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*^*Crazy Families and The Holidays*^*

skibunny24

skibunny24

Enthusiastic Receiver of Reputation
Jun 16, 2010
3,281
585
Renton, WA
Who has the most crazy relatives going to their holiday festivities??

Everyone has that one family member... I have three, and I've NEVER been in the same room with all of them... until tomorrow :twitch:... and my poor hubby will have to be subjected to them as well :shocked: ... He's only met one so far... this should be interesting! We've got the blackmailing bipolar aunt, the alcoholic who makes the pots and pans talk and calls the family dog a republican uncle, and the sweet but not entirely there pill popping aunt.

What have YOU got??

:D

...oh this should be fun...
 
Jeremy R

Jeremy R

<b>x</b>
Nov 15, 2001
9,698
1,053
behind you with a snap pop
I almost started this exact thread last week for the same reason that you did.
Boy, do I have a colossal ass bag to tell ya'll about.
"That" one family member is a gay, alcoholic, mooching, shameless, homeless, spineless, thong waste of a human. The reason I mention that he is gay is only because he uses that as an excuse to ruin every aspect of his life. I have a friend who has a gay uncle who works at Disney World and every year he gets free tickets to bring his family down. Why didn't our family get that guy? Nope, we got Biff Blowman instead.
Anyway, we got Biff in a nice halfway house where you stay 90 days and then they get you a job and back on your feet. He has been there a year already in full mooch mode.
So, to the point, we volunteered to have all our extended family over to our house on Thanksgiving. All 20+ of us. I have a 4 year old daughter and there will be 7 kids there under 5. :hmm:
So, my wife informed me that Biff told everyone that he was bringing a "friend" with him from the shelter. Everybody seemed cool with this except for me, so I found out his name and did some research. There was his mugshot for a lewd act with a minor. When confronted, we find out that Biff actually knew about this and was going to bring a registered sex offender into my home.
Yeah, beat that Ridemonkey!
 
Jim Mac

Jim Mac

MAKE ENDURO GREAT AGAIN
May 21, 2004
6,352
282
the middle east of NY
I got nothing except for the 2-3 brothers in law who will drink to oblivion, yell Reagan-esque quotes at me, say a big old Catholic prayer at dinner and will then fall asleep in the basement den hours later. :lazy:
 
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B

bean

Turbo Monkey
Feb 16, 2004
1,335
0
Boulder
Some fun ones:

- There's the bipolar, homeless, alcoholic, possibly drug addicted, pathological liar. He gave up parental rights to his daughter years ago, sees her once or twice a year, and likes to complain that she doesn't listen to him (most everyone agrees that not listening to him is about the smartest thing she can do).

- The unreported child molester. The only known incident was about fifty years ago, but he drives a goddamned school bus so I've given serious consideration to calling the school district since I found out a couple weeks ago. There's a reasonable chance that this could really stir up some ****, which is the only reason I haven't.

- The exceptionally bitter divorcee. Recently she's been bringing up the fact that her husband cheated on her (though he didn't really) at every visit. And with complete strangers. She can't seem to refrain from making comments about him and his new wife any time they are in the same place. And likes to say that she would be friends with his new wife, if she hadn't destroyed her family.

There are others, but those are the highlights.
 
pnj

pnj

Turbo Monkey till the fat lady sings
Aug 14, 2002
4,696
40
seattle
bean said:
The unreported child molester. There's a reasonable chance that this could really stir up some ****, which is the only reason I haven't.

- .
Click to expand...
Why would you even hesitate? child molesters are scum of the earth.
 
4130biker

4130biker

PM me about Tantrum Cycles!
May 24, 2007
3,884
450
Wow, I suddenly feel a lot better about my situation. Used to feel bad that my family kinda auto-shunned a whole side, but I guess it's in everyone's best interest.
Jeremy- nice job watching out for your fam- that's some f'd up shlt!

Bean- I agree with PNJ. If you truly suspect something, I think you should speak up, regardless of the sh!t show.
 
B

bean

Turbo Monkey
Feb 16, 2004
1,335
0
Boulder
4130biker said:
Bean- I agree with PNJ. If you truly suspect something, I think you should speak up, regardless of the sh!t show.
Click to expand...
I agree also. My plan is to try to get someone else to - the person that it actually happened to. If that doesn't work, I will.
 
Nick

Nick

My name is Nick
Sep 21, 2001
24,064
14,711
where the trails are
My Mother was planning on flying in today but had to cancel, so no family Turkey day this year. Just me and the chika, some smoked turkey, fresh polish sausage, homemade pie and a yet to be determined amount of wine.
 
canadmos

canadmos

Cake Tease
May 29, 2011
20,499
19,499
Canaderp
I convinced my ex's grandma to smoke pot with me once at a Christmas function. Perhaps I'm that oddball one in the group..

Fun times.
 
eric strt6

eric strt6

Resident Curmudgeon
Sep 8, 2001
23,316
13,607
directly above the center of the earth
My right wing racist bible thumping evangelical Mother in Law from Kansas tops the list followed my OCD programmer Brother in Law who is hosting the shindig at his McMansion. The rest are OK, just not the kind of folks I would ever hang out with. Then again my wife and I are the only ones in the family that do anything besides watching TV, eating, or going to the gym. Not a one: camps, fishes, rides a bike, skiis or scuba dives.
 
JohnE

JohnE

filthy rascist
May 13, 2005
13,443
1,969
Front Range, dude...
I am, owing to the fact that I live in another country, going to another American families house with 4 or 5 other American families...none of which I know. Should be interesting...stand by for update.
 
