Awkward restaurant moments

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Broken_Spoke, Jan 2, 2008.

  1. Broken_Spoke

    Broken_Spoke Mr. Big Hot Pastrami

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    Today I was thinking back to a time when my roommate and I went to the IHOP one morning to get some food and how awkward the waitress made us feel.
    The waitress was a rather large woman probably weighing in at a good 290-300 pounds. She came up to our table and asked us what we wanted to drink. Seeing as I work nights I want regular food in the morning hours so I told her that I wanted a cherry coke. SO she goes and gets my drink and all is fine. She comes back to take our food orders and that goes well. Our food comes out and nothing out of the ordinary happens until the waitress sees that I am almost out of cherry coke. She literally sprints with all her might to get me another one. She comes back to the table huffing and puffing and says 'here is' two second pause to catch her breath 'another cherry coke.' I say thank you I appreciate it, but instead of walking away she stays there for another ten seconds huffing and puffing and trying to regain her breath and staring directly at me almost threw me. Needless to say I was very creeped out.
     
    #1 -   Jan 2, 2008

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  2. LordOpie

    LordOpie MOTHER HEN

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    When you tell the story in the future, go ahead and have her spew on you.

    :D

    But at least that was more interesting that H8R's recent restaurant thread ;)
     
    #2 -   Jan 2, 2008
  3. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

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    Dude isn't obvious? She wasn't out of breath from fetching your cherry coke, she was breathing heavy from thinking about you and her making sloppy lard nookie. Go back there and getcha sum! Slap her on the butt and ride the wave in.
     
    #3 -   Jan 2, 2008
  4. Spero

    Spero ass rainbow

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    And don't forget the flour.
     
    #4 -   Jan 2, 2008
  5. Broken_Spoke

    Broken_Spoke Mr. Big Hot Pastrami

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    That was just the first incident of awkwardness this waitress has caused my roommate and I. Another time we went in after getting off of work and she asks what to drink and my roommate tells her he wants a larger orange juice. I tell her that I want the same but ask her if she could bring out a bottle of vodka with the juice. She then proceeds to put her hand on my shoulder kneel down and look me in the eye and goes now you know I can't do that I'm a good mormon girl, winks and then goes and gets the juice.
     
    #5 -   Jan 2, 2008
  6. LordOpie

    LordOpie MOTHER HEN

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    I see a pattern and I'm scared.
     
    #6 -   Jan 2, 2008
  7. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

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    Oh yeah, she wants your hot bowl of man chowder for sure.
     
    #7 -   Jan 2, 2008
  8. LordOpie

    LordOpie MOTHER HEN

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    Clearly, he and roommate are the ones wanting as they continue to pursue.
     
    #8 -   Jan 2, 2008
  9. Broken_Spoke

    Broken_Spoke Mr. Big Hot Pastrami

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    Damn, why can't it be the normal women that want me? Why do I attract nutters?
     
    #9 -   Jan 2, 2008
  10. LordOpie

    LordOpie MOTHER HEN

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    It's nice that the only problem you see with this woman is that she's nuts.
     
  11. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

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    Story of my life. I know I'm a freak magnet, I just want to turn it off for a while.
     
  12. Spero

    Spero ass rainbow

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    They're obviously plus size aficionados considering they can determine the weight of a lady that large within 10lbs. I'd be hard pressed to be accurate within 30lbs.
     
  13. Broken_Spoke

    Broken_Spoke Mr. Big Hot Pastrami

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    It comes from my livestock judging days in high school. (yeah yeah make all the pinkshirt references you want)
     
  14. LordOpie

    LordOpie MOTHER HEN

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    excellent point!
    [yoda]You would be. You would be.[/yoda]
     
  15. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

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    Do you ever go in there w/o your roomate?
     
  16. LordOpie

    LordOpie MOTHER HEN

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    He's the belayer and Broken doesn't seem brave enough to freeclimb.
     
  17. Broken_Spoke

    Broken_Spoke Mr. Big Hot Pastrami

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    Yeah I have, but it is like vultures descending down on me.
     
  18. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

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    would give you rep if I could:rofl:
     
  19. reflux

    reflux Turbo Monkey

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    Consider yourself lucky if that's the oddest and freakiest woman you ever encounter.
     
