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Why did I spend $5K on a bike, I should have bought this...

bdamschen

Turbo Monkey
Nov 28, 2005
3,377
156
Spreckels, CA
um what about take yourself to the emergency after it falls apart under you
Cruisers are solid! I've had one like this for bar hopping for over a year.

It's survived most of my retarded drunken curb hucking with only one broken spoke and some rear hub maintenance.... oh, I think I've lubed the chain once or twice too.:cheers:
 

bizutch

Delicate CUSTOM flower
Dec 11, 2001
15,928
24
Over your shoulder whispering
True story. Last year in Charleston on Isle of Palms, the wife and I rented beach cruisers. I had the oldest daughter on mine in the plastic seat thing. Had just dropped her off and decided to open it up on the island.

Went cranking on the pedals and got up to some insane speed for such a boat with goof bars and ZIIIINNNNNNNGGG!!!!!! Off comes the chain while I' standing in full sprint. My feet went to the ground and my giblets to the top tube. I rode the worlds squirreliest tank slapper at ludicrous speed on a bike path for an eternity. No brakes, just the toes of my Vans surfing out an idiot wave!!! Moral...beach cruisers kill!:D

The wife was validated for some time after....until I spooked the alligator. (Had no idea a 1 foot long nose and eyes had 8 feet of reptile behind it)!!! :thumb:

:imstupid:
 

FCLinder

Turbo Monkey
Mar 6, 2002
4,402
0
Greenville, South Carolina
True story. Last year in Charleston on Isle of Palms, the wife and I rented beach cruisers. I had the oldest daughter on mine in the plastic seat thing. Had just dropped her off and decided to open it up on the island.

Went cranking on the pedals and got up to some insane speed for such a boat with goof bars and ZIIIINNNNNNNGGG!!!!!! Off comes the chain while I' standing in full sprint. My feet went to the ground and my giblets to the top tube. I rode the worlds squirreliest tank slapper at ludicrous speed on a bike path for an eternity. No brakes, just the toes of my Vans surfing out an idiot wave!!! Moral...beach cruisers kill!:D

The wife was validated for some time after....until I spooked the alligator. (Had no idea a 1 foot long nose and eyes had 8 feet of reptile behind it)!!! :thumb:

:imstupid:
Drink on Key Board now!!!!!!! call IT for a new one now. Thanks for the great laugh this morning man!!!! :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
 

bdamschen

Turbo Monkey
Nov 28, 2005
3,377
156
Spreckels, CA
When we bought them at the time, that cruiser was like $115. I think the price has gone up a little since. I'm still waiting for the day when the chain snaps with either climbing the one stupid steep hill back to my house from the bars, or while trying to use the coaster brake coming down the even longer and steeper hill from my friend's house. So far everything is still kicking a year later.

It would be sort of gnarly to coordinate using a coaster brake on that tandem though. Say you're cranking along and a car pulls out in front of you, the person in front sees it and tries to stop but the person in back is still cranking along. What happens then?
 
Yeah Shaums March did the exact thing this year at the Hayes Booth during the skid contest at Sea Otter. Took out a few bystanders in the process. His was a better story only because there was about 100 people standing around drinking beer witnessing the event.:redface: And he did it on a borrowed bike.:poster_oops:


True story.

Went cranking on the pedals and got up to some insane speed for such a boat with goof bars and ZIIIINNNNNNNGGG!!!!!! Off comes the chain while I' standing in full sprint. My feet went to the ground and my giblets to the top tube. I rode the worlds squirreliest tank slapper at ludicrous speed on a bike path for an eternity. No brakes, just the toes of my Vans surfing out an idiot wave!!! Moral...beach cruisers kill!:D


:imstupid:
 

dexterq20

Turbo Monkey
Mar 6, 2003
3,442
1
NorCal
Went cranking on the pedals and got up to some insane speed for such a boat with goof bars and ZIIIINNNNNNNGGG!!!!!! Off comes the chain while I' standing in full sprint. My feet went to the ground and my giblets to the top tube. I rode the worlds squirreliest tank slapper at ludicrous speed on a bike path for an eternity. No brakes, just the toes of my Vans surfing out an idiot wave!!! Moral...beach cruisers kill!:D
Went to college at a beach-front, bike-friendly school, which meant that everyone, and I mean literally everyone, rode a beach cruiser around campus. The campus had a really good network of bike paths, but there were several roundabouts, which nobody seemed to be able to figure out how to use. Instead of yielding, everyone would always just force their way into the flow of traffic, oftentimes running into people and forcing people off the path. Needless to say, this made for some really entertaining crashes. (My work friends and I would head out to the main roundabout on the first day of class every fall and just sit and watch the mayhem as all the new freshmen learned how to navigate through the campus bike paths on their way to class.)

My campus bike was my mom's old 1991 Trek Antelope 800, complete with Biopace chainrings and cantilever brakes. (The thing had a steel frame and weighed almost 37 lbs.) One day I left my trusty whip on campus and borrowed a friend's beach cruiser to go run an errand, and about halfway down the street I had to stop quickly to avoid a car that had pulled out of a driveway in front of me. It was at that moment, as I was skidding for far too long without actually slowing down, that I finally realized just how sketchy beach cruisers with coaster brakes are. Makes you wonder if there would have been fewer crashes on campus if people had ridden something other than rusty, clapped-out beach cruisers with loose chains and ineffective brakes.