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A vagina with teeth...

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by BurlyShirley, Nov 4, 2005.

  1. BurlyShirley

    BurlyShirley Rex Grossman Will Rise Again

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    Would be the worst invention ever.
     
    #1 -   Nov 4, 2005

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  2. douglas

    douglas Chocolate Milk Doug

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    what if the teeth were removable, like dentures - be perfect for the jealous BF when his girlie goes out without him
     
    #2 -   Nov 4, 2005
  3. stevew

    stevew unique white person

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    Isn't that Janet Reno?
     
    #3 -   Nov 4, 2005
  4. CrabJoe StretchPants

    CrabJoe StretchPants Reincarnated Crab Walking Head Spinning Bruce Dick

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    this thread.........

























    ..........would be the worst thread ever
     
    #4 -   Nov 4, 2005
  5. BurlyShirley

    BurlyShirley Rex Grossman Will Rise Again

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    Cavities would really hurt, I bet.
     
    #5 -   Nov 4, 2005
  6. Westy

    Westy the teste

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    Did a literature report in 12th grade on ancient folklore. Some Indian folklore has a story about the vagina having teeth and the heroic coyote solving the problem with a stone phallus.
     
    #6 -   Nov 4, 2005
  7. ThePriceSeliger

    ThePriceSeliger Mushhead

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    This thread sucks without pics!























    You didn't beleive me did you?
     
    #7 -   Nov 4, 2005
  8. BurlyShirley

    BurlyShirley Rex Grossman Will Rise Again

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    Was the vagina attached to another coyote? Or did it just fly around circumsizing people?
     
    #8 -   Nov 4, 2005
  9. Westy

    Westy the teste

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    I think they were talking about human vages. From what I remember there was a poem that went something like this.

    Back in the day womens @#$%s (genitals) had teeth.
    It was hard to be a man.
    The great coyote made a #@$(genital) from stone and ****ed the teeth out.

    I kid you not, that was a poem I wrote about in some stupid report. I was just trying to piss off the teacher with bad language. She actally liked the paper though.
     
    #9 -   Nov 4, 2005
  10. McGRP01

    McGRP01 beer and bikes

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    That's pure gold Westy....pure gold.
     
  11. Tenchiro

    Tenchiro Attention K Mart Shoppers

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    If my azzhole had teeth, I wouldn't need a plunger.
     
  12. Bullitrider

    Bullitrider Monkey

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    What if you ate with your butt and s**t/farted out your mouth?
     
  13. Tenchiro

    Tenchiro Attention K Mart Shoppers

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    It would make for some interesting eisodes of Martha Stewart.
     
  14. bomberboy11

    bomberboy11 Monkey

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    Heyyyy be careful what you wish for, some of us are pretty good with photoshop...
     
  15. SuzyCreamcheese

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    I don't know, I think a barbed penis might be pretty bad.

    The Cheese
     
  16. xy9ine

    xy9ine Turbo Monkey

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    and now for a (seemingly appropriate) literary moment:

    The Man Who Taught His Asshole to Talk
    (Excerpt from Naked Lunch)
    William S. Burroughs

    Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his asshole to talk? His whole abdomen would move up and down you dig farting out the words. It was unlike anything I ever heard.

    This ass talk had sort of a gut frequency. It hit you right down there like you gotta go. You know when the old colon gives you the elbow and it feels sorta cold inside, and you know all you have to do is turn loose? Well this talking hit you right down there, a bubbly, thick stagnant sound, a sound you could smell.

    This man worked for a carnival you dig, and to start with it was like a novelty ventriliquist act. Real funny, too, at first. He had a number he called "The Better 'Ole" that was a scream, I tell you. I forget most of it but it was clever. Like, "Oh I say, are you still down there, old thing?"

    "Nah I had to go relieve myself."

    After a while the ass start talking on its own. He would go in without anything prepared and his ass would ad-lib and toss the gags back at him every time.

    Then it developed sort of teeth-like little raspy in-curving hooks and started eating. He thought this was cute at first and built an act around it, but the asshole would eat its way through his pants and start talking on the street, shouting out it wanted equal rights. It would get drunk, too, and have crying jags nobody loved it and it wanted to be kissed same as any other mouth. Finally it talked all the time day and night, you could hear him for blocks screaming at it to shut up, and beating it with his fist, and sticking candles up it, but nothing did any good and the asshole said to him: "It's you who will shut up in the end. Not me. Because we dont need you around here any more. I can talk and eat and ****."

    After that he began waking up in the morning with a transparent jelly like a tadpole's tail all over his mouth. This jelly was what the scientists call un-D.T., Undifferentiated Tissue, which can grow into any kind of flesh on the human body. He would tear it off his mouth and the pieces would stick to his hands like burning gasoline jelly and grow there, grow anywhere on him a glob of it fell. So finally his mouth sealed over, and the whole head would have have amputated spontaneous — (did you know there is a condition occurs in parts of Africa and only among Negroes where the little toe amputates spontaneously?) — except for the eyes you dig. Thats one thing the asshole couldn't do was see. It needed the eyes. But nerve connections were blocked and infiltrated and atrophied so the brain couldn't give orders any more. It was trapped in the skull, sealed off. For a while you could see the silent, helpless suffering of the brain behind the eyes, then finally the brain must have died, because the eyes went out, and there was no more feeling in them than a crab's eyes on the end of a stalk.
     
