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Tell us a story - times you got some and wish you didn't

ire

Turbo Monkey
Aug 6, 2007
6,196
4
I was a senior in high school and a party with a bunch of ppl out of high school. I proceed to get reeeeeeeally drunk and this chick starts hitting on me. I'm not seeing too clearly by this point and say, what the hell. I got some, passed out and then woke up a bit later and a lot more sober......I looked next to me and said: "What the hell did I do?" My friends, being the good guys they are, had bailed on me and my car was 7 miles away. I got dressed, bolted from the house before anyone woke up and never looked back. I had a 7 mile walk of shame :disgust1:
 
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Spero

ass rainbow
Jul 12, 2005
2,072
0
Tejas
Beginning of college. Not sober. Dorm basement at 4 AM. Codename: 'Grendel'.

Shudder...
 

laura

DH_Laura
Jul 16, 2002
6,259
15
Glitter Gulch
Oh god. I've got this really sad story that involves a night of meth, my best friend, some random dudes (one of whom made a most wanted list), a trailer park in the ghetto (classy) and a high speed game of chase through Memphis at 5.00 a.m.
 

stoney

Part of the unwashed, middle-American horde
Jul 26, 2006
21,520
7,069
Colorado
For a while after college when my ex and I broke up, I didn't have a place to live. I was living with friends and sleeping in my truck. I went out with friends and ended up going home with a roommate of a good friend of mine, partially because I was drunk and partially because my truck was nowhere nearby so I had no where to sleep. SHE wasn't *that bad, but I definitely regretted it later.
 
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Damo

Short One Marshmallow
Sep 7, 2006
4,603
27
French Alps
Similar story, sobered up on the walk to her place, had to pretend to sleep to escape the horror of what could have been. Slipped out the door early in the morning too...
 

DRB

unemployed bum
Oct 24, 2002
15,242
0
Watchin' you. Writing it all down.
For a while after college when my ex and I broke up, I didn't have a place to live. I was living with friends and sleeping in my truck. I went out with friends and ended up going home with a roommate of a good friend of mine, partially because I was drunk and partially because my truck was nowhere nearby so I had no where to sleep. It wasn't *that bad, but I definitely regretted it later.
Anyone notice Stoney's story has no gender reference.......
 

ire

Turbo Monkey
Aug 6, 2007
6,196
4
Oh god. I've got this really sad story that involves a night of meth, my best friend, some random dudes (one of whom made a most wanted list), a trailer park in the ghetto (classy) and a high speed game of chase through Memphis at 5.00 a.m.
Sounds epic :biggrin:
 

Damo

Short One Marshmallow
Sep 7, 2006
4,603
27
French Alps
Oh god. I've got this really sad story that involves a night of meth, my best friend, some random dudes (one of whom made a most wanted list), a trailer park in the ghetto (classy) and a high speed game of chase through Memphis at 5.00 a.m.
Good enough for a movie...:clapping:
 

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
40,942
13,135
Portland, OR
I was in the Navy, there are TOO MANY of these stories to share.

Non-Navy:
Just before I met my wife, I went on a whoring spree (happens between relationships). I get a random call from the girl I had first back in high school. She was living in Seattle and had gotten my number from my folks the last time she was in California visiting hers. She invited me up for a CD release party and a weekend of fun. Before I went back home, we had a talk about the one weekend stand and she said she had no intention of starting a Seattle to Portland relationship. Cool.

She stalked me for over a month. Phone calls, emails, instant messages, then she showed up at the door (unannounced) after googling my address! Lucky for me, my roommates knew she was stalking and told her I wasn't around. After 2 hours of her waiting outside, she finally left.

Not only was it sub par, but she was 10x as psycho 10 years after high school.
 

OGRipper

back alley ripper
Feb 3, 2004
10,647
1,116
NORCAL is the hizzle
Thankfully I don't have too many of these, but here is one I will never forget.

At a house party drinking heavily, chatting up and eventually smooching a really attractive, thin girl. Night falls, more drinking, and the girl and I get separated. More drinking. Run into the girl in the dark upstairs hallway, start going at it and eventually go into one of the bedrooms. Just as we were getting to it, my buddy starts pounding on the door. I'm thinking WTF, but he sounds serious, so I open the door to see him standing in the hallway - with the attractive girl I thought I was in bed with. The moment of realization was truly priceless, as was the look on the other girl's face when I grabbed my clothes and got the hell out of there. There must have been about a 40 pound difference. Did I mention the part about drinking heavily?

