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A very delicate rant..............

mantispf2000

Turbo Monkey
Aug 9, 2001
1,722
180
Nevada, 2 hours from Mammoth
Hello All--

Well, after 11 straight days of casino work, the wife and I are off, and maybe just in time, since we're supposed to get heaps of snow by the weekend. We'll see, as I'm still betting the under against the weatherman's report.

So I drop wifey off at home, and go out for my daily visit with Alaina. Good news is-- on the way out, I see the wild horses that are in the area, and get a peaceful feeling, like Alaina is giving me a sign. I get out to her site, and notice her "toys" are missing. I get worried, and as I get closer, I see the site next to her has been dug out for a "new neighbor", which explains why her toys are missing (so the guy could dig). Needless to say, I don't know if I should be pissed because we weren't called about the site being bought and given first chance, or happy because Alaina has someone next to her, or what. You see, it was always planned that when our time came, wifey and I would be on Alaina's sides, just like when we would go to sleep in bed (Mommy on Alaina's right, me on left, though what would've been Mommy's site is extra-long [she's 5'6"-haha], and I'm in the cremation site).

I left a message with the lady who manages the grounds, asking why we weren't at least called, and to see if Alaina could be moved so we can be together when that time comes. If she can be moved, I'm doing whatever I can to help move her, and immediately buying the sites on either side, maybe doing a payment plan.

I ask that if you reply, please be delicate, because I am right now, and wife is in tears. Remember, February is Alaina's 5th angelversary. If you're going to let it rip, please pm me. I'd rather read it in private.

Thank you for letting me voice......................

Shawn
 

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,033
0
Denver
so, what did the manager say?

Was the site randomly given away and those people wouldn't care or did they pick it for a reason? If they picked it, I'd go with they picked it for a reason.
 

SPINTECK

Turbo Monkey
Oct 16, 2005
1,370
0
abc
I don't fully understand the geography of the site- did you buy the plots around her or was it more of a business move on the grounds?? I think a lot will become clearer when you make phone contact with the right person.

Maybe you should see if it is someone Alaina would want next to her.
 

jonKranked

Press Button, Receive Stupid
Nov 10, 2005
55,325
4,456
media blackout
Talk to the grounds manager as your first move, then go from there. Explain your situation/views to her. Lay all your cards on the table and hopefully they will work with you (providing it is not a shady operation). If you express the interest to purchase additional plots this may entice them to be more accomodating (I hate to make this sound like a business deal, but on their end, well... it is). Best of luck on getting this taken care of.

Regardless of the outcome, my heart goes out for you.
 

mantispf2000

Turbo Monkey
Aug 9, 2001
1,722
180
Nevada, 2 hours from Mammoth
LO, I haven't talked with the manager yet. That'll be tomorrow. Reason-wise, it is an extra-long plot, so my guess is the person is quite tall, 6'-ish +, which cancels a random "digging".

Spin, no, we didn't buy the plots around Alaina, though when I did sit down with the manager, I did ask for a call should someone else be interested in them. Not to sound cold, however, who would Alaina want around her other than her parents? I do understand your comment, though.

And JK, definately not a shady operation, though I can see your concern. The manager was more than accommodating when we needed them for Alaina, and has been very helpful/understanding since. Even the groundsman understands our situation and visitation "quirks". I know this is business, and like I mentioned in my phone message, I know money talks.

Right now, my thoughts are that if the current "new neighbor" can't be moved to another extra-long site, then to see what the policies are regarding moving Alaina and purchasing the plots on either side of her then. I hope we don't have to, because Alaina is currently "centrally located" at the grounds and near the ornament tree they have for the holidays. I'm also willing to help with her move, though that may be a bit un-easy.

Either way, it'll all work out, and thanks for your replies.
 

Dartman

Old Bastard Mike
Feb 26, 2003
3,916
0
Richmond, VA
Shawn,

I can't fathom the pain you both must be feeling. My daughter has been a wonderful part of my life. I can only imagine what it would be like to miss her like that.

My best wishes to you in getting this resolved.

Peace to you both.

