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A Man Apart

DirtMcGirk

DirtMcGirk

<b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm
Feb 21, 2008
6,379
1
Oz
So I had dinner with the first real "ex" since my wife and I split up tonight.

Before you start with the "Dirt's an attention whore" or "Not hugged enough," hear me out.

My ex showed me kindness when I needed it. She was and is a great woman, but like most over 30, she's got her scars and rips.

We had a great dinner, hung out, bullsh!tted with the best of them, but with all things passed, the spark was just gone.

After she blew out, I sat down and started watching A Man Apart.

Yes, it's got Vin Diesel in it.
Not the point.

When I was with my ex-wife I knew, without hesitation or question, that if SHTF that I would live, die, kill or be killed for that woman.

And hell be torn if I don't miss that.

I meet girls/women now, and I just don't get that vibe about them.

With Betty (the ex-gf) I was starting to get that vibe, and it scared the pair of us. She wasn't ready for an ass kicker, I wasn't ready for a bullet magnet.

But am I high on crack/life to think I need to have that in a relationship? If its not worth dying for, what's the point?

Apologies, a little/lot drunk from dinner. Our best point is we could drink together...

But really, am I off base?
 
Sandwich

Sandwich

Pig my fish!
Staff member
May 23, 2002
21,077
5,995
borcester rhymes
dude, it's ok to have some fun, even if the relationship is going nowhere. I wouldn't lead her on, if it's avoidable, but just because you wouldn't crawl your way to east kurfufflestan for her doesn't mean you can't enjoy her company. Some of the best relationships start as friends, without that "spark".

seriously though...don't look to hard for it or you won't find it.
 
amishmatt

amishmatt

Turbo Monkey
Sep 21, 2005
1,264
397
Lancaster, PA
sanjuro

sanjuro

Tube Smuggler
Sep 13, 2004
17,373
0
SF
BTW, from a literary standpoint, I think "revenge stories" are pretty ridiculous.

Most people deal with tragic events with quiet grief, not some grandiose vendetta. And a third of all murdered women are killed by their partners.

When I think of revenge stories, I think John Gotti. A neighbor accidentally runs over his youngest son who goofing around on a minibike, and three months later this neighbor is gone forever. Tough luck for that guy's family, eh? http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/gangsters_outlaws/mob_bosses/gotti/gotti_8.html

I don't think of John Gotti as some avenging parent, but a guy who was in the murder business having one done for personal reasons.

What if the neighbor was a rival Don? Think Gotti would have murdered him?
 
mandown

mandown

Poopdeck Repost
Jun 1, 2004
20,265
7,789
Transylvania 90210
dirt, first define yourself by your self. don't look to bring someone into your house until you have cleaned it up and are happy with living in it.

second, come to the realization that you have programmed yourself in a pavlovian stimulus/response-sense over the course of your life to have the definition of love that you currently look to. it sounds like you are realizing that this isn't the right definition for you, and from what i know of you, you probably crosswired your own programming. question: why do the abused kids become abusers or spend thier lives attracted to abusers? answer: they got comfortable with that life, even though they know it is wrong it "feels" right.

reconsider what you are looking for. get rid of "feelings" and think about what makes a healthy relationship. why would you want to die for someone just because your gut tells you so? as big as your gut is, it is wrong. look for reasons, reasonable ones. no doubt you like the roller-coaster ride relationship becuase it feels fun. you have challenges and obstacles to overcome, then you think you overcome them and then there is joy, only to be followed by a vicios cycle of revisitng the same problems. break the cycle.

stop thinking with your d!ck and your gut, and start using your brain... or at least imagine the thoughts you should think if the wizard had given you one when dorothy took you to the emerald city.
 
Prettym1k3

Prettym1k3

Turbo Monkey
Aug 21, 2006
2,864
0
In your pants
Dirt, I'm telling you man. You've been lookin' in all the wrong places!

You think you're going to find a girl you can take home to mom at a bar, a club, a strip club, or any other place like that? It's highly, HIGHLY unlikely at best.

More importantly, stop looking and stop caring. When you stop looking and stop caring, things will fall into place!
 
DirtMcGirk

DirtMcGirk

<b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm
Feb 21, 2008
6,379
1
Oz
Sometimes I find the best advice in the derails actually.

I think it just comes down to the fact that the ex was really nice to me when I wasn't ready or expecting anyone to be nice to me. I think I latched onto that harder than I should have.
 
lovebunny

lovebunny

can i lick your balls?
Dec 14, 2003
7,310
209
San Diego, California, United States
my only advice....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4NIAMTdql_g&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4NIAMTdql_g&hl=en_US&fs=1&color1=0x2b405b&color2=0x6b8ab6" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
 
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