:poster_oops:
 

DirtMcGirk

<b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm
Feb 21, 2008
6,379
1
Oz
End of Jr year of high school.
Drunk as hell at the lake.
The village moped decides I was that night's prey, got drunk as hell as well.

Starts going down on me.
I spazm, shoving him further down her feeding hole then was a good idea.
She yacks on my southern parts, gets some of it up my pee hole.
Spent the next six days thinking I had caught something.
Finally went to the doctor. Acid burns in my urethra.
Doctor was a friend of the family.
He now calls me "burned by a moped" whenever he comes over for dinner at my folks.
 

JohnE

filthy rascist
May 13, 2005
13,430
1,949
Front Range, dude...
Why do all these start with some kind of alcohol/chemical indulgence?

There I was, drunerenhell, roommate gone and a ditch pig who had been stalking him stops by. One thing leads to another, next thing I know she is sleeping in my bed. Well, that wont work, so I tossed her onto my couch. In the morning I acted like I had to go to work to get rid of her. Took me three weeks to get her to quit calling and go back after the roomie...

In my mind, I can still feel the stubble on her legs.

I gotta go see my therapist...
 

mattmatt86

Turbo Monkey
Feb 9, 2005
5,347
10
Bleedmore, Murderland
Goin to a Mexi resturante right now to start off the night with some $2.50 34oz Dos Equis then downtown so I'll probably have a good story tomorrow.

One good thing about being in a college town over the summer; if a girl is here taking classes over the summer you know she puts out.
 

bitingback

Turbo Monkey
i got me some cougar bait after an evening of dancing and drinking. took him back to my place (kids were with their dad)...but once i realized he couldn't do ANYTHING for me...and was clearly only interested in himself...i told him "this ain't happening" and sent him on his was...BEFORE i sobered up. it was a first and rather empowering.
 

Sherpa

Basking in fail.
Jan 28, 2004
2,240
0
Arkansaw
i got me some cougar bait after an evening of dancing and drinking. took him back to my place (kids were with their dad)...but once i realized he couldn't do ANYTHING for me...and was clearly only interested in himself...i told him "this ain't happening" and sent him on his was...BEFORE i sobered up. it was a first and rather empowering.
Umm ok? :disgust:
 

AngryMetalsmith

Business is good, thanks for asking
Jun 4, 2006
21,081
9,791
I have no idea where I am
i got me some cougar bait after an evening of dancing and drinking. took him back to my place (kids were with their dad)...but once i realized he couldn't do ANYTHING for me...and was clearly only interested in himself...i told him "this ain't happening" and sent him on his was...BEFORE i sobered up. it was a first and rather empowering.
Bahahahahahahahahaha
 

stinkyboy

Plastic Santa
Jan 6, 2005
15,187
1
¡Phoenix!
Nailing some coke whore in a cemetery (on a grave at 3 am) with half a leaner 20 years ago was weird, but having to hold the hand of the Korean stripper (a couple years later)(and against the doctors wishes) I lived with for a yearish while she got her uterus scraped for the second time as the first try didn't work a week or two prior was even more fuqed up.

:disgust1:
 

4xBoy

Turbo Monkey
Jun 20, 2006
7,016
2,849
Minneapolis
Nailing some coke whore in a cemetery (on a grave at 3 am) with half a leaner 20 years ago was weird, but having to hold the hand of the Korean stripper (a couple years later)(and against the doctors wishes) I lived with for a yearish while she got her uterus scraped for the second time as the first try didn't work a week or two prior was even more fuqed up.

:disgust1:
Rep, but speak engrish. :imstupid:
 

manimal

Ociffer Tackleberry
Feb 27, 2002
7,212
17
Blindly running into cactus
thank you all for solidifying the reason why i don't drink. ;)
1. my wife was my first (only) so i have no "wish you didn't" stories (although these tales are highly entertaining...i'm sure they sucked at the time, especially dirt mcgirk :rofl: )

2. When drunk i tend to recruit as many other drunk people as i can to lock arms and start an epic lord of the dance reenactment. (it only took me getting drunk 2 times to realize that me and alcohol don't mix and i can only imagine what kind of celtic haus i'd end up with at the end of the night ;) )
 

ummbikes

Don't mess with the Santas
Apr 16, 2002
1,794
0
Napavine, Warshington
There was this time when TBBXC was on tour with *NSYNC that things got a little crazy.

This was when Timberlake and Brittney were still a couple. They dropped by the tour bus and did a little blow and had a few glasses of Macallan 1926.

Brittney up to this point had never had a train run on her.

