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whos got the best finger jokes?!?!?!

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by insanitylevel9, Mar 9, 2012.

  1. insanitylevel9

    insanitylevel9 triple nubby

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    as some of you may have not already heard my finger tips for cut off by a garage door just about to the first knuckle a bit past the finger nail. any way who's got the best finger related joke, come on you guys have to have some good ones

    aaaannnnnddddd go
     
    #1 -   Mar 9, 2012

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  2. H8R

    H8R Cranky Pants

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    A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

    "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

    The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

    The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

    "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

    "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
     
  3. H8R

    H8R Cranky Pants

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    So if you were putting the bikes in the garage at the time, do you forfeit the "Safe Biker" avatar now?








    BTW - that's fvcking horrible and I'm really sorry to hear that happened to you.
     
  4. baca262

    baca262 Monkey

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    H8R, your avatar really fits nicely in here :weee:
     
  5. eaterofdog

    eaterofdog ass grabber

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  6. Kevin

    Kevin Turbo Monkey

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    In Holland sticking my finger in a dike...
    A guy gets drunk in a bar and ends up leaving with a rather oversized woman.
    Arriving at her house both are drunk and extremely horny and go directly up stairs to engage in some wild sexual intercourse.
    After a while the guy asks her "yeah baby do you like that?"
    Woman answers "yeah its reall good but would you mind taking that ring off your finger? Its starting to hurt a little..."
    Guy answers "Oh thats not my ring, Its my watch."
     
  7. baca262

    baca262 Monkey

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    this is a common problem.
     
  8. insanitylevel9

    insanitylevel9 triple nubby

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    i was fixing the garage door, im a pretty good handy man :thumb:
     
  9. Quo Fan

    Quo Fan don't make me kick your ass

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    Here. I'm just not sure where "here" is.
    Apparently, not.
     
  10. Pesqueeb

    Pesqueeb bicycle in airplane hangar

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    :stupid:
     
  11. binary visions

    binary visions The voice of reason

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    Well, not anymore anyway.
     
  12. maddog17

    maddog17 Turbo Monkey

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    This is why MtbChick doesn't let IAB fix anything
     
  13. stevew

    stevew unique white person

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    did i not tell you to go sit on santa's lap and ask for your finger tips back?
     
  14. johnbryanpeters

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    Turned out not to be santa's finger...
     
  15. binary visions

    binary visions The voice of reason

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    Guys, could we please treat this with a pinch of seriousness?
     
  16. Quo Fan

    Quo Fan don't make me kick your ass

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    Seriousness? From a lounge thread? What was it that Noah said to God?







    Oh, yeah. Riiiiiiiiiiiight!
     
  17. johnbryanpeters

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    :monkeydance:
    It's a beta. The seriousness is only stubbed. :monkeydance:
     
  18. maddog17

    maddog17 Turbo Monkey

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    What are you new here?
     
  19. insanitylevel9

    insanitylevel9 triple nubby

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    i did that
     
  20. binary visions

    binary visions The voice of reason

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    whooosh!
     
  21. Westy

    Westy the teste

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    How cute, someone need attention.
     
  22. Quo Fan

    Quo Fan don't make me kick your ass

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    Here. I'm just not sure where "here" is.
    Yep. My bad. Couldn't quite grasp the subtlety.
     
  23. binary visions

    binary visions The voice of reason

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    Sorry I had to point out your failing.
     
  24. H8R

    H8R Cranky Pants

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    insanitylevel9 just made the bottom of the list for people I'd call when a dike springs a leak. Right under Tony Iommi.
     
  25. jackalope

    jackalope Mental acuity - 1%

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    nubstep > dubstep
     
  26. Polandspring88

    Polandspring88 Superman

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    *Pinch* Got your fingertips!
     
  27. sstalder5

    sstalder5 Turbo Monkey

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    Any updated pictures? How did the nubs heal up?
     
  28. insanitylevel9

    insanitylevel9 triple nubby

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    i do



     
  29. DirtyMike

    DirtyMike Turbo Fluffer

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    The first one looks like midget fingers
     
  30. insanitylevel9

    insanitylevel9 triple nubby

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    the three that got hit are all pretty much the same length now so they are pretty much midget fingers
     
  31. binary visions

    binary visions The voice of reason

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    Don't you think that's a little underhanded?
     
  32. Pesqueeb

    Pesqueeb bicycle in airplane hangar

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    :disgust1:
     
  33. binary visions

    binary visions The voice of reason

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    Don't you wag your finger at me, young man.
     
  34. H8R

    H8R Cranky Pants

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    insanitylevel9 and his drunk friend are stumbling home one night. The friend trips over his own feet and hits the pavement, head first. Hard.

    insanitylevel9: "Holy sh1t, are you ok?!?"
    friend: "uhhh...aaghh......uhhh...."
    insanitylevel9: "Quick, how many fingers am I holding up?"
    friend, after a little math: "uh....2.25?"
     
  35. JohnE

    JohnE filthy rascist

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    Front Range, dude...
    So if someone pulls your finger, do you far?
     
  36. eaterofdog

    eaterofdog ass grabber

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    I drink on Sundays.

     
  37. DirtyMike

    DirtyMike Turbo Fluffer

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    ftfy...
     
  38. insanitylevel9

    insanitylevel9 triple nubby

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    So far this is winning
     
  39. w00dy

    w00dy In heaven there is no beer

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    that's why we drink it here
    You have no finge prints. Welcome to a life of crime.
     
  40. insanitylevel9

    insanitylevel9 triple nubby

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    i still do actually :/