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The Really Stupid Office Related Thread

H8R

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,959
35
This is the thread to post really dumb crap related to working in or around an office.



I'll start a few topics:


Bic Round Stic medium pens kick ass. Your pen sucks.

Electric staplers. FVCK YEAH.

Why do coworkers who weigh well over 250 pounds at 5'6" think that everyone likes the crappy danishes and cake they set on the counter by the coffee maker? (which they end up eating most of anyway) I swear that bitch keeps the Safeway bakery in business, single handedly.
 
reflux

reflux

Turbo Monkey
Mar 18, 2002
4,617
2
G14 Classified
There are two overweight people at my office, but to call them huge or obeise would be grossly incorrect. The rest of us is a'ight.

My office life is quite boring, which is likely the very reason why stupid sh1t is the exception rather than the rule. In summation, my office rocks.
 
jimmydean

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
41,136
13,308
Portland, OR
I have digital cable and 4 tv's in my cube. If I get caught watching tv while at work, people assume I'm working.
 
cannondalejunky

cannondalejunky

ease dropper
Jun 19, 2005
2,924
2
Arkansas
our head engineer cant seem to EVER make up his mind. I'm a drafter and last week he went over some of my drawings and told me he wants me to change my hole tolerances...sure no problem so he tells me how he wants them, and i went through all of my drawings and changed them, then the next day he came back and said he wants cylinder mounts different from other holes, once again that makes sense, you don't want your cylinders to be pinched...but he never told me HOW he wants them to be labeled, so i asked him, and he wasn't sure so he told me to do some one way and some another...then he came back and said to go back and change ALL the holes to be another certain way, so finally i just stopped changing them until something is decided...so after all of that we were having a meeting for everyone in the engineering department and we were talking about the hole tolerances and nothing could be decided so the head engineer goes to his office and comes back with a book from 1932 and he has been using that for references. and he tried to justify the book...finally though we were able to convince him to get the latest ANSI book so we can finally get something decided


edit: that was a bit much i guess
 
X3pilot

X3pilot

Texans fan - LOL
Aug 13, 2007
5,860
1
SoMD
O! and our G.D. IT guys decide that 10 am on Monday is a swell jiffy time to shut down the email server for maintenance.

i though those guys were like Batman, only came out at night and wear too tight black clothes.
 
Westy

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
54,394
20,184
Sleazattle
I can honestly say that everyone I work with is extremely intelligent, they are however extremely hard to work with because they all have messed up personalities.

The natural asshole: The kind of person who is a dick but doesn't exactly try to be. He will help you but comes off as an ass the whole time, has a bad attitude. I actually get along with this guy but everyone else is afraid of him.

The forced asshole: This guy is cool outside of work but thinks he has to be an ass to be taken seriously. Makes every attempt to intimidate people. Everyone hates him and does whatever they can do to avoid them.

The talker: You can not get away with asking a yes/no question without hearing at least an hour of her life story. Everyone avoids this person as much as possible and when they do have to talk with her you have to have a preplanned escape such as setting yourself on fire.

The belittler: This guy will go out of his way to help you while doing his best to make you feel like ****. He is incredibly subtle but no matter what every time you encounter him you will be in a worse mood.

The Syadasti: Will do whatever it takes, will waste vast amounts of time and money to prove he is always right. AKA my boss.

Napoleon: The 4 foot nothing person who, no matter what, has done or is doing something more important/better than you.
 
H8R

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,959
35
Stupid thing I hope to solve this year - (this was in place before I started this job)

The nursery I work for is small, and seasonal.

We don't have really brutal inventory requirements, but the inventory has to be spot on, or customers freak. They are buying grape vines, so they are relying on very specific varieties and rootstocks. Shortages really throw a monkey wrench into it.


Anyway, here is the stupidity:

We use Quickbooks for accounting. Quickbooks Enterprise that is, the most expensive version.
We don't utilize the inventory for it. We don't let the sales people use it. We don't use it for purchasing, only accounts payable. We barely touch the surface of what it can do.

For inventory, we use a custom Access data base that this dude wrote. And it sucks. And it's never accurate, because it's badly written and hard to maintain.

All told? a $15,000 investment in software, and only 8 people total can use it, (actually only 5 in QB).

For every single order, there is an invoice or contract entry to QB, and then a completely separate entry into the Access database for inventory. EVERY SINGLE THING GETS ENTERED TWO ****ING TIMES.

There are no item entries for QB, so every invoice line needs to be typed out in full. EVERY TIME.
There are drop down list forms in the Access data base, but it's slow and there is no feature in it to prevent you from choosing items that are out of stock. So you could write an entire order of unavailable product. BRILLIANT.


And the contract manager is completely happy with it all. She actually brought in this Access douche to start using his lame DB. It's was supposed to do everything, but after it was all installed and all the data was entered, they found out it could not handle the accounting end. So they only use it for inventory, and they stuck with a badly implemented install of QB.

Cunts.

