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Children of the Cairns 2016

Discussion in 'Downhill & Freeride' started by William42, Apr 18, 2016.

  1. SubV

    SubV Chimp

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    dry track will likely equate to tight times.

    May the best sprinter win!
     
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  2. jackalope

    jackalope Mental acuity - 1%

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    Apologies, but I've been immersed in a veritable purple waterfall of mournful tears, somewhat related to the recent passing of
    but more problematic was the issue of trying to fit back into my latex assless chaps.

    Painfully pressed leather eggs aside, there's apparently a non-ebike race going down in the down under. So whats up in Oz?

    * Australia rhymes with genitalia.

    * The Japanese actually had plans to invade Australia in 1942...LOL

    * Fosters sucks and I'm not presently aware of any good Australian export beer.

    * Udi lives in Australia, which makes the above bullet somewhat distressing.

    * Australia used to be connected to India and Antarctica...Steve Peat won those races too.

    * Cairns is a terrible track that could be (easily) ridden be Stevie Wonder riding shotgun with Stephen Hawking, much less Stevie Smith.

    * Sik Mik can apparently still ride a gravi-cycle, despite what Butch claims.

    * I've seen Midnight Oil in concert...meh.

    * Russell Crowe was not overweight in Romper Stomper.

    * Similar to 2 notable GOP presidential candidates, koala bears have exceptionally small brains given their skull size.

    * It's probably going to rain in the next 5 hours.


    Thusly, I don't think the following will take anybody by surprise:

    1. Prince - In short, not dead yet mutha fawkers! Before floating off to go bang Whitney Houston and probably Glenn Frey, the wispy little sparkplug from Minneapolis stops by Cairns on his CB400A (crushing some Strava segments along the way), equipped with a purple ano DVO fork and a one-off TLD helmet that doesn't compress heavily permed hair. Quitely crying and aggressively brapping, the musical elf of MN takes the purple gold.

    2. Sik Mik - duh

    3. Steve Peat - Sheffield Steel fools us all by not showing up for practice or qualies, but is allowed to race in the finals by drinking no less than 2 dozen Ozy fans under the table (as permitted under UCI rule 2.3 subsection A, paragraph 6). While the old timer doesn't quite equal his epic Canberra victory, its a pleasant way to leave his mark on kangaroo island.

    4. Xenomorph - hardly unexpected, but the constant trauma to part of the alien hive (derisively referred to as the "alien root") finally leads to a praetorian stirring and taking matters into its own claws. Riding a prototype Unno dh bike, the slimey rascal from LV-426 is at home is the vaginally slippery conditions and cruises to a solid 4th place. He is then promptly tackled and subsequently sexually assaulted by drunken Ozy fans. This is why they can't have nice things.

    5. Kidwoo - despite his absolute disdain for this bitch track and its tiled rock gardens, the towering terror from Norcal (he is a solid 7" taller than Prince) proves his point by cutting tape to mitigate those damnable switchbacks and destroys the course on his trusty, if somewhat dated, SX equipped with 16" wheels to get that BB down a bit.


    Women (that "glow") :

    1. Steve Irwins daughter
    2. Ragot
    3. PomPom
    4. Leigh Donovan
    5. SCB den mother
     
    #122 -   Apr 22, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2016
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  3. 4130biker

    4130biker PM me about Tantrum Cycles!

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    God you're uglier than I thought :D
     
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  4. William42

    William42 fork ways

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    Donno if anybody is looking at live timing, but the top 3 Juniors seem to be significantly faster (5 seconds) than everybody else. Matt Walker for junior world champ.

    Also, some pretty big upsets in the women's field.







    Just kidding.
     
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  5. jstuhlman

    jstuhlman We noticed.

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    paging @jonKranked ... wake up! it's go time, son!
     
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  6. SDet

    SDet Monkey

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    Cut 3 minutes from the first run? Wtf?
     
  7. Jeremy R

    Jeremy R <b>x</b>

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    Y'all bitches up? I got a 12 pack sampler pack from Highland Brewery and ready for a party.
     
  8. Da Peach

    Da Peach Outwitted by a rodent

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    Sucks to not see guys like Hill do their runs.
     
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  9. Da Peach

    Da Peach Outwitted by a rodent

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    My feed just died. Merde.
     
  10. mykel

    mykel Turbo Monkey

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    Loic pulls it off!!!

    Finally gets it done on a track he did not think he would do well on.
    First one of many

    Well done,
     
  11. jstuhlman

    jstuhlman We noticed.

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    whew...good one!
     
  12. mykel

    mykel Turbo Monkey

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    Super stoked for Sic Mic with a solid third.
     
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  13. kidwoo

    kidwoo Celebrating No-Pants Day

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    Hooray!


    Now let's never have a world cup on that shitty shitty track again.
     
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  14. Kurt_80

    Kurt_80 Monkey

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    2017 World Champs bitchezzz
     
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  15. toodles

    toodles Turbo Monkey

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    Worth it just to see Loic's face after tasting XXXX beer. Hahhahaa
     
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  16. DaveW

    DaveW Space Monkey

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    Warner needs a mandatory enforced drinking session before he's allowed near the microphone.

