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A vagina with teeth...

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
38,980
5,694
Sleazattle
Did a literature report in 12th grade on ancient folklore. Some Indian folklore has a story about the vagina having teeth and the heroic coyote solving the problem with a stone phallus.
 

BurlyShirley

Rex Grossman Will Rise Again
Jul 4, 2002
19,185
17
TN
Westy said:
Did a literature report in 12th grade on ancient folklore. Some Indian folklore has a story about the vagina having teeth and the heroic coyote solving the problem with a stone phallus.
Was the vagina attached to another coyote? Or did it just fly around circumsizing people?
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
38,980
5,694
Sleazattle
BurlyShirley said:
Was the vagina attached to another coyote? Or did it just fly around circumsizing people?
I think they were talking about human vages. From what I remember there was a poem that went something like this.

Back in the day womens @#$%s (genitals) had teeth.
It was hard to be a man.
The great coyote made a #@$(genital) from stone and ****ed the teeth out.

I kid you not, that was a poem I wrote about in some stupid report. I was just trying to piss off the teacher with bad language. She actally liked the paper though.
 

McGRP01

beer and bikes
Feb 6, 2003
7,797
0
Portland, OR
Westy said:
I think they were talking about human vages. From what I remember there was a poem that went something like this.

Back in the day womens @#$%s (genitals) had teeth.
It was hard to be a man.
The great coyote made a #@$(genital) from stone and ****ed the teeth out.

I kid you not, that was a poem I wrote about in some stupid report. I was just trying to piss off the teacher with bad language. She actally liked the paper though.
That's pure gold Westy....pure gold.
 

xy9ine

Turbo Monkey
Mar 22, 2004
2,878
279
vancouver eastside
and now for a (seemingly appropriate) literary moment:

The Man Who Taught His Asshole to Talk
(Excerpt from Naked Lunch)
William S. Burroughs

Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his asshole to talk? His whole abdomen would move up and down you dig farting out the words. It was unlike anything I ever heard.

This ass talk had sort of a gut frequency. It hit you right down there like you gotta go. You know when the old colon gives you the elbow and it feels sorta cold inside, and you know all you have to do is turn loose? Well this talking hit you right down there, a bubbly, thick stagnant sound, a sound you could smell.

This man worked for a carnival you dig, and to start with it was like a novelty ventriliquist act. Real funny, too, at first. He had a number he called "The Better 'Ole" that was a scream, I tell you. I forget most of it but it was clever. Like, "Oh I say, are you still down there, old thing?"

"Nah I had to go relieve myself."

After a while the ass start talking on its own. He would go in without anything prepared and his ass would ad-lib and toss the gags back at him every time.

Then it developed sort of teeth-like little raspy in-curving hooks and started eating. He thought this was cute at first and built an act around it, but the asshole would eat its way through his pants and start talking on the street, shouting out it wanted equal rights. It would get drunk, too, and have crying jags nobody loved it and it wanted to be kissed same as any other mouth. Finally it talked all the time day and night, you could hear him for blocks screaming at it to shut up, and beating it with his fist, and sticking candles up it, but nothing did any good and the asshole said to him: "It's you who will shut up in the end. Not me. Because we dont need you around here any more. I can talk and eat and ****."

After that he began waking up in the morning with a transparent jelly like a tadpole's tail all over his mouth. This jelly was what the scientists call un-D.T., Undifferentiated Tissue, which can grow into any kind of flesh on the human body. He would tear it off his mouth and the pieces would stick to his hands like burning gasoline jelly and grow there, grow anywhere on him a glob of it fell. So finally his mouth sealed over, and the whole head would have have amputated spontaneous — (did you know there is a condition occurs in parts of Africa and only among Negroes where the little toe amputates spontaneously?) — except for the eyes you dig. Thats one thing the asshole couldn't do was see. It needed the eyes. But nerve connections were blocked and infiltrated and atrophied so the brain couldn't give orders any more. It was trapped in the skull, sealed off. For a while you could see the silent, helpless suffering of the brain behind the eyes, then finally the brain must have died, because the eyes went out, and there was no more feeling in them than a crab's eyes on the end of a stalk.
 

urbaindk

The Real Dr. Science
Jul 12, 2004
4,821
0
Sleepy Hollar
From the medieval torture museum in San Gimignano, Italy.

