Can Jesus swim?
- Thread starter LordOpie
- Start date
No and no.
Since he is way cool. I suppose so.
of course he can swim! how do you think he got to texas! don't you know anything about your gardener?
No, the holes in his hands and feet kinda mess him up in the water. 
Jesus walks into a hotel and puts three nails on the counter and says...
"Hey could you put me up for the night?"
Jesus walks into a hotel and puts three nails on the counter and says...
"Hey could you put me up for the night?"
there should be a separation of church and forum
hahahaDartman said:No, the holes in his hands and feet kinda mess him up in the water.
Jesus walks into a hotel and puts three nails on the counter and says...
"Hey could you put me up for the night?"
bluebug32 said:
I think i must agree with this one. The original question can bring forth One heck of a PHilisphical discussion. But too many will make cracks in which others will be highly offended. In an answer though, yes Jesus can swim. He can also walk on water. Things that Jesus did in his life were done to show teh Power of God the father. Just be carefull with discussions and topics such as this as to how some people feel about said topics, and what tehre belifes are. remember this is a biking forum, not a Religous forum.
chicodude said:
Care to Further your assesment??
Stop talking about me... and yes I can swim.
A question about Jesus, no matter who it comes from, is never something to Not take seriously. But what i was taking more serious was the original line a quoted about there being a seperation of Church and forum. I am a beliver, if you want to hear it from me and talk about it, tell me. i am not one to try and Jam it down someone throat and force it on them. If there not ready to hear the word of God the all your doing is pushing them further away. See, it may have been a "Smart ass question" or something like that. But what i can do is point out an answer to the question. Just makes people think is all. Sometimes someone asks a question like that, and even if it was emant for a laugh people see it and wonder, and sometimes need an answer. So if i am retarded for taking my lord and Savior seriously<Jesus, not Lord opie>then i guess i will be stuck with that title. As a Christian i had to respond to this seeing the responces that were already heading in on this, such aschicodude said:
Opeth said:
Which is completly wrong. And this one...
Dartman said:No, the holes in his hands and feet kinda mess him up in the water.
Jesus walks into a hotel and puts three nails on the counter and says...
"Hey could you put me up for the night?"
Jokes Degrading Jesus like that are insulting, not just to people, but to Jesus also. Now i will be the first person to step up and say i am far from a Role model for others to follow. God knows i have my own issues. But there is always room for improvement. And its by the Grace of God i become a better and better person day by day.
DirtyMike said:
I'm sure jesus could take a joke, which you obviously can't.
Did you know him personally? Do you know that he would be upset by a joke at his expense? I think not, so stop talking on his behalf
And off to the political forum in 3....2.....1.....
aaaannnnd my people killed that bitch jesus
what now gentiles?
what now gentiles?
chicodude said:
Hmmmm, How to answer.......Ever try a Bible study?
Might not be a bad idea, even if your a non beliver, that statement will answer itsself. I can take Many jokes. But i find Nothing funny about the man who was crucified to pay for All of mankinds sins, so that. And yes, as a christian i can say that i know the lord Jesus Christ. Oh and Just some Fyi, the spikes were driven through his wrists, nothis hands. And it wasnt being Crucified that killed him, it was the spear of the roman soldier thrown into his side.......
Lord knows I'm a jackass. But even I know this goes in the Political Debate froum.
The bible is the best selling novel ever; everyone loves a good story. DirtyMike you sound amazingly similar to EVERYONE else I have ever had a religious debate/discussion with, god knows its remarkable how similar you people are. You could also consider taking a more existentialistic view of life, you would probably avoid situations like this one.
You guys are pretty upity, how do you know he was talking about the "Son of God"? he might have meant a hispanic guy named Jesus, pronounce HAY-soos. And no I have no idea wheather either can swim.
Totally outrageous, insulting and over the top. Good work kid.The Kadvang said:
DM- the best place for arguements like this are over in the PD forum mate. In fact those bastards over there will argue about religion until their fingers are bleeding.
