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American People Ruled Unfit To Govern

N8 v2.0

Not the sharpest tool in the shed
Oct 18, 2002
11,003
149
The Cleft of Venus
American People Ruled Unfit To Govern
TONews | 6/30/2004

WASHINGTON, DC—In a historic decision with major implications for the future of U.S. participatory democracy, the Supreme Court ruled 8-1 Monday that the American people are unfit to govern.

The controversial decision, the first of its kind in the 210-year history of U.S. representative government, was, according to Justice David Souter, "a response to the clear, demonstrable incompetence and indifference of the current U.S. citizenry in matters concerning the operation of this nation's government."

As a result of the ruling, the American people will no longer retain the power to choose their own federal, state, and local officials or vote on matters of concern to the public.

"This decision was by no means easy, but it unfortunately had to be done," said Justice Antonin Scalia, who penned the majority decision in the case. "The U.S. Constitution is very clear: In the event that the voting public becomes incapacitated or otherwise unfit to carry out its duties of self-governance, there is a danger posed to the republic, and the judicial branch is empowered to remove said public and replace it with a populace more qualified to lead."

"In light of their unmitigated apathy toward issues of import to the nation's welfare and their inability to grasp even the most basic principles upon which participatory democracy is built, we found no choice but to rule the American people unfit to govern at this time," Scalia concluded.

The controversial ruling, court members stressed, is not intended as a slight against the character of the American people, but merely a necessary measure for the public good.

"The public's right to the best possible representation is a founding principle of our nation," Justice Sandra Day O'Connor told reporters. "If you were on a jet airliner, you wouldn't want an untrained, incompetent pilot at the controls, and this is the same thing. As federal justices, we have taken a solemn oath to uphold every citizen's constitutional rights, and if we were to permit an irresponsible, indifferent public to continue to helm the ship of state, we would be remiss in our duties and putting the entire nation at risk."

The ruling brings to an end a grueling 10-month process, during which more than 100 Supreme Court hearings were held to determine the public's capacity for self-governance. In spite of the fact that these hearings were aired on C-SPAN, most U.S. citizens were unaware of them because coverage was largely eclipsed by news that Mary-Kate Olsen, one of the famed Olsen twins, is battling anorexia.

The Supreme Court found that, though 78 percent of U.S. citizens have seen Star Wars, only one in 200,000 were aware that the multibillion-dollar "Star Wars" missile-defense system had been approved by Congress. Additionally, while 62 percent of citizens correctly identified the cast of Everybody Loves Raymond, only .01 percent could identify former attorney general Janet Reno beyond "some woman Jay Leno always says looks like a man." Further, only .0003 percent could correctly identify the ancient Greek city-state of Athens as the birthplace of the concept of an educated citizenry participating in democratic self-rule.

But the final straw, Supreme Court justices said, came last week, when none of the 500,000 random citizens polled were aware of the existence of North Korea's nuclear-weapons program.

"I mean, come on," Justice William Rehnquist said. "The threat of global thermonuclear war? It's just ridiculous. There was no way we could trust such a populace to keep running things after that."

Populations currently being considered to fill the leadership void until the American people can be rehabilitated and returned to self-governance include those of Switzerland, Sweden, and Canada.

"I'm willing to do what I can to help out in this time of crisis and make sure that my vote counts," Stockholm resident Per Johanssen said. "I've been reading up on America a bit, just to get a general idea of what needs to be done, and from what I can tell, they really need some sort of broad-based healthcare reform over there right away."

In a provisional test of the new system, the Canadian province of Saskatchewan will hold primaries next Tuesday to re-evaluate last year's gubernatorial election in California.

The lone dissenting vote came from Justice Anthony Kennedy, who, in his minority opinion, wrote, "Although the American people are clearly unable to make responsible decisions at this time, it is not their fault that they are so uninformed. Rather, the blame lies with the media interests and corporate powers that intentionally keep them in the dark on crucial issues."

Kennedy concluded his opinion by tendering his resignation and announcing his intent "to move to a small island somewhere."

Thus far, reaction to the ruling has been largely indifferent.

"The people ruled unfit to govern? Yeah, I think I might've heard something about that," said Covington, KY, sales representative Neil Chester. "I think I saw it on the news or something, when I was flipping past trying to find that show about the lady sheriff."

"If you ask me, voting was a big pain anyway," said mother of four Sally Heim of Augusta, ME. "At least now I'm free to do my soap-opera-trivia crossword puzzles in peace, without all that distraction about who's running for Second District Alderperson and what-not."

In spite of the enormous impact the ruling would seem to have, many political experts are downplaying its significance.

"It doesn't really change anything, to be honest," Duke University political-science professor Benjamin St. James said. "The public hasn't made any real contributions to the governance of the country in decades, so I don't see how this ruling affects all that much."

"I wouldn't worry about it," St. James added. "It's not that important."
 

