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how do you cunsult an alcoholic friend

cannondalejunky

ease dropper
Jun 19, 2005
2,924
2
Arkansas
my best friend got back from iraq in early november. The first week or so we drank A LOT but only in the evenings. Now I don't even wanna go hang out with him cause for the last couple of weeks he's been doing nothing but drinking all day and all night. For breakfast he has at least one whiskey and coke, and throughout the day he just sits at his apartment drinking. and then people come and hangout at night and he drinks some more. I just now got back from his place, and before i got there him and two other people...but mainly him drank a fifth of Evan, then a half gallon of Evan, plus 10 or so beers, and he was ready to keep on drinking. i tried talkin to him and he says that he knows he's gotta, but he said he just cant stop. THE GUY IS WAKING UP EVERY MORNING WITH BLOOD IN HIS MOUTH. that is not a good sign at all. i don't even know what the **** to do anymore. has anyone had to do this kinda thing before, or have any of you guys been in his shoes before...i'm lost and don't know what to do, and i defiantly don't wanna loose one of my best friends
 

EOBF

Monkey
Mar 26, 2005
177
0
Bellingham, WA
He got back in November? he probably saw some **** that is disturbing him. The lifestyle change hits hard, happened to me, but not that bad after my divorce. The blood is a concern.
 

cannondalejunky

ease dropper
Jun 19, 2005
2,924
2
Arkansas
he defiantly saw some ****, and killed some people...and he had a day where he was very lucky and didn't die....he was a prison guard at abu graib or however you spell it...but this drinking during the day is just gettin ridiculous
 

Silver

find me a tampon
Jul 20, 2002
10,840
1
Orange County, CA
You can't do much. Tell him you're worried, then split. If he's going to drink himself to death, there's no reason to hang around and watch. If he's going to get better, he's going to have to make the decision.

For what it's worth, I'm speaking for experience. There is NOTHING you can do to make him quit. Tell him how you feel, and leave. There's no reason to put yourself through the ringer.
 

Jorvik

Monkey
Jan 29, 2002
810
0
I honestly don't know anymore.
After he's spent all his combat pay on booze he'll get better. If he's moved on to Mad Dog 20/20 and military special liquor you should slap him and tell him to quit feeling sorry for himself. Or get parents/siblings/current or ex-girlfriends involved.
 

Skookum

bikey's is cool
Jul 26, 2002
10,184
0
in a bear cave
You can do an intervention, you have to get any of his family members involved. First you'd run him through a detox, then dial him into a treatment center. If he needs help getting into one, you refer through your local governments health and welfare office i think, you can find out info and get referals.
Hopefully his family is on board to help out, because they are the ones that should be on the ball working on this stuff.

It's true he has to figure this stuff out on his own. Any help you give him has to be to refer him to keep a clean and sober lifestyle. If he does decide to give it a shot, realize that if you still drink you can still be a trigger for relapse. Just be aware of that and if you want to hang out go mt. biking or something that doesn't involve partying. Totally understand that once he stops he cannot start again period.

And there is always the tried and true AA meeting. Even though he doesn't use dope he might find he likes a Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meeting better since you have people who've been thru the ringer. You can Google up and find a meeting and take him to one, there are tons of people that will help there, if he wants help.

But how you describe his current state he's never sober enough to take to a meeting it sounds. i mean you don't want to do anything for him besides detox if he's into a blackout.

Whatever works, there is no tried and true approach, everyones different in their own recovery.

And remember that is the extent of how you can help. He has to go down this trail on his own, all you can do is point him in the right direction. So for yourself don't expect recovery, Westy is right in that you may need to walk away from your pal, because at a certain point any help you wind up giving him will enable him to continue on his slow self suicidal path of destruction, and drag your heart through an extremely painful process.
 

geargrrl

Turbo Monkey
May 2, 2002
2,379
1
pnw -dry side
Silver and Skookum are right on the money. There is nothing you can do to helpr an alcoholic that does not want help. Period. Sorry. Intervention is one good idea but there are no guarantees, finding about about Al-anon ( sister org to AA for friends and loved ones of alcoholics) is another - but that's to help you cope, not to get him to quit. If you have any mutual friends that are in AA, they might be a good resource for you, also. But for your buddy, he's got to have the desire to quit. Knowing you've got a problem and being ready to do something different are two different things.

don't ask me how I know all this.

gg
 

Kihaji

Norman Einstein
Jan 18, 2004
398
0
Contact his unit, or if you know of anyone in his unit and they are married, contact that persons wife/husband. Units that get deployed to combat have both formal and informal networks set up for just this reason.
 

biggins

Rump Junkie
May 18, 2003
7,173
9
oh yeah, hollywood harsh depiction of reality.
everybody knows if you go to vegas to drink to death, an attractive hooker will hang out with and **** you for free until you die
well if you look past all the hooker stuff what you have is a pretty damn powerful movie showing pretty damn well how much it would suck to die from drinking yourself to death.

hell she a whore anyway and he had tons of money of course she is gonna hang out with him.
 

biggins

Rump Junkie
May 18, 2003
7,173
9
Contact his unit, or if you know of anyone in his unit and they are married, contact that persons wife/husband. Units that get deployed to combat have both formal and informal networks set up for just this reason.
my dad still is in contact with many of his former servicemen from 'Nam
 

Kihaji

Norman Einstein
Jan 18, 2004
398
0
Not. They (Army, at least) provide support in theory, but harass and eventually boot out anyone deemed to have a problem.
I'm sorry, you must have thought I was just making crap up and speaking without experience. You see, I was deployed to combat zones, I helped unitmembers with issues like this get help from the very support structure I said is there, and yes, I was in the Army.
 
