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Airport Rant...

Silver

find me a tampon
Jul 20, 2002
10,846
0
Orange County, CA
Why is it that as soon as they announce that boarding is starting, every single person getting on the plane stands up, even though they start with first class and then from the back?

I swear, next time I'm standing in the middle of the plane because some idiot businessman doesn't want to check his bag and is spending 15 minutes trying to find space for it in the overhead bin, I'm going to lose it.

It would all go so much faster if everyone just did it by row...they should give the gate agents tasers to use on the assholes who sit in row 10 trying to get on first...
 

SkaredShtles

I love NEWCASTLE and will ONLY drink NEWCASTLE!!!!
Sep 21, 2003
51,251
4,420
In a van.... down by the river
Silver said:
Why is it that as soon as they announce that boarding is starting, every single person getting on the plane stands up, even though they start with first class and then from the back?
My rant about airports has to do with the baggage carousels. Why do people insist on standing right next to the damn thing so that there's no way to get my bag when it comes out. If everyone stood 5 feet back and stepped forward when their bag came out it wouldn't be such a chore elbowing through people to get my bag. :mumble:
 

I Are Baboon

Run, Forrest, Run!
Aug 6, 2001
29,931
2,836
MTB New England
Silver said:
Why is it that as soon as they announce that boarding is starting, every single person getting on the plane stands up, even though they start with first class and then from the back?

I swear, next time I'm standing in the middle of the plane because some idiot businessman doesn't want to check his bag and is spending 15 minutes trying to find space for it in the overhead bin, I'm going to lose it.

It would all go so much faster if everyone just did it by row...they should give the gate agents tasers to use on the assholes who sit in row 10 trying to get on first...
:stupid:
 

Silver

find me a tampon
Jul 20, 2002
10,846
0
Orange County, CA
SkaredShtles said:
My rant about airports has to do with the baggage carousels. Why do people insist on standing right next to the damn thing so that there's no way to get my bag when it comes out. If everyone stood 5 feet back and stepped forward when their bag came out it wouldn't be such a chore elbowing through people to get my bag. :mumble:
That too. Of course, if you're courteous and stand 5 feet back, some jerk will stand right in front of you and hump the carousel. He'll probably end up having an orgasm on your baggage as it comes around, too...
 

rooftest

Monkey
Jul 10, 2005
612
0
OC, CA
How about the people that start lining up for Southwest flights an hour in advance? That's why I prefer assigned seating - I can get on last and still have a decent seat.
 

BSEVEER

Monkey
Dec 23, 2004
248
0
SoCal
I hate how when the plane is done pulling up to the gate at your destination, everyone tries to stand up in the aisle, there isn't enough room! Just wait you're damn turn. Let the people in front of you get their **** then you can go.
 

McGRP01

beer and bikes
Feb 6, 2003
7,797
0
Portland, OR
And why, when I'm flying from Albany, NY to St. Louis, MO., is my connecting flight in Charlotte, N.C.?!?! Actually why have a connector at all, it's only a 2 3/4 hour flight. :mumble:
 

Fredzilla

Monkey
Aug 5, 2003
285
0
Seattle
I was on a flight home yesterday and it was just plain funny. When the first announcement came, most people got up to board and I was thinking how unusal it was not to see total chaos. We patiently stood in line as we started to inch towards the gate agent... we were getting pretty close JUST as he announced, "all passengers can board..." and everyone and their brother just got up from their seats and oozed into the line.. not the back of the line where you'd think, but right were they were sitting adjacent to the line. We ended up further away than when the line first formed!! Classic.

My only shining moment was maiming the guy behind me in line... he was an ultra, type-A business traveller who seemed to think that removing any space between himself and me would make the line move quicker. Well, I got tired of him virtually humping my duffel bag, so I pretended to respond to someone behind us... nuts + 30lb duffel @ 10mph = well... the result depends on your persepctive. Awesome for me... not so much for him.
 

