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Children..

MountainDrew

Monkey
Aug 15, 2007
471
0
I want to hear some people feedback about kids.

If you have any, why did you decide to have them.

If you dont have any, why did you decide not too.
 

Wingnut

Turbo Monkey
Nov 12, 2003
1,410
89
Sorry, I'm Canadian ..sorry...
I have 3. Honestly, I was uninterested in kids untill we had our first. I was good then, 1 is fine, I myself am a "only child". Then we had our second, all is good. The third came as a suprise, irish twins we got now. And, I have to admit, I'm loving every minute of it! Wouldn't change a thing.
 

moff_quigley

Why don't you have a seat over there?
Jan 27, 2005
4,403
2
Poseurville
We have one (she'll be 5 in May). We were married for 8yrs before we had her. My wife really wanted a kid. I was "meh." Wouldn't trade her for the world now though. It's been a lot of fun. Wife wants another and I'm still "meh."
 

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
30,683
3,696
Portland, OR
I have one with my ex-wife and it was unplanned and poorly timed. I love my son, I hate his mother. It makes for a bad relationship. He will be 12 in April.

My wife has one from a bad relationship way too early. I am his dad and have been since he was 13, he will be 22 in May.

We have one together who is 7 and she is my whole world. She loves her biggest brother, but doesn't know her other brother very well. She still loves him, she just hasn't ever spent much time with him.

I love all my kids and they come first. Sometimes it's hard, but in the end it's so worth it.

The "ideal" situation based on my experience:

Don't get married until after age 25
Don't have kids until after the 5th year of marriage
Don't have more than 2 kids
Don't have them closer than 3 years apart.

My $.02
 

Streamline

Spammer Extraordinaire
Jul 9, 2007
333
0
I have an 18 month old and a 5 month old. My wife and I both wanted children so it wasn't a hard decision. My daughter came second, unexpected, but it was obviously meant to be. Both of my children are wonderful. They were/are both great infants and we are truly blessed. I miss freetime but it is worth the trade off.

lol I broke all of the above rules:
Married before 25: me by weeks the wife by a year.
had kids in the 2nd year of marriage.
Haven't broken the 2 kid rule. I only want two but may be open to another later on.
lol 13 months apart sound good to you.

The only bad thing is that I feel I don't pay enough attention to my wife. but between two jobs, the kids and two houses (trying hard to sell one of them) it is hard to get that quality time in.
 

McGRP01

beer and bikes
Feb 6, 2003
7,797
0
Portland, OR
I have 2. Ages 6 & 2. Never intendend on having kids at all, and neither one was planned. I can't imagine my life without them now though. Of course shortly after my second was born I had a "procedure" to ensure that it won't happen again. ;)
 

stosh

Darth Bailer
Jul 20, 2001
22,118
232
NY
We have one (she'll be 5 in May). We were married for 8yrs before we had her. My wife really wanted a kid. I was "meh." Wouldn't trade her for the world now though. It's been a lot of fun. Wife wants another and I'm still "meh."
I was similar to how you felt. Now that we had one I want another child!!

My wife and I were together for a while before we got married but once we got married we had a daughter a year later. You lose some freedoms but your life is just different after and not in a bad way.
 

Reactor

Turbo Monkey
Apr 5, 2005
3,978
1
Chandler, AZ, USA
This is us. We enjoy our child-free lifestyle and do not want the responsibility of being parents.
my wife became pregnant two weeks after we decided we were never going to have a child and stopped ten years of trying:poster_oops:

Edit: I love my daughter and wouldn't trade her for anything.
 

Jim Mac

MAKE ENDURO GREAT AGAIN
May 21, 2004
6,364
281
the middle east of NY
1 kid! almost 8 months old now, holy crap. We waited until 39 & 40 respectively. As Tigg said, we never much thought about kids but now can't live without 'em, the little stinker!

We found a new level of giving within us after having him. That's what being a parent is all about from our experience. Just when you think you have hit your limit, you find new capacities within yourself! And it is amazing to see your kid develop over time and develop their own set of capabilities.

PS, our little Porker gained 4 lbs in a month - definitely developed the capability to sock it away!
 

