[rideit]

OK, so I play, and have a few really fancy guitars. My 15 year old has expressed interest, but as a slightly clumsy teen, it doesn’t make sense that he play mine.
Background: He is a little spoiled, as we have never hesitated to support whatever interests he has. This has led over the years to dozen sometimes expensive ‘experiments’ with different things that he wanted to try, but never hunkered down and did the actual work to even be a novice.
Skateboards, drums, 3D printing machines, art and fancy art supplies, etc. We have bought all of these things for him, which he quickly abandoned, which then we have had to sell at a discount, or sometimes they were too deconstructed to sell. My theory is that he was never really ‘invested’, either emotionally or with his own money, in these things, and has just taken it for granted.
He does have some discipline in other areas, he played Hockey Goalie for 10 years, and was really good. He speaks excellent Spanish, and is an amazing skier boarder.
Fast forward: I bought him an appropriate beginner guitar over the weekend. I brought this up with my wife that this might be good opportunity to do some better parenting, and make him work in some way to receive this guitar. I haven’t told him about it yet.
I am looking for some ideas of how to gauge his level of commitment to this, and come up with a mature solution to getting him motivated to pursue it somewhat seriously.
We are happy to support lessons, etc, but I don’t think it is productive to just give him all of this without him giving back.
We really need help with this!
Any productive advice from any of you teen/post teen parents?
Hookers and Blow?
Thanks in advance.

 

[kidwoo]

make him work for it dammit

you'll find out real quick

I had to mow lawns for two years before getting my first bmx bike


ladies and gentlemen, this is the man who paid a neighbor's kid to remove his rim tape residue while buying his own kid a drum kit

you already bought him a guitar so what's to gauge? Get him tablature book of whatever butt rock he likes and see what happens.

 

[rideit]

Clearly spoken by a man who has never been a parent…
(my kid was at camp)

 

[kidwoo]

Clearly spoken by a man who has never been a parent…

certainly not when this is what happens to your brain

 

[Westy]

make him work for it dammit

you'll find out real quick

I had to mow lawns for two years before getting my first bmx bike


ladies and gentlemen, this is the man who paid a neighbor's kid to remove his rim tape residue while buying his own kid a drum kit

you already bought him a guitar so what's to gauge? Get him tablature book of whatever butt rock he likes and see what happens.

Bootstraps!

 

[kidwoo]

Make him work for lessons or whatever else you haven't bought him yet as hard as you would work to attend this

 

[eric strt6]

make him work for it dammit

you'll find out real quick

I had to mow lawns for two years before getting my first bmx bike


ladies and gentlemen, this is the man who paid a neighbor's kid to remove his rim tape residue while buying his own kid a drum kit

you already bought him a guitar so what's to gauge? Get him tablature book of whatever butt rock he likes and see what happens.

at 12 my dad said I was too old for an allowance. I was going to have to earn my toys and spending money. I got put to work mopping the floor of the family restaurant, washing the windows, prep work for minimum wage ($1.25/hr back then). By 15 I had bought a bike, backpacking gear, and SCUBA Gear.

 

[kidwoo]

Bootstraps!

I have no problem teaching a work ethic to an unformed brain. Especially one that grows up in the kingdom of jackson.

Treating grown ass adults in poverty like that isn't really comparable.

 

[rideit]

So, my kid goes to camp for most of the summer as a CIT. he does school, tutoring, robotics, snowboarding, language, and volunteers at the literacy center. He honestly doesn’t have time for a traditional job. This may sound crazy, but it’s true. He does spend WAAAAY to much time playing video games, but those are hours that a 15 year old can’t really work with school.
More my wife’s decision than mine.

 

[kidwoo]

You guys are raising a wonderful eric trump.

read these two sentences together

He honestly doesn’t have time for a traditional job.

He does spend WAAAAY to much time playing video games, but those are hours that a 15 year old can’t really work with

You can tell you never went to work in retail after school.

Unless by 'traditional job' you mean selling insurance.

JFC, I worked in a subway making mayonaise sammiches until midnight.

 

[rideit]

Sucks for you.
But he also has some crippling social anxiety, and is struggling with gender identity. It’s not as simple as you imagine.

 

[jdcamb]

Whatever you do don't suddenly bust into the room and smash his new guitar to pieces. That would be awful.

 

[rideit]

You can tell you never went to work in retail after school.

Worse, I worked in a shitty Mexican restaurant after school, where I was hit on by coked up Haitians in the walk in. Repeatedly.
And yes, it was to buy guitars and skateboards, mostly.

 

[jdcamb]

Worse, I worked in a shitty Mexican restaurant after school, where I was hit on by coked up Haitians in the walk in. Repeatedly.

We are so totally the wrong people for you to talk with about this. Coked up Haitian PTSD advice is up our alley I guess.

 

[kidwoo]

I was hit on by coked up Haitians in the walk in. Repeatedly.

How could you deny him this?

 

[Montana rider]

Looks at thread, excited to pick up some tips which may transfer to other problems.
Sees it's evolved into an entitlement debate, resumes lurking.
++++
If he has expressed interest in playing, then you could broach the subject as if:

"I know you said you were interested in learning how to play guitar, but they're expensive and we're not sure if you'll stick with it. So what do you think you could do to get some skin in the game?"