VB- I just had to get in on this one, dont worry my fingers wont bleed, Im fast when it comes to this crap.
So this is a good one, please bare with me! First of all lets cut to the heart of the matter. The story of Jesus has really been around much longer than average person thinks, especially all of you Christian extremists. Yes, the fable itself ,along with most of what has been reprinted in the Bible, are really just similar stories that date way back to the era of the Sumerians and their Good Book, that their population, so faithfully worshiped as their King and Queen did as they pleased.
Who are the Sumerians?; you might ask. Well, about 3000BC they were one of the earlier organized civilizations that lived in the fertile valleys lying between the Tigris and Euphrates valley, or Mesopotamia (aka Baghdad, Iraq). Their monarch constantly had them at war with their neighbors, perpetually fighting over a valuable resource; water. (sound familiar?) Besides always fighting water wars, they had very strong religious beliefs, (wouldnt you if you were always murdering your neighbors for their water) beliefs that trickled there way into the later Hebrew religious systems, and guess what all the way to 2006 baby!
DirtyMike, I think your intentions are all good, but try not to get to rapped up in these fairytales that the Bible and its missionaries are force feeding the population. This kind of In the name of God crap has been around for a lot longer than you realize and it really tends to distort the peoples rational way of thinking, and for good reason. Its mind control people have to understand that were all one group living on this planet, we should be worshiping and following the unwritten laws of the Universe, not some paper book that has been rewritten and manipulated so my times over it makes one of George Bushs speeches look genuine. Who you choose to get on your knees and prey to really doesnt mean much and certainly doesnt warrant murder, but look at the global blood shed the Christian religion, as well as many others, has caused throughout the history of man kind, and is still causing to this day. Im sure youve heard of crusades like The Spanish Inquisition. This type of slaughtering, and many more, were accomplished by Christians, and were all done In the name of God. Just look at what our Christian government is currently up to!
If Jesus was a real man (which there is currently a lot of evidence that says he wasnt), I think he was probably a very remarkable person. With all the truth he supposedly taught; do you truly think he would be proud of the state of affairs that have been brought forth in his name. Hell No! Legend has it that he was a free thinker, a revolutionary that didnt even believe in public preying. Its also said that he didnt believe in institutionalized religion. Now you take a look at all these oversized churches, the huge bank rolls involved, the immense powers of persuasion that are there, and ask yourself; am I really a believer?. I think the good in you will eventually prevail with that answer. And furthermore, knowing what has been said about Jesus, do you really think he would approve of people exploiting the cross the way they do. This symbol is not something that he worshiped, this is where he was supposedly brutally murdered. He wasnt crucified to pay for all mankinds sins, thats not the way the universe works. Thats just what those freaks at bible study want you to believe so people can do bad things and pretend like theyre getting away with it. Bull sh!!t, if God is watching he knows who you are and what kind of a person you are. What you put out, comes back, and dont worry hes not going to throw you in purgatory because you didnt show up for some dumb ass church mass or bible study but back to the cross issue, Jesus didnt give himself to mankind on that thing, thats were his life was stripped from him! And showing it off, as people do, is kind of like proudly showing off a picture of where your loved one was brutally mutilated. I think its almost sick. If you are going to honor Jesus, than do it in a positive way, dont do it with his murders crime scene, and certainly dont do it with some book that he neither wrote or believed in!
So, DirtyMike, just be a good person, follow your heart, and most importantly; always think for yourself and youll surely realize that you dont need a bible study to find your path.
The last time mankind let religion dictate all, we ended up calling it the Dark Ages!
So this is a good one, please bare with me! First of all lets cut to the heart of the matter. The story of Jesus has really been around much longer than average person thinks, especially all of you Christian extremists. Yes, the fable itself ,along with most of what has been reprinted in the Bible, are really just similar stories that date way back to the era of the Sumerians and their Good Book, that their population, so faithfully worshiped as their King and Queen did as they pleased.
Who are the Sumerians?; you might ask. Well, about 3000BC they were one of the earlier organized civilizations that lived in the fertile valleys lying between the Tigris and Euphrates valley, or Mesopotamia (aka Baghdad, Iraq). Their monarch constantly had them at war with their neighbors, perpetually fighting over a valuable resource; water. (sound familiar?) Besides always fighting water wars, they had very strong religious beliefs, (wouldnt you if you were always murdering your neighbors for their water) beliefs that trickled there way into the later Hebrew religious systems, and guess what all the way to 2006 baby!
DirtyMike, I think your intentions are all good, but try not to get to rapped up in these fairytales that the Bible and its missionaries are force feeding the population. This kind of In the name of God crap has been around for a lot longer than you realize and it really tends to distort the peoples rational way of thinking, and for good reason. Its mind control people have to understand that were all one group living on this planet, we should be worshiping and following the unwritten laws of the Universe, not some paper book that has been rewritten and manipulated so my times over it makes one of George Bushs speeches look genuine. Who you choose to get on your knees and prey to really doesnt mean much and certainly doesnt warrant murder, but look at the global blood shed the Christian religion, as well as many others, has caused throughout the history of man kind, and is still causing to this day. Im sure youve heard of crusades like The Spanish Inquisition. This type of slaughtering, and many more, were accomplished by Christians, and were all done In the name of God. Just look at what our Christian government is currently up to!
If Jesus was a real man (which there is currently a lot of evidence that says he wasnt), I think he was probably a very remarkable person. With all the truth he supposedly taught; do you truly think he would be proud of the state of affairs that have been brought forth in his name. Hell No! Legend has it that he was a free thinker, a revolutionary that didnt even believe in public preying. Its also said that he didnt believe in institutionalized religion. Now you take a look at all these oversized churches, the huge bank rolls involved, the immense powers of persuasion that are there, and ask yourself; am I really a believer?. I think the good in you will eventually prevail with that answer. And furthermore, knowing what has been said about Jesus, do you really think he would approve of people exploiting the cross the way they do. This symbol is not something that he worshiped, this is where he was supposedly brutally murdered. He wasnt crucified to pay for all mankinds sins, thats not the way the universe works. Thats just what those freaks at bible study want you to believe so people can do bad things and pretend like theyre getting away with it. Bull sh!!t, if God is watching he knows who you are and what kind of a person you are. What you put out, comes back, and dont worry hes not going to throw you in purgatory because you didnt show up for some dumb ass church mass or bible study but back to the cross issue, Jesus didnt give himself to mankind on that thing, thats were his life was stripped from him! And showing it off, as people do, is kind of like proudly showing off a picture of where your loved one was brutally mutilated. I think its almost sick. If you are going to honor Jesus, than do it in a positive way, dont do it with his murders crime scene, and certainly dont do it with some book that he neither wrote or believed in!
So, DirtyMike, just be a good person, follow your heart, and most importantly; always think for yourself and youll surely realize that you dont need a bible study to find your path.
The last time mankind let religion dictate all, we ended up calling it the Dark Ages!
You're one of us, you cunt.valve bouncer said:Totally outrageous, insulting and over the top. Good work kid.
DM- the best place for arguements like this are over in the PD forum mate. In fact those bastards over there will argue about religion until their fingers are bleeding.
3D, that mass of text is painful to look at, let alone read. Please investigate the use of carraige returns.
As for everyone else, this discussion has been had approximately 8,463 times within the past six months. Venture into the PD forum sometime, nobody has said anything new here
As for everyone else, this discussion has been had approximately 8,463 times within the past six months. Venture into the PD forum sometime, nobody has said anything new here
I never get involved in the religion threads as a rule. You got the last part right though.Changleen said:You're one of us, you cunt.
Nice.Dartman said:No, the holes in his hands and feet kinda mess him up in the water.