SkaredShtles

I love NEWCASTLE and will ONLY drink NEWCASTLE!!!!
Sep 21, 2003
51,251
4,420
In a van.... down by the river
Silver said:
That too. Of course, if you're courteous and stand 5 feet back, some jerk will stand right in front of you and hump the carousel. He'll probably end up having an orgasm on your baggage as it comes around, too...
"What goddam idiot left his jizz on my fukkin' bag?!?!" :mumble:
 

Five

Turbo Monkey
Mar 8, 2003
1,506
0
West Seattle, WA
Ooohhh, this thread is not good, don't get me started. I used to travel about 4 months out of the year and there's a lot I could rant about.
 

reflux

Turbo Monkey
Mar 18, 2002
4,622
2
G14 Classified
Boarding: why I print my "A" boarding pass the night before, so that I can be last in my "line" and still get a great seat.

Exiting: I am the first to stand up because I've been sitting down the entire flight and want to get my bag out of the overhead without having somebody else in my way.

Take care of number one (without causing too much of a ruckus so as to prevent someone else from doing the same).
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
38,930
5,617
Sleazattle
I hate flying. Unfortunately I have spent way way too much time flying this year. Idiots of all shapes and sizes seem to display their stupidity at airports.

-I hate the idiots that try going through the metal detectors with big belt buckles jewelry etc, thinking that it wouldn't set the alarm off despite the 4 morons in front of them had the exact same problem.

-I hate the assholes who think that despite having assigned seats they can just sit where ever they want.

-I hate the morons incapable of reading signs. Some dip**** lady stopped me just the other day to ask where baggage claim was despite the fact that A: I do not work for the airlines nor look like I do. B: She was standing right in front of a sign with foot high letters that said "baggage claim". C: The other 200 people on her flight were all walking in the same direction to the very same goal she was seeking, the ****ing baggage claim.

-I hate the dip****s that think there will be no problems fitting their 2 huge bags in the overhead storage, despite the fact that 90% of the idiots on the plane have the same stupid idea.

-I hate the morons that think the world revolves around them and when they miss their flights the plane should come back to pick them up. Of course when it doesn't they get all pissed off and start yelling at people and explaining why traffic or their stupid kids caused them to be late.

-I hate the inconsiderate douche bags that think it is fine for them to fly despite the fact that they have 12 infectious diseases and see no problems sharing their illness with everyone else crammed into a little aluminum tube.

Flying a lot has caused me to hate everyone.
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
38,930
5,617
Sleazattle
SkaredShtles said:
Now be fair. You hated pretty much everyone even before you started flying frequently.................. :D
I've been flying "frequently" since '96. My hate was just directed towards certain ****tards before then.
 

Andy_B

Monkey
Jul 21, 2004
679
0
whereabouts unknown
SkaredShtles said:
My rant about airports has to do with the baggage carousels. Why do people insist on standing right next to the damn thing so that there's no way to get my bag when it comes out. If everyone stood 5 feet back and stepped forward when their bag came out it wouldn't be such a chore elbowing through people to get my bag. :mumble:

Its best during Ski season, I have this huge gear bag... Its yellow so I can see it "dump"... I stand back till it gets close poke my way through the crowd to grab it... then put it on my shoulder and walk back through the mess... and people don't move.... :nuts:
 

Toshi

Harbinger of Doom
Oct 23, 2001
29,189
2,892
i hate sitting next to fat older ladies wearing sleeveless shirts. their arm-waddle ("underarm flimflam" is my old roommate's term) touches my arm, ughhhh

:dead:
 

OGRipper

back alley ripper
Feb 3, 2004
9,909
331
NORCAL is the hizzle
Oh man I hate flying, especially flying coach where I end up most of the time. At a little over 6 feet and decently built, I am not that tall or wide. And yet, I feel like I am at least half a foot taller and a foot wider than the person they build the seats for. I have a hard time sitting still in a comfortable seat, let alone one that is way too narrow and doesn't have enough leg room.

And let's not forget screaming babies and the inconsiderate people that bring them on airplanes. I'm sorry but it's just not fair. Sure, kids will cry. Hey, for all the reasons in this thread (and then some), I want to cry too when I'm on a plane. But that doesn't mean you have to just sit there, do nothing, and make us all suffer. No, it's not cute - it's time for some tough love.

