Quantcast

BRAP - Toilet humor

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Arkayne, Nov 17, 2008.

  1. Arkayne

    Arkayne I come bearing GIFs

    Rep/Likes:
    6 / 12
    Joined:
    May 10, 2005
    Messages:
    3,750
    Location:
    SoCal
    I was putting my 3 month old to sleep when I cut one so loud that he woke up and started to cry. I laughed my ass off.

    What's your story?

     

    Please register to disable this ad.

  2. bdamschen

    bdamschen Turbo Monkey

    Rep/Likes:
    7 / 36
    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2005
    Messages:
    3,319
    Location:
    Spreckels, CA
    I was in that blurry place between dreaming and just waking up one saturday morning. In my dream, I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't figure out what it was... then BOOOM!

    I woke up with a "Holy Crap! What the heck was that?!!" in my mind, adrenaline pumping and everything. At first I thought something had hit the side of my apartment, then I realized I had just busted out with the most impressive fart I had ever heard in my life. I had actually scared myself from in a daze to on full alert with my own butt. It was like someone had hooked a public address system and a subwoofer up to my a$$.

    Then. from the other room with the door still closed my girlfriend yells "Oh My GOD! YOU ARE SO DISGUSTING"

    I don't think I'll ever be as proud of my own butt cheeks as I was that morning.
     
  3. maddog17

    maddog17 Turbo Monkey

    Rep/Likes:
    17 / 80
    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2008
    Messages:
    2,754
    Location:
    Methuen, Mass. U.S.A.
    years ago a few friends and i were coming back from another friends house we had been at all day drinking and eating. i let one go that smelled like the lowest of low tides possible. my buddy pulled over and we all got out of the truck, but rolled down the windows b4 we got out to air it out. the driver told me if i did that again, i'd be walking! usually you like the smell of your own homecooking, but even i was shocked at how bad it smelled.
     
  4. cannondalejunky

    cannondalejunky ease dropper

    Rep/Likes:
    5 / 1
    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2005
    Messages:
    2,931
    Location:
    Arkansas
    i used to work at a grocery store and when we would front the store people would sit on milk crates to do the bottom shelves...and so we had a game where we would try to sneak up on someone while they were sitting and fart on them. one time i snuck up on one guy and he turned his head right as i farted, and i practically farted in his mouth...needless to say he went to the bathroom and threw up right afterwords....i laughed for a good hour after that...he didn't think it was so funny
     
  5. ulockjustice

    ulockjustice Monkey

    Rep/Likes:
    0 / 0
    Joined:
    Oct 17, 2006
    Messages:
    179
    my roommate in undergrad did the same thing, except he was dozing off in the middle of a 200 person lecture hall, and scared himself awake with a gloriously loud fart, only to find that he had interrupted the lecturer who was staring at him along with the rest of the hall. i had to leave the room because i couldnt stop laughing.
     
  6. Kanye West

    Kanye West 220# bag of hacktastic

    Rep/Likes:
    17 / 164
    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2006
    Messages:
    3,450
    I got sent to the principals office in 5th grade for non-chalantly farting in class while the teacher was talking about something altogether uninteresting.

    I've scared myself awake before.

    I've scared others awake before...

    I potentially may have farted on someones birthday cake before, who had pissed me off.
     
  7. Da Peach

    Da Peach Outwitted by a rodent

    Rep/Likes:
    118 / 1,211
    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2002
    Messages:
    12,316
    Location:
    North Van
     
  8. Okraz

    Okraz Chimp

    Rep/Likes:
    0 / 0
    Joined:
    Jun 18, 2008
    Messages:
    14
    Fart in your hand and throw it onto someone's face.
     
  9. spectaculardark

    Rep/Likes:
    3 / 0
    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2005
    Messages:
    337
    Location:
    12th smartest state
    OMG these are the best laughs I've had in a while!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  10. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

    Rep/Likes:
    312 / 1,865
    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2006
    Messages:
    13,910
    Location:
    I have no idea where I am
    I had been at the pub knocking back a few and had failed to put in my dinner order before the kitchen closed. On the ride home I stopped at a pizza/brew pub for a slice and a pint. There was only one place to sit, at a picnic table next to a chunky hippy chic. As I was eating I couldn't help but over hear her conversation about how her boob fell out at work. She continues to ramble on about mount mammary and her coworkers. I was sitting on her right side while trying to enjoy my pizza. At this point she leans over to the left and farts on me. This is no ordinary fart either, it's some serious Appalachian Butt Thunder. I was so shocked that this total stranger had just raised her massive stanky hippy ass and let one go, that I couldn't think of anything smart-assed to say. She turns to me and says, " I know you're eating and all...but it's all natural " in that hippy speak that sounds like every statement is question.
     