Jesus walks into a hotel and puts three nails on the counter and says...
"Hey could you put me up for the night?"
How does jesus bite his nails?
With his teeth.
Jesus was a lousy carpenter.....
So it's a few days after Jesus has died, and the disciples are sitting in a boat the Sea of Galilee, feeling depressed.LordOpie said:
Suddenly, Jesus appears. Jesus says "Hi guys - its me, Jesus".
Some of the disciples believe him, but Thomas isnt so sure.
So Thomas says "If you are really who you say you are - walk on water". Jesus calmly steps out of the boat onto the surface of the sea....and sinks like a stone.
Peter pulls him out of the water & asks "What's wrong, my Lord!?!".
Jesus says...... "You know, this trick was a hell of a lot easier before I had these damn holes in my feet!.
You might try reading the Bible as well.DirtyMike said:
We don't know where the nails were driven, and the Bible doesn't even say he was nailed to the cross. He might not have been.
Only one account (IIRC) has the soldier piercing Jesus's side with a spear (Gospel of John) and it was NOT thrown. No account says that Jesus died from the spear (including John.) In each account, Jesus has some final words, then simply dies.
I like what you said, just please take Binary's advice and work on breaking up the text a little bit.3D. said:
One thing I might disagree with is that Jesus was all that great, but that's for another time.
I have recently read about how the Jews stole many of their ideas for the OT from the Sumerians. Abraham supposedly meets god in Ur, which was in the Lower Mesopotamia area. That seems a clear indication that there could easily have been some co-option there. It was interesting to have you bring up the subject. Thank you.
You're right............MMike said:
Oh and I think there needs to be a forum rule about Jesus threads getting to 3 pages without my involvement..........wow how did that happen
who is Jesus?
I'm certainly at a loss to understand it.Andyman_1970 said:Oh and I think there needs to be a forum rule about Jesus threads getting to 3 pages without my involvement..........wow how did that happen
Anyway, does anyone think this is fair:
Three and a half years after filing for Chapter 11, Polaroid is sold to Petters Group Worldwide for $426 million. Chairman Jacques Nasser and CEO J. Michael Pocock walk away with $12.8 million and $8.5 million, respectively. More than 4,000 retirees, meanwhile, receive one-time checks for $47 but lose their medical and life insurance benefits.
An author I really like to read (Donald Miller) when at Reed college in Portland OR, set up a confessional in the middle of the colleges yearly drug and alcohol festival they do………..instead of taking people confessions, he confessed the sins of Christianity, many that you list, and asked people to forgive him for them…………..I thought that was pretty cool. I share the same thinking as Mr. Miller, Christianity in the Name of God has commited a lot of sins we need to ask our fellow humans to forgive us.3D said:
An excellent question, and one that has been driving myself and my family to move away from large institutional Christianity and more towards the Hebraic understanding of what it means to follow a rabbi.3D said:
I would agree with you.3D said:
Actually death bringing life is how our world works, something has to die in order for me to eat and stay alive, an animal dies in the woods and it’s body decomposes and provide nutrition and fertilizer for other plants and animals so they can live. That’s a whole ball of wax we don’t need to, nor do I want to “get in the cage” but I thought I’d comment on that one..3D said:
I would agree, Fred Phelps anyone.3D said:
Well if we are going to assume He was real, and was a Jewish rabbi (assumptions some on here disagree with, but for arguments sake) He had the whole OT memorized (and not because he “wrote it”, all rabbi’s had the OT memorized) now the NT is a whole different ball of wax that I won’t address here.3D said:
Has DirtyMike advocated for the creation of a theocracy? I know I wouldn’t support such a thing.3D said:
This thread got moved from another location. Don't worry, you weren't negligent.Andyman_1970 said:Oh and I think there needs to be a forum rule about Jesus threads getting to 3 pages without my involvement..........wow how did that happen
No, I don't think that is fair in the least. It's another example of the golden parachutes that we see all too often in the business world.fluff said: