Do you know the difference between a bad touch and a good touch?
How similar is the real you to your internet persona?
- Thread starter LordOpie
- Start date
that explains the hair
And the light flow.
Bigger weirdo in person.
Same smart ass one liners though.
Same smart ass one liners though.
no moderators in real life....
Ask splat or Echo or MBC or Westy or jdcamb or...
I'm really 8 feet tall, covered with long reddish brown hair and can't find shoes that fit.
I spend a lot of time in the woods, not because i enjoy nature but because I like to mess mess with Big Foot Hunters. They're so annoying.
I spend a lot of time in the woods, not because i enjoy nature but because I like to mess mess with Big Foot Hunters. They're so annoying.
all of my life, i've been a formidable presence, what some may call a hulking mountain of a man. on airplanes, which i take frequently to strong-man competitions, my buttocks often become stuck between the armrests of my seat. it is as natural for me to have a full-grown goat over my head, and spin it around by the hoof, as it is for some men to open an umbrella. i'm as physically sublime as a tidal wave. i am a man whose handshake makes even giant men feel like five year olds. and despite the best intentions, makes powerful, dynamic men feel ineffectual. and ineffectual men feel virtually non-existent. my gaze is as heavy as an anvil. and my brow, when furrowed, is as creased as an elephant's knee. and my voice? well, it is not unlike the deep baritone of a 1960's soul singer married to the chest-poking emphaticness of a professional wrestler. and did i mention my goatee? it is as sharp as a dagger, and as wiry as a prison toilet brush. were you to describe me as a cross between king kong bundy, sasquatch, and one of those small trucks they use to remove snow from sidewalks, i would say, "yeah, that's pretty appropriate".
allow me to start from the beginning. as a child, i was what people called "a strapping lad". by the age of 8, even though we lived in Regina, i took to wearing lederhosen. what began as a joking gift from my half-german uncle henry, became a sensible, oft-worn vestment. because of the obscene muscularity of my calves, my regular pants did not fit well. and so these teutonic pillatts seemed a reasonable choice of dress. in the summer, while chopping wood on our family farm, i would wear them shirtless, my suspenders dangling at my sides. after my chores, i would suck upon half a dozen boiled eggs, each one chased with a small mason jar full of mayonnaise. mayonnaise, i believed, kept my gigantic limbs limber and able. in my spare time i would do thousands of jumping jacks across the plains. i was told that at a distance, i looked like a hopping tazmanian red kangaroo. the red kangaroo being the largest of all marsupials. growing up Thor-like was not always easy, but it was my lot. and i did my best with what God gave me. in my teens, the Schwarzenegger-like proportions of my pectorals made it virtually impossible to fit into one of those novelty tuxedo t-shirts. and my Hasselhoff-like mane of centimeter-thick hair strands were never able to be restrained by a hairnet, making my lifelong wish of working the deep fryer at a chuck-e-cheese a dream left bitterly unrealized.
in my early adulthood, i became somewhat of a ladies' man. women were attracted to my flying buttress-like shoulders and the suave manner in which i'd roll up my slacks to massage soothing ointment into my thighs during french class. "take off my shoes and massage my massive ogre's fee" i would intone. and they would fall to the ground like idolaters. but for all that, i was feared, too. people were not only cowed by the largeness of my physicality, but by the largeness of my spirit. because you see, my spirit too is large and crushing. as large as a coney island roller coaster. and as crushing as an olympic-sized swimming pool.
and for all this, i am just like everyone here. except larger.
much, much larger.
allow me to start from the beginning. as a child, i was what people called "a strapping lad". by the age of 8, even though we lived in Regina, i took to wearing lederhosen. what began as a joking gift from my half-german uncle henry, became a sensible, oft-worn vestment. because of the obscene muscularity of my calves, my regular pants did not fit well. and so these teutonic pillatts seemed a reasonable choice of dress. in the summer, while chopping wood on our family farm, i would wear them shirtless, my suspenders dangling at my sides. after my chores, i would suck upon half a dozen boiled eggs, each one chased with a small mason jar full of mayonnaise. mayonnaise, i believed, kept my gigantic limbs limber and able. in my spare time i would do thousands of jumping jacks across the plains. i was told that at a distance, i looked like a hopping tazmanian red kangaroo. the red kangaroo being the largest of all marsupials. growing up Thor-like was not always easy, but it was my lot. and i did my best with what God gave me. in my teens, the Schwarzenegger-like proportions of my pectorals made it virtually impossible to fit into one of those novelty tuxedo t-shirts. and my Hasselhoff-like mane of centimeter-thick hair strands were never able to be restrained by a hairnet, making my lifelong wish of working the deep fryer at a chuck-e-cheese a dream left bitterly unrealized.
in my early adulthood, i became somewhat of a ladies' man. women were attracted to my flying buttress-like shoulders and the suave manner in which i'd roll up my slacks to massage soothing ointment into my thighs during french class. "take off my shoes and massage my massive ogre's fee" i would intone. and they would fall to the ground like idolaters. but for all that, i was feared, too. people were not only cowed by the largeness of my physicality, but by the largeness of my spirit. because you see, my spirit too is large and crushing. as large as a coney island roller coaster. and as crushing as an olympic-sized swimming pool.
and for all this, i am just like everyone here. except larger.
much, much larger.
See? See?You are just as old in real life.
i'm the same: kind hearted, b*tch when provocked, smart*ss...that loves a good round of sexual innuendo & instigative banter
My only contact with the outside world is right here on the monkey. That and I don't have star studs on my forehead in real life....
$tinkle wins.
Yeah... I am not even sure why I thought I could follow up that. I suck.
Same on RM as in real life...other sites, not so much. I go to a work related site alot and end up biting my e-tongue alot. People in my line of work are morons. Other people that is. I, am perfect.
How long did it take you to come up with that? Almost as much b.s in there as in your PWN posts...
No sh!t.I'm pretty mellow here.
same everywhere...
always complaining about how something on my bike doesnt work and how much it sucks that theres nowhere to ride... and how lame it is that i can never get to races...
though, in real life, i'm waaay more arrogant... with most...
always complaining about how something on my bike doesnt work and how much it sucks that theres nowhere to ride... and how lame it is that i can never get to races...
though, in real life, i'm waaay more arrogant... with most...
I think I'm exactly the same.
I'm Me!!!
I'm shorter in real life.
That is soooo hot...
I must've missed the post asking me
I'm slightly more obnoxious IRL.
It took me about 37 years to find myself