Mike
 

TreeSaw

Mama Monkey
Oct 30, 2003
16,668
435
Dancin' over rocks n' roots!
Wow...just wow! I simply can't imagine the pain and difficulty this has been for you and your wife. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers and I can only hope that this is quickly resolved to the best of your wishes.
 

X3pilot

Texans fan - LOL
Aug 13, 2007
5,861
0
SoMD
Man, I cannot imagine the struggle this is for you and your wife. not to capitalize on your grief, but I need to print this out and re-read it everytime I get mad at my 12 year old son for usually being a 12 year old son. I forget my blessings and no matter how big of a dick I try to act like sometimes, if your delicate rant doesn't make folks a little sadder and and sympathic to your plight, they might not be human.

my thoughts are with you and wish you peace.
 

OGRipper

Turbo Monkey
Feb 3, 2004
9,707
145
NORCAL is the hizzle
Wow rough stuff. I don't know the background at all and certainly can't imagine how difficult this must be for you. I can only say that it seems more an issue for the new neighbor's family than the manager. Regardless of what the manager says, it definitely seems easier for them to accommodate you now rather than after the other neighbor arrives. If you don't get the right answer from the manager quickly, you could try to get in touch with the new neighbor's family, explain the situation, and hope they are sympathetic. Best of luck.
 

mantispf2000

Turbo Monkey
Aug 9, 2001
1,722
180
Nevada, 2 hours from Mammoth
Hey All--

I just spent some time with the memorial grounds' manager, and here's what I was told.

Since it's been 5 years that we've laid Alaina to rest (geez, how it still feels like yesterday, and I remember it so vividly), it isn't in her nature to call and inform us of someone else wanting what would've been mommy's site. To her, that would be hard selling, and she does not do that. I can understand, since it is a delicate subject anyway. And like another reply, it is business.

She showed me a map of some of the other sites available, and at this exact moment in time, there isn't anything that would fit the bill of us doing an "Alaina sandwich", like we did when we'd all be asleep in bed. The site on Alaina's left is a cremation site, and that one is going to be for me. The manager did say that we can put the both of us (mommy/daddy) in the one site, so that may be an option. No, it's still not optimum, yet it may work.

We also talked about 3 different sites side-by-side-by-side, though that would require us to move Alaina. It might also require more $$$ for the sites, since baby sites are a bit lower in cost. However, there is a $2000 charge for moving Alaina, which has to be considered. I did offer to give "sweat equity" to help move Alaina, however, their policy won't allow that, even if I signed whatever papers to release them of any responsibility should I get hurt.

Needless to say, when I first told wifey about this (before today's meeting with the manager), she was very upset and felt shut out, since it was her site that is now lost. Maybe after she calms down and looks at things rationally, we can make a sound decision.

Oh, and this may sound creepy, however, I did take advantage of the plot being dug and climbed down to "see/kiss/hug" Alaina again. The side of her cement encasement was exposed, so I wrote a little note to her, left lots of x's and o's, and gave it a huge kiss. I must be going mad, or I miss her that much.
 

OGRipper

Turbo Monkey
Feb 3, 2004
9,707
145
NORCAL is the hizzle
I imagine there are a lot of privacy and other concerns but it still seems like you might get somewhere if you contact the new neighbor's family before the burial. The grounds person may not want to rock that boat but maybe you can leave a note or something. Lots of strong emotions all around but it's hard for me to believe that the family wouldn't want to at least try to figure out a way to make it work. Again, best of luck with this situation.
 

mantispf2000

Turbo Monkey
Aug 9, 2001
1,722
180
Nevada, 2 hours from Mammoth
It appears the wife and I have come up with a solution. Granted, we still have to present it to the manager, although we feel it should work for all of us.

We buy the cremation plot next to Alaina, and use it to "display" our markers. Since we'll be cremated, Alaina's plot would be re-dug, and each of us, at our appropriate time, will be placed with Alaina-- mommy/wife on Alaina's right, and me on her left, just like when we'd sleep in bed. Granted, it would mean diggin Alaina up twice, however, it would still leave us with her, and much closer at that.

I'm going to present it next week, and hope the manager will accept it. After all, since it is "business", she's still getting a sale from the plot, and we get to be with Alaina.

Thank you all for your words of support. Anyone up for some ice/snow night riding???????