I'm sorry, you must have thought I was just making crap up and speaking without experience. You see, I was deployed to combat zones, I helped unitmembers with issues like this get help from the very support structure I said is there, and yes, I was in the Army.
May vary by unit. NPR did a long story last week on (? Fort Riley?) with a lot of substantiated evidence of what I described. I'll see if I can find the piece on their web site.

J
 

mshred

Monkey
Aug 6, 2006
525
0
Posts: 26,935
Maybe try to get some of his family members (sister, brother,mom,dad) to help talk to him. You could try getting him to do other stuff, like biking or get a new hobby. (woodworking etc.)
 

cannondalejunky

ease dropper
Jun 19, 2005
2,924
2
Arkansas
well it looks like there might be light at the end of the tunnel...he realizes that he drinks too much and he's wanting to slow down...starting tomorrow me and him are gonna start working out 2 or 3 times a week at least...so hopefully that will get him to at least slow down on the booze...his parents want him to go to AA but at least right now he has absolutely no interest in it...but we'll see how it goes now
 

Mizzle

Monkey
Nov 11, 2005
167
0
Reno and Vegas
Working out is great.

How about riding bikes?

I know I ride to forget the troubles of the world. I find serenity, on the hill.

Counseling is a must. Far too many people are discharged and have post traumatic stress disorders because of the things they did and the things they have seen.

Our government loves to fight and send people over, and loves to deny the fact that is causes problems mentally.

Get him back into life and out of the bottle.

Mizz.
 

Hunter

Monkey
Sep 14, 2006
793
0
The Right coast
Man, my first step would be to offer him some sort of little trip you guys can take together to get some quiet time and time away from booze. Maybe even just a long car trip - start early in the morning and go someplace just for the hell of it (no place that alcohol might fit in). Talk to him about it like a concerned friend. "You're drinking too much, wasting your hard earned money, killing your health. It's obvious you got some s*#t on your mind, maybe I can help you look into counseling or something." Start there.

I would hesitate to jump into the huge intervention thing right away, though that may be what he will eventually need. Level with him on your feelings, but be as understanding and supportive as you can. You don't have to feel like its your duty to get him sober, but it is your duty as a friend to make your concerns known and offer help and support.
 

CKxx

Monkey
Apr 10, 2006
669
0
He has PTSD and shold try to get help through the VA.
Right on the money. It seems like hes drinking to cope, not because he is an alcoholic. If you can get him help through whatever means to deal with the underlying issues, the symptoms (drinking), hopefully, will go away.
 

ktmsx

Monkey
Nov 28, 2005
527
0
CT.
well it looks like there might be light at the end of the tunnel...he realizes that he drinks too much and he's wanting to slow down...starting tomorrow me and him are gonna start working out 2 or 3 times a week at least...so hopefully that will get him to at least slow down on the booze...his parents want him to go to AA but at least right now he has absolutely no interest in it...but we'll see how it goes now
sounds like he is lucky to have a good friend ....I have seen alot friends go through phases and I know I have had my share...I would give it a little time before you worry yourself to much...hopefully he will snap out of it and move on......
 

OGRipper

back alley ripper
Feb 3, 2004
10,647
1,116
NORCAL is the hizzle
I've had some close (very close) friends go through similar things. You've received a lot of advice so the only thing I will add is in response to the people who've said there is nothing you can do. Well, I would not give up on your friend so easily. This guy does not seem so far gone that he is beyond help - especially since it sounds like he's already admitted he has a problem.

It can be really tough to have a friend ignore your pleas and self-destruct, but it's a lot harder to have someone completely check out or die and think that you could have at least tried. Despite what some are saying here, sometimes one person CAN make a difference. Even if it doesn't always work it's still worth a shot to help a friend.
 

Sandwich

Pig my fish!
Staff member
May 23, 2002
21,031
5,920
borcester rhymes
Am i the only one who read the title of this thread?

Why you want to consult an alchoholic? "Uh, hey. How can I get drunk by 10 for less than 4 bucks?"


But seriously, the best way, IMO, is to be a positive influence. Get him to go for rides, go to the gym, go to hockey games, watch UFC, anything that takes his mind off of drinking and focuses it on having fun without booze. Hopefully he'll realize it's not necessary to have a mucho good time.
 

geargrrl

Turbo Monkey
May 2, 2002
2,379
1
pnw -dry side
I've had some close (very close) friends go through similar things. You've received a lot of advice so the only thing I will add is in response to the people who've said there is nothing you can do. Well, I would not give up on your friend so easily. This guy does not seem so far gone that he is beyond help - especially since it sounds like he's already admitted he has a problem.

It can be really tough to have a friend ignore your pleas and self-destruct, but it's a lot harder to have someone completely check out or die and think that you could have at least tried. Despite what some are saying here, sometimes one person CAN make a difference. Even if it doesn't always work it's still worth a shot to help a friend.

absolutely worth a shot to help a friend, but you can also make yourself crazy trying to do it. You can only do so much, and if they don't really want it you need to step back and let them make whatever choices they need to make, no matter how bad they are. If someone's got a compulsion to self medicate, no amount of hobbies, exercise, trips or distractions are going to change that. It just might make him sneakier is all.

Admitting you've got a problem, and being ready to do something about it are two different things.