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Another neighbor drama in the works

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Knuckleslammer, Jul 31, 2009.

  1. Knuckleslammer

    Knuckleslammer took the red pill

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    My question to monkeys is this.

    What's my next step when the town does nothing? A nuisance inspector (LOL) came by and inspected. It was perfect, when he entered the back yard, he had to duck as about 30 pigeons flew over his head when startled by his presence.

    My email to the town.

    Hello, I'm a resident on ******** in Worcester. I would like to lodge a complaint before I take matters into my own hands.



    There is a resident, ******* Rd., that is attracting an enormous amount of foul due to a number of bird attraction devices, mostly feeders. We have an enormous amount of pigeons in the area now and my childs toys outside and my deck and driveway are littered with bird droppings. I'm not the only resident aware and upset with this matter.



    Please help. I would like to remain anonymous in this matter. However, if nothing is done I will take matters into my own hands, whatever might be necessary to kill off all the birds in the area. I refuse to have my child exposed to the filth these animals are leaving behind. Decks, windows, toys, littered with bird droppings. This is a major health concern.



    Any help with the matter is appreciated.



    If you would like to speak with me directly, I can be reached at the following number.
     

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  2. moff_quigley

    moff_quigley Why don't you have a seat over there?

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    Think them away.
     
  3. Polandspring88

    Polandspring88 Superman

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    Those are some foul fowl huh?
     
  4. Westy

    Westy the teste

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    Get a bunch of those plastic owls with owl screeching speakers.
     
  5. J-Dubs

    J-Dubs Monkey

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    .22 rifle on order?
     
  6. Knuckleslammer

    Knuckleslammer took the red pill

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    Doesn't work. None of that stuff works. There's nothing other than what the 5 senses can feel, hear, see, taste, and smell.

    There is no God, there is nothing but dirt waiting when our bodies expire.

    As for the problem, it must be something done inconspicuously. Like apple seeds in the bird feeder, which contain trace amounts of arsenic. Not a problem for humans, but a big problem for birds, if injested. The problem is that birds will probably not eat apple seeds.

    If the town does not help, I want to devise some plan so that when I come home there are 300+ dead birds on the ground.
     
  7. stevew

    stevew unique white person

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    karma.
     
  8. eaterofdog

    eaterofdog ass grabber

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    You might want to be a little more subtle. You might end up getting charged with animal cruelty or killing burrowing owls or some ****.
     
  9. Knuckleslammer

    Knuckleslammer took the red pill

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    I'd be the first to get one. Actually I'd get a steet sweeper (google it) loaded with bird shot.

    However it's probably a violation of the patriot act now to kill birds or own a gun for that matter.

    I'm too unstable for a gun anyhow. I don't have that small amount of time in between a neuron firing and a synapse connecting that allows for reasoning and common sense to perhaps intervene.
     
  10. moff_quigley

    moff_quigley Why don't you have a seat over there?

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    Sack up and talk to your neighbor.
     
  11. Knuckleslammer

    Knuckleslammer took the red pill

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    yeah, well aware of it. The last thing I want to do is kill stuff. However when my kid is putting her hand in bird ****, I could care less about F'N karma. WAR!!!!!!!

     
  12. Knuckleslammer

    Knuckleslammer took the red pill

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    Hi Pete, I know I haven't said 2 words to you in the 7 years I've lived here but I think it's kind of sh(tty of you that we have to deal with bird sh*t all over the place, all over my childs swingset just so you and your wife who are retired and have NOTHING TO LIVE FOR other than to watch F'N birds out the windows of your F'N Brady room.

    Well that's sort of how it would go down I think, so it's perhaps better for me not to speak to them.
     
  13. moff_quigley

    moff_quigley Why don't you have a seat over there?

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    Take the bird poop and make it into a bird poop bomb. Blow up your neighbor's house.
     
  14. splat

    splat Nam I am

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    Well Maybe Windows is Bearable ! Unix Rules !


    I'd like to take you now on wings of song, as it were, and try and help you forget perhaps for a while your drab, wretched lives. Here's a song all about spring-time in general, and in particular, about one of the many delightful pastimes the coming of spring affords us all.

    Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here.
    Life is skittles and life is beer.
    I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring.
    I do, don't you? 'Course you do.
    But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me,
    And makes ev'ry Sunday a treat for me.

    All the world seems in tune
    On a spring afternoon,
    When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.
    Ev'ry Sunday you'll see
    My sweetheart and me,
    As we poison the pigeons in the park.

    When they see us coming, the birdies all try an' hide,
    But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide.
    The sun's shining bright,
    Ev'rything seems all right,
    When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

    Lalaalaalalaladoodiedieedoodoodoo

    We've gained notoriety,
    And caused much anxiety
    In the Audubon Society
    With our games.
    They call it impiety,
    And lack of propriety,
    And quite a variety
    Of unpleasant names.
    But it's not against any religion
    To want to dispose of a pigeon.

