3-minute Unfunny Jokes
- Thread starter alpine slug
- Start date
That WOULD be awesome! I would LOVE to be that guy!
Sadly, I'm not.
I didn't realize that there is a limited style of humor allowed here. Poop jokes and hipster-inside-jokes seem the only things allowed.
Shame people here take themselves and their posts so seriously. It's not like you are solving any problems that have real importance in life, or anything. Why so serious?
Did I fail to show proper respect for 3 Minute Gaps? Or for Clay Porter?
Gosh. I didn't realize the Internets were so life-changing! It's like a few jokes here are going to change the course of life forever!
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the internets are real life haha!?
Shouldn't be too long now, haha
Davide, you really want me banned? What would that do? Make you feel validated for being an almost-Masters class racer?
I know one thing it would do: make RideMonkey look a lot more like The House of Francois, home of Gomerriders Everywhere!
oh well.
I can laugh at MYself, at least. Wish I could say that about you.
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Actually, I was eligible for masters class a few years ago ;-)
Care to argue that you are still always right ?
I vote no more ignore list.. That shiit is weak sauce.
I will try to put it words hopefully you can understand. How about a cartoon example?
Remember when they put Scrappy Doo on Scooby Doo and the whole show went to $hit.
It was totally unwatchable.
You are the Scrappy Doo of Ridemonkey.
Remember when they put Scrappy Doo on Scooby Doo and the whole show went to $hit.
It was totally unwatchable.
You are the Scrappy Doo of Ridemonkey.
no more ignore list? my ignore list is like valium for the internet. so much less rage. there are certain people who you know are always going to be retards and not provide anything useful.
I think all of us bickering forum nerds should get together for a good session on the big bikes, share some beers and crack some jokes. I bet we'd all get along just fine.
You guys moaning about alpine slug need to wake up. This has been is MO for ages (even pre-alpine slug, when he went by "slowitdown"). Now I get a kick out of reading his posts because he's just winding y'all up like play toys. Considering I read forums mostly for entertainment, he's giving me my money's worth.
You guys moaning about alpine slug need to wake up. This has been is MO for ages (even pre-alpine slug, when he went by "slowitdown"). Now I get a kick out of reading his posts because he's just winding y'all up like play toys. Considering I read forums mostly for entertainment, he's giving me my money's worth.
I laugh. Not once have I said I'm always right.
That's the great thing about satire -- the reader often assumes the satirist is egocentric, when the opposite usually is true, and the whole point is to make the reader LATER wonder... hey, why did I assume that? I was wrong!
Masters class is cool, though. Ain't it fun watching old age make us slow down without wanting to? The loss of reflex speed is a ton of fun. And the slow healing is first-rate! Who needs youth, freedom from fear, and rubbery bodies? We have age, wisdom, and carefulness on our side!
My favorite thing is when it makes us say NO F......G WAY to something that we would do without thought 5 years prior.
this site has been around for many years and is a great resource to the bicycle community.
It is a great place to discuss new items, current and old trends, to debate bike setup, and talk about all things bike related.
That environment is ruined by people who pick fights, throw insults around, and make a general mockery of what this discussion board is all about.
You can either add to the discussion or you can leave, it is very simple.
you do not add anything of value to this site, you simply detract from it.
since you didn't get it the first time, or in any other thread you have trolled or ruined, I will repeat it for you
"you do not offer discussion, you do not value others opinions, and you do not heed your own advice that you give to others often in the form of insult.
You call people names, you joke about sexual preference and gender, and lace your insight with personal insults.
your arguments are based solely on the fact that you believe you are right and everyone else is wrong. No matter what evidence they put forward to create debate you shoot them down with insult and mockery in an attempt to show that they are inferior to your intellect, which has obviously already stated the one and only possible opinion.
You are a troll on this site, and you bring nothing of value or substance.
Yes, you are as incredibly smart as you think you are. Sadly though, this does not mean you are as smart or smarter than everyone else. "
if you choose to respond, instead of throwing your blanket insults back, please enlighten us how you actually add any value to these discussions?
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"there are certain people who you know are always going to be retards and not provide anything useful."
This is true. But instead of certain I would say most.
This is true. But instead of certain I would say most.
Gosh, what a lecturer you are.
I am aware of how long RM has been around, as I recall it founding as a bit of a breakaway from The House of Francois.
You assume I'm ignorant and arrogant because I'm not in your Racerboy Club. That's one irony I'll chalk up now. There are more.
A lot of people out there reading web "journalism" know a lot about the subjects they follow. At the same time, people who are "lifers" or "regulars" on certain websites think their post count, or their mere posting at a "reputable" site, means they are the only "experts" in town on everything that might ever get discussed at a website.
That's irony number two.
I'm pretty sure you're aware of the cliche that says "the best you know is the best you've experienced," right?
