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Funny bicyle related insults

Tomasis

Monkey
Feb 26, 2003
681
0
Scotland
and can't believe no one else said this already,

"where's the engine!?"
it hapened to my friend. He loaned my bike (old Kona Stab '99) and parked it in grandma's apartment. She said "what moto bike!, where is engine?". :D

I figured out that the joke is old and worn out and is not even an insult.

I think it is worse to get "hunted" by small kids with their eyes popped out on my bike :rant:
 

spleen123

Chimp
Mar 18, 2009
84
0
Not an intentional insult, but a common one:

Me: "Blah blah...I ride bikes"
Girl or someone outside the sport: "Oh, you mean like dirt bikes?"
Me: "No, mountain bikes."
Other person:"Oh..." (walks away).
I often am asked that and i say

"i ride down hill" and follow with raising my shirt and showing a gnarly 9 inch scar down the center of my stomach and then the chest tube hole and drain tube hole. and they often follow that with

"so your dumb too" haha

Another comment i often get "you Professional? oh so you know Lance Armstrong"
 

Slater

Monkey
Oct 10, 2007
378
0
xc guys: I could ride down that if I was on that bike.

Me: Be my guest. (dismounts and offers bike)

They never take you up on the offer. Shocker!
 

slowitdown

Monkey
Mar 30, 2009
553
0
Lets be clear here... Just bc you ride a bike on the road does NOT mean you are a roadie.

The distinctions:
Cyclist - Has a bike with skinny tires and rides it on the road to get some sort of workout and/or to fresh air and see the sights. Or maybe a MTB rider that is getting in some cross-training.

Roadie - Has an ultralight $4000 carbon fiber bike and barely knows how to change a tire. Rides in big groups so that they can show off their Aerobic threshold and VO2-Max to all the other riders. Has to have all the bling parts, will spend hundreds of dollars on some Ti bolts, wears the "team" outfit of the bike they are on, and likes to ride in the middle of the road on steep hills, or ride 3-4 abreast taking up the bike lane and half the car lane.
Actually, what you call "Roadie" is more easily explained by "Yuppie" or "As_hole," because that's what they are. They just use road bikes as their triangulating device, as their symbol of Yuppie Superiority or Supreme As_holeness.

The same crap happens in here with DH, with people arguing over whether irrelevant "upgrades" will make them appear more bada_s than another e-rider. They're no more a serious DHer than I am a dead Punjabi shaman.

Back to the insults:

Poseur moto-wannabe phags who choke their chicken to Sam Hill pictures or Bubba Stewart pictures aren't the same thing as good DH riders. I'm talking to you, RM e-riders!
 

Banga

Monkey
Sep 7, 2001
362
11
Wellington, New Zealand
Couple of years ago at a world cup, a kiwi fella had a big old rag in his race run and finished in the 70s, he was pretty pi**ed at himself so one of the boys offered this little gem. "its not that bad, you were only 2 places behind the fastest American" simultainiously insulting both him and American racers of the time in one go.

*obviously this was a era specific insult with Gwin now on the scene.
 

Whoops

Turbo Monkey
Jul 9, 2006
1,011
0
New Zealand
re; "where's the engine?"

I was taking my DH bike onto a train in the UK (getting back from Bath to London) and was told 3 or 4 times by the grumpy old station guard that I couldn't take a motorbike onto the train... It wasn't until I sat him on it and he pedaled it around that he believed me.
 

-BB-

I broke all the rules, but somehow still became mo
Sep 6, 2001
4,254
28
Livin it up in the O.C.
sounds pretty similar to the dh scene, really.
So we are all talking about Posers then... regardless of the sport.
:thumb:

I have no problem with road racing. Heck, I watched Paris - Roubiet (butchered that spelling I know) the other day. And I have followed the TDF since I was in middle school and LeMond was out there battling Fignion.

It is all the folks that take themselves WAY to seriously that I dislike. there just happens to be more of them that are roadies as a % of the total population.,
 

norbar

KESSLER PROBLEM. Just cause
Jun 7, 2007
11,346
1,587
Warsaw :/
I have done that to an elite XCer. He then proceded to hit the section faster than I did it. DOH!!!
He never rode dh or at least enduro? XC racing descents are so far different from dh that Id be suprised. I know I smoke my XC racer friends even on my trail bike whenever the trail goes down (well they have to wait for me at the top first ;) ) and Im quite slow.
 