A chastity belt with teeth...



Perhaps H8R's Panty debuncher has met its match!
 

Secret Squirrel

There is no Justice!
Dec 21, 2004
8,153
0
Up sh*t creek, without a paddle
jdschall said:
From the medieval torture museum in San Gimignano, Italy.

A chastity belt with teeth...



Perhaps H8R's Panty debuncher has met its match!
Well....at least the teeth go out... *shudder*.......or maybe being a torture museum, they went in..... *double shudder*....

I guess that's why a lot of history's great men had small d*cks....they weren't trying to compensate for anything by ruling the world...they were just trying to get it on with some hot chick!!!
 

BurlyShirley

Rex Grossman Will Rise Again
Jul 4, 2002
19,185
17
TN
jdschall said:
From the medieval torture museum in San Gimignano, Italy.

A chastity belt with teeth...



Perhaps H8R's Panty debuncher has met its match!
What's that 2nd hole for?
 

MMike

A fowl peckerwood.
Sep 5, 2001
18,222
86
just sittin' here drinkin' scotch
Tenchiro said:
It would make for some interesting eisodes of Martha Stewart.
Announcer: [a show logo appears...] Now, with more on "Martha Stewart's Living" [the logo disappears and the camera zooms in].
Martha Stewart: In the past few days we've all heard of the healthy benefits of interorectogestion, and so making food that can be inserted into the ass is essential. [begins to move to her left] Now, everyone knows that some foods are simple to shove up the ass - puddings, soups, raisins... this is a nice raisin pudding right here - but we can also still eat our favorite foods. What we're gonna do today is prepare a Thanksgiving turkey for interorecto. [reaches the turkey and stops] Now, the key to shoving a turkey up your ass is first wrapping it in string, keeping the pointy wings neatly at the side. [starts wrapping the turkey. Two FBI agents show up at the rear of the set]
FBI agent: Ms. Stewart, we have some questions.
Martha Stewart: [starts wrapping faster] Not right now, I just wanna focus on my turkey, [softly] right now. [the agents withdraw. She finishes and lays the turkey down on a platter] Now, we're going to baste the turkey with lubricating gel rather than with juice - this'll help smooth the insertion later on. We still bake at four hundred degrees for twenty minutes a pound. [leaves that turkey alone and moves further left to a turkey fresh from the oven] When it's done we'll get something like this. [grins] So now we're ready to go. Looks delicious. Let's try it out. [takes the cooked turkey, moves to a clear area onstage, sets the platter down, stands the turkey up, moves into position, and sits on the turkey. Slowly, with grunts every few seconds, she eats the turkey with her butt] Aaaaa-... Yeah, get it up there. Yeah. AAAA. Yeeaahhhh. [one final heavy grunt, and a sigh of relief, then she stands up] Phew. And that is how you eat a turkey. [grins] We'll be right back with more. [grins, and exit music plays]
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
38,980
5,694
Sleazattle
DRB said:
Wasn't stinky's signature something about a vagina with teeth. This thread was made for Stinky.
It was a H8R quote about Brian Peppers genitals being a combination of male and female parts, having teeth and bad breath. Blech.
 

