[chuffer]

I have a friend / colleague who is a great guy, but is extremely overweight. He is in his early fifties about 5'10" and must weigh nearly 300lbs. There are several truly tragic aspects to his situation:

-He is a facking prince of a guy. He will truly do anything for anyone (friend, family, colleague, stranger on the street)...except, sadly, himself.

-I have seen pictures of him from his Army days and he was fit fit fit!

-He is at the point where the weight problem has gotten such that it hinders him from exercising more to keep it under control. (this statement, I suppose, shows my bias / philosophy, which is, essentially, be active and weight will take care of itself.)

-His wife has no concept of healthy diet or nutrition. (For reasons not relevant to this post, I spend a lot of time as an extended guest in their home and I really have to be on my guard about nutrition and activity level when visiting. After eating their meat and potatoes diet three meals a day, 7 days a week, I feel thick and lethargic myself.)

He recently "blew out his knee" and is even more limited in his activity. As he was telling me about this development, I nearly came right out and told him that he needed to do something about his weight, but I couldnt. In some respects he is a mentor to me and I couldn't quite bring myself to call a spade a spade.

Do you all think it is wise to confront him directly? I have spoken to his wife, and while she agrees, of course, that he is way overweight, she is incapable of taking real action.

If I do "confront" him about his weight, I would at least like to have some positive things to say. Some suggestions to make.

Any advice for me? It really tears me up to see this guy like this....

 

[Toshi]

1) it's his life to fix
2) by all means talk to him and his wife, but as a peer

 

[sanjuro]

How about invite him on a bike ride?

Just head down to the corner and back. Then down to the store, to end of town, the next county, the closest viewpoint,...

 

[Snacks]

I learned a long time ago you should tell people things they already know.

 

[BurlyShirley]

Advise him to stay away from any kind of "food" products he may come into contact with until the situation improves.

 

[ire]

Ultimately he knows his weight is a problem and I'm sure he dislikes being overweight. The problem is that you can't force help/change on him. When you confront him he will get upset and resent you. For someone in his position it requires a complete overhaul of his life to lose the weight and keep it off and it can be very traumatic on an individual. I think you should start inviting him to go for walks during breaks/lunch and see where it leads from there. If his knee is too messed up to go for a walk do what Sanjuro said, invite him to ride around the neighborhood or maybe to a local park.

 

[Kntr]

Tell him you will help him but he also needs to help himself.

 

[laura]

If you feel like you can tell him you are concerned for his health, do it. If not, I would handle it per Sanjuro's suggestion.

Take him out, get him active. He'll notice his weight more when trying to keep up with you. It may trigger something to make him take action. Invite him to your house for dinner, or offer to cook for them one night, making something that is good and healthy. Offer to give them the recipe. ****, set up a fitness goal for yourself and tell him that you need a "buddy" to help you stay on track. Sometimes all someone needs is for one person to show them support. It's really really hard to do on your own.

If you are genuinely concerned you should be willing to help him take action and support him through his journey.

 

[TreeSaw]

If you feel like you can tell him you are concerned for his health, do it. If not, I would handle it per Sanjuro's suggestion.

Take him out, get him active. He'll notice his weight more when trying to keep up with you. It may trigger something to make him take action. Invite him to your house for dinner, or offer to cook for them one night, making something that is good and healthy. Offer to give them the recipe. ****, set up a fitness goal for yourself and tell him that you need a "buddy" to help you stay on track. Sometimes all someone needs is for one person to show them support. It's really really hard to do on your own.

If you are genuinely concerned you should be willing to help him take action and support him through his journey.

Excellent advice right here!!! Good luck!

 

[Sandwich]

One of the biggest problems with weight is the company you keep. Just like drugs or alcohol, hanging out with people who eat poorly will encourage you to eat poorly. If you really want him to lose weight, you'll have to include his wife.

If you're legitimately concerned, you should talk to him. Encourage him with images of his glory days ("dude, you were ripped when you were in the army. How'd you do it?"). If he's happy being fat, then that's his problem and there's nothing you can do, but I'm sure that to some degree he wants to change.

The first step is a healthy diet, and that might be the easiest...make some healthy meals, as stated above, and share them with him at lunch. Tell him how you used to eat x or y and when you started eating this, you started feeling better. share with him the recipe or get him a cooking light cookbook (love ours).

The next step is excersize, and all you have to do that is keep encouraging. If you want him to lose weight, you're going to have to do it with him....people get frustrated if they have to go it alone and they want to quit...

I hope something I've said helps...good luck.

 

[Dirt Bike Mike]

I am a bit overweight my self. I am 5'9 and 237. I started at 260. Mind you I am pretty well muscled and fitter than you would think. I went through a blown out knee, that is what got me over 200. You cant eat like a cyclist when you cant move. I had no clue how to lose weight. I have to thank a MTB/dirtbike friend of mine for calling me up and setting me straight. He said "dude you need to think of your kids, do you really want to die you of heart disease?". I really dont feel overweight. I got going on a good program this winter. lost about 20 pounds, started riding alot. Then cut tendons in my hand at work. Off the bike for the last 8 weeks (getting to my point). Now while I have been laid up, I discovered how to eat less and not be hungry. I eat just a little when ever I am TRULY hungry. I make sure to eat in the morning. Once or twice a week I throw down and pig out. I dont feel deprived in any way. I am down 13 pounds in 2.5 weeks! Here is my point. Your friend is like me, always thinks of everyone but himself. He needs to realize that getting fit and losing some weight is doing more for his family than anything else he could dream of. He needs tough love. You need to tell him. It will hurt him, it did me. He will go through the whole denial acceptence thing. His wife empowers his eating, her help will be key. It takes a lot of guts and love to step up and help. Someone did this for me. It is changing my life. If he has any interest in riding, sign him up for a race that is a year away. Help with some goals. Hell, just typing this is helping me. Hope this helps your descision.

 

[Dirt Bike Mike]

Just noticed the date on the post. What happend?

 

[BikeLuvR904]

Here's my advice for him: NUTRITION is everything. People are under the misconception that you can workout 10 hours a day and you'll lose weight. I mean you CAN do that but it's not nearly as effective/healthy as having a solid nutrition. Remember what arnold schwarzenegger said: "abs are made in the kitchen not the gym". So if he supplements a good workout program (consistency is key) and a solid DISCIPLINED diet than he will lead a much happier lifestyle and look good!

 

[Al C. Oholic]

Take him out, get him active. He'll notice his weight more when trying to keep up with you. It may trigger something to make him take action.

Ya, maybe, but it could also go the other way. It could depress him about the condition he's in, and the cycle people like this tend to get into is more eating. So it may spur a real change in him, or it may backfire and he'll decide "well i'm too slow and out of shape to try, might as well stay fat."

it is a shame to see, i would talk to him. the worst that could happen is him getting mad, the best, it could change his life. i'd say the pros outway the cons