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best way to dispose of a body?

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by pnj, Nov 16, 2005.

  1. pnj

    pnj Turbo Monkey till the fat lady sings

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    human body of course....


    I like the big plastic bucket idea. no one is suspicious when you buy a 'water container' at the local hardware store. they can stay in your house/out of site. they seal well so you don't have to smell the rotting flesh.. you can probably add lye to help increase the decomposing time. then you just need to get ride of the bones...


    the wood chipper idea sounds cool but it has major draw backs. one is, who the hell owns a wood chipper? so you either have to rent or buy. then,it's really messy. wouldn't be a bad idea if one didn't care about trying to hide said body...

    heavy rocks/large bodys of water could work but this has proven to be ineffective.....

    pig farms seem to work well too...:oink:

    what would your preffered method be?
     

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  2. Secret Squirrel

    Secret Squirrel There is no Justice!

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    O/U for this deletion is 25 posts...Place yer bets...
     
  3. Slugman

    Slugman Frankenbike

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    Part it out to medical schools...
     
  4. Batman

    Batman Monkey

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    Patrick Batmen certainly prefered lyme....
    If you're going to use a wood chipper, make sure you freeze anything first, as this will save you a major clean-up.
     
  5. Toshi

    Toshi Harbinger of Doom

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    not a bad idea. i'd go for the more traditional goodfellas method myself...
     
  6. binary visions

    binary visions The voice of reason

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    Sauteed with onions.
     
  7. Slugman

    Slugman Frankenbike

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    I figured you get rid of a body AND make some good money.

    2 birds with one stone... and those bodies I'd feed to my cat!
     
  8. Toshi

    Toshi Harbinger of Doom

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    i don't think there's money involved...? :dead:
     
  9. Slugman

    Slugman Frankenbike

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    ARE YOU KIDDING!!! It cost us about 6 grand per lab... and a BIG chunk (excuse the pun) of that is the tissue.

    Don't you remember the scandal at UCLA a couple years ago - guys went to jail b/c they were selling off body parts from donated cadavers.
     
  10. Toshi

    Toshi Harbinger of Doom

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    wha? where does this money go to? does it go to the family of the donors? that seems so... sleazy.
     
  11. Slugman

    Slugman Frankenbike

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    I beleive the money goes to the institution and the tissue banks, but I'm not 100% on that.

    However I'm pretty sure the family doesn't see any money.
     
  12. Greyhound

    Greyhound Trail Rat

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    This will either get deleted in 25 posts.....or become one of the most-posted-in since the RESPECT thread (RIP). :D



    Body disposal is the easy part: Removing yourself and any connective evidence from the scene of the crime or relevence to said slain body is the tough part.

    But if I had to do it.....fire to the flesh and then bone pulverization. Those rented vibrating compactors will work just fine.
     
  13. pnj

    pnj Turbo Monkey till the fat lady sings

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    duh.:rolleyes:
     
  14. skinny mike

    skinny mike Turbo Monkey

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    i prefer the bomb in the apple pie method. you have to do this when they are still alive but it is quite effective. because when the csi people go to see what happens they become baffled by the apple pie. seriously, who would expect a bomb in a piece of pie? its the perfect crime. :sneaky:
     
  15. golgiaparatus

    golgiaparatus Out of my element

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    Grind up and feed to animals?
     
  16. pnj

    pnj Turbo Monkey till the fat lady sings

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    here's a good way to NOT dispose of a body....

    "Then, prosecutors say, Nancy beat him to death with a heavy lead statue. She concealed his body by rolling it up in the bedroom carpet."

    ahahahhahaha. Oops!
    http://komotv.com/stories/40293.htm
     
  17. Craw

    Craw Monkey

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  18. Secret Squirrel

    Secret Squirrel There is no Justice!

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    Hmmm...Reminds me of a movie I once saw...but there was no murder...just a cable repairman and some drugs...and a hotter chick than that...

    Life imitating art ...or ....Art imitating life...????
     
  19. Brian Peterson

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    Use a lot of zip loc sandwich bags.... Slice body to bag size pieces... Deposit bags in trash cans all over town.

    Or grind up and use for chum on next ocean fishing trip...

