Ok, given the conditions and whoops of death, here's my projected podium:
1. Shelob - the bitchy child of the Ungoliant won't have a traction issue with her 8 sharp ass mud spikes, plus she will be able to use the canopy to swing over the whoops via spidey web vine.
2. Tick Tock Croc - although seemingly pretty torpid whilst lounging along a muddy river bank, every bogan knows these guys can move in a hurry when motivated. The motivation in this case will be Ratboy, who bears a strong resemblance to Capt. Hook and Jack Sparrow (sans slutty eye shadow), so Tick Tock follows Ratty down the course and passes him in the whoops section using his patented gator belly mud slide technique. Although upset he got passed during his race run, Ratboy at least keeps both hands intact.
3. Midgard Serpent - Like Tick Tock, Middy uses the slippery mud to his advantage and belly slides at speeds approaching 90 km/hr, and with a particularly low COG, totally slays the corners. May have placed higher if not for being attacked mid-run by a hammer wielding Matti Lehikoinen.
4. Perry the Platypus - taking ques from Middy and Tick Tock, Perry using the belly slide technique to great effect and is up at the first split. But in an unexpected act of brinksmanship, Perry pulls off course to sting a stinging tree with his venomous ankle spurs. Following his race run, a visibly frustrated Perry continues straight into the ocean to sting the local box jellyfish contingent.
5. Steve Peat - because Steve Peat.
Seriously stoked about the race tho. Looks like its going to be free for all, and it won't surprise me to see a really unusual podium group (even moreso than mine).
1. Shelob - the bitchy child of the Ungoliant won't have a traction issue with her 8 sharp ass mud spikes, plus she will be able to use the canopy to swing over the whoops via spidey web vine.
2. Tick Tock Croc - although seemingly pretty torpid whilst lounging along a muddy river bank, every bogan knows these guys can move in a hurry when motivated. The motivation in this case will be Ratboy, who bears a strong resemblance to Capt. Hook and Jack Sparrow (sans slutty eye shadow), so Tick Tock follows Ratty down the course and passes him in the whoops section using his patented gator belly mud slide technique. Although upset he got passed during his race run, Ratboy at least keeps both hands intact.
3. Midgard Serpent - Like Tick Tock, Middy uses the slippery mud to his advantage and belly slides at speeds approaching 90 km/hr, and with a particularly low COG, totally slays the corners. May have placed higher if not for being attacked mid-run by a hammer wielding Matti Lehikoinen.
4. Perry the Platypus - taking ques from Middy and Tick Tock, Perry using the belly slide technique to great effect and is up at the first split. But in an unexpected act of brinksmanship, Perry pulls off course to sting a stinging tree with his venomous ankle spurs. Following his race run, a visibly frustrated Perry continues straight into the ocean to sting the local box jellyfish contingent.
5. Steve Peat - because Steve Peat.
Seriously stoked about the race tho. Looks like its going to be free for all, and it won't surprise me to see a really unusual podium group (even moreso than mine).
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