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h22ekhatch

Monkey
Jun 13, 2005
269
0
Portland
Portland man sues Michael Jordan; says he is often mistaken for basketball great
Allen Heckard says his likeness to basketball legend Michael Jordan has made it impossible for him to lead a normal life.

Everywhere the 51-year-old Northeast Portland man goes, it seems, he’s mistaken for Jordan -- even though he's three inches shorter and about 20 pounds lighter, according to his Oregon driver’s license.

Heckard had enough so he filed a lawsuit in Washington County Circuit Court against Jordan, claiming his resemblance to the star has created a hardship for him. He’s asking for a whopping $400 million.

He also named Nike founder Phil Knight because he says Knight helped make Jordan a star.

Heckard wasn’t talking when The Oregonian reached him at his home this morning, but he told KGW he’s “constantly being accused of looking like Michael and it makes it very uncomfortable for me."

And the harassment goes beyond his looks.

Even the way he plays basketball draws comparisons to the six-time NBA champ, he said.

“Don't get me wrong, it's definitely a positive thing, because Michael, like I say, is one of the best ballplayers that I've known to play the game,” he said. “But then again, that's Michael and I'm me. So I want to be recognized as me just like Michael's being recognized as Michael."
 

Salami

Turbo Monkey
Jul 17, 2003
1,786
120
Waxhaw, NC
h22ekhatch said:
Haha looks like Fox Sports has picked up the story (and they are claiming the amount being sued for is $832mil). Wow.

http://msn.foxsports.com/id/5766540_36_2.jpg

http://msn.foxsports.com/nba/story/5766288?FSO1&ATT=HMA

I think I am going to sue this guy for being the biggest ****ing asshat on the planet. He is so much of a fvcktard that is affecting the way I am eating and sleeping and all of the hair fell off of my nutsack from the stress. I shrunk five inches and can't see straight and can now only drive in circles. I developed a very large mole in my forehead and can't go out in public because of the ridcule and staring (especially since all the pubic hair that fell out it now growing out of the mole). My wife left me and my dog started ****ting in my shoes as soon as I take them off.

I am going to sue him for $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.00 and a couple cases of Rogaine so I can start growing hiar in my sack again.


BTW where the **** is my gun, I feel like shooting somebody.
 

Salami

Turbo Monkey
Jul 17, 2003
1,786
120
Waxhaw, NC
SkaredShtles said:
That's not his fault. It's because you live in FL. :p
Yeah, you're right. Damn, I got to get out of this ****hole soon.


Alll the other **** is his fault though. My lawyer says I have a winner of a case.

 

Nobody

Danforth Kitchen Whore
Sep 5, 2001
1,511
58
Toronto
Salami said:
I think I am going to sue this guy for being the biggest ****ing asshat on the planet. He is so much of a fvcktard that is affecting the way I am eating and sleeping and all of the hair fell off of my nutsack from the stress. I shrunk five inches and can't see straight and can now only drive in circles. I developed a very large mole in my forehead and can't go out in public because of the ridcule and staring (especially since all the pubic hair that fell out it now growing out of the mole). My wife left me and my dog started ****ting in my shoes as soon as I take them off.

I am going to sue him for $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.00 and a couple cases of Rogaine so I can start growing hiar in my sack again.


BTW where the **** is my gun, I feel like shooting somebody.
Jezus - i've got a migraine and this made me laugh so hard it's literally a knife-sharp-pain-in-the-head.
 

Nobody

Danforth Kitchen Whore
Sep 5, 2001
1,511
58
Toronto
ohhhh shyt, now i've got the most painful case of the giggles...

OW!

hahahahhahahfjf;lasieoinwef
*
 

JohnE

filthy rascist
May 13, 2005
13,521
2,134
Front Range, dude...
This just in...
Michael Jordan sues Portland man; says he is often mistaken for Wal Mart employee.
Michael Jordan says his likeness to Wal Mart stocker Allen Heckard has made it impossible for him to lead a normal life.

Everywhere the former NBA star goes, it seems, he’s mistaken for Heckard -- even though he's three inches taller and about 20 pounds heavier, according to his Illinois driver’s license.

Jordan had enough so he filed a lawsuit in Cook County Circuit Court against Heckard, claiming his resemblance to the nobody has created a hardship for him. He’s asking for a whopping $400 million.

He also named Wal Mart founder Sam Walton because he says Walton helped make Heckard a star.

Heckard wasn’t talking when The Oregonian reached him at his home this morning, but he told KGW he’s “Broke and insane, and is looking for a ticket to the easy life."

And the harassment goes beyond his looks.

Even the way he bags groceries draws comparisons to the six-time Wal Mart employee of the month, he said.

“Don't get me wrong, it's definitely a positive thing, because Allen, like I say, is one of the best grocery baggers that I've evre seen,” he said. “But then again, that's Allen and I'm me. So I want to be recognized as me just like Allens' being recognized as
Allen."

-Sh!t, I am suing all of you for not worshipping me like the demi-god I am. Prepare to be litigated, beeatches!-