Well... think about how that might apply to your little closed community of "experts" here.
I am aware of how long RM has been around, as I recall it founding as a bit of a breakaway from The House of Francois.
You assume I'm ignorant and arrogant because I'm not in your Racerboy Club. That's one irony I'll chalk up now. There are more.
A lot of people out there reading web "journalism" know a lot about the subjects they follow. At the same time, people who are "lifers" or "regulars" on certain websites think their post count, or their mere posting at a "reputable" site, means they are the only "experts" in town on everything that might ever get discussed at a website.
That's irony number two.
I'm pretty sure you're aware of the cliche that says "the best you know is the best you've experienced," right?
Well... think about how that might apply to your little closed community of "experts" here.
can't say I can relate... I'm sorry
Really?
You're faster than people in their late teens/early 20s?
And you heal faster?
And your reflexes are faster now?
Gosh. They should put you in the Smithsonian.
Am I gonna see you out at Kolob Canyon in the summer of 2012? I bet you throw down bigger than Zink!
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I'd say let the clock sort out what is the fastest way from start to finish.
Having been an alpine ski racer all my life i can say that in terms of actual technique for turning on skies and bikes they are quite far apart. For example in alpine racing you want to drive with the hips in more of a small turning motion and in downhill you want to point the hip towards were you want to go. If you where to point your hips in alpine skiing as you do in dh you would loose most of your pressure on the other ski and thereby start to slide instead of carve. Only the fact that most pressure should be on the outside foot is similar between both.
In ski racing you "drift" when the slope is steep to get the front tips to point inwards to the next gate before you put down the power to initiate the turn. When the slope turns flatter you carve them as tight you can. If you where to carve properly when its steep you would loose control after about two gates because you would pick up way to much speed.
Although this is mostly done in the SL and GS whereas in the speed events you carve pretty much every turn and carve them as round you can to preserve speed. Only when its a really tight turn you "drift" to get the front tips pointed were you want them to point.
The big similarity is how one chooses lines, which is mostly to try to find the shortest, fastest and smoothest line from start to finish.
Having been an alpine ski racer all my life i can say that in terms of actual technique for turning on skies and bikes they are quite far apart. For example in alpine racing you want to drive with the hips in more of a small turning motion and in downhill you want to point the hip towards were you want to go. If you where to point your hips in alpine skiing as you do in dh you would loose most of your pressure on the other ski and thereby start to slide instead of carve. Only the fact that most pressure should be on the outside foot is similar between both.
In ski racing you "drift" when the slope is steep to get the front tips to point inwards to the next gate before you put down the power to initiate the turn. When the slope turns flatter you carve them as tight you can. If you where to carve properly when its steep you would loose control after about two gates because you would pick up way to much speed.
Although this is mostly done in the SL and GS whereas in the speed events you carve pretty much every turn and carve them as round you can to preserve speed. Only when its a really tight turn you "drift" to get the front tips pointed were you want them to point.
The big similarity is how one chooses lines, which is mostly to try to find the shortest, fastest and smoothest line from start to finish.
FYI...
stretching the use of Irony a bit, no?
what you have described is much more basic. They are simply the basis for people's opinions.
Using ones personal experience, or retained knowledge from reading, etc to form an opinion that you do not agree with is not Irony.
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Amen brother!
Actually, if you go back and reread slug's posts, the creativity and eloquence of his put downs - and shear density of them - is quite extraordinary. Trolling of this caliber is quite rare. Ridemonkey Excellence!
Pay attention EVIL! That was the ONLY place I said they were really analogous.
I didn't say the body movements were identical -- though they are more similar than different, and torso squareness discipline and steady noggin are key in both. In contrast, you can drive a race car with your torso facing the passenger seat if you want to and it won't affect your line or speed very much, as long as you know how to work the gas, clutch, shift and brake timing, feel, amount, etc.
Aren't ski racing and MTB DH racing the same when it comes to preserving gravity's pull with line choice and adhering to the fall line?
And when has an alpine ski racer ever used a reverse fishtail to snap the skis around for a "faster" turning style?
Pretty much in a freeski vid, to create snow roost... that's where.
Also -- not sure how long you've been racing but slalom is much carvier and much more precise now than, say, 20 years ago. Z turns, jet turns, Stein fannywags all worked great in slalom 35 years ago and were still dominant even 20 years ago. Turns had massive drift-to-slap component back then. Not so much today.
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If I said that was Irony, I'd congratulate you on your relevance.
But I never said that was irony. Not once.
Irony is pretty much a literary version of "oh crap, that just backfired on me." What it is NOT is such crap as wearing girl jeans, or drinking Peebs when you're a trustafarian.
it's rather shocking, and it's one of those, "Oh no, here comes alpine slug again, getting all butthurt about something else and trolling up responses" and then I fall for it every time (so does everybody else).
but yeah, you mentioned beers and riding bikes, and suddenly my cold ass tuesday seems a bit brighter. I like bikes.
let me remind you of your original post, one in which you just assumed I would agree with.
"Masters class is cool, though. Ain't it fun watching old age make us slow down without wanting to? The loss of reflex speed is a ton of fun. And the slow healing is first-rate! Who needs youth, freedom from fear, and rubbery bodies? We have age, wisdom, and carefulness on our side!
My favorite thing is when it makes us say NO F......G WAY to something that we would do without thought 5 years prior."
to this I said, I am sorry but I can not relate.
And no I can not relate.
Many athletes in their early to late 30's would not be able to relate either.
I am sorry but you will have no chance of changing my opinion of myself here, as much as you want to tell me I am wrong based your all knowing personal opinion.
there are two sides to every street, have you not learned that with all that wisdom that has come with your years?
And I have yet to race masters class anyway ;-)
I would only say that you're still on the other side of whatever age it will hit you. Hits most male athletes between 35 and 40.
Gobble it up and use it while you can. I can assure you those things I described will be your reality sooner than you want, if not sooner than you expect.
Gobble it up and use it while you can. I can assure you those things I described will be your reality sooner than you want, if not sooner than you expect.
Don't bring peebs into this
Sorry, but in a thread called "3-minute Unfunny Jokes," Peebs is as relevant as anything you could imagine.
The title of this thread was chosen intentionally. Those who want serious discussion of weighty issues should beg off and go troll Pinkbike.
The title of this thread was chosen intentionally. Those who want serious discussion of weighty issues should beg off and go troll Pinkbike.
Who the hell is Clive Porter?
Everything you say is like an Unfunny joke where you are the only one laughing.
dude, you suck. I'm off to drink some peebs and ride my big ass bike through DC in jeans.
dude, you suck. I'm off to drink some peebs and ride my big ass bike through DC in jeans.
Clay's great great grandfather who made old western movies of cowboys drifting horses and shooting their pistols. He would sit in front of the cowboy on the saddle horn so he could get the close up shots of their mustaches
Pslide, I won't deny being "slowitdown" before, but how would you have known?
I just quit three years ago, i have trained with some of the current swedish national wc team riders so i am quite up to speed with the sport.
Dont take my post as i dont agree with what you have sad. Reverse fishtailing, as you say will never be used by the pros.
Yes preserving and using the pull from gravity is key, thats why carving and putting pressure in the entrie to the turn and not the exit is key to speed. That way of skiing is a hell of a lot faster than sliding, sliding is more of a speedcheck to control your speed when you have excess amount of gravity pull.
I would say the base position is similar (especially the upperbody) but the actual body movements are fairly diffrent. When skiing you have more of a set movement pattern whereas in dh you tackle all the diffrent obstacles with diffrent movements. But yes in a grander point of view they are quite similar, i guess when you know all the small details it feels quite diffrent.
As for drifting in dh i think it also depends on what type of technique your used to doing. For me drifting would be slower on a general basis since i am not good at drifting, so proper setup for the corner and carve it with traction will be a general faster way for me. But a slow sharp corner it will most likely be faster just to break traction and muscle it around.
In principle dosent drifing mean for an unpowered vehicle that it will slowly loose speed as long the tires are drifting. Wouldnt that in turn mean you will loose speed untill you regain grip.
Just go ride around Dupont Circle, you'll get what you're after.
My wife and I actually live in Dupont Circle. Does that mean that I couldn't wreck you in person or on a mountain?
most excellent reply!
and I'm not joking here.
pretty sure your race coaches would have told you that every turn is drifty, that the ski is never 100% engaged like a railroad and a train -- right?
and that lateral deviations in the drift are lost fractions of seconds, right?
lost time is lost time. you can't get it back.
you can set up a line with drift in mind, obviously. rally car drivers do this all the time! so do speedway and flat-track motorcycle racers, and motocross racers in certain turns.
still, the engaged line is the fastest line -- always.
I would suggest this is true:
people can be their fastest when they are most self-confident; self-confidence tends to follow enjoyment; and if someone really enjoys drifting and is highly skilled, he will probably be very fast even with a super drifty line.
at the same time,
if he could eliminate the drift and stay hooked up, he'd be even faster.
so that's something to think about.
you're gonna "wreck" me, Junior? what in Hades does that mean?
Suck away you old fart
Wow. That was both cutting, and intelligent. Kudos!
Your contagious positive outlook and constructive criticism of course!
There was a time when I got all butthurt (level 4) from you. I wrote you a PM about how there was no place for so much hate in such a small sport. And then I realized I was played and you get your kicks out of winding people up with great alacrity. Now I just love all, judge no one, and