    So if Sunday you're free,
    Why don't you come with me,
    And we'll poison the pigeons in the park.
    And maybe we'll do
    In a squirrel or two,
    While we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

    We'll murder them{ all }amid laughter and merriment.
    Except for the few we take home to experiment.
    My pulse will be quickenin'
    With each drop of strychnine
    We feed to a pigeon.
    It just takes a smidgen!
    To poison a pigeon in the park.
     
  15. Knuckleslammer

    Knuckleslammer took the red pill

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    Now we're talking
     
  16. sstalder5

    sstalder5 Turbo Monkey

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    I think this calls for an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!
     
  17. drkenan

    drkenan anti-dentite

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    Killing 300 pigeons isn't a good idea (and not because I'm a bleeding heart animal rights liberal). You will open yourself up to all kinds of legal problems and not to mention you would set a terrible example for your kid. Besides, it's not the pigeons' fault that your neighbor puts out all kinds of tasty bird treats for them to munch on.

    It sounds like you need to go directly to the source. Save up your family's poop for several weeks. Keep it in a cooler so it doesn't go bad. Then on a hot August/September day, sneak over before dawn and cover his house/yard/cars with it. Paint that sh!t on thick. That will teach him.
     
  18. dante

    dante Unabomber

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    this isn't the first neighbor problem you've had, is it?


     
  19. jdcamb

    jdcamb Tool Time!

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  20. BadDNA

    BadDNA hophead

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  21. Knuckleslammer

    Knuckleslammer took the red pill

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    Actually I have zero problems with my neighbors. I've had a lot of problems with the builder but the good part is the neighbors all saw my antics.

    Saw me rip a whole staircase out of my garage and walk up the street and throw it at the builders trailer.... don't build me a staircase out of used concrete forms wood.

    When they saw me pick up my lawn mower and throw it into the woods....

    There's probably some stuff I'm forgetting, but they leave me be for the most part :think:
     
  22. Brian HCM#1

    Brian HCM#1 MMMMMMMMM BEER!!!!!!!!!!

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    You'll shoot your eye out kid!
     
  23. maddog17

    maddog17 Turbo Monkey

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    you need a couple of these.... Peregrine falcons
     
  24. eaterofdog

    eaterofdog ass grabber

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    You need to be institutionalized.
     
  25. Knuckleslammer

    Knuckleslammer took the red pill

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    Best idea yet. Link me and I'll place the order for 2
     
  26. johnbryanpeters

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    Put a black bear in their back yard. They like bird feeders. If you're lucky it will also eat your children and you won't have to worry about the bird sh1t.

    That is all.
     
  27. MMike

    MMike A fowl peckerwood.

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    just sittin' here drinkin' scotch
    attracting an enormous amount of foul


    I hope the recipient of that email got a good laugh out of that....

    It's funny when people use "fancy" words and screw them up.
     
  28. Sandwich

    Sandwich Pig my fish!
    Staff Member

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    airhorn, every 10 minutes. yeah.
     
  29. fortenndu

    fortenndu Turbo Monkey

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    Fight fire with fire, bring in the crows, those are the most annoying birds known to man, eventually the people will get rid of the feeders.
     
  30. Pesqueeb

    Pesqueeb bicycle in airplane hangar

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    At the airport they use propane powered cannons to scare of birds. A kit is available or you can buy one of these fancy jobs relatively cheap. Plus it would be great for parties.
     
  31. rockofullr

    rockofullr confused

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    HAHAH :rofl: sorry but this is a pretty funny problem. Bet you never expected to deal with this kinda ****.

    But seriously a neighbor of mine had a similar problem. There were dozens of turkey vultures nesting in one of his trees (these are really big nasty annoying birds). He used one of these cannons for a while and it worked.

    Fired it off a few times a day until the birds got fed up with being scared and went to go bother someone else.
     
  32. BadDNA

    BadDNA hophead

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    Kit my ass, build one yourself and for the really stubborn birds load a potato down the barrel. http://www.spudtech.com
     
  33. Kanye West

    Kanye West 220# bag of hacktastic

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    Cover their ENTIRE roof and lawn and deck with birdseed, maybe even "spiked". That way, he has 300 pigeons eating and ****ting all over HIS property, or ultimately has 300 DEAD pigeons that just shat all over his property. His pigeons, his problem.
     
  34. ultraNoob

    ultraNoob Yoshinoya Destroyer

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    alka seltzer
     
  35. Knuckleslammer

    Knuckleslammer took the red pill

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    pure win !!!!!
     
  36. sanjuro

    sanjuro Tube Smuggler

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    Man up and talk to your neighbors.

    If not, steal the feeders.
     
  37. dump

    dump Turbo Monkey

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    Poisoning the birds would land you in pretty big trouble. A pet hawk would probably do the trick. Maybe a dummy one too.

    In reality though, it might be best to at least approach your neighbor w/ the issue. Practice some beer diplomacy :) If that doesn't work, might want to escalate it as a neighborhood issue.
     
  38. MMike

    MMike A fowl peckerwood.

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    just sittin' here drinkin' scotch
    kidnap his wife.
     
  39. sam_little

    sam_little Monkey

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    May not help if he is one of these a-holes
     
  40. TheTruth

    TheTruth Turbo Monkey

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    maybe you need to keep it real.