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the random thought thread

jonKranked

Detective Dookie
Nov 10, 2005
85,573
24,192
media blackout
i hate when people talk about their "spirit animals". that's a stepping stone to essential oils and chakra crystals. my spirit animal is telling people to shut the fuck up about their spirit animals.
 

Adventurous

Starshine Bro
Mar 19, 2014
10,261
8,767
Crawlorado
There’s no anguish like the anguish of flushing a toilet in a public bathroom, watching it clog and being able to do nothing about the slow, inevitable march of toilet water to the top of the bowl.
 

jdcamb

Tool Time!
Feb 17, 2002
19,800
8,383
Nowhere Man!
Even though I have rode the trainer, did the pool laps at the JCC. Reached my Sit up and Push up goals. I still seem to have limited endurance. This concerns me. I have plans...
 
Overview
A family of machines specializing in cleaning up after Homo Sapiens.

General goals
1. Remove trash and tacky visual clutter.

2. Encourage unfettered movement of wildlife.

3. Chastise clotpolls.

Disposal standard
· Organic, rock, and earthen matter to be scattered

· Glass and concrete to be ground back to sand and gravel and scattered

· Compacted into Standard Bricks (SBs):

o Metal

· Plastic and other hydrocarbon based materials: Consumed as fuel using a zero emissions catalytic process

Bricking standard
1 kg square bricks.

Robots
Reverentor
Identifies, photodocuments, and shreds roadside shrines, advertising, and billboards, including religious, political, and warfare iconography, and military and police equipment and infrastructure.

Parkingtrainor
Using a CO2 laser, slices of portions of parked vehicles that go outside of marked parking space, are on sidewalk, or blocking pedestrian walkway, road, or driveway. Suppresses any resultant combustion, separates, compacts and bricks (SCBs) removed sections. SCBs double-parked vehicles as specified above.

Eliminator
Shreds and SCBs ricers with fart cans and good old boy pickups, leaving driver seated and confused on roadside.

Defencor
Identifies, removes, and SCBs wire fencing and associated gates and cattle guards.

Daminator
Starting from the sea, breaches dams, dykes, and levees. Does so at the rate of one a year. Clones itself when it encounters a tributary. Recognizes and leaves undisturbed natural barriers, e.g. beaver dams.
 

canadmos

Cake Tease
May 29, 2011
20,192
19,158
Canaderp
I'm not sure who is worse to run into on a trail, a horse and rider or an uppity bird watcher.

At least the flower sniffers generally don't care what you do, as long as you stay on trail.
 

6thElement

Schrodinger's Immigrant
Jul 29, 2008
15,828
13,067
At both 44.474148, -73.142464 and 44.474148, -73.142464 there are three-bay bunkers that, when I arrived here, were reputed to store nuclear weapons. I wonder what's in them now.
You put the same coordinates twice, unless Burlington International Airport has one bunker on top of another.
 

eric strt6

Resident Curmudgeon
Sep 8, 2001
23,190
13,448
directly above the center of the earth
  • Well I guess if I had to swear one way or another, I'd say Lazlo wasn't insane. He just had very strange rhythms. But he stomped on the terra. Lord Buckley said that. It's hard to say he got what he deserved, because he never really got anything, at least not in this story. And right now, this story is all we have ... It's sad. But what's really sad is it never got weird enough for me. I moved to the country when the boat got too crowded. Then I learned that President Nixon had been eaten by white cannibals on an island near Tijuana for no good reason at all. Golly, you hear a lot of savage and unnatural things about people these days. Lazlo and Nixon are both gone now, but I don't think I'm going to believe that 'til I can gnaw on their skulls with my very own teeth. Fuck those people, huh? If they're out there, I'm going to find them, and I'm going to gnaw on their skulls. Because it still hasn't gotten weird enough for me.
 

Jm_

sled dog's bollocks
Jan 14, 2002
18,855
9,560
AK
Why do I race? It's not to win trophies. It's not for the podium. It's not for the comradery. It's not for the speed. It's not for the workout. It's not to meet women (mostly). It's not to fight depression. It's not to get away from people at work. It's not to get into nature. It's not for the challenge of the course. It's for the free socks.
 