I am going to turn all of this on it's fvcking ear. That is my goal for 2008.
 
jimmydean

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
41,136
13,308
Portland, OR
Last year I worked here and the content management was horrible. Test documentation is stored on an internal wiki and it's all over the place.

I did some research and found an open source database tool for organizing and storing test documentation. In my spare time, I installed it and configured it to run locally, then sent out the link to everyone in my team.

Everyone said they were too busy to look at it and it sat there for a month untouched. I quit a month later for an opportunity.

Fast forward 6 months to Friday. I have been back since the new year and brought up the same issue about lack of organization because people have 8 copies of each document in various forms. A co-worker says to me:

"You know what we need is a database to store and organize all this."

I say "Like the one I set up last year that nobody looked at?"

She says "Can you set that up again? I think we could really use it/"

I said "We could use it last year, that's why I did it."

Don't these people know I'm trying to watch Ninja Warrior?!?!
 
giantrider89

giantrider89

Monkey
Oct 16, 2006
423
1
P-town, MN
cannondalejunky said:
our head engineer cant seem to EVER make up his mind. I'm a drafter and last week he went over some of my drawings and told me he wants me to change my hole tolerances...sure no problem so he tells me how he wants them, and i went through all of my drawings and changed them, then the next day he came back and said he wants cylinder mounts different from other holes, once again that makes sense, you don't want your cylinders to be pinched...but he never told me HOW he wants them to be labeled, so i asked him, and he wasn't sure so he told me to do some one way and some another...then he came back and said to go back and change ALL the holes to be another certain way, so finally i just stopped changing them until something is decided...so after all of that we were having a meeting for everyone in the engineering department and we were talking about the hole tolerances and nothing could be decided so the head engineer goes to his office and comes back with a book from 1932 and he has been using that for references. and he tried to justify the book...finally though we were able to convince him to get the latest ANSI book so we can finally get something decided


edit: that was a bit much i guess
Click to expand...

being an engineering student, i can see how that would really blow!
 
laura

laura

DH_Laura
Jul 16, 2002
6,259
15
Glitter Gulch
I work with a middle aged arena football player. He enjoys working for a mid-twenties female about as much as you would expect him to. It makes for an interesting dynamic.
 
I Are Baboon

I Are Baboon

The Full Dopey
Aug 6, 2001
32,411
9,416
MTB New England
Westy said:
STUFF
Click to expand...
The Two Face: Will be a complete asshole in his e-mails and copy your boss on them, but then acts like your best friend when you see him in the cafe.

The "My Schedule Is More Important Than Yours" Guy: Will come in late to every meeting including the ones he schedules, making everyone wait for him to get started.

Meeting Man: Thinks we need to have a meeting for everything, including meetings to discuss other meetings.

The Computer Illiterate: Is afraid of technology and will ask for help for even the smallest of problems (e.g. the Windows taskbar got moved).

Timeclock Pigeons: A group of people hanging around the timeclock at the end of their shift, waiting for the clock to move to within 7 minutes of the top of the hour so they can punch out early and still get paid for it.
 
laura

laura

DH_Laura
Jul 16, 2002
6,259
15
Glitter Gulch
I Are Baboon said:
The Computer Illiterate: Is afraid of technology and will ask for help for even the smallest of problems (e.g. the Windows taskbar got moved).
Click to expand...
I have asked Mr. Arena Football to email me a document that I needed, and he asked me to come type in my email address for him. Every time I ask him to send an email that isn't in his address book and therefor doesn't autofill, it takes him at least three times to get the address right.
 
firemandivi

firemandivi

They drank my Tooters
Sep 7, 2006
784
-1
a state called denial
Westy said:
The natural asshole: The kind of person who is a dick but doesn't exactly try to be. He will help you but comes off as an ass the whole time, has a bad attitude. I actually get along with this guy but everyone else is afraid of him.
Click to expand...
I'd say this fits me the best.
Many of the over 50 generation have computer problems that are so basic its borders on stupidity. So I told one of them if she ever uses this one email account I would change her name on it to say "Pain in the Ass" Of course she continued to use it and for over a year her emails would say From: Pain in the Ass.
 
stosh

stosh

Darth Bailer
Jul 20, 2001
22,238
393
NY
firemandivi said:
I'd say this fits me the best.
Many of the over 50 generation have computer problems that are so basic its borders on stupidity. So I told one of them if she ever uses this one email account I would change her name on it to say "Pain in the Ass" Of course she continued to use it and for over a year her emails would say From: Pain in the Ass.
Click to expand...
Thats why the only employee here who is over 50 is the owner. :)


Coffee from the office coffee maker NEVER tastes as good as the stuff you can buy 2 doors down.

Sarcasm roxorz!
 
Hunter

Hunter

Monkey
Sep 14, 2006
793
0
The Right coast
:biggrin:
cannondalejunky said:
...told me he wants me to change my hole tolerances....he tells me how he wants them...then the next day he came back and said he wants cylinder mounts...you don't want your cylinders to be pinched...
Click to expand...
Hee, hee...:biggrin:

My office is lame and stuffy. But I got a window and a door.
 
