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best way to dispose of a body?

pnj

Turbo Monkey till the fat lady sings
Aug 14, 2002
4,697
40
seattle
human body of course....


I like the big plastic bucket idea. no one is suspicious when you buy a 'water container' at the local hardware store. they can stay in your house/out of site. they seal well so you don't have to smell the rotting flesh.. you can probably add lye to help increase the decomposing time. then you just need to get ride of the bones...


the wood chipper idea sounds cool but it has major draw backs. one is, who the hell owns a wood chipper? so you either have to rent or buy. then,it's really messy. wouldn't be a bad idea if one didn't care about trying to hide said body...

heavy rocks/large bodys of water could work but this has proven to be ineffective.....

pig farms seem to work well too...:oink:

what would your preffered method be?
 

Batman

Monkey
May 20, 2002
358
0
Mississauga
Patrick Batmen certainly prefered lyme....
If you're going to use a wood chipper, make sure you freeze anything first, as this will save you a major clean-up.
 

Slugman

Frankenbike
Apr 29, 2004
4,027
0
Miami, FL
Toshi said:
not a bad idea. i'd go for the more traditional goodfellas method myself...
I figured you get rid of a body AND make some good money.

2 birds with one stone... and those bodies I'd feed to my cat!
 

Slugman

Frankenbike
Apr 29, 2004
4,027
0
Miami, FL
Toshi said:
i don't think there's money involved...? :dead:
ARE YOU KIDDING!!! It cost us about 6 grand per lab... and a BIG chunk (excuse the pun) of that is the tissue.

Don't you remember the scandal at UCLA a couple years ago - guys went to jail b/c they were selling off body parts from donated cadavers.
 

Toshi

Harbinger of Doom
Oct 23, 2001
28,682
2,719
wha? where does this money go to? does it go to the family of the donors? that seems so... sleazy.
 

Slugman

Frankenbike
Apr 29, 2004
4,027
0
Miami, FL
Toshi said:
wha? where does this money go to? does it go to the family of the donors? that seems so... sleazy.
I beleive the money goes to the institution and the tissue banks, but I'm not 100% on that.

However I'm pretty sure the family doesn't see any money.
 

Greyhound

Trail Rat
Jul 8, 2002
5,060
356
Alamance County, NC
This will either get deleted in 25 posts.....or become one of the most-posted-in since the RESPECT thread (RIP). :D



Body disposal is the easy part: Removing yourself and any connective evidence from the scene of the crime or relevence to said slain body is the tough part.

But if I had to do it.....fire to the flesh and then bone pulverization. Those rented vibrating compactors will work just fine.
 

pnj

Turbo Monkey till the fat lady sings
Aug 14, 2002
4,697
40
seattle
Greyhound said:
Body disposal is the easy part: Removing yourself and any connective evidence from the scene of the crime or relevence to said slain body is the tough part.
duh.:rolleyes:
 

skinny mike

Turbo Monkey
Jan 24, 2005
6,416
0
i prefer the bomb in the apple pie method. you have to do this when they are still alive but it is quite effective. because when the csi people go to see what happens they become baffled by the apple pie. seriously, who would expect a bomb in a piece of pie? its the perfect crime. :sneaky:
 

pnj

Turbo Monkey till the fat lady sings
Aug 14, 2002
4,697
40
seattle
here's a good way to NOT dispose of a body....

"Then, prosecutors say, Nancy beat him to death with a heavy lead statue. She concealed his body by rolling it up in the bedroom carpet."

ahahahhahaha. Oops!
http://komotv.com/stories/40293.htm
 

Secret Squirrel

There is no Justice!
Dec 21, 2004
8,153
0
Up sh*t creek, without a paddle
pnj said:
here's a good way to NOT dispose of a body....