And why even bother serving the food? Damn, keep your slop and your rotten apple and take $20 off the price of my ticket, I'll be bringing my own food anyway.

And how about giving me the whole damn can of whatever it is I'm drinking? If I want a sippy cup I'll ask. And hey think you can you spare more than one ice cube?

:mumble: :mumble:
 

ohio

The Fresno Kid
Nov 26, 2001
6,638
4
SF, CA
As someone who has been travelling non-stop for work for the past year, and waited 6 months to achieve my Premier Plus Super-Premium Diamond-Platinum status, all I have to say is;

If you don't like getting on the plane after me because my carry-on is taking up your overhead bin, you can suck it. I earned that priviledge the hard way, and it makes a much bigger difference in my work day than it does your vacation. What I can't stand on planes (and this is a new phenomenon for me, I used to be a positive person) is people that are "really exctied to be flying somewhere" and want to talk to me all about it. I'm on a plane twice a week and it's never something I'm happy about it. I don't want to talk to anyone. I want them to shut the hell up and let me either get back to work or get to sleep.

I'm with Westy: everyday I hate people more and more.
 

MtnbikeMike

Turbo Monkey
Mar 6, 2004
2,639
1
The 909
I did some flying last month(between SoCal and Durango), and nobody talked to me at all. It sometimes pays to be a punk-ass kid (or be percieved as such, cause I'm really not). :D
 

Ciaran

Fear my banana
Apr 5, 2004
9,844
11
So Cal
ohio said:
As someone who has been travelling non-stop for work for the past year, and waited 6 months to achieve my Premier Plus Super-Premium Diamond-Platinum status, all I have to say is;

If you don't like getting on the plane after me because my carry-on is taking up your overhead bin, you can suck it. I earned that priviledge the hard way, and it makes a much bigger difference in my work day than it does your vacation. What I can't stand on planes (and this is a new phenomenon for me, I used to be a positive person) is people that are "really exctied to be flying somewhere" and want to talk to me all about it. I'm on a plane twice a week and it's never something I'm happy about it. I don't want to talk to anyone. I want them to shut the hell up and let me either get back to work or get to sleep.

I'm with Westy: everyday I hate people more and more.
You didn't "earn" jack, buddy. I paid for my ticket same as you. And if you can't abide other paying customers using what they paid for and interfering on YOUR private plane then YOU can suck it. If you think you're that special, then go fly first class. Otherwise you're cattle like all the rest of us.

I hate flying. But what makes it even worse is some fool who thinks he's "earned" special privileges just because he flies a lot. The only thing that flying a lot earns you is increased odds that you'll crash.


[SIZE=-1]gee, am I in a bad mood?[/SIZE]
 

ohio

The Fresno Kid
Nov 26, 2001
6,638
4
SF, CA
Ciaran said:
You didn't "earn" jack, buddy. I paid for my ticket same as you. And if you can't abide other paying customers using what they paid for and interfering on YOUR private plane then YOU can suck it. If you think you're that special, then go fly first class. Otherwise you're cattle like all the rest of us.
Ooh good. I was hoping for a li'l tangle.

Actually, airlines wouldn't give us status and let us board first if we weren't worth more to them than the "cattle." As far as the airline is concerned, I am worth more than you, and it's their priviledge if they want to let me board first to keep me happy and a paying customer. You don't like that there are levels of status within economy, then you too are welcome to buy a first class ticket.

It's like this: if you eat at the fancy restaurant on the corner twice a week for a year, and they still treat you like any stranger that walks through the door, wouldn't you take your business elsewhere (assuming you had no choice but to eat out twice a week)?

And actually, I DO fly first class. Except if I'm working pro-bono, or the seats sell out because it was a last minute booking.