Westy

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
54,394
20,184
Sleazattle
firemandivi said:
I'd say this fits me the best.
Many of the over 50 generation have computer problems that are so basic its borders on stupidity. So I told one of them if she ever uses this one email account I would change her name on it to say "Pain in the Ass" Of course she continued to use it and for over a year her emails would say From: Pain in the Ass.
Click to expand...
Everyone I work with is over 50. The place smells like old people. Even though we are a technology company they all suck at cohmputorz. I swapped accounts with one guy, he shipped me two pallets of files that included every email printed out and hand written notes of every phone call made with his customer. I handed him a CD of files. He was pissed, so was I.
 
CBJ

CBJ

year old fart
Mar 19, 2002
12,874
4,214
Copenhagen, Denmark
H8R said:
Why do coworkers who weigh well over 250 pounds at 5'6" think that everyone likes the crappy danishes and cake they set on the counter by the coffee maker? (which they end up eating most of anyway) I swear that bitch keeps the Safeway bakery in business, single handedly.
Click to expand...
Please don't post crappy and Danish that close to each other :twitch:
 
TN

TN

Hey baby, want a hot dog?
Jul 9, 2002
14,301
1,353
Jimtown, CO
F'ing Sales Dept. & their nauseating cologne/perfume. Why the hell do they bath in those foul elixirs?!?!

ALSO why the hell do the same stinky sales people think they know jack crap about design?! They couldn't design their way out of their 3 piece monkey suits. And NO, I won't make it more BLUE & it has enough SIZZLE, it is frikkin' coverage map for crying outloud. >.<

They have no idea wtf a style guide is or any clue that we have to have a consistent look. AND they don't understand that you can just copy and paste a 100x100 logo from website into a 300dpi poster.
 
cannondalejunky

cannondalejunky

ease dropper
Jun 19, 2005
2,924
2
Arkansas
another thing

they just hired another drafter last week who i guess uses solidworks at home as a home business of some sort, but the guy is in his 70's and he's missing his left thumb. the other day i drew about 40 parts to his 2 before lunch...he's constantly asking questions that the most basic CAD user should know
 
ridiculous

ridiculous

Turbo Monkey
Jan 18, 2005
2,907
1
MD / NoVA
bathroom urinals here kept flooding for unknown reasons about once a week, they just replaced them with waterless urinals.

The guy next to me has ear aids which is fine. But i guess they havent been calibrated in years, which i guess is his excuse for being the loudest thing on earth. If he makes a noise the whole campus hears it.
 
ridiculous

ridiculous

Turbo Monkey
Jan 18, 2005
2,907
1
MD / NoVA
cannondalejunky said:
another thing

they just hired another drafter last week who i guess uses solidworks at home as a home business of some sort, but the guy is in his 70's and he's missing his left thumb. the other day i drew about 40 parts to his 2 before lunch...he's constantly asking questions that the most basic CAD user should know
Click to expand...

Man i feel your pain, only because im totally that guy right now. I just made the switch from solidworks to unigraphics nx3. I had to ask my boss how to draw centerlines and how to do hole call outs yesterday.
 
jimmydean

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
41,136
13,308
Portland, OR
ridiculous said:
The guy next to me has ear aids which is fine. But i guess they havent been calibrated in years, which i guess is his excuse for being the loudest thing on earth. If he makes a noise the whole campus hears it.
Click to expand...
HR sent out an email yesterday asking people to NOT use speaker phone in their cube because nobody wants to hear your conversations.
 
Westy

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
54,394
20,184
Sleazattle
The jackass next to shows up to work less than half the time. He always has an excuse that stems from making horrible decisions. When he is here he spends the whole time on the phone with his family and plays games on his computer. He doesn't have the sense to even put his computer on mute so everyone can tell he is playing games. The only reason he still has a job is that his boss is some big push over Canadian pussy.
 
cannondalejunky

cannondalejunky

ease dropper
Jun 19, 2005
2,924
2
Arkansas
Westy said:
The jackass next to shows up to work less than half the time. He always has an excuse that stems from making horrible decisions. When he is here he spends the whole time on the phone with his family and plays games on his computer. He doesn't have the sense to even put his computer on mute so everyone can tell he is playing games. The only reason he still has a job is that his boss is some big push over Canadian pussy.
Click to expand...
i hate it when people talk on the phone to there family all the time

there's one lady in our office that is always talking to her mom all day and she talks as loud as she can. even with my ipod on i can still hear her talking
 
Westy

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
54,394
20,184
Sleazattle
cannondalejunky said:
i hate it when people talk on the phone to there family all the time

there's one lady in our office that is always talking to her mom all day and she talks as loud as she can. even with my ipod on i can still hear her talking
Click to expand...
I think this guy is a little deaf, he shouts everything.

Even more annoying is when someone walks over to ask me a question he always has to pipe in with his $.02. It wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't always wrong.
 
Da Peach

Da Peach

Outwitted by a rodent
Jul 2, 2002
13,683
4,912
North Van
They had to put up a sign in my office to remind staff not to flush plastic bags down the toilet.

Germans...
 
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