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Cancel your dentist appointment: Vallnord (Andorra) World Cup Finals!

TrumbullHucker

TrumbullHucker

trumbullruxer
Aug 29, 2005
2,284
719
shimzbury, ct
as teh great @jonKranked said... "never too soon"

2 weeks or so and then we are down to boogy!

https://dirtmountainbike.com/racing-events/downhill/vallnord-andorra-world-cup-finals-track-sneak-peek.html

"With a maximum of 250 points available (50 to win qualifying, 200 for the main event for Elite riders) it boils down to just two riders in the men’s, Aaron Gwin and Danny Hart. Gwin has a sizeable 178 point cushion, but this is DH racing, and anything could happen. Hart is sure to go all out, and it is going to be interesting to see how the points stand after qualifying on the Friday and how that will affect the final race runs. It is also going to be interesting to see how the rest of the overall podium pans out. The top four are pretty safe, but thebattle for the fifth spot could (mathematically) be anyone’s back to 20th place!"

 
TrumbullHucker

TrumbullHucker

trumbullruxer
Aug 29, 2005
2,284
719
shimzbury, ct
trib said:
I like the guy but I really hope fairclough comes in 31st
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whaaat?! i think hes one of the best well rounded riders out there.. doing full time UCI DH with his best results this year and placing 8th in 2015, 2014, and 2013 Rampage

he does love the camera though haha
 
Sandwich

Sandwich

Pig my fish!
Staff member
May 23, 2002
21,790
7,047
borcester rhymes
come on, you can't be a part time internet troll and not take some delight in the guy who said there should be only 30 riders allowed coming in 31st?
 
dump

dump

Turbo Monkey
Oct 12, 2001
8,456
5,082
Sandwich said:
come on, you can't be a part time internet troll and not take some delight in the guy who said there should be only 30 riders allowed coming in 31st?
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When did he say that? What was the context?
 
T

trib

not worthy of a Rux.
Jun 22, 2009
1,636
640
I wish roots and rain had a track listing, so you can go back through and see who's won each year. It probably does and I can't figure it out.

Either way, my predictions for Valnord.

1. Gwin
2. Hart
3. This Years Plucky Underdog (currently Adam Brayton, previously Remi Thirion)
4. Brosnan
5. Someone overlooked by their nations worlds team
6. Pinned local guy who has a minor 'off' and is 'stoked' to be near the podium.
7. Gee, wondering how much longer before the gypsy womans' curse will last and whether he'll ever win again.
8. Loic Bruni
9. Minnaar
10. Rachel Atherton


31. Fairclough
 
William42

William42

fork ways
Jul 31, 2007
4,012
771
He completed his run at worlds and got 74th, he wasn't a DNF!

10th in 2013

Only two races he's done there I think though
 
jackalope

jackalope

Mental acuity - 1%
Jan 9, 2004
7,699
6,107
in a single wide, cooking meth...
Ok, after pulling a Peaty for MSA, it's time to get back on the donkey and help my fellow monkeys decipher what is going to happen this weekend at Andorra, home to one Cedric Gracia.

Time for the background check:

* The official language of Andorra is Catalan, which means that Catalina dressing likely originated from this area.

* Up until 2013, they did not have any income tax, which is probably one of the reasons CG took up residence here. That and so he can punch French people in the neck with impunity.

* Here is a breakdown on the Andorran economy

It is widely believed the "6.7% Unclassified transactions" is largely comprised of professional escort service fees in the employment of one Cedric Gracia.

* Andorra won its original independence from Aragon in 1278, which means the Gondor apparently lasted well after the 4th age.

* At 180.55 square miles, Andorra is the 179th (out of 195) smallest country in the world. The smallest being The Vatican City, which I had no idea was considered a "country" (thought it was mainly a weird theme park that specialized in child buggery and stealing money from poor people).

* Brendog will finish better than 30th, and hell, Sluggo might be under "the cut" as well based on his last race result...Peaty will not on account of several late nights at CG's estate, and I'm not convinced Ratty will have a good showing either.

* Andorra is roughly on the same lattitude (42.3° N) as Windham, NY...This means 2 things - the UCI is run by lizard people (duh) and Phil Kmetz would slay here if could make the trip across the pond.

* Looks like a solid chance for heavy cloud sweat this weekend, in which case Danny will have a big Hart on.

* This is Peat's last WC race...Wow...we need to start a tribute thread. Personally, in his honor I plan to get knee walking drunk, wreck a rental car in a foreign country and make good my escape via jumping out of the hotel window.