    I tried to convince Wyn that as he's not racing (a good move after his concussion) he should gate crash Warners Commentary booth. :D
     
  17. DaveW

    DaveW Space Monkey

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    lol what sick puppy did that to him! :rofl:
     
  18. DaveW

    DaveW Space Monkey

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    Also should I feel bad at laughing at Gwin's facial expression as he exited the hot seat podium?

    No Gwin, actually I think today God hates you. :D
     
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  19. Sandro

    Sandro Turbo Monkey

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    Don't you just love it when riders like Bruni and Brosnan are within two hundreths of a second after the semi technical top section and you hear Warner say for the n-th time: "It's all about pedaling now!"?
     
  20. jonKranked

    jonKranked Press Button, Receive Stupid

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    Got drunk and fell asleep. No surprise there. Had to be up early on kid duty this morning.
     
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  21. norbar

    norbar Turbo Monkey

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    I start to suspect my GF might be a witch. In Lourdes "ooh let's hope he doesn't crash" and bam Loic is down. In Cairns "hope nothing happens to him" and Smith punctures.
     
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  22. William42

    William42 fork ways

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    Seems like they could have saved some time, only played the 5 qualifiers runs, and only shown the sprint at the bottom. In fact, seems like they could save some time and just legit cut the entire top half of the course out, and just have a sprint at the bottom.

    Although I do like it when times are tight and you don't have any idea till the last second who's gonna win.

    Tbro being up at the split by .2 was pretty exciting. And that the top 3 were all within 1 second.
     
  23. kidwoo

    kidwoo Celebrating No-Pants Day

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    Maybe they'll go all out and build TWO corkscrews! I mean that thing is just so wacky! Can you imagine TWO!!???

    You think Palmer learned his lesson and will run clipless pedals this year? I think the vproccess nico is on just can't be beat! These new hydraulic brakes these guys are running really seem swell too.


    That terrain is awesome. I just really hope they do something different with that track. I'm all for cutting down more rain forest in this case. I mean that's where the spiders live, how could you not?
     
    #143 -   Apr 23, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2016
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  24. William42

    William42 fork ways

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    Burn it. Burn it all to the ground.
     
  25. epic

    epic Turbo Monkey

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    There were some pretty wacky results today. How were Gee and both Syndicate riders so far back?
     
  26. Kevin

    Kevin Turbo Monkey

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    Still better then VB....
     
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  27. rpet

    rpet Turbo Monkey

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    Good race!

    I had thought the days of "locals" like Mik and that other aussie pulling into the top5 or 10 as upsetters were long gone. It was also nice to see Tracy's result.
     
  28. jackalope

    jackalope Mental acuity - 1%

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    ^^
    Agreed. Interesting to see Aussies finish 2nd in mens, womens and juniors.
     
  29. slyfink

    slyfink Turbo Monkey

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    Do I recall correctly that Josh Button was on a borrowed bike from Connor Fearon? Or was that different Aussie? Pretty amazing result. Otherwise I thought the rest was kinda unexciting (to watch least get the results were pleasing)
     
  30. SylentK

    SylentK Turbo Monkey

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    Seems to me that Loic is the man to beat.

    Until he has a major off / crash and then goes the speed of the rest of the field. (Due to mind f@ck things that the rest of the field has had to deal with)

    Debbie downer moment of the day.
     
    #150 -   Apr 23, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2016
  31. jstuhlman

    jstuhlman We noticed.

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    downer moment is that the next race isn't until fucking june @ fort bill. amirite?
     
  32. big-ted

    big-ted Danced with A, attacked by C, fired by D.

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    Two things I observed last night:

    1) These guys need to stop dropping f-bombs in interviews. Yeah, it shouldn't be a big deal, but you're a professional athlete. Act like it. Multiple guilty parties here.

    2) Man, some of these pyjama suits are getting awfully tight again eh?
     
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  33. epic

    epic Turbo Monkey

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    Steve Smith is pretty much rocking a skinsuit at this point. I have no problem with the suits getting aero. They are supposed to be trying to go fast.
     
  34. toodles

    toodles Turbo Monkey

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    To be fair to Josh Button - he's not a professional athlete. The guy has a fulltime job in earthmoving - he's allowed to be a bit less polished, especially sitting in the hot seat at a home world cup.

    I bet if they had microphones on course you would have heard some colourful language from other guys during their runs.
     
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  35. sethimus

    sethimus scroll all you want!

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  36. Gary

    Gary "S" is for "neo-luddite"

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    Plus. They do make the guys tight little asses look mighty purty on TV

    ... Oh... did I say that out loud?
     
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  37. epic

    epic Turbo Monkey

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    Racers of the day for me - Elliot Jackson (!), Josh Button, James McCarroll. How about a hand for these guys?
     
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  38. slimshady

    slimshady ¡Mira, una ardilla!

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    That stupid and sexy Smith!
     
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  39. norbar

    norbar Turbo Monkey

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    Yeah we also need more old swiss men involved in the sport and have strange gear regulations that don't allow certain technologies.
     
  40. HAB

    HAB Chelsea from Seattle

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    His interview might have been the the least profane thing an Aussie tradesman ever said. :D
     
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