#Clean Up Poop
#Mow the lawn
#Chores
... profit

In regards to the working/not working hissy fit, let's face it, if they're your child they're going to be messed up no matter what

 

[Nick]

let him play your guitar. tell him to be careful, the odds he breaks something are low.
having access to a guitar when I was a kid was pivotal to my happiness.

 

[kidwoo]

Looks at thread, excited to pick up some tips which may transfer to other problems.
Sees it's evolved into an entitlement debate, resumes lurking.
++++
If he has expressed interest in playing, then you could broach the subject as if:

"I know you said you were interested in learning how to play guitar, but they're expensive and we're not sure if you'll stick with it. So what do you think you could do to get some skin in the game?"

#Clean Up Poop
#Mow the lawn
#Chores
... profit

In regards to the working/not working hissy fit, let's face it, if they're your child they're going to be messed up no matter what

HE ALREADY BOUGHT HIM ONE

 

[sunringlerider]

I got this.

Put on some thrash metal. Some could say Slayer, I personally think Thy Art is Murder would be more fitting. When he walks in (in your best metal lyric voice) tell him he’s learning the FUCKING GUITAR. Proceed to smash the guitar ohis head and then tell him he will have to pay for the next one.

Really a flawless plan I might say.

 

[rideit]

I think I enjoy Sun’s advice better than Woo’s on this one, much more fun for me.
All I EVER hear this kid listening to is video game bleepy-bloopy.

 

[kidwoo]

I think I enjoy Sun’s advice better than Woo’s on this one, much more fun for me.
All I EVER hear this kid listening to is video game bleepy-bloopy.

or if he really wants to rawk

 

[rideit]

Hell yeah.

 

[kidwoo]

beep boop bleep

 

[Westy]

I have no problem teaching a work ethic to an unformed brain. Especially one that grows up in the kingdom of jackson.

Treating grown ass adults in poverty like that isn't really comparable.

It is usually the person who had to work for that one thing that one time who thinks that everything they have in life was because they worked harder than everyone else.

Knew a dude in college who always talked about how his father made him work to pay for his truck and by extension everything he had was due to his bootstraps.

Turns out he worked at his father's law form making more than all of the other non lawyer employees.

His brother got into the Air Force academy despite having a criminal record for stabbing someone. Daddy got a judge to wipe his record and a letter of recommendation from a Senator.

 

[kidwoo]

It is usually the person who had to work for that one thing that one time who thinks that everything they have in life was because they worked harder than everyone else.

Yeah you started a thread on privileged idiots thinking they earnt everything in life in PAWN

I'm just trusting rideit when he says his son is spoiled, especially when he already bought the guitar he's apparently debating supplying

His brother got into the Air Force academy despite having a criminal record for stabbing someone. Daddy got a judge to wipe his record and a letter of recommendation from a Senator.

last name Mccain by any chance?

 

[Westy]

last name Mccain by any chance?

No idea. This pleb was not exposed to the inner workings of that family.

The most valuable thing my parents gave me was my whiteness.

 

[kidwoo]

The most valuable thing my parents gave me was my whiteness.

last name Mccain by any chance?

 

[Westy]

last name Mccain by any chance?

No. Wrong island.

And much whiter than even that.

 

[6thElement]

Give him a ukulele and tell him once he's mastered it, he can upgrade to a full size.

 

[rideit]

I'm just trusting rideit when he says his son is spoiled, especially when he already bought the guitar he's apparently debating supplying

There was never any 'debate', just looking for mature parenting suggestions to present it in a way that he is invested.
Anyone wanna buy a skateboard, longboard, 3D printer, digital sketchpad, etc?

 

[Westy]

There was never any 'debate', just looking for mature parenting suggestions to present it in a way that he is invested.
Anyone wanna buy a skateboard, longboard, 3D printer, digital sketchpad, etc?

@kidwoo could certainly use a 3-D printer

 

[rideit]

I bet he can put together a pipe bomb without one.

 

[rideit]

I'll give any of you the 3d printer for shipping.

 

[kidwoo]

I'll give any of you the 3d printer for shipping.

trade you for some rim tape!

 

[rideit]

Will you get my rim squeaky clean first?

 

[kidwoo]

no

that's what progeny are for

 

[rideit]

If progeny is a fancy word for a $25 crack whore...uhh...nevermind

 

[TreeSaw]

Looks at thread, excited to pick up some tips which may transfer to other problems.
Sees it's evolved into an entitlement debate, resumes lurking.
++++
If he has expressed interest in playing, then you could broach the subject as if:

"I know you said you were interested in learning how to play guitar, but they're expensive and we're not sure if you'll stick with it. So what do you think you could do to get some skin in the game?"

#Clean Up Poop
#Mow the lawn
#Chores
... profit

In regards to the working/not working hissy fit, let's face it, if they're your child they're going to be messed up no matter what

This...
We have similar discussions with the 11& 17yo. They don't get an allowance, but we pay the insurance on the oldest's car and cell phone bill and she has chores to do around the house. Youngest was going to have her phone turned on (it's really just an ipod touch now) but she broke the screen so she is working off a new phone right now.

 

[SkaredShtles]

Get them the red one.

 

[Westy]

Get them the red one.

Commie, why do you hate freedom?