Uncle Cliffy

Turbo Monkey
Jan 28, 2008
4,490
42
Southern Oregon
As a delivery guy, I remember this day at the end of the shift fueling my truck up. Me and a couple guys were talking when this another driver came up and explained his dismay that he signed a high value report for a $5000 bicycle.

The other two guys just pointed to me as I knew all about that sort of thing. The driver in question said he wouldn't pay that much for a bicycle unless it came with a bag of dope and a b*** **b.

Did I mention he's the guy in the hub no one gets along with?
 

thom9719

Turbo Monkey
Jul 25, 2005
1,104
0
In the Northwest.
How's Rennie react? I bet he got a good laugh...
I couldn't tell really, it was a combination of really confused, pretty pissed, and major ego destruction.

The kids were kind of bummed when they realized it wasn't Strait. I was walking through the boneyard at the time with a flat tire and watching the whole thing made my walk more enjoyable :D.

-KT
 

worship_mud

Turbo Monkey
Dec 9, 2006
1,464
2
xc guys: I could ride down that if I was on that bike.

Me: Be my guest. (dismounts and offers bike)

They never take you up on the offer. Shocker!
i+ve still got an ongoing feud / bet with one of the XC guys from my club.

he thinks that there+s no effort involved in riding a bike down a hill!

so, if he can make 5 consequetive runs down the maribor WC track without stopping, i+ll pay a crate of beers, if not he+ll pay... no way i+m gonna lose this one... :D
 

norbar

KESSLER PROBLEM. Just cause
Jun 7, 2007
11,346
1,587
Warsaw :/
i+ve still got an ongoing feud / bet with one of the XC guys from my club.

he thinks that there+s no effort involved in riding a bike down a hill!

so, if he can make 5 consequetive runs down the maribor WC track without stopping, i+ll pay a crate of beers, if not he+ll pay... no way i+m gonna lose this one... :D
Thats a good one. I wonder if going very slow would make you very tired or if he could help himself to do it any other way.

btw. Does without stopping means without crashing? Because if he never rode dh/fr/en Im pretty sure he will get bucked or stopped at one of the runs at the rockgarden.
 

slowitdown

Monkey
Mar 30, 2009
553
0
i+ve still got an ongoing feud / bet with one of the XC guys from my club.

he thinks that there+s no effort involved in riding a bike down a hill!

so, if he can make 5 consequetive runs down the maribor WC track without stopping, i+ll pay a crate of beers, if not he+ll pay... no way i+m gonna lose this one... :D
You should make it even more tempting: 5 runs without crying... or 5 runs without whining for his Mommy... or 5 runs without a crash.

Actually for an XCer, if you focused on the heart rate during a DH run you'd be more likely to get his ear/empathy.:D
 

slimshady

¡Mira, una ardilla!
It's amazing how many people assume that because it has suspension, even if it's a 4" travel 29er that it's a downhill bike.
Ate least those guys are outsiders. I'm getting tired of seeing broken XC, 4-inch FS frames here in Argentina because poorly educated kids with the "ooh-DH-is-soo-cool-now" attitude get their fat-wallet fathers into buying them an Anthem frame which they pair to a cheap RST R1 fork... And then, they would blame Giant for not making those frames burly enough to handle their poor riding skills...

Plus, whenever you post a photo of ANY FS bike in the local forums, you'd get the dreaded (and stupid) question: "sirve para DH?" ("is it made for DH?"). Even when you're showing your first-gen Specialized Epic rig.
 
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k8piranha

Chimp
Nov 30, 2010
30
0
I had a follow-up doctor's appointment once after I bruised my femur in a race. I show up in the waiting room on crutches and of course it's all old people. I'm clearly the youngest person there (I think I was 22). One old guy in the crowd pipes up "Aww, did you fall off of your bike?" as a comment on my age and the frequency of kids falling off bikes. I respond, "Umm... actually yeah, I did..."
Haha. I thought it was pretty funny. That's something you ask a 5 year old with a boo-boo on his knee...
 

demo 9

Turbo Monkey
Jan 31, 2007
5,910
46
north jersey
I like asking Demo owners what the extra chainstays do.
Somebody please spread rep for me

In all seriousness, i THINK it acted like a floater on the demo 9. With my observation, if i were to bounce on the bike, the inside 2 chainstays compressed like a bighit 24" and the top 1 stood still (at least for the first 5 inches-didnt check more than i could bounce) The caliper never moved a MM, and it felt pretty good on the brakes, wouldn't surprise me if that was a floater-although that would the derailleur a floater too