TN

Hey baby, want a hot dog?
Jul 9, 2002
14,301
1,353
Jimtown, CO
air shows on acid are really fucking intense then its over & you are all jazzed so you think its a good idea to swim out to the sand bar but at the sand bar the under tow is so strong & you are so spun that you dont realize you are being swept out to sea & you dont realize all the sparkling beneath your now suspended feet is a giant school of fish, then next thing you know you are being fished out of the Gulf of Mexico by a Blackhawk & being taken to the naval air station in Pensacola.
 

jdcamb

Tool Time!
Feb 17, 2002
19,800
8,383
Nowhere Man!
air shows on acid are really fucking intense then its over & you are all jazzed so you think its a good idea to swim out to the sand bar but at the sand bar the under tow is so strong & you are so spun that you dont realize you are being swept out to sea & you dont realize all the sparkling beneath your now suspended feet is a giant school of fish, then next thing you know you are being fished out of the Gulf of Mexico by a Blackhawk & being taken to the naval air station in Pensacola.
Key West for me. It was a Coast Guard helicopter for me. I don't remember any fish.
 

Da Peach

Outwitted by a rodent
Jul 2, 2002
13,681
4,904
North Van
I killed some XTR pedals. Non-drive side by riding/neglect. The other via “lubricated” “maintenance”.

I am not proud of this, but there you have it.
 

Adventurous

Starshine Bro
Mar 19, 2014
10,261
8,767
Crawlorado
Why did the bidet never make it over here? Seems like washing your bum post poop makes an awful lot more sense than smearing and smashing your poopy butt repeatedly with special ass paper until it comes away clean.
 

ICEBALL585

Bacontard
Sep 8, 2009
6,803
2,041
.:585:.
My wife: My foot hurts because I dropped an ice pack on it this morning.

Me: That's ironic because normally ice packs are used to make you feel better.

My wife: >:(>:(>:(


#dadjokelevel100 :dirol:
 

jdcamb

Tool Time!
Feb 17, 2002
19,800
8,383
Nowhere Man!
It kind of bothers me when I run into old friends and they are surprised I am still alive. It fucks with me actually. I somehow have lost my professional status?
 

TN

Hey baby, want a hot dog?
Jul 9, 2002
14,301
1,353
Jimtown, CO
I was kidnapped when I was 7 years old & it was a wonderful experience.
And also how I discovered the Grateful Dead.
I wont bore you with too many details but I was kidnapped when I was seven & spent 4 days traveling in a van with my captors who happened to be dead heads.
This was 1986 & I will always remember that because it was the year the Challenger exploded. We never made it further than Georgia before they let me go. I still don't know how they were convinced to let me go by the authorities, but I was sad to leave.
They drove around TN, AL & GA while they tried to collect ransom from my middle class parents. The two men who captured me were constantly popping tapes in the van's tape deck, playing this spacey, melodic rock n roll & the songs went on forever. I still remember falling asleep missing my parents listening to what had to have been Dark Star if I had to guess.
I was never mistreated & got to eat McDonalds for all 3 meals almost everyday. They would tell me stories of traveling on their motorcycles to music festivals & the fights they would get in, and all the crazy stuff they had seen.
Years later, I recognized a sticker on a car. It was a stealie & the first place I had seen one was on the dash board of the van I spent 4 days in. Seeing a stealie to this day takes me straight back to that van. I can still smell the inside of that vehicle every time I see one.
I don't know if those two guys ever got caught, but if you are still out there, thanks. That music & those 4 days changed my life.
 

jonKranked

Detective Dookie
Nov 10, 2005
85,573
24,192
media blackout
I was kidnapped when I was 7 years old & it was a wonderful experience.
And also how I discovered the Grateful Dead.
I wont bore you with too many details but I was kidnapped when I was seven & spent 4 days traveling in a van with my captors who happened to be dead heads.
This was 1986 & I will always remember that because it was the year the Challenger exploded. We never made it further than Georgia before they let me go. I still don't know how they were convinced to let me go by the authorities, but I was sad to leave.
They drove around TN, AL & GA while they tried to collect ransom from my middle class parents. The two men who captured me were constantly popping tapes in the van's tape deck, playing this spacey, melodic rock n roll & the songs went on forever. I still remember falling asleep missing my parents listening to what had to have been Dark Star if I had to guess.
I was never mistreated & got to eat McDonalds for all 3 meals almost everyday. They would tell me stories of traveling on their motorcycles to music festivals & the fights they would get in, and all the crazy stuff they had seen.
Years later, I recognized a sticker on a car. It was a stealie & the first place I had seen one was on the dash board of the van I spent 4 days in. Seeing a stealie to this day takes me straight back to that van. I can still smell the inside of that vehicle every time I see one.
I don't know if those two guys ever got caught, but if you are still out there, thanks. That music & those 4 days changed my life.
how the hell did you get kidnapped?