You may continue to suck it. *crosses arms into X-pattern and thwacks thighs with kung-fu hands*
 

reflux

Turbo Monkey
Mar 18, 2002
4,622
2
G14 Classified
Gawd, I hate the people who hate on other people who describe the different "levels" within society because they think that everything should be, and could be, fair and equal if everyone played by the same rules. Confused? Good, me too.
 

ridetoofast

scarred, broken and drunk
Mar 31, 2002
2,093
0
crashing at a trail near you...
ohio said:
As someone who has been travelling non-stop for work for the past year, and waited 6 months to achieve my Premier Plus Super-Premium Diamond-Platinum status, all I have to say is;

If you don't like getting on the plane after me because my carry-on is taking up your overhead bin, you can suck it. I earned that priviledge the hard way, and it makes a much bigger difference in my work day than it does your vacation. What I can't stand on planes (and this is a new phenomenon for me, I used to be a positive person) is people that are "really exctied to be flying somewhere" and want to talk to me all about it. I'm on a plane twice a week and it's never something I'm happy about it. I don't want to talk to anyone. I want them to shut the hell up and let me either get back to work or get to sleep.

I'm with Westy: everyday I hate people more and more.
ESAD you arrogant fvck...since you fly so much ask for a no talking section then, or better yet cut your tongue out and do the world a favor
 

sanjuro

Tube Smuggler
Sep 13, 2004
17,411
0
SF
I just flew from Fairbanks to Seattle literally hours ago. I am glad for relatively cheap tickets, so I deal with being treated like cattle. Back in 50's when air travel was glamorous, tickets were out of reach for the middle-class.

P.S. I waited till the last 10 minutes to board. No one in front of me. Wait till the last minute and all you have to worry about is missing your flight.
 

ohio

The Fresno Kid
Nov 26, 2001
6,638
4
SF, CA
ridetoofast said:
ESAD you arrogant fvck...since you fly so much ask for a no talking section then, or better yet cut your tongue out and do the world a favor
Breath, Mongo.

You may have noted the sarcasm by use of such phrases as "Premier Plus Super-Premium Diamond-Platinum" or "kung-fu hands"... or then again, you may not have. Just having some good natured fun with Silver and Ciaran.

Cheeeeeeelllllll, boyeeeeeeee. (or just toss me on your ignore list. I'll consider it a compliment)

edit: also is ESAD some cool new acronym I don't know about?
Even Shaved Apes Dance?
Every Sally Acts Dumb?
Enemas Should Alleviate 'Dat?
Help me out here...
 

DRB

unemployed bum
Oct 24, 2002
15,243
0
Watchin' you. Writing it all down.
ohio said:
Ooh good. I was hoping for a li'l tangle.

Actually, airlines wouldn't give us status and let us board first if we weren't worth more to them than the "cattle." As far as the airline is concerned, I am worth more than you, and it's their priviledge if they want to let me board first to keep me happy and a paying customer. You don't like that there are levels of status within economy, then you too are welcome to buy a first class ticket.

And actually, I DO fly first class. Except if I'm working pro-bono, or the seats sell out because it was a last minute booking.

You may continue to suck it. *crosses arms into X-pattern and thwacks thighs with kung-fu hands*
Damn skippy. I flew over 100000 miles last year and am already at 75000 this year. I follow every single rule and I take every single perk the airline gives me. You don't like, fly more. Or drive next time. And if you are one of those people that thinks staring at me as I cut in front of you in the bording line or go to the first class counter at check in is making me feel guilty...... it isn't. You're lucky I don't give you the finger and laugh.
 

Silver

find me a tampon
Jul 20, 2002
10,846
0
Orange County, CA
I'm not talking about people who are MVP/Gold/Whatever members of an airline. Unless 90% of the people on the flights I'm on happen to be, for some reason. Maybe it's the Southwest factor, I've never flown on them, but I can see how doing that once would turn an average American into a retarded monkey incapable of smoothly getting on an aircraft.

For some reason (a basic understanding of the concept of volume) I can't imagine ohio or DRB trying to stuff a full size suitcase into the overhead.
 

ohio

The Fresno Kid
Nov 26, 2001
6,638
4
SF, CA
DRB said:
You're lucky I don't give you the finger and laugh.
100k, huh? Were those status miles? Impressive. I'll only hit exec this year.

