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Knuckleslammer

took the red pill
Bread is rubbish. I'm tired of inferior bread, I'm done with it.

Bread is supposed to have flour, water, salt, yeast. Yet when I buy bread, it's got F'N aluminum in it.

Plus, whenever I eat bread, I'm exhausted afterwards. I'm starting to think the only place you can get real bread is in Italy. At some old school place that bakes it fresh daily and throws out what does not sell.

I'm at the point now where if I order a burger somewhere I throw out the bottom 1/2 of the bun.

Even the local bakeries bread is rubbish.

F-Bread. Especially Wonder and their gummy slimy sticky poor excuse for bread.

That is all.
 

narlus

Eastcoast Softcore
Staff member
Nov 7, 2001
24,644
33
behind the viewfinder
i actually agree w/ Knuck in that it seems like the average US baker can't manage a good loaf of bread.

ah...fresh baguettes, on the other hand. :drool:
 

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
31,656
5,025
Portland, OR
My wife has a gluten allergy, so we don't have much bread in the house unless it's $9 a loaf and hand made by small fingered Peruvians out of fairy dust and rice flower.
 

dump

Turbo Monkey
Oct 12, 2001
6,018
920
Bread is rubbish. I'm tired of inferior bread, I'm done with it.

Bread is supposed to have flour, water, salt, yeast. Yet when I buy bread, it's got F'N aluminum in it.

Plus, whenever I eat bread, I'm exhausted afterwards. I'm starting to think the only place you can get real bread is in Italy. At some old school place that bakes it fresh daily and throws out what does not sell.

I'm at the point now where if I order a burger somewhere I throw out the bottom 1/2 of the bun.

Even the local bakeries bread is rubbish.

F-Bread. Especially Wonder and their gummy slimy sticky poor excuse for bread.

That is all.
Where do you live? You should be able to find a local bakery that makes real bread with traditional ingredients. We had great luck when we were in the bay area. Montreal also has great bakeries/boulangeries... 2 bakeries within 2 blocks of me.

If all else fails, making bread is pretty easy.
 

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
31,656
5,025
Portland, OR
Bread is retardedly easy to make.
"Good" bread isn't that easy without a little practice. Trying to make ANYTHING using rice flower that doesn't taste like you added sand to it is even harder. It was easier to just use corn tortillas for everything.
 

dante

Unabomber
Feb 13, 2004
8,814
9
looking for classic NE singletrack
To paraphrase:

Knuckleslammer said:
Bread is SO EASY to make!! Water, flour, yeast, salt. I could do it in my sleep, and have perfectly warm, yummy homemade bread when I woke up. But I'm not. I'm going to continue to visit various retail establishments and complain that they're retarded since they can't make something that I could make in my sleep. Then, when I've exhausted every possible outlet for obtaining bread (other than making it myself), I'm going to go online and bitch and moan about how incompetent other places are. Wooohoooo, pay attention to me!!
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
40,572
6,986
Sleazattle
So what you are saying is you eat bread but you don't like it and because of that you might stop eating it.

Groundbreaking.
 

rockofullr

confused
Jun 11, 2009
7,356
918
East Bay, Cali
Where do you live? You should be able to find a local bakery that makes real bread with traditional ingredients. We had great luck when we were in the bay area. Montreal also has great bakeries/boulangeries... 2 bakeries within 2 blocks of me.

If all else fails, making bread is pretty easy.
Spill the beans.

I've never really looked for good bakeries in the bay but I would definitely check one out if I knew the name.

Edit: In my experience your best bet for tasty fresh bread is Mexican markets but they still aren't anything to brag about.
 

Crashby

Monkey
Jan 26, 2003
947
1
Rochester, NY
:stupid:

Is your friend. :thumb:
Yep... I only eat bread that I make now. I have the same mixer (but in black of course ;):

Took me about 15 loaves to get my sourdough process down correctly. Sourdough is cool becuase you cultivate your own yeast in the starter and costs much less as you dont have to buy the yeast packets. This now costs me about $.50 per loaf:

 

kickstand

Turbo Monkey
Sep 18, 2009
3,444
391
Fenton, MI
"Good" bread isn't that easy without a little practice. Trying to make ANYTHING using rice flower that doesn't taste like you added sand to it is even harder. It was easier to just use corn tortillas for everything.
My wife has a gluten allergy, so we don't have much bread in the house unless it's $9 a loaf and hand made by small fingered Peruvians out of fairy dust and rice flower.
you aren't kidding. My girlfriend/ex-girlfriend/friend has a gluten allergy and everything that I try to eat that she makes that is gluten free tastes like cardboard, I'm begginning to think that she is doing it wrong....among other things that she does wrong.
 