So with all that on the table, I think the podium seems pretty obvious:

1.) Sir Steven Peat - First the obvious big news, which is Steve gets knighted by Kate Middleton on Friday, and thusly is compelled to forego his traditional race kit and body protection and don a full platemail suit of armor, replete with a crabon lance and shield. His steed? A newly developed 36" unicycle, featuring a special, magic link suspension system...Suck it @Udi!!

2.) Sam Emm Effing Hill - Full enduro? Just kidding suckas! After not being selected for the Oz worlds team, the Thunda from Down Unda drags out an old Iron Donkey WC from his basement and sets off on a blazer run, up on Peat by 6 seconds at the 2nd split. But like a certain Worlds race from yesteryear, Sam slides out in the final wide open corner (this time in a puddle of Steve Peat party vomit) which keeps him off the top step.
Suck it Hacktastic!

3.) Rob Warner - Given the special occasion of Peaty's impending retirement from WC racing, the mouth from the South (UK of course) follows Sam's example and pulls out the flat downtubed beast of yestercentury

(Btw, I hope the course marshal in the above pic is smoking a blunt). Exhausted from 4 straight nights of constantly drinking vodka & redbull (just typing that made me cringe) and after putting forth a herculean effort on the track despite an absolute lack of training, the old boy collapses at the finish line, hitting the deck harder than an old lady on a cruise ship.

4.) Ryan Lochte - Did someone say late night drunken shenanigans? Then count this white haired fuck bucket in! So it turns out that Andorra does not have an extradition agreement with Brazil, so Ryan ends up in Andorra la Vella to lay low for awhile and let the international shit storm blow over. Sounds like a good plan until he happens upon the CG/Peat/Warner triumvirate one evening and he's switches into full frat boi mode, hoping to emulate the epic late night hijinks of noted professionals. Taking his rental Mustang down the course is definitely next level, and even Bernard Kerr is impressed, but unsurprisingly the sporty Ford steadily disintegrates along the way so that Ryan slides across the finish line sitting astride the transmission (first podium for a gearbox - woohoo!). He tries to flee the scene, but is trapped in a pit area porta potty when he cannot figure out how to unlatch the door (those plastic euro ones are a lot stronger than some flimsy central america bathroom door) and this time is apprehended by the authorities. His US citizenship is revoked and he is forced to seek asylum in the Vatican City, where he is painfully mistaken about what goes on in a Roman bath house.

5.) @troy - talk about a great way to unveil the new night raptor to the world! Given how much work he has been putting in on the new bike, it stands to reason that he's likely comically out of shape, and since he posts pretty frequently on RM, he's probably a terrible rider. Why I am slagging on one of my favorite RM personalities (no, make that my FAVE)? Because taking the 5th spot at a WC race clearly illustrates the otherworldly capabilities of the Dark Owl DH 02, even without a MIA link. Orders come pouring in, and soon enough he's hanging out with CG, punching random people in the neck, having high end strippers make it rain on him, and getting calf implants to "out frozen chicken breast" even Brian Lopes. A glorious success story to be sure (I just hopes he remembers the little people like me who helped him along the way)



Damas -

1.) Kate Middleton - ushering a new age of UK ladies DH dominance
2.) Ya know...Rach...Ya know
3.) Seagraves
4.) Manon
5.) Fuck it, UK sweep - Curd


Should be another kick ass race, and hopefully Hart and/or Loic will challenge Gwin, although if it truly is a mud bath, could definitely see a weird looking podium.
 
jackalope

jackalope

Mental acuity - 1%
Jan 9, 2004
7,699
6,107
in a single wide, cooking meth...
schwaaa31 said:
Sounds like Slugger pulled a shitty move at the BDS. I'd like to hear his side. Read Ben Reids comments below the story.
http://www.pinkbike.com/news/shimano-bds-revolution-bike-park-race-report-2016.html
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In Murica, we call that gamesmanship! But yeah, that does sound shady, although it seems like the course marshal and commisionaire could've made a better judgement. Regardless, I will keep this in mind the next time I crash through the course tape, I mean get my bars clipped by Shimano course tape (Sram tape would just break) on a race run.
 
T

trib

not worthy of a Rux.
Jun 22, 2009
1,636
640
schwaaa31 said:
Sounds like Slugger pulled a shitty move at the BDS. I'd like to hear his side. Read Ben Reids comments below the story.
http://www.pinkbike.com/news/shimano-bds-revolution-bike-park-race-report-2016.html
Click to expand...
Sounds like Beaumont was riding that section of the track wider than most and managed to get all tangled. So, even though it was the same conditions for all riders, he was the only one negatively affected.

Sucks for Atwill that he had his first BDS win taken away but no one is going to get snagged on a poorly taped course and not ask for a re run.

I'm pretty sure Atwill will finish above Slugger at Andorra, irregardless of course tape.
 
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