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Attention parents!!!

How do you discipline your kids?


  • Total voters
    56

BMXman

I wish I was Canadian
Sep 8, 2001
13,854
0
Victoria, BC
Here's the situation....A friend of mine just had a house guest over for a week. The guest brought her 5 year old boy as well. During the course of the the week stay...they boy was one of the worst behaved children I have ever seen. He would constantly not listen and misbehave doing things he knew was wrong. Now the mother is a licensed MFT (marriage and family therapist) which IMO makes the situation worse.

I noticed that the mom would only talk to the boy and make verbal threats but would never really follow up. Well she would but only after repeating herself about 5 times or so. Now I grew up in an age were parents physically disciplined their children....and I did so with my son up until he was about 6. Once he was 6 I could really explain the situation to him thus no need for physicla punishment. Now that he''s 17 the removal of privileges is enough to keep him in line.

So I'm wondering what do parents now days do to keep their children from misbehaving? I asked the MFT why she didn't discipline him physically and she claimed in studies it has proven to be ineffective....hmmm worked or me and most of my friends...what say you....D
 

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
29,680
2,391
Portland, OR
I speak to my daughter like an adult. But there are times a quick swat gets her attention before a point can be made.

In 7 years, I have used that method maybe 3 times. Never before she was old enough to communicate (around 4 maybe) and it's not hard and it's not repetitive.

My wife refers to it as the exclamation point after the sentence. I think she has used it more than once, but less than 5 times.

I have never beaten her, but I was spanked as a child. I don't feel like my dad was abusive or that 5-10 spankings were excessive, but my daughter doesn't require the level of correction I did either.

<edit> Time outs work, but outside the home it can be tough. We don't use time outs.
 

r464

Turbo Monkey
Oct 17, 2006
2,608
0
Earth
If you don't threaten to beat them with a rusty shovel, they'll never learn...
 

Dartman

Old Bastard Mike
Feb 26, 2003
3,916
0
Richmond, VA
You have to find out what means works best for a particular child. They're all different. For my daughter she would rather take a spanking than sit in time out for 10 minutes. So we used the time out as punishment. Spankings were only given out by hand (no belts, switches etc.) and only on the diaper. Once she was old enough to be out of them all she needed was a look from me or my wife.

Limits and consequenses for crossing them have to be consistently maintained. If you say your going to do A if they do B then you best be prepared to follow through.

I found that children feel safe and secure when there are limits imposed upon them. But they also feel compelled to test those limits to see if they are still there. If there are no limits they go nuts like this kid.
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,971
20
Young kids - one verbal warning, (if that) then discipline.

If you repeat yourself more than once the child will ignore you and keep up the BS.


If they understand that swift punishment is on the way after one warning, they straighten up pretty quick.

Repeating yourself is giving them the award of attention for their actions.


Physical only when you want to purposely scare the daylights out of them if they are doing something very bad or dangerous, and then VERY controlled. (ie - one swat on the ass if they are about to run out into traffic, etc).

I smacked my daughter one time, ever. She never ran into the street again.


However, teaching kids what they might be doing wrong, and WHY is more important than them learning only what might get them spanked. They need to learn consequences. Talking and explaining reasons behind the discipline is important.


Feel free to forward this post to the "expert".
:D
 

Jeremy R

<b>x</b>
Nov 15, 2001
9,508
524
behind you with a snap pop
I found that children feel safe and secure when there are limits imposed upon them. But they also feel compelled to test those limits to see if they are still there. If there are no limits they go nuts like this kid.
If only children could wear training collars like my dog, the world would rule.
Well, I guess they could wear one, it would just be frowned upon.
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,971
20
I found that children feel safe and secure when there are limits imposed upon them. But they also feel compelled to test those limits to see if they are still there. If there are no limits they go nuts like this kid.
Agreed. Kids thrive with structure and stability.
 

MMike

A fowl peckerwood.
Sep 5, 2001
18,222
85
just sittin' here drinkin' scotch
Time out. My kids are 4 and 2... works for the most part.

When kids are freaking out, USUALLY they just need to be removed from the situation and let them calm down.

But yeah, 1 warning, then time out.
 

BMXman

I wish I was Canadian
Sep 8, 2001
13,854
0
Victoria, BC
Young kids - one verbal warning, (if that) then discipline.

If you repeat yourself more than once the child will ignore you and keep up the BS.


If they understand that swift punishment is on the way after one warning, they straighten up pretty quick.

Repeating yourself is giving them the award of attention for their actions.


Physical only when you want to purposely scare the daylights out of them if they are doing something very bad or dangerous, and then VERY controlled. (ie - one swat on the ass if they are about to run out into traffic, etc).

I smacked my daughter one time, ever. She never ran into the street again.


However, teaching kids what they might be doing wrong, and WHY is more important than them learning only what might get them spanked. They need to learn consequences. Talking and explaining reasons behind the discipline is important.