Brian HCM#1

MMMMMMMMM BEER!!!!!!!!!!
Sep 7, 2001
31,669
114
Bay Area, California
2 kids 8 and 4, we were together for 3 years, bought a house one year later she was knocked up. Got married, decided to go for round 2 after our son was 3 years old.
 

stosh

Darth Bailer
Jul 20, 2001
22,118
232
NY
I also would like to add that I'm glad I waited till 30yrs old but I wouldn't want to wait much longer. Different strokes for different folks of course but I'm happy doing it while I'm younger'ish.
 

eaterofdog

ass grabber
Sep 8, 2006
7,637
780
Central Florida
It's a big change in perception. Once you have kids, the lives of people who don't have kids seem kind of pointless. I guess it's the difference between living for yourself and living for someone dependent on you.
 

brungeman

I give a shirt
Jan 17, 2006
5,173
0
da Burgh
I have 2 both born on 7-11 only they are 3 years apart. Sophie is 7 months and all she does is smile! :thumb: Emma is a funny one as well! great personality on both! wouldn't trade it for the world!

great experience... you could have blown me over with a feather when I found out Bek was pregnant the first time! (always thought that you had to "do something" in order to have a kid :monkey: )
 

JohnE

filthy rascist
May 13, 2005
12,646
664
Front Range, dude...
Like Jimmy Dean, I have an ex I abhor, and a son with her who is great. He lives with me, so things are chill, relatively, until she gets a case of the stupids. My wife and I have 2 others, both of which I was meh about initially, but now am totally sold. My daughter (2 y/o) is a scream, an absolute nutcase, while her 5 y/o brother is reserved and cool about everything. Watching all 3 grow into people is an adventure and a blessing. They provide more positive motivation for me to do good things then anything my former juvenile delinquent self could have ever come up with.
No more though, 3 is plenty.
 

narlus

Eastcoast Softcore
Staff member
Nov 7, 2001
24,638
26
behind the viewfinder
Don't get married until after age 25
check (28)
Don't have kids until after the 5th year of marriage
check (34)
Don't have more than 2 kids
check (2)
Don't have them closer than 3 years apart.
? this one i don't understand. our kids are 25 months apart and it's pretty ideal for a gap. they play together really well (they are now 6 and 8)


eaterofdog has summed it up pretty well.
 

stosh

Darth Bailer
Jul 20, 2001
22,118
232
NY
great experience... you could have blown me over with a feather when I found out Bek was pregnant the first time! (always thought that you had to "do something" in order to have a kid :monkey: )
There is no licensing for this one!
 

I Are Baboon

Run, Forrest, Run!
Aug 6, 2001
29,753
2,594
MTB New England
Ditto what he said for my husband and I.
Do either of you have siblings with kids? The reason I ask is that MBC's mom really wants grandkids, but since MBC is an only child that probably won't happen. Mom-in-law stopped bring up the subject though because MBC would yell at her for it. :p My brother has four kids so we don't hear a peep about the subject from my mom.

It's a big change in perception. Once you have kids, the lives of people who don't have kids seem kind of pointless. I guess it's the difference between living for yourself and living for someone dependent on you.
Yeah man, what's the point of living if you aren't breeding? LOL
 

Mr Tiles

I'm a beer snob
Nov 10, 2003
3,474
0
L-town ya'll
I have one that's almost 2. There is no bigger change one can make in their life than having a youngin'. It's been a totally enlightening experience and I've loved every minute of his being in my life. My wife and I were married 6 years before we decided to start having a kid(s). We were both around 23 when we got married.
 

$tinkle

Expert on blowing
Feb 12, 2003
14,591
5
If you have any, why did you decide to have them.
i think the question should be "why did you not decide to not have them?", as having kids is the norm (see: human population). my kindergarten-age daughter rocks, and having helped out in various volunteer activities with her peers, my wife & i are glad we didn't have a son. sure, the drama will come later, but by then i'll have amassed the necessary patience. with just the one, we're a euro couple (not replacing ourselves).

as for other peoples' kids:
 

SlapheadMofo

Monkey
Jul 29, 2003
416
0
Westminster MA
My wife and I did everything kinda backwards - first, house, then kid, then married. I turned 40 this past fall. My almost 4 y/o was a suprise; I never wanted nor saw myself with a kid. Scariest thing that ever happened to me at the time. Now...well, I pretty much worship the little guy. :cupidarrow:
Still the scariest thing that ever happened to me. Likely the best too though.

In one way, I wish I had him when I was younger so that I'll be around for him longer, but in another way, it's probably good that I had plenty of years of freedom so that I don't really feel I missed out on things. I think it might have been tougher if I had been in my early 20s rather than late 30s. Course, it's a trade off - while I've got my hands full of childcare issues for the forseeable future, people who had 'em earlier are shipping 'em out to college, etc.
 

stosh

Darth Bailer
Jul 20, 2001
22,118
232
NY
If I were to over simplify my view of life and how a child relates to it, it would be this.

