Quantcast
  • Enter the Ridemonkey Secret Santa 2020!

    Come exchange gifts with other monkeys! From beer, to light-up bike nuts, to custom machined holiday decorations, there's something for everyone. To participate, make sure you send your email by November 29th.
    Click here for details and to learn how to participate.

Arkayne

I come bearing GIFs
May 10, 2005
3,745
13
SoCal
I was putting my 3 month old to sleep when I cut one so loud that he woke up and started to cry. I laughed my ass off.

What's your story?

 

bdamschen

Turbo Monkey
Nov 28, 2005
3,316
36
Spreckels, CA
I was in that blurry place between dreaming and just waking up one saturday morning. In my dream, I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't figure out what it was... then BOOOM!

I woke up with a "Holy Crap! What the heck was that?!!" in my mind, adrenaline pumping and everything. At first I thought something had hit the side of my apartment, then I realized I had just busted out with the most impressive fart I had ever heard in my life. I had actually scared myself from in a daze to on full alert with my own butt. It was like someone had hooked a public address system and a subwoofer up to my a$$.

Then. from the other room with the door still closed my girlfriend yells "Oh My GOD! YOU ARE SO DISGUSTING"

I don't think I'll ever be as proud of my own butt cheeks as I was that morning.
 

maddog17

Turbo Monkey
Jan 20, 2008
2,793
93
Methuen, Mass. U.S.A.
years ago a few friends and i were coming back from another friends house we had been at all day drinking and eating. i let one go that smelled like the lowest of low tides possible. my buddy pulled over and we all got out of the truck, but rolled down the windows b4 we got out to air it out. the driver told me if i did that again, i'd be walking! usually you like the smell of your own homecooking, but even i was shocked at how bad it smelled.
 

cannondalejunky

ease dropper
Jun 19, 2005
2,928
2
Arkansas
i used to work at a grocery store and when we would front the store people would sit on milk crates to do the bottom shelves...and so we had a game where we would try to sneak up on someone while they were sitting and fart on them. one time i snuck up on one guy and he turned his head right as i farted, and i practically farted in his mouth...needless to say he went to the bathroom and threw up right afterwords....i laughed for a good hour after that...he didn't think it was so funny
 

ulockjustice

Monkey
Oct 17, 2006
179
0
I was in that blurry place between dreaming and just waking up one saturday morning. In my dream, I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't figure out what it was... then BOOOM!

I woke up with a "Holy Crap! What the heck was that?!!" in my mind, adrenaline pumping and everything. At first I thought something had hit the side of my apartment, then I realized I had just busted out with the most impressive fart I had ever heard in my life. I had actually scared myself from in a daze to on full alert with my own butt. It was like someone had hooked a public address system and a subwoofer up to my a$$.

Then. from the other room with the door still closed my girlfriend yells "Oh My GOD! YOU ARE SO DISGUSTING"

I don't think I'll ever be as proud of my own butt cheeks as I was that morning.
my roommate in undergrad did the same thing, except he was dozing off in the middle of a 200 person lecture hall, and scared himself awake with a gloriously loud fart, only to find that he had interrupted the lecturer who was staring at him along with the rest of the hall. i had to leave the room because i couldnt stop laughing.
 

Kanye West

220# bag of hacktastic
Aug 31, 2006
3,483
222
I got sent to the principals office in 5th grade for non-chalantly farting in class while the teacher was talking about something altogether uninteresting.

I've scared myself awake before.

I've scared others awake before...

I potentially may have farted on someones birthday cake before, who had pissed me off.
 

AngryMetalsmith

Business is good, thanks for asking
Jun 4, 2006
16,180
3,378
I have no idea where I am
I had been at the pub knocking back a few and had failed to put in my dinner order before the kitchen closed. On the ride home I stopped at a pizza/brew pub for a slice and a pint. There was only one place to sit, at a picnic table next to a chunky hippy chic. As I was eating I couldn't help but over hear her conversation about how her boob fell out at work. She continues to ramble on about mount mammary and her coworkers. I was sitting on her right side while trying to enjoy my pizza. At this point she leans over to the left and farts on me. This is no ordinary fart either, it's some serious Appalachian Butt Thunder. I was so shocked that this total stranger had just raised her massive stanky hippy ass and let one go, that I couldn't think of anything smart-assed to say. She turns to me and says, " I know you're eating and all...but it's all natural " in that hippy speak that sounds like every statement is question.
 