  20. Broken_Spoke

    Broken_Spoke Mr. Big Hot Pastrami

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    The times i have gone in by myself the lady stares at me the whole time and there there is this waiter that won't leave me alone. I was trying to read the paper and drink some coffee and the waiter kept coming up to me every 3-5 minutes asking me if I needed anything. I wanted to stab him with a spoon.
     
  21. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

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    Maybe you should ask her out.

    Large Ladies need Love too.

    Instead of bringing her flowers you could give her a pound of butter.
     
  22. LordOpie

    LordOpie MOTHER HEN

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    OMG, it's like you're a grown up.
     
  23. LordOpie

    LordOpie MOTHER HEN

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    Is that some kind of lube?
     
  24. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

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    No, it's an appetizer to get her in the mood.

    For lube he will need a 5 gallon bucket of vegetable oil.
     
  25. LordOpie

    LordOpie MOTHER HEN

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    You're nasty.
     
  26. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

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    I know.
     
  27. H8R

    H8R Cranky Pants

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    Brilliant.
     
  28. reflux

    reflux Turbo Monkey

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    He's also on fire. This thread turned lame to interesting with a few well-placed posts.
     
  29. Spero

    Spero ass rainbow

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    I second that. Just reading a few of your posts in the '****ty dates' thread makes me think you're one to listen to in that field. Large ladies will stop at nothing to exer-size their loins...that's a given. It's the good looking ones that can surprise the **** out of you.
     
  30. H8R

    H8R Cranky Pants

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    Years ago we were on tour and had just finished a gig and went to a diner.

    The place was full of local hipsters, etc.


    A little visualizing is needed here:

    We were in a corner table in the south west end of the restaurant.
    The restrooms were in the north east end.
    At the south east corner of the place, the wall was angled at a 45 and had mirrors from floor to ceiling.

    Our merch guy back then was a lovable but obnoxious little chap. He was a little drunk I think. He got up from the table, said something offensive, and then looked around for the restroom.

    He immediately headed for it at a brisk walk. Toward the (you guessed it) south east corner.

    WHAM.

    Full speed, nose first into the mirror, he bounces off and almost takes out a table and a hipster couple.

    Turns out that from our table, the mirror was perfectly angled so you could see the bathroom sign on the other end of the restaurant, and it looked like a straight walk to it. (especially if you were drinking)

    The look of utter confusion and pain on his face was awesome.
     
  31. CrabJoe StretchPants

    CrabJoe StretchPants Reincarnated Crab Walking Head Spinning Bruce Dick

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    The best part about that is you "think" he was drunk.


    Awesome.
     
  32. Spero

    Spero ass rainbow

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    My girlfriend used to work at a small, traditional Japanese restaurant in a part of town that generally isn't too bad, but has some questionable denziens. I came to see her one night and grab a couple of beers before she got off (about 11PM or so). She finished up work and we proceeded out the back door. Lo and behold, to our left, right next to the door squatted a transient in the middle of a BM. This guy had set down his brown-paper-bag-clad Steel Reserve 40, taken his pants completely off and set them down next to him. The dude was facing the door with a dumpster shielding him from behind. Well, I immediately shoved my keys in her hands and told her to get in the car, but she had already seen the guy's junk and leavings. There was very little reaction out of this dude besides an 'oh, sorry man'.
     
  33. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

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    I had a similar experience with a chick squatting right in front of the back door that I was about to enter. WTF are people thinking?
     
  34. H8R

    H8R Cranky Pants

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    Your SO had a BM before you PIIHB?

    TMI.
     
  35. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

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    And Lord Opie says I'm nasty.
     
  36. Spero

    Spero ass rainbow

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    It's gonna go somewhere. Better out than in I guess.
     
  37. Zark

    Zark Hey little girl, do you want some candy?

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    must spread rep....:clapping:
     
  38. H8R

    H8R Cranky Pants

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    Well, you're the one auditioning cup chicks.
     
  39. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

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    On the other hand, it's always appreciated when someone cleans the house before accepting visitors.
     
  40. r464

    r464 Turbo Monkey

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    Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ!