so, this is serious. so no asshat remarks will be appreciated.
my grand-dad passed away 1 month and 4 days ago.
i´ve been having a lot of feelings since his death. that i havent shared with anybody except, briefly, my sister. i dont think i´d be comfortable doing so.
i was born in 1983, when my grandpa was 70 yo. he lived with us since he retired (way before 83) and he was there basically all my life. he was an old caring grumpy old man who picked me up from kinder and grade school, who cooked sweets for me and my sister and used to take us to the club everyday, painted with us and played with us every day as i grew up.
i spent many more hours with him than with my parents as a kid.
he was awesome and a very caring grandpa. and a great dad for my mom, my aunt Anabela and my uncle Francisco (the 3 kids he had while married).
but on the other hand, he also was an extremely abusive man in his early years. he was part of an older generation, when it was socially acceptable in south america to sexually harass and physically abuse your maids and butlers and their families. but he really awful things, even by his day standards. things i learnt as i grew older and became disenchanted with the old man.
basically he was a copy of a early 1800s southern plantation owner in the peru of the 1930s.
he did many thing i´d be ashamed to mention, very bad stuff to others dignity and personal rights, but i guess its not necesary and you can imagine.
in his last years, i had a good relationship with him. he passed away at age 93.
i drove him to the bank every week to do pointless paperwork he loved to do, and i did a lot of little stuff for him, though not always with a smile on my face.
but i no longer saw my grandpa the same since i was 13-14. when i started to find out about his life and nasty stuff he did to others..... that created in me some animosity, that might have turned me careless and even negligent with him, and his care. which may have aggravated the fragile health of a 93 yo. i didnt go the extra mile to look for a good nurse for him, just hired the first one i interviewed and didnt checked in detail if she was doing the right job and a lot of details that add up.
so, i´ve felt some guilt from his death. i´ve been feeling i could have done more for him, that i owed more to him, after all he was a good grandpa to me. independently from his attitude to others.
even though at the time i looked at him with a bit of animosity because of his life, which made me not be so caring with him as i could have been.
i talked with my sister, and she told me. that i shouldnt feel guilt, that he was 93 already, and that my lack of care wasnt the reason he died, even tough i still felt a little bad.
although the day he passed away, my aunt in the hospital told me (among the first things she said to me as she saw me) "he wont bother you anymore". which really made me feel like absolute crap then and has been stinging me since.
thoughts?
my grand-dad passed away 1 month and 4 days ago.
i´ve been having a lot of feelings since his death. that i havent shared with anybody except, briefly, my sister. i dont think i´d be comfortable doing so.
i was born in 1983, when my grandpa was 70 yo. he lived with us since he retired (way before 83) and he was there basically all my life. he was an old caring grumpy old man who picked me up from kinder and grade school, who cooked sweets for me and my sister and used to take us to the club everyday, painted with us and played with us every day as i grew up.
i spent many more hours with him than with my parents as a kid.
he was awesome and a very caring grandpa. and a great dad for my mom, my aunt Anabela and my uncle Francisco (the 3 kids he had while married).
but on the other hand, he also was an extremely abusive man in his early years. he was part of an older generation, when it was socially acceptable in south america to sexually harass and physically abuse your maids and butlers and their families. but he really awful things, even by his day standards. things i learnt as i grew older and became disenchanted with the old man.
basically he was a copy of a early 1800s southern plantation owner in the peru of the 1930s.
he did many thing i´d be ashamed to mention, very bad stuff to others dignity and personal rights, but i guess its not necesary and you can imagine.
in his last years, i had a good relationship with him. he passed away at age 93.
i drove him to the bank every week to do pointless paperwork he loved to do, and i did a lot of little stuff for him, though not always with a smile on my face.
but i no longer saw my grandpa the same since i was 13-14. when i started to find out about his life and nasty stuff he did to others..... that created in me some animosity, that might have turned me careless and even negligent with him, and his care. which may have aggravated the fragile health of a 93 yo. i didnt go the extra mile to look for a good nurse for him, just hired the first one i interviewed and didnt checked in detail if she was doing the right job and a lot of details that add up.
so, i´ve felt some guilt from his death. i´ve been feeling i could have done more for him, that i owed more to him, after all he was a good grandpa to me. independently from his attitude to others.
even though at the time i looked at him with a bit of animosity because of his life, which made me not be so caring with him as i could have been.
i talked with my sister, and she told me. that i shouldnt feel guilt, that he was 93 already, and that my lack of care wasnt the reason he died, even tough i still felt a little bad.
although the day he passed away, my aunt in the hospital told me (among the first things she said to me as she saw me) "he wont bother you anymore". which really made me feel like absolute crap then and has been stinging me since.
thoughts?
