls, step out of the boat, and walk away, disgusted, with nary a word....leaving me alone in my unlit boat.

It vexes me to this day.

 

[OGRipper]

Funny thread. Jeez maybe I'm delusional but there have been so many...the first one that comes to mind is the hot girl who I met for the first time when she followed me into a bathroom at a college house party. She dropped trou and peed in front of me, then sat there and watched me pee, complimenting my equipment and telling me all the things she wanted to do with me. We then made out for a bit but got kicked out of the bathroom. I lost her somewhere between the keg and the smoke room and never saw her again.

The second one that comes to mind is the cute girl who I met at a different house party who came back to my place and basically attacked me. Just as we got naked and were about to get to it, she asked me something about whether we'd see each other again. All I had to do was tell her that I hoped so, but stupid me was truthful and told that I had no idea. Well, that was that.

 

[MMike]

indeed...if you've seen voluntary bewb, she's waving you in....

No kidding.

The first time antimony came over, we were on my couch and she decided to pick up and start working on a wooden cube puzzle I had on the coffee table. I know I'm thick about picking up hints sometimes, but to me that says, "I'm bored and you aren't occupying me."

She later gave me crap for not making a move that night

I think splat wins the prize for fouling up the most obvious pickup attempt, though. Usually when a woman takes her top and offers a massage, I think it's important to make a concerted effort to stay awake

 

[Boxxer]

Don't get me started, the list is long and it will make me cry.

Second that.

I always think of the best things to say or do, around 24 hours later.

"Need a moment? Chew on this..." What I would give for a pause button.

 

[binary visions]

indeed...if you've seen voluntary bewb, she's waving you in....

That's not what my boss at the mammogram clinic said

 

[Jeremy R]

All mine come from High School and the best ones can't be repeated here.

But this chick I was hooking up with one time was attempting to play hard to get said, "Its not gonna be that easy" with a smile.

And I responded with, "That's not what everyone at school says....."



Fail.

 

[stoney]

Do I really need to tell any? I think I detailed enough on my tour through college...

 

[Westy]

No kidding.

The first time antimony came over, we were on my couch and she decided to pick up and start working on a wooden cube puzzle I had on the coffee table. I know I'm thick about picking up hints sometimes, but to me that says, "I'm bored and you aren't occupying me."

She later gave me crap for not making a move that night

I think splat wins the prize for fouling up the most obvious pickup attempt, though. Usually when a woman takes her top and offers a massage, I think it's important to make a concerted effort to stay awake

If you are like me and got shot down so many times after thinking you saw all the 'go' signs it just gets confusing. Been working at it for longer than most and still haven't figured it out.

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

I was just talking about this very subject yesterday with a good female friend of mine. I can only imagine the number of missed opportunities I've had. My friend has always been helpful in confirming hints that are thrown my way. I'm way too slow on the up-take when a woman is hitting on me. There is hope, I'm getting better. However I still need to be told, or hit on the head with it, when a woman is into me. Last Saturday, a woman whom I'm quite attracted to told me she liked me. She also gave me a few non-verbal hints including a warm friendly hug. Lets just see if I can manage not to screw it up.

I agree that it's best to not be a smartass and say something that I think is funny when she doesn't. The last woman I dated is a stand-up comic, so anything goes. With her I couldn't say anything to offend her. This time I need to tone it down a bit.

Wish me luck.


edit : If it doesn't go well, the bad date thread might get bumped.

 

[splat]

I think splat wins the prize for fouling up the most obvious pickup attempt, though. Usually when a woman takes her top and offers a massage, I think it's important to make a concerted effort to stay awake

No Sh!t!!

Hell the first 2 Times I met my Now wife , I screwed that up too! and if it wasn't for my older sister Who saw one of the interactions ( and Yelled at me for not doing anything! ) , I'm sure I would have screwed up the whole thing!! Thank Goodness my wife was persistent!!

 

[BurlyShirley]

A huge dog tick on my ballsack ...

That's all Im gonna say.

 

[N8 v2.0]

A huge dog tick on my ballsack ...

That's all Im gonna say.

no near dolphin luv tail?

 

[BurlyShirley]

no near dolphin luv tail?

Dolphins cant say "no."

 

[Lowlight7]

I met this girl when I was working for Fedex when I was 23. She'd just turned 19. We dated for a little while, mostly for fun, and she was pretty wild in the sack.

She ended up getting back together with her douchy boyfriend who was away at college. No hard feelings, working together complicated things too much but we stayed friends until I got a different job a few months later and then lost touch.

About a year and a half later, after a LONG dry spell, she calls me up out of the blue and proudly announces that she broke up with douchy and that we need to go out drinking. Well of course we do.

Keep in mind this girl is about 5' nothing, 105 lbs and all it takes to get her good and drunk is about three beers. Being a guy, I wasn't positive about her intentions until she showed up at the bar wearing a mini skirt, no underwear, shirt that was so low cut I could see the little bridge of her bra that connects the two cups in the middle (don't know what that's called).