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,022
3
Denver
What a crock of sh:t! I'm calling my Congressmen on Tuesday and demanding a response from them. And how the hell can Canada choose a new govenor of CA? Ok, an actor as Gov. is just messed, but that's never happened before, nor will again. But Canada? Don't they argue about Quebec all the time? They'll probably let Texas go.

This is such bullsh:t! :mad:
 

FlipSide

Turbo Monkey
Sep 24, 2001
1,460
930
LordOpie said:
Ok, an actor as Gov. is just messed, but that's never happened before, nor will again.
Ronald Reagan was an actor too... :blah: :nuts:
 

slein

Monkey
Jul 21, 2002
331
0
CANADA
What the??? Canada or someone else choosing a Governor of some state or... dang... that's too much.

Although not a bad idea having a third party choose your leader, the entire idea of a people being unfit to vote properly is different, IMHFO, than them being able to govern themselves. In all honesty, the Supreme Court could have saved time, money, and face by simply reverting to one of Murphy's Laws: People rise to their own level of incompetence. A gov't of the people, by the people, and for the people will inevitably contain incompetent peeps.

However, witnessing your last election, I'm not surprised one bit. :sneaky:
 

fluff

Monkey Turbo
Sep 8, 2001
5,673
2
Feeling the lag
LordOpie said:
Does Arnie qualify as an actor? I know he's appeared in movies but I thinking calling it acting is stretching the term a little. More like cameos with special effects thrown in.

Oh and 'Opeless, you play the fool very well, is there a latent natural talent there?
 

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,022
3
Denver
fluff said:
...is there a latent natural talent there?
Nah, I wasn't born stupid. I work at it everyday. I owe most of it to concussions, but that makes it sound easy.

Kids, stupidity is not a gift, you have to earn it.
 

fluff

Monkey Turbo
Sep 8, 2001
5,673
2
Feeling the lag
Silver said:
N8's posted enough stupid sh!t that I assumed everything came from the Onion...
Yeah, I never realised his strategy was so long term. Reel us in slowly by posting partisan garbage and then whammo with the Onion.

That's a like a two year joke with a (slightly telegraphed) punchline...
 

rockwool

Turbo Monkey
Apr 19, 2004
2,658
0
Filastin
This matter is really delicate, and it's also hard to belive that the supreme court has come to this extreme conclusion, so I will trye to tip toe here...
Must say that I and most europeans share the conclusion that the supreme court has come to about the citizens of the US.
People don't care enough about taking part is issues concerning society.
Sadly that seems to be a growing tendecy over here too.
How it's come to bee like this is well explained by justice Kennedy:

"The lone dissenting vote came from Justice Anthony Kennedy, who, in his minority opinion, wrote, "Although the American people are clearly unable to make responsible decisions at this time, it is not their fault that they are so uninformed. Rather, the blame lies with the media interests and corporate powers that intentionally keep them in the dark on crucial issues.""
 

MikeD

Leader and Demogogue of the Ridemonkey Satinists
Oct 26, 2001
11,737
1,820
chez moi
valve bouncer said:
Internet Rule #27- no matter how obvious and/or unsubtle the satire someone, somewhere will take it seriously.
http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2006/07/14/onion_blogger/index_np.html

Area man mistakes Onion story for reality

Hapless antiabortion blogger's humiliation spans globe thanks to amazing new "World Wide Web."

By Rebecca Traister

It's the stuff of webby fantasy and urban legend: a reader who takes an Onion story seriously. Last week, a speedy and vicious blogosphere watched its collective wet dream made real when "Pete," proprietor of antiabortion blog March Together for Life, posted "Murder Without Conscience," a furious excoriation of a 7-year-old fake column in the Onion titled "I'm Totally Psyched About This Abortion!" [Ed. Note: The original "Murder Without Conscience" entry has been altered since its publication and now includes some graphic images.]

The Onion is a satirical newspaper founded in 1988 by University of Wisconsin students and is these days published weekly from New York. The piece that inspired Pete's July 6 extended smack-down was a 1999 Op-Ed by fictional columnist "Caroline Weber." Pete did not realize that the Onion traffics in satire, and that the piece was a send-up of the notion that pro-choice activists are actually "pro-abortion." Weber's outrageous claims that she "seriously cannot wait for all the hemorrhaging and the uterine contractions" and that "this abortion is going to be so amazing" did not tip off Pete. In an utterly unironic retort, he cited lines like, "It wasn't until now that I was lucky enough to be pregnant with a child I had no means to support," and "I just know it's going to be the best non-anesthetized invasive uterine surgery ever!" to illustrate his disgust with the author.
 

LordOpie

MOTHER HEN
Oct 17, 2002
21,022
3
Denver
Didn't a 'legit' newspaper in Korea or China use a fake news source in one of their articles and create an uproar?
 

MikeD

Leader and Demogogue of the Ridemonkey Satinists
Oct 26, 2001
11,737
1,820
chez moi
Yeah, if you read the entire Salon article (which requires you to sit through an advertisement), it mentions it.