    Brian
     
  20. Greyhound

    Greyhound Trail Rat

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    Sorry man, but you'd be surprised what you gotta tell people these days. I mean, they canceled "Arrested Development" didn't they? :eek:
     
  21. Tenchiro

    Tenchiro Attention K Mart Shoppers

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    just collect random DNA samples from keyboards in public libraries and sprinkle liberally around the dump site.
     
  22. robdamanii

    robdamanii OMG! <3 Tom Brady!

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    Put it in a 55 gallon drum with lye or other such chemicals. THen just pour it in a lake.
     
  23. pnj

    pnj Turbo Monkey till the fat lady sings

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    what about the bones?

    I suppose you could grind them up and sell them at the asian market as afrodisiacts...:D:evil:
     
  24. robdamanii

    robdamanii OMG! <3 Tom Brady!

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    Hrm. I don't believe bones float...
     
  25. gschuette

    gschuette Monkey

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    The problem with barrels is where do you keep them? If you made a mistake and the detectives trace you down then you are ****ed. How are you going to explain a big plastic barrel with a partially decomposed body?

    I would just take the person on a Mexican vacation and bludgeon them to death in the middle of Mexico City then leave. Is murder really a crime in Mexico? Are there crimes in Mexico?
     
  26. Meat Foot

    Meat Foot Monkey

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    Poured foundation, place body in concrete.

    As for slicing someone up into toast sized pieces, I would not last long doing that.:dead:
     
  27. splat

    splat Nam I am

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    all the neighbor hood dogs would be your best friend :D
     
  28. Slugman

    Slugman Frankenbike

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    great way to ruin a foundation...
     
  29. Andy_B

    Andy_B Monkey

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    Not when the police are on strike, and still have there badges.....
     
  30. T-Dog

    T-Dog Monkey

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    Put the body in an 85 gallon steel drum, fill with concrete and roll it off a boat into 500 feet of water. And he was never seen again, the end.
     
  31. pnj

    pnj Turbo Monkey till the fat lady sings

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    how you gunna lift an 85 gallon steel drum full of concrete?
     
  32. SkaredShtles

    SkaredShtles I love NEWCASTLE and will ONLY drink NEWCASTLE!!!!

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    Pig farm. Definitely the pigs.

    If unable to find pigs, get some hearty red wine and dig in! :thumb:
     
  33. jdcamb

    jdcamb Tool Time!

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    Well first you gotta..... Hey wait nice try.....
     
  34. Meat Foot

    Meat Foot Monkey

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    details
     
  35. Senôr Lopez

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    I have 2 methods.

    1. Find a construction site with a foundation hole almost done. In the night go to the site and dig a hole 4 or 5 feet deep in the bottom. Deposit body and be sure to pack down the dirt firmly. Then just sit back and watch the concrete foundation cover up all the evidence.


    2. Just pull a Natalie Holloway and dump the body in shark infested waters.
     
  36. H8R

    H8R Cranky Pants

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    Male:

    Chop into several pieces and bury each at least 8 ft underground in scattered locations away from water sources.


    Female:

    BBQ and eat, starting with labia kabobs. Make sure you eat the brains out of a small silver bowl after prayers.

    Leftovers can then be fed to pigs.
     
  37. ALEXIS_DH

    ALEXIS_DH Tirelessly Awesome

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    assuming that your only problem is getting rid of the body (perfectly sealed a dry body, no blood, no fluid coming out of it)...

    i&#180;d go for the stones/sandbags and ropes thingy, or open it up fiiling it with stones and sewing back up..... and throw it deep into the sea... preferably outside the 12 miles into international waters. of course i&#180;d make sure there is no industrial fishing going on around there, and make sure all the limbs and head are tightly tied to the main carcass and stones...... dont want the head to come loose and float or something like that...
     
  38. Brunettes

    Brunettes Monkey

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    LOL..

    anything that has to do with tossing out in the water is no deal, no matter how far out you go theres always a chance that something will come ashore. My vote goes for ol' create.

    More than likely you'll get caught like these characters..
    http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/09/30/world/main895541.shtml

    oh and allow me to be the first to ask....WHY?!? :D
     
  39. H8R

    H8R Cranky Pants

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    Uh oh, now you did it. Nice knowin' ya.
     
  40. T-Dog

    T-Dog Monkey

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    different shack, same shotgun

    Use a small fishing boat with a davit to hoist it aboard. For an extra touch, have 6 feet of old heavy chain protruding out the end...if in the unlikely event it's spotted, it'll look like a anchor.