When I'm waiting in the first class line, I like to wonder out-loud to myself what fancy services await me... "hmmm... will I have the pork tenderloin, or the rack of lamb? Perhaps I will accompany that with a Sonoma Cab, and a glass of port to go with my creme brulee?"

And if someone lesser steps in front of me, I totally give them a stink-finger shoulder-tap before politely pointing out my superiority and asking them to remove themselves from my sight, immediately.
 

ohio

The Fresno Kid
Nov 26, 2001
6,638
4
SF, CA
Silver said:
For some reason (a basic understanding of the concept of volume) I can't imagine ohio or DRB trying to stuff a full size suitcase into the overhead.
Sorry, I'm whoring myself to this thread.

It's funny you should say that. Apparently you overestimate me. When I first started work, I immediately bought a regulation 22" carry-on, thinking I'd be all set. But because of the funky shape of the wheels, it DOES NOT fit properly into the overhead bin, and I am forced to place it sideways, at which point someone (inevitably) points out that it's supposed to be placed in wheels or handle first. I then explain it won't fit that way, while they insist it will. I then wlecome them to try. They (inevitably) fail. This happened twice per week, unless I was first on the flight.

I finally got another suitcase, but I'm still pissed at Samsonite for the $150 I spent on the first one. Anyone want to buy a 22" roller, cheap?
 

Toshi

Harbinger of Doom
Oct 23, 2001
29,189
2,892
did you try it in all orientations? uh, the suitcase fitting, that is. (like wheels in-and-up?)
 

Changleen

Paranoid Member
Jan 9, 2004
9,914
14
Hypernormality
Ohio, you moron, It goes the other way up! Do you really think a corporation like Samsonite have ever made a mistake? :rolleyes:

Having said that, I do ****ing hate retards who try to stuff their blatently oversized baggage into the overhead locker because they are too damn busy to check their luggage. Learn to schedule your life a little better! Make your meeting 5 minutes later, check your damn luggage, and don't piss everyone else in the world off and make yourself look like a fukin' asshole. Better still make your meeting 45 miuntes later and just chill out for a bit.
 

DRB

unemployed bum
Oct 24, 2002
15,243
0
Watchin' you. Writing it all down.
ohio said:
100k, huh? Were those status miles? Impressive. I'll only hit exec this year.

When I'm waiting in the first class line, I like to wonder out-loud to myself what fancy services await me... "hmmm... will I have the pork tenderloin, or the rack of lamb? Perhaps I will accompany that with a Sonoma Cab, and a glass of port to go with my creme brulee?"

And if someone lesser steps in front of me, I totally give them a stink-finger shoulder-tap before politely pointing out my superiority and asking them to remove themselves from my sight, immediately.
That's a whole stack of international flights and almost weekly domestic flights.

If the bag drops into the little box the airline has at the counter it counts. I don't care how it fits. The overhead bins are not uniform from airplane to airplane.

Silver I'm right there with you. Its always that one guy (apparently Toshi) that f's it up. Its not like they are going to leave you if you are there.
 

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,027
3
Denver
You NEED to listen to the comedic commentary of Brian Regan!!! He's got a great monologue of passengers, flight attendants, the whole scene.
 

bluebug32

Asshat
Jan 14, 2005
6,143
0
Floating down the Hudson
McGRP01 said:
And why, when I'm flying from Albany, NY to St. Louis, MO., is my connecting flight in Charlotte, N.C.?!?! Actually why have a connector at all, it's only a 2 3/4 hour flight. :mumble:
I think everything that flies through Albany is a connection even though it's an "International" airport. Good old Albany. I've been flying out of there my whole life and it's a great airport. It's the only airport with an art gallery.
 
J

JRB

Guest
McGRP01 said:
And why, when I'm flying from Albany, NY to St. Louis, MO., is my connecting flight in Charlotte, N.C.?!?! Actually why have a connector at all, it's only a 2 3/4 hour flight. :mumble:
I don't know - explain Austin, Dallas, Chicago, SLC, Missoula to me sometime. :confused: