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Bush apologizes to New Orleans residents

N8 v2.0

Not the sharpest tool in the shed
Oct 18, 2002
11,007
149
The Cleft of Venus
:) :) :)

Citizens of the United States, I want to offer my sincerest apologies for the nature of the federal response to the hurricane Katrina disaster. My administration and I have completely failed to predict how completely stupid and inept the local and state government was in Louisiana.

Frankly, I expected a response more along the lines of that from Mississippi, in which the locals were able to support themselves for a few days until we brought in the cavalry. However, it is clear that the state and local government leaders in Louisiana are incapable of such self reliance and emergency planning.

So, as Harry Truman said, the buck stops here and I take complete responsibility for failing to recognize that we were dealing with idiots in Louisiana, people who cannot manage their own state. I am embarrassed to admit this, because after all, a simple review of the state's history and position should be more than enough to demonstrate that these people are absolute morons that need to be completely supported from day one. Sometimes I am not very good at seeing the obvious.

I should have predicted that the local government would release the criminals being held in prison into the general population instead of evacuating them. Likewise, I failed to predict that Louisiana citizens would begin shooting at and attacking the very people who were trying to help them. Along a similar vein, I should have recognized that we would need to move the people along with the wide screen televisions, clothes and other items they had stolen from local stores. Many people were heard screaming "I just stole this s**t and now you want me to leave it behind, f*** you!" I frankly cannot believe that I failed to predict such activity in and around N.O.

Also, I should have recognized that the federal plan would be too complicated for Governor Blanco. My failure to "dumb down" the proposal, my failure to recognize my audience, likely resulted in the loss of hundreds of lives. The extra 24 hours she needed to understand the plan was critical, I should have predicted that she was too stupid to be able to make an executive decision in short order. (said tearfully) Had I only offered a more simple minded plan, more people would have survived.

Likewise, I want to apologize for buckling under pressure from Democrats to limit what they called pork barrell spending. When Senator Kennedy publicly criticized my spending bill, asking me to reduce the federal spending on local projects in N.O., I caved in and reduced expenditures on the N.O. levee system that would have strenthened it to a point of being able to withstand the forces of a category four storm. I will never know if my spineless response to Senator Kennedy's harassment was instrumental in the failure of the levee system in N.O.

However, I can assure the American people that I have learned a valuable lesson. I will no longer allow the ineptness of local and state governments to circle around and cause hardship for the local citizenry. I will step in sooner to save them from their stupidity. I am frankly accustomed to being in a room with people who are smarter than me. I have little experience working with people who are even less intelligent than I am.

All I can hope is that the American people forgive me my shortcomings, and God Bless America.

George W. Bush
 

MikeD

Leader and Demogogue of the Ridemonkey Satinists
Oct 26, 2001
10,220
237
chez moi
Jon Stewart already had a good ridiculing of ol' "Brownie" giving that same saw in earnest before the panel...

MD
 

narlus

Eastcoast Softcore
Staff member
Nov 7, 2001
24,659
26
behind the viewfinder
i love how N8 constantly bashes the collective intelligence of the state he chooses to live in...

is there a mobius strip in here somewhere?
 

Reactor

Turbo Monkey
Apr 5, 2005
3,978
1
Chandler, AZ, USA
Funny, I saw the head of DHS saying he didn't have any problem talking with the local officials...He said (under oath) he didn't know what Brown was talking about. He also said it was completely his department's fault for not coping with the situation.

Meanwhile NBC (?) released some of FEMAs emails, In one responding to the local FEMA persons comment that the situation was "Way Past Critical", they replyed with comments about 30 minutes not being enough tiime for Mr. Browns lunch. The local FEMA guy replyed "I just took a dump in the halway with 15,000 of my closest friends..."
 

sanjuro

Tube Smuggler
Sep 13, 2004
17,412
0
SF
Well, that makes it all better. He also didn't mention declining a nuclear strike, which saved 80,000 lives right there.

P.S. I should also mention how New Orleans is the largest city affected by Katrina (by a 420,000 pop margin), and how 350,000 seem to have gotten out fine, leaving only the worse off to fend for themselves. Maybe a tactical nuclear strike was in order.

Oh, yeah, and evacuating a city is super easy, too. Look how well a Texas city does it,

 

ohio

The Fresno Kid
Nov 26, 2001
6,640
4
SF, CA
Reactor said:
Funny, I saw the head of DHS saying he didn't have any problem talking with the local officials...He said (under oath) he didn't know what Brown was talking about. He also said it was completely his department's fault for not coping with the situation.

Meanwhile NBC (?) released some of FEMAs emails, In one responding to the local FEMA persons comment that the situation was "Way Past Critical", they replyed with comments about 30 minutes not being enough tiime for Mr. Browns lunch. The local FEMA guy replyed "I just took a dump in the halway with 15,000 of my closest friends..."
A good friend of mine headed down to New Orleans a few weeks ago (two weeks after the hurricane). He and a friend of his ended up coordinating the relief and rebuilding efforts in East Biloxi between local authorities, schools, and the Red Cross because FEMA still hadn't arrived. How to deal with the influx of people, in terms of shelter, food, healthcare. How to handle twice the number of kids in half the number of schools (half the schools were lost to flooding). Issues that NO local government can be prepared for and is exactly what FEMA is supposed to help with. When FEMA arrived (two weeks late), they looked to my friend for leadership because they had NO IDEA what to do.

Great. A town with several thousand refugees is looking to two 27 year old kids who HAPPENED to show up to run the show, because FEMA is that incompetent.
 

ZoRo

Turbo Monkey
Sep 28, 2004
1,225
8
Montréal, PQ
N8, I don't know if it's sarcasm when you put up smilies beside a Bush apology, but if not, well, let's just say it's weird.

And what's up with that quote in your signature, I mean come on, how can have W's quote on MTB! Like somebody gives a f*** about that t*rd. Sheesh...