We talk about old times, basically waiting for the sun to go down. Being a guy, I managed to drink myself back into uncertainty about her intentions, so just to be sure when the conversation turned to a sexual nature I threw out something like...

"Well, based on how you're dressed this evening I can tell what your plans are..."

Well, it turns out she was very offended. She goes on a quiet tirade about what a jerk I am and how we could never be together and I counter with how I never wanted to be with her crazy ass I just had fun hanging out with her. We bring our total drink count to about 10 beers for her and 10 bourbons for me. She ends the conversation with "You're such an asshole" and then storms off and as she's leaving I shout across the bar "You're the slut that came here dressed like that and now isn't putting out and I'm the asshole?!"

The bar fell silent until the threw a beer bottle at me on her way out the door. So I get up from my table, do some damage control convincing the manager to not call the cops, pay my tab, and about 15 minutes later I head out to my car.

Once there, I find her slumped against the passenger door mumbling something about being too drunk to get home. So I pick her up and put her inside and start driving back to her place, with the full intention of leaving her passed out on her front lawn.

Now, I'm not sure if she forgot who I was or what, but in the middle of the drive she crawled over and started, um, offering up her oral services. Of course I oblige and get one hell of workout on the 30 minute drive back to her place.

We get there, I pull my pants back up and she kisses me on the cheek (gross!) and apologizes for being such a crazy bitch. We get out of the car, walk to the front door, she runs inside and locks me out. I went home after that.

So yeah.

That's my "blown" opportunity to get laid story.

 

[stoney]

that seem s pretty successful...

 

[stevew]

but in the middle of the drive she crawled over and started, um, offering up her oral services. Of course I oblige and get one hell of workout on the 30 minute drive back to her place.

We get there, I pull my pants back up and she kisses me on the cheek (gross!) and apologizes for being such a crazy bitch.

If she spit it in your mouth mid kiss, you got a snowball/snow cone.

 

[Westy]

That's my "blown" opportunity to get laid story.

Wrong thread. You need to find the Konabum/girl at work thread.

 

[Jeremy R]

that seem s pretty successful...

Yep.
Except for the post spooge kiss,
That post does not belong in this thread.

 

[I Are Baboon]

Driving home after 10 bourbons is always a good idea.

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

Lowlight7 is ruining the curve for the rest of the class.

 

[vtjim]

Driving home after 10 bourbons is always a good idea.

Not always, only after 10 bourbons...

 

[SkaredShtles]

This thread is RM

 

[Lowlight7]

If she spit it in your mouth mid kiss, you got a snowball/snow cone.

Actually, unbeknownst to me at the time, she spit it out on my pants leg.

I stopped at 7-11 on the way home. I had no idea why people were giving me weird looks.

 

[ultraNoob]

Vegas
Batchelor Party
Separated from party cuz the rest of the group couldn't get into the club
Had a blast on the dance floor, partied with a batchelorette party
Started to get really touch feely with batchelorette, she returned the favor
Next think I know, we're making out going down a hallway with the rest of her party
Get to the hotel room, get shut down cuz the maid of honor sez it's not gonna happen

Cab ride back
share a vancab with a hot chick I met in the club
her friend is in the back seat with a guy, making out
we're chatting away while the cab is in traffic
Its 4am, i'm tired, bummed that i got shut down, and my buzz is wearing off
She invites me up to the hotel to "kick it"
I say I'd love to but, i'm exhausted and I really should get back to my buddies
She sez "ARE YOUR SURE?"

MY STUPID ASS SEZ... YEA, I'M SURE. We trade numbers and she kisses me good night.

MY STUPID ASS GETS IN THE CAB!!!!!

 

[Da Peach]

I thought what happens in Vegas is supposed to stay there. Another myth blown wide open.

 

[ultraNoob]

I thought what happens in Vegas is supposed to stay there. Another myth blown wide open.

That only applies if you have something to be ashamed of.... I have no shame.

 

[DirtMcGirk]

I missed the chance to seal the deal one time out on a local trail while I was in college.

I came up on a girl I had been in a few classes with who I knew rode. She had double flatted about 8 miles into a loop trail, and would have had a long walk home. She forgot her tubes and levers, so she was sol.

Guess she had been sitting there about 20 minutes hiking along when I came up on her. I knew her, she knew me, asked what was going on, got the whole story. I pulled out some tubes, and at the same time the two condoms I kept in my bag fell out.

She picked one up, and commented "Well if you can get me back riding, you might get to use this sooner then you think."

I changed out her tubes, right about then a family of hikers, including her dad, came along. We rolled out after a nice chit chat with her dad, and she was all about being good the whole ride back. Too bad too, had the most amazing ass.

Got back to the truck, drove her back to her apartment, had a nice "thanks" kiss and grope, and her brother, one of my rugby buddies, came knocking on the door.

No love, and got cock blocked by my buddy.

The end.

 

[ultraNoob]

No love, and got cock blocked by her brother.

Oh man, that's gotta burn.

 

[reflux]

My last missed opportunity? That would be the last time I forgot to pack a profo. Mistakes of that magnitude are only made once.

 

[shamrock]

There are too many blown opportunities to list... but when I was in high school I was at a friends party. I had been talking this girl on the couch all night & she eventually passed out with her head on my lap & my hand kinda' found it's way up her shirt. Meanwhile another girl who knew my friend for several years wanted to sleep with him for his birthday, but he got totally blitzed & was out cold. She was all worked up & needed to get off really bad. Being the only available guy left someone suggested I help her out. Her reply was "No!... He's got his hands full!"

 

[stoney]

There are too many blown opportunities to list... but when I was in high school I was at a friends party. I had been talking this girl on the couch all night & she eventually passed out with her head on my lap & my hand kinda' found it's way up her shirt. Meanwhile another girl who knew my friend for several years wanted to sleep with him for his birthday, but he got totally blitzed & was out cold. She was all worked up & needed to get off really bad. Being the only available guy left someone suggested I help her out. Her reply was "No!... He's got his hands full!"

You were feeling up a chick that passed out? lthumbsdown:

 

[shamrock]

You were feeling up a chick that passed out? lthumbsdown:

Not my proudest moment... I was young, stupid & drunk. Besides that was 16 yrs ago.

 

[dante]

If she spit it in your mouth mid kiss, you got a snowball/snow cone.

"Sylvan can be talked into anything..."

 

[DirtMcGirk]

Oh man, that's gotta burn.

Not as bad as the time I caught....

 

[CrabJoe StretchPants]

Not as bad as the time I caught....

A hot potato?

 

[N8 v2.0]

A hot potato?

alabama hot pocket?

 

[DirtMcGirk]

alabama hot pocket?

I worked that into a Naval presentation this morning on Terrorism.

Unfortunately, only the people who knew me got the joke.

 

[JohnE]

There we were, on patrol at night after 7 days in the field at Ft Dix. I am walking the trail, when the girl (19 years old, former HS gymnast type with a killer petite yet muscular body) in front of me stops and waves me forward. "What is it?" I ask, thinking she has seen some OPFOR types. "I want to **** you" she says. I, for the first time in my life, am rendered speechless.

Refer to the thread title for the rest...never had the chance to make her dream come true...

 

[JohnE]

Oh yeah...so there I was, drunkernhell at the Olympic Gardens in Vegas. Stripper starts chatting me and my buds up.
Her "How do you like Vegas?"
Me "I am drunk and surrounded by hot nekkid chicks, what do you think? But I need to find one of those $1.99 buffets".
Her "They only exist for the high rollers"
Me "Damn, then lets go get dinner"
Her "Okay, I'll be right back"

She rolls out, I am thinking I will never see her again. 5 miuntes later she is back, sporting hiking boots and Daisy Dukes, and we are off. I get the insiders tour of Vegas, and we go to her place (Where I expect to get rolled one way or another...) and Taco Bell, stopping along the way at UNLV to make out on the Quad or something like one.
She drives me out to Indian Springs later, and along the way starts telling me she is on a gvmnt hit list and when the balloon goes up she will get whacked. I am sufficiently weirded out to forget all thoughts of nookie and make up a story to get me out of the truck at the gate...
She gave me her phone # and invited me back out to Vegas to meet her girlfriends (Ohh yeah, did I mention she claimed to be bi? But more lesbo of late?)...but I lost it...

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

Oh yeah...so there I was, drunkernhell at the Olympic Gardens in Vegas. Stripper starts chatting me and my buds up.
Her "How do you like Vegas?"
Me "I am drunk and surrounded by hot nekkid chicks, what do you think? But I need to find one of those $1.99 buffets".
Her "They only exist for the high rollers"
Me "Damn, then lets go get dinner"
Her "Okay, I'll be right back"

She rolls out, I am thinking I will never see her again. 5 miuntes later she is back, sporting hiking boots and Daisy Dukes, and we are off. I get the insiders tour of Vegas, and we go to her place (Where I expect to get rolled one way or another...) and Taco Bell, stopping along the way at UNLV to make out on the Quad or something like one.
She drives me out to Indian Springs later, and along the way starts telling me she is on a gvmnt hit list and when the balloon goes up she will get whacked. I am sufficiently weirded out to forget all thoughts of nookie and make up a story to get me out of the truck at the gate...
She gave me her phone # and invited me back out to Vegas to meet her girlfriends (Ohh yeah, did I mention she claimed to be bi? But more lesbo of late?)...but I lost it...

Never a dull moment with her, guaranteed.