[Rip]

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''
The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''
The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

 

[DirtyMike]

A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin.
Truth be told, he is not too experienced either.
On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses.
He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring . "My darring" he says,
"I know dis yo firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you wahn,
I do anyting - juss anyting you wahn.
Whatchou wahn?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride.
A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request.
She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I wahn to try somethin I have heard about .. numbaa 69".
More thoughtful silence, this time from him.
Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries.."You wahn...Chicken wiff Broccori ?"

 

[JRB]

You win, Rip. I chuckled out loud. ahahahaha

 

[DirtyMike]

Here, Try this one

http://www.plsthx.com/Funny_videos/806_Funny_beer_commercial.html

 

[DirtyMike]

And this one...

http://www.plsthx.com/Funny_videos/783_Hidden_camera_prank.html

Another favorite

http://www.plsthx.com/Funny_videos/699_Hot_Carmen_Electra_knows_what_your_child_wants.html

 

[Dirtbike]

LOL!!


Rip, why the handle change?

 

[maxyedor]

So a kid gets home from school in the afternoon, and his mom asks him how his day was

He replies "pretty good I geuss....long pause....I had sex with the teacher"

In horror his mom tells him to go to his room and wait till his father gets home.

His dad gets home an hour or so later, and the kid's mom tells him to tell the father the story. So the kid tells his dad that he and the teacher had sex during reccess.

The dad gets a huge grin and says "congradulations son, lets go buy you a new bike as a reward, good work, I'm so proud of you"

So they go to the LBS and pick out a cool new bike with full sram X.0 and other trick parts on it and pay the clerk.

When they get back outside the father says to the son "why don't you ride your new bike home?"

The kid replies "My asss still hurts"

Zinnnggggg

 

[noname]

so this sailor fresh out of basic is on his first cruise, abuot two weeks in he tells his skipper how much he misses getting laid back home, and how nice some chice a** would be, the skipper takes him down a few levels to a bulkhead with a small hole in it and says go stick your @#*! in there and come back when you're done and tell me how it felt. the hesitant sailor eventually tries it and tells the skipper how good it was. the skipper tells hiim he is welcome to use the hole whenever he wants except every fourth thursday. "why not every fourth thurs?"he asks. " Because that's your day behind the wall!"

 

[dexterq20]

How do you know if an Asian has robbed your house?















Your homework is done, your computer is working perfectly, and he's still trying to back out of the driveway.

 

[BigMike]

How do you know if an Asian has robbed your house?



Your homework is done, your computer is working perfectly, and he's still trying to back out of the driveway.

BWAHAHA!!!

 

[aggrorider]

So a kid gets home from school in the afternoon, and his mom asks him how his day was

He replies "pretty good I geuss....long pause....I had sex with the teacher"

In horror his mom tells him to go to his room and wait till his father gets home.

His dad gets home an hour or so later, and the kid's mom tells him to tell the father the story. So the kid tells his dad that he and the teacher had sex during reccess.

The dad gets a huge grin and says "congradulations son, lets go buy you a new bike as a reward, good work, I'm so proud of you"

So they go to the LBS and pick out a cool new bike with full sram X.0 and other trick parts on it and pay the clerk.

When they get back outside the father says to the son "why don't you ride your new bike home?"

The kid replies "My asss still hurts"

Zinnnggggg

 

[brungeman]

How do you know if an Asian has robbed your house?















Your homework is done, your computer is working perfectly, and he's still trying to back out of the driveway.

OH MY GOD

 

[rpk1988]

How do you know if an Asian has robbed your house?















Your homework is done, your computer is working perfectly, and he's still trying to back out of the driveway.

That was classic. Awesome.

 

[rpk1988]

An elderly couple were attending church services and about halfway through
he leans over and says "I just let a silent fart. What do you think I
should do?"
She replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

 

[BurlyShirley]

How do you know if an Asian has robbed your house?

Your homework is done, your computer is working perfectly, and he's still trying to back out of the driveway.

 

[BigMike]

Thats The Greatest animated gif EVER!

 

[maxyedor]

A man and two of his buddies are at the bar and he telss his freinds "I think my wife is having an affair withan electrician"

His buddies ask why he thinks that

He says that he found wire snips under the bed

The second guysay "Ya my wife is sleeping witha plumber I think. I found a pipe wrench under our bed"

The third guy takes a shot and says, "Thats not so bad, I think my wife is having sex with a horse"

The other two guys say "WHAT?"


he says "ya I found a jocky under our bed"

Budum tishsh