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Knuckleslammer

took the red pill
My question to monkeys is this.

What's my next step when the town does nothing? A nuisance inspector (LOL) came by and inspected. It was perfect, when he entered the back yard, he had to duck as about 30 pigeons flew over his head when startled by his presence.

My email to the town.

Hello, I'm a resident on ******** in Worcester. I would like to lodge a complaint before I take matters into my own hands.



There is a resident, ******* Rd., that is attracting an enormous amount of foul due to a number of bird attraction devices, mostly feeders. We have an enormous amount of pigeons in the area now and my childs toys outside and my deck and driveway are littered with bird droppings. I'm not the only resident aware and upset with this matter.



Please help. I would like to remain anonymous in this matter. However, if nothing is done I will take matters into my own hands, whatever might be necessary to kill off all the birds in the area. I refuse to have my child exposed to the filth these animals are leaving behind. Decks, windows, toys, littered with bird droppings. This is a major health concern.



Any help with the matter is appreciated.



If you would like to speak with me directly, I can be reached at the following number.
 

Knuckleslammer

took the red pill
Think them away.
Doesn't work. None of that stuff works. There's nothing other than what the 5 senses can feel, hear, see, taste, and smell.

There is no God, there is nothing but dirt waiting when our bodies expire.

As for the problem, it must be something done inconspicuously. Like apple seeds in the bird feeder, which contain trace amounts of arsenic. Not a problem for humans, but a big problem for birds, if injested. The problem is that birds will probably not eat apple seeds.

If the town does not help, I want to devise some plan so that when I come home there are 300+ dead birds on the ground.
 

Knuckleslammer

took the red pill
.22 rifle on order?
I'd be the first to get one. Actually I'd get a steet sweeper (google it) loaded with bird shot.

However it's probably a violation of the patriot act now to kill birds or own a gun for that matter.

I'm too unstable for a gun anyhow. I don't have that small amount of time in between a neuron firing and a synapse connecting that allows for reasoning and common sense to perhaps intervene.
 

Knuckleslammer

took the red pill
Sack up and talk to your neighbor.

Hi Pete, I know I haven't said 2 words to you in the 7 years I've lived here but I think it's kind of sh(tty of you that we have to deal with bird sh*t all over the place, all over my childs swingset just so you and your wife who are retired and have NOTHING TO LIVE FOR other than to watch F'N birds out the windows of your F'N Brady room.

Well that's sort of how it would go down I think, so it's perhaps better for me not to speak to them.
 

moff_quigley

Why don't you have a seat over there?
Jan 27, 2005
4,408
1
Poseurville
Hi Pete, I know I haven't said 2 words to you in the 7 years I've lived here but I think it's kind of sh(tty of you that we have to deal with bird sh*t all over the place, all over my childs swingset just so you and your wife who are retired and have NOTHING TO LIVE FOR other than to watch F'N birds out the windows of your F'N Brady room.

Well that's sort of how it would go down I think, so it's perhaps better for me not to speak to them.
Take the bird poop and make it into a bird poop bomb. Blow up your neighbor's house.
 

splat

Nam I am

I'd like to take you now on wings of song, as it were, and try and help you forget perhaps for a while your drab, wretched lives. Here's a song all about spring-time in general, and in particular, about one of the many delightful pastimes the coming of spring affords us all.

Spring is here, a-suh-puh-ring is here.
Life is skittles and life is beer.
I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring.
I do, don't you? 'Course you do.
But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me,
And makes ev'ry Sunday a treat for me.

All the world seems in tune
On a spring afternoon,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.
Ev'ry Sunday you'll see
My sweetheart and me,
As we poison the pigeons in the park.

When they see us coming, the birdies all try an' hide,
But they still go for peanuts when coated with cyanide.
The sun's shining bright,
Ev'rything seems all right,
When we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

Lalaalaalalaladoodiedieedoodoodoo

We've gained notoriety,
And caused much anxiety
In the Audubon Society
With our games.
They call it impiety,
And lack of propriety,
And quite a variety
Of unpleasant names.
But it's not against any religion
To want to dispose of a pigeon.

So if Sunday you're free,
Why don't you come with me,
And we'll poison the pigeons in the park.
And maybe we'll do
In a squirrel or two,
While we're poisoning pigeons in the park.

We'll murder them{ all }amid laughter and merriment.
Except for the few we take home to experiment.
My pulse will be quickenin'
With each drop of strychnine
We feed to a pigeon.
It just takes a smidgen!
To poison a pigeon in the park.
 

drkenan

anti-dentite
Oct 1, 2006
3,443
0
west asheville
Killing 300 pigeons isn't a good idea (and not because I'm a bleeding heart animal rights liberal). You will open yourself up to all kinds of legal problems and not to mention you would set a terrible example for your kid. Besides, it's not the pigeons' fault that your neighbor puts out all kinds of tasty bird treats for them to munch on.

It sounds like you need to go directly to the source. Save up your family's poop for several weeks. Keep it in a cooler so it doesn't go bad. Then on a hot August/September day, sneak over before dawn and cover his house/yard/cars with it. Paint that sh!t on thick. That will teach him.
 

Knuckleslammer

took the red pill
this isn't the first neighbor problem you've had, is it?




Actually I have zero problems with my neighbors. I've had a lot of problems with the builder but the good part is the neighbors all saw my antics.

Saw me rip a whole staircase out of my garage and walk up the street and throw it at the builders trailer.... don't build me a staircase out of used concrete forms wood.

When they saw me pick up my lawn mower and throw it into the woods....

There's probably some stuff I'm forgetting, but they leave me be for the most part :think:
 

fortenndu

Turbo Monkey
Apr 22, 2008
1,576
0
Boone, NC
Fight fire with fire, bring in the crows, those are the most annoying birds known to man, eventually the people will get rid of the feeders.
 

rockofullr

confused
Jun 11, 2009
7,359
907
East Bay, Cali
At the airport they use propane powered cannons to scare of birds. A kit is available or you can buy one of these fancy jobs relatively cheap. Plus it would be great for parties.
HAHAH :rofl: sorry but this is a pretty funny problem. Bet you never expected to deal with this kinda ****.

But seriously a neighbor of mine had a similar problem. There were dozens of turkey vultures nesting in one of his trees (these are really big nasty annoying birds). He used one of these cannons for a while and it worked.

Fired it off a few times a day until the birds got fed up with being scared and went to go bother someone else.
 

Kanye West

220# bag of hacktastic
Aug 31, 2006
3,460
173
Cover their ENTIRE roof and lawn and deck with birdseed, maybe even "spiked". That way, he has 300 pigeons eating and ****ting all over HIS property, or ultimately has 300 DEAD pigeons that just shat all over his property. His pigeons, his problem.
 

dump

Turbo Monkey
Oct 12, 2001
5,532
344
Poisoning the birds would land you in pretty big trouble. A pet hawk would probably do the trick. Maybe a dummy one too.

In reality though, it might be best to at least approach your neighbor w/ the issue. Practice some beer diplomacy :) If that doesn't work, might want to escalate it as a neighborhood issue.