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car accident

eric strt6

Resident Curmudgeon
Sep 8, 2001
16,688
5,968
directly above the center of the earth
A man and his wife were arguing when they were involved in a serious car accident.
The wife was killed instantly, the husband died a few days later and they met at Heaven's gate....
The wife wife says" we are finally together again!"
The husband says "no freaking wayl I'm free... the deal was till death do us part!:rofl:
 

AngryMetalsmith

Business is good, thanks for asking
Jun 4, 2006
16,042
3,300
I have no idea where I am
A guy finds a lantern with a Magic Jeannie...( you know how this goes ).

He grants the man one wish.

The guy says, " I love to surf, but I live in Kansas, could you build me a private road to Hawaii ?

The Jeannie replies, " No that's not possible, how about something a little more practical."

So the guy thinks about it for a minute or two and says, " OK then, I want to know the secrets of women."

The Jeannie sighs and asks, " will that be one lane or two ? "
 

4130biker

PM me about Tantrum Cycles!
May 24, 2007
3,900
444
Lizard Town
So a bear walks into a bar, sits down and says:
"I'll have a.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................beer."

The bartender says, "yeah, sure, but whats with the big pause?"
 

4130biker

PM me about Tantrum Cycles!
May 24, 2007
3,900
444
Lizard Town
I don't mean to be gross, but the only time it's ok to say, 'I have diarrhea,' is when you're playing Scrabble...because it's worth a ****load of points.
Ya know, speaking of diarrhea, I was just listening to NPR the other morning. I don't usually listen to it, but this one was interesting. Researchers at UC Santa Cruz have discovered that diarrhea is genetic!

















Turns out that it runs in your genes.
 

MMike

A fowl peckerwood.
Sep 5, 2001
18,222
90
just sittin' here drinkin' scotch
So a bear walks into a bar, sits down and says:
"I'll have a.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................beer."

The bartender says, "yeah, sure, but whats with the big pause?"
A horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
 

nyhc00

Monkey
Jul 19, 2010
496
0
CT
A priest, a rabbi, a black guy, a midget, a horse, and a Polock walk into a bar. The bartender says, "what's this some sort of joke"?
 

DirtMcGirk

<b>WAY</b> Dumber than N8 (to the power of ten alm
Feb 21, 2008
6,417
1
Oz
Q. What do you call a house for lightly battered women?
A. A tempura house.
 

rockofullr

confused
Jun 11, 2009
7,356
918
East Bay, Cali
A young man is traveling in Ireland. After arriving in a small town he heads to the pub and sits down at the bar. The only other person at the bar is an old one eyed, sour looking man.

After an awkward moment the old man says, "you seen that there road leadin' into town? I cobbled it with me own hands, worked till they bled, but ain't no one ever heard of Saemus the Cobbler!"

After taking a sip of his stout he turns his one eye back to the traveler, "You seen the fence following that there road? I drove them piles with me own back, worked till it was broken and hunched, but ain't no one ever heard of Saemus the Piledriver!"

The old man turned back to his beer and his face became red and strained. After another sip he spoke again, "You seen the roof on this here building? I thatched it with the sweat of me own brow, worked till I was parched as the desert, but ain't no one ever heard of Saemus the Thatcher!"

After taking a look around to be sure they were still alone he whispers, "But you fvck one goat..."
 

Serial Midget

Al Bundy
Jun 25, 2002
12,867
1,678
Fort of Rio Grande
Seriously? Way too many words for a one liner...

A young man is traveling in Ireland. After arriving in a small town he heads to the pub and sits down at the bar. The only other person at the bar is an old one eyed, sour looking man.

After an awkward moment the old man says, "you seen that there road leadin' into town? I cobbled it with me own hands, worked till they bled, but ain't no one ever heard of Saemus the Cobbler!"

After taking a sip of his stout he turns his one eye back to the traveler, "You seen the fence following that there road? I drove them piles with me own back, worked till it was broken and hunched, but ain't no one ever heard of Saemus the Piledriver!"

The old man turned back to his beer and his face became red and strained. After another sip he spoke again, "You seen the roof on this here building? I thatched it with the sweat of me own brow, worked till I was parched as the desert, but ain't no one ever heard of Saemus the Thatcher!"

After taking a look around to be sure they were still alone he whispers, "But you fvck one goat..."
 

4130biker

PM me about Tantrum Cycles!
May 24, 2007
3,900
444
Lizard Town
What's black and white and red all over?




















A nun falling down the stairs.

Ok ok, but seriously:
What is red and green and goes 100 mph?
















A frog in a blender.
 

mantispf2000

Turbo Monkey
Aug 9, 2001
1,758
205
Nevada, 2 hours from Mammoth
Thanks for the laughter, gang. Nothing wrong with a good belly laugh to start the day.

Why do elephants have flat feet?

From jumping out of cherry trees.......

Why do elephants paint their toenails pink?

For hiding in cherry trees.......

Ever see an elephant hiding in a cherry tree?

Works pretty good, doesn't it..............