  17. urbaindk

    urbaindk The Real Dr. Science

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    From the medieval torture museum in San Gimignano, Italy.

    A chastity belt with teeth...



    Perhaps H8R's Panty debuncher has met its match!
     
  18. Secret Squirrel

    Secret Squirrel There is no Justice!

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    Well....at least the teeth go out... *shudder*.......or maybe being a torture museum, they went in..... *double shudder*....

    I guess that's why a lot of history's great men had small d*cks....they weren't trying to compensate for anything by ruling the world...they were just trying to get it on with some hot chick!!!
     
  19. BurlyShirley

    BurlyShirley Rex Grossman Will Rise Again

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    What's that 2nd hole for?
     
  20. MMike

    MMike A fowl peckerwood.

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    Announcer: [a show logo appears...] Now, with more on "Martha Stewart's Living" [the logo disappears and the camera zooms in].
    Martha Stewart: In the past few days we've all heard of the healthy benefits of interorectogestion, and so making food that can be inserted into the ass is essential. [begins to move to her left] Now, everyone knows that some foods are simple to shove up the ass - puddings, soups, raisins... this is a nice raisin pudding right here - but we can also still eat our favorite foods. What we're gonna do today is prepare a Thanksgiving turkey for interorecto. [reaches the turkey and stops] Now, the key to shoving a turkey up your ass is first wrapping it in string, keeping the pointy wings neatly at the side. [starts wrapping the turkey. Two FBI agents show up at the rear of the set]
    FBI agent: Ms. Stewart, we have some questions.
    Martha Stewart: [starts wrapping faster] Not right now, I just wanna focus on my turkey, [softly] right now. [the agents withdraw. She finishes and lays the turkey down on a platter] Now, we're going to baste the turkey with lubricating gel rather than with juice - this'll help smooth the insertion later on. We still bake at four hundred degrees for twenty minutes a pound. [leaves that turkey alone and moves further left to a turkey fresh from the oven] When it's done we'll get something like this. [grins] So now we're ready to go. Looks delicious. Let's try it out. [takes the cooked turkey, moves to a clear area onstage, sets the platter down, stands the turkey up, moves into position, and sits on the turkey. Slowly, with grunts every few seconds, she eats the turkey with her butt] Aaaaa-... Yeah, get it up there. Yeah. AAAA. Yeeaahhhh. [one final heavy grunt, and a sigh of relief, then she stands up] Phew. And that is how you eat a turkey. [grins] We'll be right back with more. [grins, and exit music plays]
     
  21. DRB

    DRB unemployed bum

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    Wasn't stinky's signature something about a vagina with teeth. This thread was made for Stinky.
     
  22. Westy

    Westy the teste

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    It was a H8R quote about Brian Peppers genitals being a combination of male and female parts, having teeth and bad breath. Blech.
     
  23. Secret Squirrel

    Secret Squirrel There is no Justice!

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    Whoooo....off the deep end, eh?
     
  24. ALEXIS_DH

    ALEXIS_DH Tirelessly Awesome

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    uhmm..
    yeah..
    remember that "but if I put it back there.. thats not sex according to jesus and you´d will be a virgin" routine???

    well, them italians didnt eat that crap..
     
  25. MtnbikeMike

    MtnbikeMike Turbo Monkey

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    South park.
     
  26. stinkyboy

    stinkyboy Plastic Santa

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    I don't know what you're talking about.

    :rolleyes:
     
  27. PatBranch

    PatBranch Turbo Monkey

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    :twitch: I am not going to photoshop something for this thread.
     
  28. BurlyShirley

    BurlyShirley Rex Grossman Will Rise Again

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    Yes, best thread ever!
     
  29. syadasti

    syadasti i heart mac

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  30. syadasti

    syadasti i heart mac

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    Male cats have them...

     
  31. syadasti

    syadasti i heart mac

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    Duck have weird ones too, I googled this just now...

    http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2001/10/1023_corkscrewduck.html

     
  32. ultraNoob

    ultraNoob Yoshinoya Destroyer

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  33. Poops McDougal

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    That would be awesome. Hell, I'd rock a vijay-jay if it had teeth.
     
  34. PatBranch

    PatBranch Turbo Monkey

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    :shocked::panic:
     
  35. jimmydean

    jimmydean The Official Meat of Ridemonkey

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    Hung like a stiff tailed duck.
     
  36. Mr Tiles

    Mr Tiles I'm a beer snob

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    I've got nothing for this thread. carry on.
     
  37. gsweet

    gsweet Monkey

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    WHO LIKES RAKING!?

    or more importantly, who's not circumsized and wants to be?
     
  38. Spero

    Spero ass rainbow

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    Westy - I can't believe I was thinking of the same thing. I remember the story bieng Sioux or Blackfoot...I didn't come up with much while googling, but I'm with you.
     
  39. BrooklynMachine

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  40. H8R

    H8R Cranky Pants

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