"Then, prosecutors say, Nancy beat him to death with a heavy lead statue. She concealed his body by rolling it up in the bedroom carpet."

ahahahhahaha. Oops!
http://komotv.com/stories/40293.htm
Hmmm...Reminds me of a movie I once saw...but there was no murder...just a cable repairman and some drugs...and a hotter chick than that...

Life imitating art ...or ....Art imitating life...????
 
Sep 10, 2001
834
0
Use a lot of zip loc sandwich bags.... Slice body to bag size pieces... Deposit bags in trash cans all over town.

Or grind up and use for chum on next ocean fishing trip...

Brian
 

Tenchiro

Attention K Mart Shoppers
Jul 19, 2002
5,407
0
New England
Greyhound said:
Body disposal is the easy part: Removing yourself and any connective evidence from the scene of the crime or relevence to said slain body is the tough part.
just collect random DNA samples from keyboards in public libraries and sprinkle liberally around the dump site.
 

pnj

Turbo Monkey till the fat lady sings
Aug 14, 2002
4,697
40
seattle
robdamanii said:
Put it in a 55 gallon drum with lye or other such chemicals. THen just pour it in a lake.
what about the bones?

I suppose you could grind them up and sell them at the asian market as afrodisiacts...:D:evil:
 

gschuette

Monkey
Sep 22, 2004
622
0
Truck
The problem with barrels is where do you keep them? If you made a mistake and the detectives trace you down then you are ****ed. How are you going to explain a big plastic barrel with a partially decomposed body?

I would just take the person on a Mexican vacation and bludgeon them to death in the middle of Mexico City then leave. Is murder really a crime in Mexico? Are there crimes in Mexico?
 

pnj

Turbo Monkey till the fat lady sings
Aug 14, 2002
4,697
40
seattle
T-Dog said:
Put the body in an 85 gallon steel drum, fill with concrete and roll it off a boat into 500 feet of water. And he was never seen again, the end.
how you gunna lift an 85 gallon steel drum full of concrete?
 
Aug 2, 2005
222
0
The Island
I have 2 methods.

1. Find a construction site with a foundation hole almost done. In the night go to the site and dig a hole 4 or 5 feet deep in the bottom. Deposit body and be sure to pack down the dirt firmly. Then just sit back and watch the concrete foundation cover up all the evidence.


2. Just pull a Natalie Holloway and dump the body in shark infested waters.
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,965
35
Male:

Chop into several pieces and bury each at least 8 ft underground in scattered locations away from water sources.


Female:

BBQ and eat, starting with labia kabobs. Make sure you eat the brains out of a small silver bowl after prayers.

Leftovers can then be fed to pigs.
 

ALEXIS_DH

Tirelessly Awesome
Jan 30, 2003
5,463
244
Lima, Peru, Peru
assuming that your only problem is getting rid of the body (perfectly sealed a dry body, no blood, no fluid coming out of it)...

i´d go for the stones/sandbags and ropes thingy, or open it up fiiling it with stones and sewing back up..... and throw it deep into the sea... preferably outside the 12 miles into international waters. of course i´d make sure there is no industrial fishing going on around there, and make sure all the limbs and head are tightly tied to the main carcass and stones...... dont want the head to come loose and float or something like that...
 

Brunettes

Monkey
Jul 27, 2005
422
0
East Coast
pnj said:
how you gunna lift an 85 gallon steel drum full of concrete?
LOL..

anything that has to do with tossing out in the water is no deal, no matter how far out you go theres always a chance that something will come ashore. My vote goes for ol' create.

More than likely you'll get caught like these characters..
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/09/30/world/main895541.shtml

oh and allow me to be the first to ask....WHY?!? :D
 

T-Dog

Monkey
Feb 18, 2004
327
0
different shack, same shotgun
pnj said:
how you gunna lift an 85 gallon steel drum full of concrete?

Use a small fishing boat with a davit to hoist it aboard. For an extra touch, have 6 feet of old heavy chain protruding out the end...if in the unlikely event it's spotted, it'll look like a anchor.