There have been 2 great things that have enriched my life.

The fist has been experiencing different parts of the country and what little I've traveled out of the country. Whether it's just a short local trip to Cooperstown or a long trip to California I loved meeting new people and learning about art, life, culture, architecture, nature, what-ever was on the docket for that day. All these things have combined to help me appreciate the bigger picture in life.

The second has been having a child. Nothing in my life has mad me feel more alive than knowing that the blood running through another humans body is something that I had a part in creating. I love my wife dearly as though she was always part of my life from the day I was born, however having another person in the world that you are responsible for molding and taking care of can teach you more about yourself and life than any number of "freedoms" can.
 

stosh

Darth Bailer
Jul 20, 2001
22,118
232
NY
Yeah man, what's the point of living if you aren't breeding? LOL
Ha, I thought his comments were a little harsh. My mom and dad love having a granddaughter so I can understand why your mother in law is asking. I feel bad for you guys, it's your decision and it's an important one.

I told myself I would never ask my newly (or oldly) married friends "Hey when are you guys going to have kids" because I hated when people asked us that.
 

binary visions

The voice of reason
Jun 13, 2002
21,695
498
NC
eaterofdog said:
Once you have kids, the lives of people who don't have kids seem kind of pointless.
I really hate this viewpoint and a lot of parents share it. It really comes across as arrogant and narrow-minded. God forbid someone might want to live their life outside of the fixed, school->marriage->kids->death routine. I know, so pointless. :rolleyes:

My girlfriend and I are not planning on having kids. I am somewhat flexible to the idea but only in that I have a lot I'd like to do while I'm young, and only after that, would I be willing to consider it. Frankly, I don't have any particular desire to have kids so I'm pretty happy with a lifestyle that doesn't involve them. Jenn's mom wants grandkids but neither of us have any intention of living our lives the way someone else expects us to, and besides... she's got a brother.

My parents are out of luck, though, since I don't want kids and my sister doesn't date men :D
 

geargrrl

Turbo Monkey
May 2, 2002
2,379
1
pnw -dry side
I've got two just about grown, 18 & 21.
Mr. GG was really wanting to start a family, I was on the fence since I come from an abusive, alcoholic home where chaos and neglect was the norm. I went along with it just because and it has turned out great.

So we went for it, and my approach was to take LOTS of parenting classes to learn other ways to do things than how my parents did.

Some people will say life as you know it is over, I say they are wrong. We had to revise how we did all our crazy outdoors things, but we never quit: hiking, whitewater, camping.... all that stuff.

Once I heard someone say they didn't want to have kids because they weren't sure they had enough love to go around. The reply that I also heard was very cool - Having kids and loving them is like lighting a candle. If you light another candle, you add to the light, not take away from it.

I strongly believe that kids should be wanted and loved. They aren't pets, they aren't playthings, they aren't chattel. They aren't there for you to get your affirmation from, or to stroke your ego, or to fufill your failed dreams. I also strongly believe that if you don't' know what the hell to do as a parent, there are lots of good resources out there to learn how to be a good parent.

I also really respect those who choose not to breed for whatever reasons.

gg
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,965
35
Don't get married until after age 25
Don't have kids until after the 5th year of marriage
Don't have more than 2 kids
Don't have them closer than 3 years apart.

My $.02

1st child in 1991. I was 21, she was 23. We married in the 7 month of the pregnancy. We'd been together 3 years.

Divorced 5 years later.

Dated a bunch of psychos for a few years.

Moved in with a beautiful, SANE woman in 2000.

Took full custody of my child in 2002. Uncontested in court.

My ex disappeared shortly thereafter. We have not heard from her since.

Remarried 3 years ago.

Expecting another child in April. Yes, that is a 16 year gap between kids.



I wouldn't have done it any other way.
 

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
30,683
3,696
Portland, OR
My girlfriend and I are not planning on having kids. I am somewhat flexible to the idea but only in that I have a lot I'd like to do while I'm young, and only after that, would I be willing to consider it. Frankly, I don't have any particular desire to have kids so I'm pretty happy with a lifestyle that doesn't involve them. Jenn's mom wants grandkids but neither of us have any intention of living our lives the way someone else expects us to, and besides... she's got a brother.
That's why we are bringing up our daughter to look at herself first. I don't tell her you die after child birth, but my wife was 17 when she had her son and it made life tough. I want her to go to school, establish herself as a person first, establish her relationship first. If after 5 years or so you don't want to kill the other person, then maybe kids are a good idea, then again maybe not.