  11. Arkayne

    Arkayne I come bearing GIFs

    Rep/Likes:
    6 / 12
    Joined:
    May 10, 2005
    Messages:
    3,750
    Location:
    SoCal


    lolol
     
  12. reflux

    reflux Turbo Monkey

    Rep/Likes:
    4 / 2
    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2002
    Messages:
    4,624
    Location:
    G14 Classified
    Custom title much?
     
  13. skinny mike

    skinny mike Turbo Monkey

    Rep/Likes:
    0 / 0
    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2005
    Messages:
    6,417
    i believe this would be the proper moment to administer a tallahasee dump truck as retaliation.
     
  14. stinkyboy

    stinkyboy Plastic Santa

    Rep/Likes:
    1 / 0
    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2005
    Messages:
    15,195
    Location:
    ¡Phoenix!
    In college, I was at my girlfriends apartment after a night of drinking and sloppy sex, I half wake up at around 4 am and decide I wanted more sex since we're both naked already. She wakes up and we start back up again when I accidently let a very loud boomer loose. I was embarassed, but kept going like nothing had happened and suddenly her door flies open and her roommate comes rushing in: "Are you OK Karla?!"

    :panic::dead::rofl:
     
  15. Damo

    Damo Short One Marshmallow

    Rep/Likes:
    17 / 20
    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2006
    Messages:
    4,606
    Location:
    French Alps
    Winter dawn surf patrols: On your way to the beach at 5am on a winter's day to check the surf. Everyone farts at that time of the morning, but no one wants the car windows down. Unpleasant.
     
  16. JewBagel

    JewBagel Monkey

    Rep/Likes:
    0 / 0
    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2008
    Messages:
    229
    Location:
    oregon
    When I was a young hooligan, around 6 or so, I had a friend who was really gullible. I used to tell him "smell my butt", not really sure how it ever worked but he would and then I'd let one rip on his face. I must have done this at least 6 or 7 times, after the second time he would say "no, you're just going to fart on my face" and I would make something up, with in 20 seconds he would believe me and I'd do it again. Man, that **** never got old for me.
     
  17. Cooter Brown

    Cooter Brown Turbo Monkey

    Rep/Likes:
    0 / 0
    Joined:
    May 30, 2002
    Messages:
    1,454
    Location:
    Snow Hall, tweakin on math
    me & some friends were in the covered parking garage in vail getting ready to do some DH runs when I ripped ass........ it was so wretched that no one could come within a 30' radius of the car......... I happened to be sitting on the ground putting on my gear, so I thought I would lay down flat & being it was warmer air, it would rise away from me..... WRONG! it was so heavy & thick, it settled down on top of me & even made me frikken gag

    after breatheable, fresh air was restored to the vicinity, I laughed my ass off the rest of the day about that one
     
  18. Bullitrider

    Bullitrider Monkey

    Rep/Likes:
    0 / 0
    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2004
    Messages:
    577
    Location:
    Seattle

    We used to call that one "cup of queef". lol
     
  19. moff_quigley

    moff_quigley Why don't you have a seat over there?

    Rep/Likes:
    0 / 1
    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2005
    Messages:
    4,434
    Location:
    Poseurville
    During "quality time" my wife farted on my boys. I shudder at the thought of the warm gasses caressing my junk.
     
  20. jonKranked

    jonKranked Press Button, Receive Stupid

    Rep/Likes:
    365 / 3,375
    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2005
    Messages:
    52,788
    Location:
    media blackout

    When I turned wrenches the other mechanics called it a "hot cup of tea"
     
  21. Austin Bike

    Austin Bike Turbo Monkey

    Rep/Likes:
    0 / 0
    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2003
    Messages:
    1,560
    Location:
    Duh, Austin
  22. Arkayne

    Arkayne I come bearing GIFs

    Rep/Likes:
    6 / 12
    Joined:
    May 10, 2005
    Messages:
    3,750
    Location:
    SoCal
  23. BurlyShirley

    BurlyShirley Rex Grossman Will Rise Again

    Rep/Likes:
    5 / 1
    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2002
    Messages:
    19,210
    Location:
    TN


    Disgusting.