ICEBALL585

ICEBALL585

Bacontard
Sep 8, 2009
6,805
2,045
.:585:.
Wow, you guys have some crazy relatives. My family is pretty normal and chill. In fact, I usually feel like the black sheep of the family since I'm the only one of all of my cousins that doesn't have a masters degree or a PhD. At least all of my cousins are very down to earth fun to party with though.

My wife's family on the other hand... that is a whole nother story. Hanging out with her extended family is always an adventure :crazy:
 
AzToJrse

AzToJrse

Monkey
Aug 6, 2007
254
0
SOUTH JERSEY
I was supposed to have my dad, nephew and sister come to my new house In New Jersey for thanksgiving from Michigan. The sister who always has some big drama going on in her life gets pulled over yesterday and gets arrested for some civil issue, road trip to New Jersey canceled. Spent a ton of money food and booze, I guess I will be eating and drinking a lot today.

Happy turkey day people
 
D

Droptopchevy

Monkey
Jan 1, 2009
146
0
Morrisville, PA
AzToJrse said:
I was supposed to have my dad, nephew and sister come to my new house In New Jersey for thanksgiving from Michigan. The sister who always has some big drama going on in her life gets pulled over yesterday and gets arrested for some civil issue, road trip to New Jersey canceled. Spent a ton of money food and booze, I guess I will be eating and drinking a lot today.

Happy turkey day people
Click to expand...
Us tristate area monkeys could help you out with all of that extra food and booze. :D
 
JohnE

JohnE

filthy rascist
May 13, 2005
13,443
1,969
Front Range, dude...
Just back from the dinner...Mrs JohnE got HAMMERED...too much good wine and Proseco. Her friends got her lit up nd good. Started to get interesting when she began telling me how hot this other guest, an American girl who plays pro soccer over here, is...but then we had to go. She puked up stuff she ate LAST Thanksgiving a little while ago...tommorow will be rough for her!

Food sucked btw...
 
eaterofdog

eaterofdog

ass grabber
Sep 8, 2006
8,310
1,560
Central Florida
Pesqueeb said:
I have excommunicated the crazy relatives from my life. I recommend the same to you all.
Click to expand...
I am convinced squeeb is my doppelgänger. I agree with every damn thing he says and he's funny as hell. One day we'll meet AND HE WILL HAVE MY FACE.



My alchoholic wreck of a sister in law didn't make it, so things are pretty quiet here.
 
eaterofdog

eaterofdog

ass grabber
Sep 8, 2006
8,310
1,560
Central Florida
Just wanted up clarify that said woman looks just like my wife (dem big italian asses yo) and that I haven't developed a fetish for fat elderly women. At least not at this time.
 
North* Dher

North* Dher

Chimp
Jul 23, 2002
32
0
Colfax
Bump
Lets hear the stories
I'm going stir crazy
I just want to go back up to go ski the pow is sick right now, with more coming in
 
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insanitylevel9

insanitylevel9

triple nubby
Jan 7, 2011
2,001
5
hopkinton ma
i havent met all my family members, due to various reasons. but i got a aunt with 3 kids that the state took away and thats really about it. most of my family members are just the up tight white conservative republican type people so its pretty un eventful.
 
pinkshirtphotos

pinkshirtphotos

site moron
Jul 5, 2006
4,840
562
Vernon, NJ
My family is my brother, mom, and dad. Grandma on both sides. One across the street the other who has a cat we haven't seen yet. She had a cat 2 years ago. Yet to see it. By the end of dinner she has 3 cats though. Nobody is watching them. They have been with her a while, how long? 2 weeks. Uncles are either dead, or retired or retired and on match. Cousin ran off with the boyscouts, moved far away doing college, or getting tattooed dying hair. Nobody else. Myself I saw santa fly past headed south east aprox, 7:30.
 
DirtMcGirk

DirtMcGirk

<b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm
Feb 21, 2008
6,379
1
Oz
I'm the family ****-up. I know you're all surprised.

Dad just got out of the hospital this afternoon. Guess he forgot who he was for a bit yesterday. Brother's new wife didn't come with him as she wanted to spend time with her family before they got to Turkmenistan for five months. This wouldn't strike me as odd, rude and disrespectful except for the fact that she's never come to my folks' house for the holidays, ever.

My brother is a vegan. I can't eat fish or chicken. Dad is on a low everything diet. Mom eats, but I am not sure what. Its going to be a scene. When I asked today if I needed to bring nice pants and a shirt, as opposed to just my boarding gear, mom said "No, we're going out to mexican." I think she forgets I live in Arizona...
 
JohnE

JohnE

filthy rascist
May 13, 2005
13,443
1,969
Front Range, dude...
pinkshirtphotos said:
My family is my brother, mom, and dad. Grandma on both sides. One across the street the other who has a cat we haven't seen yet. She had a cat 2 years ago. Yet to see it. By the end of dinner she has 3 cats though. Nobody is watching them. They have been with her a while, how long? 2 weeks. Uncles are either dead, or retired or retired and on match. Cousin ran off with the boyscouts, moved far away doing college, or getting tattooed dying hair. Nobody else. Myself I saw santa fly past headed south east aprox, 7:30.
Click to expand...
Dude, wait...what?
 
jdcamb

jdcamb

Tool Time!
Feb 17, 2002
19,838
8,438
Nowhere Man!
My cousin just stuck me with the bill for $119 worth of really bad Chinese food. She smokes like a chimney and ate all my eggs...
 
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