Feel free to forward this post to the "expert".
:D
I agree... I think it's a major factor in why I was able to stop physically disciplining my son at an early age. I explained everything I could or at least what I thought he would understand. Some of the older generation in my family questioned me not hitting him but it worked out fine. I also read a cool book called "non-violent communication" and that helped a lot as well...but I also think deep down my son knew I wouldn't hesitate to go mid-evil if I had to:D...D
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,971
20
I agree... I think it's a major factor in why I was able to stop physically disciplining my son at an early age. I explained everything I could or at least what I thought he would understand. Some of the older generation in my family questioned me not hitting him but it worked out fine. I also read a cool book called "non-violent communication" and that helped a lot as well...but I also think deep down my son knew I wouldn't hesitate to go mid-evil if I had to:D...D

I think it's more effective because it's worse than a beating in alot of ways.

When I was young I would stay out of trouble just to avoid the lectures.

After what was an eternity of my step dad talking my ear off, sometimes I would have preferred getting hit and then sent on my way.
 

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
29,680
2,391
Portland, OR
I remember the worst beating ever as a child. I reminded my dad of it a few years ago, he doesn't remember it.

I had been caught doing stupid things after a long day of ditching school. The dog had run away and my dad found the dog where I was. We walked back home and when we got there, he made a comment. Not sure what it was, but I made a stupid remark half under my breath.

He caught me across the backs of my bare legs with a doubled over leather dog leash (think Dumb and Dumber with the cane). One hard swipe and I buckled. It was the last stupid comment I ever made to him within ear shot. I must have been about 12.
 

TreeSaw

Mama Monkey
Oct 30, 2003
16,670
436
Dancin' over rocks n' roots!
Young kids - one verbal warning, (if that) then discipline.

If you repeat yourself more than once the child will ignore you and keep up the BS.


If they understand that swift punishment is on the way after one warning, they straighten up pretty quick.

Repeating yourself is giving them the award of attention for their actions.


Physical only when you want to purposely scare the daylights out of them if they are doing something very bad or dangerous, and then VERY controlled. (ie - one swat on the ass if they are about to run out into traffic, etc).

I smacked my daughter one time, ever. She never ran into the street again.


However, teaching kids what they might be doing wrong, and WHY is more important than them learning only what might get them spanked. They need to learn consequences. Talking and explaining reasons behind the discipline is important.


Feel free to forward this post to the "expert".
:D
You have to find out what means works best for a particular child. They're all different. For my daughter she would rather take a spanking than sit in time out for 10 minutes. So we used the time out as punishment. Spankings were only given out by hand (no belts, switches etc.) and only on the diaper. Once she was old enough to be out of them all she needed was a look from me or my wife.

Limits and consequenses for crossing them have to be consistently maintained. If you say your going to do A if they do B then you best be prepared to follow through.

I found that children feel safe and secure when there are limits imposed upon them. But they also feel compelled to test those limits to see if they are still there. If there are no limits they go nuts like this kid.
Both provide excellent advice. 1 thing I have learned from teaching is having very specific rules & expectations with a set & enforced set of consequences when those rules & expectations are not followed. The key is to ALWAYS follow the consequences and do it immediately. I have never told a child "I will be calling your parent/guardian, and not done it immediately -- and generally while they are with me".

With Syd, she'll test us and gets a time out. Then we talk about what she did wrong and why she did it. I am amazed at what she comprehends at 2 (ok, she'll be 2 tomorrow).
 

BMXman

I wish I was Canadian
Sep 8, 2001
13,854
0
Victoria, BC
lol...I remember the days of having to go out and pick my own switch that I was going to get beat with...talk about mental and physical punishment!!...D
 

TreeSaw

Mama Monkey
Oct 30, 2003
16,670
436
Dancin' over rocks n' roots!
I guess I should amend my vote to include physical labor as I have Sydney clean up messes that she makes on purpose (i.e. didn't want the glass of milk and threw it on the floor) prior to time out. Man, I am a meanie!
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
36,649
3,468
Sleazattle
I witnessed my older siblings get whacked real good like. Put the fear into me, so I just never got into trouble.

So when I do have kids I'll just hire some child actor to pretend that they are the older sibling. Have them get out of line and rip their heads off in front of the younger ones, bury a pile of fake guts in the back yard. When the real children act up I'll just ask them if they want to end up under the maple tree like their older brother.
 

narlus

Eastcoast Softcore
Staff member
Nov 7, 2001
24,659
26
behind the viewfinder
my wife and i are proponents of the time out/taking away freedom and material things, and not physically hitting our kids. it's worked very well. i'd say that our kids are very well behaved and mannered as compared to the other kids i see.
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,971
20
I guess I should amend my vote to include physical labor as I have Sydney clean up messes that she makes on purpose (i.e. didn't want the glass of milk and threw it on the floor) prior to time out. Man, I am a meanie!
Yep. If they make a mess throwing a tantrum, that better be cleaner than when they started.


But I try to not include labor or homework as punishment. I don't want my kid to think of homework or chores as something that she has to do because she fvcked up. I want her to know that that's just what she must do, no matter if she fvcks up or not.
 

BMXman

I wish I was Canadian
Sep 8, 2001
13,854
0
Victoria, BC
I try to not include labor or homework as punishment. I don't want my kid to think of homework or chores as something that she has to do because she fvcked up. I want her to know that that's just what she must do, no matter if she fvcks up or not.
I do..well not so much anymore but I would add to his homework...he would still have to do his regular homework plus what I added...he never seemed to develop a dislike for homework...D
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,971
20
I witnessed my older siblings get whacked real good like. Put the fear into me, I just never got into trouble.
Seeing what a complete asshole/social retard my older brother was being was my compass.

If he wasn't in trouble with my parents, someone at school was kicking his ass.

Whatever he did, I didn't.
 

stevew

unique white person
Sep 21, 2001
31,796
2,707
lol...I remember the days of having to go out and pick my own switch that I was going to get beat with...talk about mental and physical punishment!!...D
It was like that for my dad and my grandfather.

My great grandfather had a cat of nine tales. My grandfather burned it when his dad passed away.

I don't remember being spanked once, although I don't doubt it happened.
 

stosh

Darth Bailer
Jul 20, 2001
21,989
154
NY
My child is only 7months old so no real disciple for her yet.

I have however on a number of occasions told my wife that our daughter is not allowed to sleep in our bed so I had to discipline her a few times.
 

BMXman

I wish I was Canadian
Sep 8, 2001
13,854
0
Victoria, BC
It was like that for my dad and my grandfather.

My great grandfather had a cat of nine tales. My grandfather burned it when his dad passed away.

I don't remember being spanked once, although I don't doubt it happened.

my mom had a paddle made custom just or us...it was about 12" long and had all our names on the handle...it even had holes so it whistled right before it hit you...ah the memories:D
 

kev211

Monkey
Jan 22, 2008
320
0
San Diago
physical punishment worked for me. Im only 19, and not a parent yet, but i thought i would comment on the matter. I got spanked probably until I was 8. After that, it was losing stuff. First it was the mx and mtb's. Now its the car and cell phone. So, it seemed to work. Im not an angel, but Ive never been arrested! :busted::busted:
 

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
29,680
2,391
Portland, OR
But I try to not include labor or homework as punishment. I don't want my kid to think of homework or chores as something that she has to do because she fvcked up. I want her to know that that's just what she must do, no matter if she fvcks up or not.
We also don't send her to her room for punishment. Her room is her happy place. Plus, with a TV in there now, it's not much of a punishment anyways.

D, I like your idea of adding to homework. My daughter is only in 1st grade, but she blows through the weeks worth of homework in the first night. I need to bump that up.
 

BMXman

I wish I was Canadian
Sep 8, 2001
13,854
0
Victoria, BC
D, I like your idea of adding to homework. My daughter is only in 1st grade, but she blows through the weeks worth of homework in the first night. I need to bump that up.
I can't say 100% for sure that it was a direct effect, but out of his 6 classes 4 of them are advanced...so you never know. He's happy because it means he'll graduate sooner...D
 

stevew

unique white person
Sep 21, 2001
31,796
2,707
my mom had a paddle made custom just or us...it was about 12" long and had all our names on the handle...it even had holes so it whistled right before it hit you...ah the memories:D
something like
?
 

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
29,680
2,391
Portland, OR
Why not? Kids love that.
Our daughter likes to go to bed in our bed, then I move her before we go to bed. She also comes in after a bad dream, or on the weekends when we make the attempt to sleep in.

What amazes me is how much room she and my wife manage to take up.
 

TreeSaw

Mama Monkey
Oct 30, 2003
16,670
436
Dancin' over rocks n' roots!
Yep. If they make a mess throwing a tantrum, that better be cleaner than when they started.


But I try to not include labor or homework as punishment. I don't want my kid to think of homework or chores as something that she has to do because she fvcked up. I want her to know that that's just what she must do, no matter if she fvcks up or not.
Absolutely, I only ever ask her to clean up her messes but definitely wouldn't add to them with more chores.
 

Upgr8r

High Priest or maybe Jedi Master
May 2, 2006
942
0
Ventura, CA
My baby girl is only 2 months old now, so discipline has not been an issue.

Thanks for all the tips for a first time dad though
 

BurlyShirley

Rex Grossman Will Rise Again
Jul 4, 2002
19,183
1
TN
Kids are just like dogs, only with the ability to reason a bit more. Not that I have a kid, but my dog listens amazingly well, such that, a leash is never something I really have to worry about. I've only beat the living christ out of him about twice, but I know he remembers, because as soon as my body posture resembles "pissed off" he knows the deal, and re-assumes his angel-like behavior. Dont make it more difficult than it is. Misbehaving shouldnt be reenforced by little enablers "counting to 3" before taking any action. Act decisively and don't even allow for some half-assed explanation. YOU ARE THE PARENT. Your way is the only way.

My little brother is always testing my step-mom, but when my dad is around, it's a different story. You'd think it was a different kid. The difference? He knows an ass-kicking is looming at the slightest hint of a tantrum when dad is around. With mom, he does WTF he wants, and is a total brat.
 

stosh

Darth Bailer
Jul 20, 2001
21,989
154
NY
Why not? Kids love that.
Our daughter loves that but I know my wife, she'll think it's still fun when our daughter can't sleep in her own bed.

I think it's awesome too, I just don't want to have to break our daughter of the habit in a few months.