Arkayne

I come bearing GIFs
May 10, 2005
3,745
13
SoCal
I had been at the pub knocking back a few and had failed to put in my dinner order before the kitchen closed. On the ride home I stopped at a pizza/brew pub for a slice and a pint. There was only one place to sit, at a picnic table next to a chunky hippy chic. As I was eating I couldn't help but over hear her conversation about how her boob fell out at work. She continues to ramble on about mount mammary and her coworkers. I was sitting on her right side while trying to enjoy my pizza. At this point she leans over to the left and farts on me. This is no ordinary fart either, it's some serious Appalachian Butt Thunder. I was so shocked that this total stranger had just raised her massive stanky hippy ass and let one go, that I couldn't think of anything smart-assed to say. She turns to me and says, " I know you're eating and all...but it's all natural " in that hippy speak that sounds like every statement is question.


lolol
 

skinny mike

Turbo Monkey
Jan 24, 2005
6,416
0
I had been at the pub knocking back a few and had failed to put in my dinner order before the kitchen closed. On the ride home I stopped at a pizza/brew pub for a slice and a pint. There was only one place to sit, at a picnic table next to a chunky hippy chic. As I was eating I couldn't help but over hear her conversation about how her boob fell out at work. She continues to ramble on about mount mammary and her coworkers. I was sitting on her right side while trying to enjoy my pizza. At this point she leans over to the left and farts on me. This is no ordinary fart either, it's some serious Appalachian Butt Thunder. I was so shocked that this total stranger had just raised her massive stanky hippy ass and let one go, that I couldn't think of anything smart-assed to say. She turns to me and says, " I know you're eating and all...but it's all natural " in that hippy speak that sounds like every statement is question.
i believe this would be the proper moment to administer a tallahasee dump truck as retaliation.
 

stinkyboy

Plastic Santa
Jan 6, 2005
15,192
0
¡Phoenix!
In college, I was at my girlfriends apartment after a night of drinking and sloppy sex, I half wake up at around 4 am and decide I wanted more sex since we're both naked already. She wakes up and we start back up again when I accidently let a very loud boomer loose. I was embarassed, but kept going like nothing had happened and suddenly her door flies open and her roommate comes rushing in: "Are you OK Karla?!"

:panic::dead::rofl:
 

Damo

Short One Marshmallow
Sep 7, 2006
4,604
22
French Alps
Winter dawn surf patrols: On your way to the beach at 5am on a winter's day to check the surf. Everyone farts at that time of the morning, but no one wants the car windows down. Unpleasant.
 

JewBagel

Monkey
Apr 22, 2008
229
0
oregon
When I was a young hooligan, around 6 or so, I had a friend who was really gullible. I used to tell him "smell my butt", not really sure how it ever worked but he would and then I'd let one rip on his face. I must have done this at least 6 or 7 times, after the second time he would say "no, you're just going to fart on my face" and I would make something up, with in 20 seconds he would believe me and I'd do it again. Man, that **** never got old for me.
 

Cooter Brown

Turbo Monkey
May 30, 2002
1,453
0
Snow Hall, tweakin on math
me & some friends were in the covered parking garage in vail getting ready to do some DH runs when I ripped ass........ it was so wretched that no one could come within a 30' radius of the car......... I happened to be sitting on the ground putting on my gear, so I thought I would lay down flat & being it was warmer air, it would rise away from me..... WRONG! it was so heavy & thick, it settled down on top of me & even made me frikken gag

after breatheable, fresh air was restored to the vicinity, I laughed my ass off the rest of the day about that one