Kids can add a lot to a person and even more to a relationship. But they can also be a wedge that drives people apart and drags people down. It's all in the perception.

As far as the "3 years apart" rule, it's not a hard rule. But a good friend of ours has 3 kids all about 18 months apart and it seems way too close. At 3, our daughter had great communication and was becoming self sufficient. Prior to that, you are juggling chainsaws. So people can do it without losing a limb, I'm not that guy.
 

urbaindk

The Real Dr. Science
Jul 12, 2004
4,821
0
Sleepy Hollar
I knocked my wife up. Apparently birth control pills really do work and if you stop taking them you can get pregnant. Seriously, though, we just couldn't decide when "the right time" was going to come around so we said F'it (literally) and let fate decide. We're pretty happy how it's turned out so far.
 

jimmydean

The Official Meat of Ridemonkey
Sep 10, 2001
30,683
3,696
Portland, OR
I was 21, she was 23. Married in the 7 month of the pregnancy. We'd been together 3 years.

Divorced 5 years later.

Dated a bunch of psychos for a few years.

Moved in with a beautiful, SANE woman in 2000.

Took full custody of my child in 2002.

Remarried 3 years ago.

Expecting another child in April. Yes, that is a 16 year gap between kids.

I wouldn't have done it any other way.
I was 20, she was 21. We were together 4 months, then married 3 years before we separated. While separated, I knocked her up and she moved away pregnant. After 2 years of bitter divorce, it was "over". I didn't see my son until he was 3 and I've only seen him 4 time in 11 years, but we talk on the phone (Portland to San Diego).

Dated a bunch of psychos, then settled down with one in 1999. She was newly divorced and didn't want to marry. A year later she was knocked up, we got married when she was 4 months pregnant.

I hope to get full custody of my son next year when he turns 13.

It's far from perfect, but it works for us. I couldn't have done it any other way (as the past is what it is).
 

Jim Mac

MAKE ENDURO GREAT AGAIN
May 21, 2004
6,364
281
the middle east of NY
I also would like to add that I'm glad I waited till 30yrs old but I wouldn't want to wait much longer. Different strokes for different folks of course but I'm happy doing it while I'm younger'ish.
Luckily, I am a hyperkinetic 41 year old, as a few people here could tell you! The only difference with me now (besides taking longer to heal from stupid bike tricks) is that my 'battery' goes dim by 9pm...
 

stosh

Darth Bailer
Jul 20, 2001
22,118
232
NY
Luckily, I am a hyperkinetic 41 year old, as a few people here could tell you! The only difference with me now (besides taking longer to heal from stupid bike tricks) is that my 'battery' goes dim by 9pm...
Ha nice!!!
 

SlapheadMofo

Monkey
Jul 29, 2003
416
0
Westminster MA
I really hate this viewpoint and a lot of parents share it. It really comes across as arrogant and narrow-minded. God forbid someone might want to live their life outside of the fixed, school->marriage->kids->death routine. I know, so pointless. :rolleyes:

So school->marriage->death FTW then??


;)

I figured things the same way for 35+ years. I was happy not to have a kid, and I'm sure I'd still be happy if I hadn't (less stressed for sure). Now that I know what it's all about tho, I can kinda see where that attitude comes from. It's probably something along the lines of the way 'normal' people look at loners or hermits (roughly - work with me here). The hermit's probably happy sitting alone in a cave. 'Normal' people think he's missing out on life. People with kids can have a tendency to look at those without in a similar sorta light due to the fact that they've discovered a human connection deeper than anything you'll likely ever experience unless you do have one yourself.
Duzzat make any sense?
 

binary visions

The voice of reason
Jun 13, 2002
21,695
498
NC
Duzzat make any sense?
I understand where you're coming from, and I get that I will not know exactly what it's like to have a kid without having one, but the superior "my life has more meaning than yours" attitude that some parents share is just unpleasant.

I could easily say to people who have kids that they've wasted their life in whittling away many of their prime years that they could have otherwise spent, say, traveling, studying, engaged in philanthropy... How do you even know that not spending so much time on your children wouldn't have allowed you to experience a different kind of connection with your significant other?

You don't. You only know your own experience, your own wants and desires. You're presuming to judge someone who is living a life they've chosen for themselves. It should not be assumed that the hermit is miserable and alone.

(BTW, when I say "you," I don't necessarily mean you, I'm saying it generically)