Secret Squirrel

There is no Justice!
Dec 21, 2004
8,153
0
Up sh*t creek, without a paddle
MMike said:
Announcer: [a show logo appears...] Now, with more on "Martha Stewart's Living" [the logo disappears and the camera zooms in].
Martha Stewart: In the past few days we've all heard of the healthy benefits of interorectogestion, and so making food that can be inserted into the ass is essential. [begins to move to her left] Now, everyone knows that some foods are simple to shove up the ass - puddings, soups, raisins... this is a nice raisin pudding right here - but we can also still eat our favorite foods. What we're gonna do today is prepare a Thanksgiving turkey for interorecto. [reaches the turkey and stops] Now, the key to shoving a turkey up your ass is first wrapping it in string, keeping the pointy wings neatly at the side. [starts wrapping the turkey. Two FBI agents show up at the rear of the set]
FBI agent: Ms. Stewart, we have some questions.
Martha Stewart: [starts wrapping faster] Not right now, I just wanna focus on my turkey, [softly] right now. [the agents withdraw. She finishes and lays the turkey down on a platter] Now, we're going to baste the turkey with lubricating gel rather than with juice - this'll help smooth the insertion later on. We still bake at four hundred degrees for twenty minutes a pound. [leaves that turkey alone and moves further left to a turkey fresh from the oven] When it's done we'll get something like this. [grins] So now we're ready to go. Looks delicious. Let's try it out. [takes the cooked turkey, moves to a clear area onstage, sets the platter down, stands the turkey up, moves into position, and sits on the turkey. Slowly, with grunts every few seconds, she eats the turkey with her butt] Aaaaa-... Yeah, get it up there. Yeah. AAAA. Yeeaahhhh. [one final heavy grunt, and a sigh of relief, then she stands up] Phew. And that is how you eat a turkey. [grins] We'll be right back with more. [grins, and exit music plays]
Whoooo....off the deep end, eh?
 

ALEXIS_DH

Tirelessly Awesome
Jan 30, 2003
5,532
287
Lima, Peru, Peru
BurlyShirley said:
What's that 2nd hole for?
uhmm..
yeah..
remember that "but if I put it back there.. thats not sex according to jesus and you´d will be a virgin" routine???

well, them italians didnt eat that crap..
 

syadasti

i heart mac
Apr 15, 2002
12,701
290
VT
I don't know, I think a barbed penis might be pretty bad.

The Cheese
Male cats have them...

Whole male cats have barbed penises (much like a fishhook), and upon withdrawal, the female cat will often scream (whether from ecstasy or pain is questionable). It is also believed that the barbed penis stimulates ovulation. In fact, breeders sometimes use "Teaser Toms" to stimulate ovulation and end the estrus cycle in queens which are not yet ready for breeding. Teaser Toms are neutered by vasectomy, leaving the barbs on the penis to stimulate ovulation.
 

syadasti

i heart mac
Apr 15, 2002
12,701
290
VT
Duck have weird ones too, I googled this just now...

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2001/10/1023_corkscrewduck.html

Researchers from the University of Alaska discovered that the penis of Oxyura vittata, when fully extended, measures about 17 inches (0.5 meters) long. When not in use, the corkscrew-shaped penis retracts into the duck's abdomen.

The Argentine lake duck is small, weighing a little more than a pound (640 grams) and extending about 16 inches (41 centimeters) long from head to tail. Its penis, at about 17 inches, is the longest of any bird known so far, said McCracken.

"Measurements that we had taken before were all from dissected birds, and we thought [the penis] was about 20 centimeters [8 inches]," he said. "But in April we were in Argentina collecting birds for another genetic study, and we found this bird running around in its natural form, with its penis hanging out, which was something we'd never seen before."

The Argentine lake duck is a stiff-tail duck; its tail feathers spike upward and its legs are set far back on its body. The bird is extremely clumsy on land and spends most of its time in the water.

Many species in the stiff-tail duck family have relatively long penises, said McCracken, but more along the lines of 8 inches (20 centimeters).

The base of the Argentine lake duck's penis is covered with coarse spines, while the tip is soft and brush-like. The researchers think a drake may use the brush-like tip as a sort of cleansing instrument before ejaculation to remove sperm in the females oviduct that was deposited by another suitor, thus increasing the mating drake's chances of paternity.
 

Spero

ass rainbow
Jul 12, 2005
2,072
0
Tejas
Westy - I can't believe I was thinking of the same thing. I remember the story bieng Sioux or Blackfoot...I didn't come up with much while googling, but I'm with you.