Skookum (The Civic Consciousness of the band) was creating single track and was out manning a Pulaski. Serial Midget was at a Manolo Blahnik release party. Tenchiro was there for a while but then disappered for a few years...

At any rate Laura ended up with Timberlake tied up in the back of car in Memphis. He soon quit *NSYNC and recorded many fine pop albums.

Brittney and I could never recreate the magic of our time together and she ended up hanging out a lot with some dancer named Kevin. They really seemed like they should grow and mature nicely as a couple. I would bet they are still happy today.

The band could really never recover from the event, the smell of scotch, sweat and Brittney wrecked the interior of the bus. We broke up the next day.

So ya, my worst hookup killed TBBXC.
 

Brian HCM#1

MMMMMMMMM BEER!!!!!!!!!!
Sep 7, 2001
32,119
378
Bay Area, California
Woke up next morning with a trashcan head
When I looked to my left, oh no,
I wished I was dead
There's Frankenstein's daughter
All curled up on me
I said "I gotta go home,
It's an emergency"
She said "But you are home"
 

MTBstud12

Monkey
Jan 24, 2008
484
0
Tejas
This isn't my personal story.. But its rather..Interesting

Kid shows up at the PD one afternoon looking for his phone and wallet. After a phone call to a detective and no luck, dude left with his mother.

At this point Im lost.

The officer at the desk says: "He had a little too much fun friday night"
Me: "You must explain further"
Officer: "He was partyin doin drugs friday and woke up saturday morning in bed naked, with a girl he didnt know(also naked)... who happened to be...dead...
 

Serial Midget

Al Bundy
Jun 25, 2002
13,053
1,896
Fort of Rio Grande
Oh god. I've got this really sad story that involves a night of meth, my best friend, some random dudes (one of whom made a most wanted list), a trailer park in the ghetto (classy) and a high speed game of chase through Memphis at 5.00 a.m.
I call BS - ghettos are made of brick and do not have wheels. :crazy:
 

eaterofdog

ass grabber
Sep 8, 2006
8,189
1,431
Central Florida
This is a terrible thread.

I am really put off by skeevey sex, so I don't have any real horror stories.

I ****ed a couple of fat chicks, but it don't cross my eyes none.
 

Damo

Short One Marshmallow
Sep 7, 2006
4,603
27
French Alps
More a close story here:

At my going away party (before leaving for France), a lot of booze flowed. Everyone was pissed up and having a great time. We headed into town (Wellington, NZ) and had a huge night out. I don't remember much at all about the night, but my mates were telling me that I spent the evening 'fck dancing' with 2 chicks.

Anyway, the next day I received a text message from one of them describing what the two of them were wanting to do to me before I left NZ. Sweet. So I gave them my number.

Many texts later (all describing in great detail the acts to follow) and I'm ready to go and meet them in a cafe downtown. I had no idea what they looked like, so had to go in early, sit down and hope for them to come up to me.

Well, they did. And at the risk of sounding shallow, they were pig ugly.

I mumbled some half arsed excuse about heading overseas and bolted for the door.

Fck.
 

llkoolkeg

Ranger LL
Sep 5, 2001
4,329
5
in da shed, mon, in da shed
The only 'nanny I ever regret getting was that I got from a secret admirer while married...the weakest, shallowest, stupidest and most thoughtless thing I've ever done. A Singapore caning couldn't have stung me a tenth as badly as the hurt on my wife's face when I fessed up.
 

BurlyShirley

Rex Grossman Will Rise Again
Jul 4, 2002
19,180
17
TN
i got me some cougar bait after an evening of dancing and drinking. took him back to my place (kids were with their dad)...but once i realized he couldn't do ANYTHING for me...and was clearly only interested in himself...i told him "this ain't happening" and sent him on his was...BEFORE i sobered up. it was a first and rather empowering.

.....
 

Sherpa

Basking in fail.
Jan 28, 2004
2,240
0
Arkansaw
The only 'nanny I ever regret getting was that I got from a secret admirer while married...the weakest, shallowest, stupidest and most thoughtless thing I've ever done. A Singapore caning couldn't have stung me a tenth as badly as the hurt on my wife's face when I fessed up.
The stories are supposed to be funny. But in that case :picsstfu:
 

Fshflys

Monkey
Jun 29, 2005
139
1
Back in the summer of '70, my 2 friends & I were working in Charlestown W VA, riding greyhound from Pittsburgh to W VA. One buddy was in the last seat, his brother one seat forward, me in the next. Trying to fall asleep & this fat chick walks past me towards the back, smells so bad it actually woke me up. Thought she was going back to use the restroom, turns out she was in the last seat using my friend.