SkaredShtles

I love NEWCASTLE and will ONLY drink NEWCASTLE!!!!
Sep 21, 2003
52,571
5,091
In a van.... down by the river
Yep... I only eat bread that I make now. I have the same mixer (but in black of course ;):

Took me about 15 loaves to get my sourdough process down correctly. Sourdough is cool becuase you cultivate your own yeast in the starter and costs much less as you dont have to buy the yeast packets.
Yeast packets? Bulk yeast, foo'! :D
 

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
31,656
5,025
Portland, OR
you aren't kidding. My girlfriend/ex-girlfriend/friend has a gluten allergy and everything that I try to eat that she makes that is gluten free tastes like cardboard, I'm begginning to think that she is doing it wrong....among other things that she does wrong.
There is a hippie bakery here that makes awesome stuff for wicked expensive. There are also 2 different pizza joints that offer gluten free crust that is almost as good as the regular (still 100x better than any major chains).

There are a few Red Mill mixes that are actually really good. My wife made these and they were great.

 

Knuckleslammer

took the red pill
Bread is retardedly easy to make. Complaining about bread shall be left to the nutcases amongst us.
I'm in the matrix man. I can't make bread. I do have the kitchenaid mixer though. But the last time I made bread it did not rise. I did not forget the yeast either. I don't have the time. I have to go to work to pay back the banks. That's all that matters. Not my health or the health of my family. All that matters is that the banks survive and prosper.
 

SkaredShtles

I love NEWCASTLE and will ONLY drink NEWCASTLE!!!!
Sep 21, 2003
52,571
5,091
In a van.... down by the river
I'm in the matrix man. I can't make bread. I do have the kitchenaid mixer though. But the last time I made bread it did not rise. I did not forget the yeast either. I don't have the time. I have to go to work to pay back the banks. That's all that matters. Not my health or the health of my family. All that matters is that the banks survive and prosper.
That's your own fault, Sucker. Don't come on here b1tching about bread and blaming the banks.

:crazy:
 

SkaredShtles

I love NEWCASTLE and will ONLY drink NEWCASTLE!!!!
Sep 21, 2003
52,571
5,091
In a van.... down by the river
It's all part of the master plan man. They're trying to kill us by putting aluminum in the bread and other foods. And we don't have time to make home made good food because we have to pay the banks.

This logic defies you ha?
I make my own food and the bank loans ME money every month interest free. Like I said - this is your own fault, Sucker. :p

Besides - aluminum isn't gonna kill you.
 

dante

Unabomber
Feb 13, 2004
8,814
9
looking for classic NE singletrack
I'm in the matrix man. I can't make bread. I do have the kitchenaid mixer though. But the last time I made bread it did not rise. I did not forget the yeast either. I don't have the time. I have to go to work to pay back the banks. That's all that matters. Not my health or the health of my family. All that matters is that the banks survive and prosper.
BS. It takes (without a kitchenaid, and without a breadmaker), about 1/2 hour of actual work to make bread. Yes, it takes planning, but the actual time that you spend physically making bread is incredibly short.

Mix ingredients, knead (figure 15min, with 5min mixing and kneading for 10)
Let rest/rise for 24 hours (zero time, it sits on the counter)
Kneed down, shape into loaf, put in breadpan (5min)
Let rest/rise for a couple hours (till it gets to bread shape, zero time)
Preheat oven (how long does it take to push a button on your oven?)
Bake for 1/2 hour

So assuming that you can be doing other things while it's resting/rising/baking, it takes... maybe 25min. Are you sure you can't spare 1/2 hour of your time in the coal mines paying back the slave-trafficking banks just to get decent bread?
 

SkaredShtles

I love NEWCASTLE and will ONLY drink NEWCASTLE!!!!
Sep 21, 2003
52,571
5,091
In a van.... down by the river
<snip>
So assuming that you can be doing other things while it's resting/rising/baking, it takes... maybe 25min. Are you sure you can't spare 1/2 hour of your time in the coal mines paying back the slave-trafficking banks just to get decent bread?
He actually doesn't even *want* decent bread. He's just a nutjob. :D
 

BikeMike

Monkey
Feb 24, 2006
784
0
I'm in the matrix man. I can't make bread. I do have the kitchenaid mixer though. But the last time I made bread it did not rise. I did not forget the yeast either. I don't have the time. I have to go to work to pay back the banks. That's all that matters. Not my health or the health of my family. All that matters is that the banks survive and prosper.
Consider your life changed: Amazon.com: Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day: The Discovery That Revolutionizes Home Baking (9780312362911): Jeff Hertzberg MD, Zoe Francois: Books@@AMEPARAM@@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/517thxd9VvL.@@AMEPARAM@@517thxd9VvL



You don't even knead the bread. Yes, it's good.
 

Knuckleslammer

took the red pill
Ordered the book. Ima make bread.

As for Ben and Jerry's ice cream. It is like crack. That chocolate fudge brownie ice cream is the bomb.

Problem is, every time I eat it I get ill. Bad Gas, constipation, diarrhea. I don't know what they put in it, but other ice cream does not affect me in that manner.