[Westy]

Over the last two years my mother has been fighting with lung cancer. Unfortunately it is a fight only .01% of people win. Things got to the point where she could no longer care for herself. My sister lives a few hours away from my mother does not work and neither does her husband. But she could not lend a hand because it would be too disruptive, whatever. So I stepped up and moved my mother half way across the country away from her home and friends to my house so she could spend her last days with family and not in a hospital. It has been a very stressful month but that is life and I would not have it any other way.

So last week I tell my sister that it would be nice if she came to spend some time with my mother. I offered up round trip airfare and a few days in a hotel. I never heard back from her until yesterday. She shows up at my front door with her 6-month-old child and her unemployed deadbeat estranged husband. She plans to stay in my tiny little house indefinitely with plans on bringing her other 3 children at some point in the future. Neither my sister nor her husband have worked in years, they are experts on scamming off of friends and family and have been very successful in doing so. My parents, grandparents, aunts uncles have given them thousands upon thousands of dollars over the years and they have done little more than piss it away, now they are trying to do the same to me.

I sat down and politely told my sister that I did not think this was going to work out. A house full of bikes, 3 dogs, tons of sharp things, oxygen tanks and enough morphine to kill a herd of elephants was no place for a infant. She assured me they were there to help and my life would be so much easier. 24 hours later they have done little but keep me up all night, leave dirty diapers around the house and eat my food.

I am single and live alone for a reason, I hate people and enjoy quiet solitude. I am taking care of my mother because it is the right thing to do. I do not feel so charitable for anyone else. I am so pissed right now and the only thing stopping me from going on a killing spree is that I am so frikkin tired I can barely keep my head up.

:mumble: :mumble: :mumble: :mumble:

 

[BikeGeek]

Sorry to hear it man
Much respect for doing what you're doing

 

[Lexx D]

Kick them to the curb. I did the nurse thing for a while(about a year) as my father slowly passed away. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. You don't need them pissing you off during a trying time like this, you're most likely better off giving them the boot.

 

[binary visions]

That sucks.

Good for you for stepping up and taking care of your mother. I'd give your sister and her husband the boot, though... Don't let yourself become one of the uncles, aunts, parents, etc. that they have successfully scammed from. There's enough stress trying to take care of a sick relative that you shouldn't put up with the additional stress of your sister skimming off your earnings.

Good luck with the situation.

 

[Echo]

Dude.

That really sucks. Sounds like you're trying to do the right thing and getting raped.

For one thing, stop keeping food in the house. Keep it at work or ask a friend to hook you up for a couple weeks. Maybe that will get some attention.

 

[DVNT]

I'm sorry to hear that.
I lost my mom last year to lung cancer and I lost my dad when I was a teenager to leukemia. It's a tough thing to go through but you are doing the right thing. Hang in there for your mother's sake and be strong for her.

 

[SkaredShtles]

What you do is start giving them orders. Make 'em clean the house. Make 'em scrub the toilet. Make 'em re-roof. Make 'em build a shed out back. If they fail on any of your orders, court-martial 'em. Kick their sorry a$$es out on the street. When you do, make it clear that all of your compassion is for your mom now and they can take a flying leap.

-S.S.-

 

[Westy]

What you do is start giving them orders. Make 'em clean the house. Make 'em scrub the toilet. Make 'em re-roof. Make 'em build a shed out back. If they fail on any of your orders, court-martial 'em. Kick their sorry a$$es out on the street. When you do, make it clear that all of your compassion is for your mom now and they can take a flying leap.

-S.S.-

I will hand them each a toothbrush and request that the house shines. I can't trust them to do any skilled work.

 

[pixelninja]

What you do is start giving them orders. Make 'em clean the house. Make 'em scrub the toilet. Make 'em re-roof. Make 'em build a shed out back. If they fail on any of your orders, court-martial 'em. Kick their sorry a$$es out on the street. When you do, make it clear that all of your compassion is for your mom now and they can take a flying leap.

-S.S.-

I agree. Right now it should be all about your mom. Maybe make up a list of things they need to do and tell her, "If you really mean what you said, here's what you can do to help". If they continue to be dead-beats, kick em out.

 

[golgiaparatus]

Massive condolences on your sick mother. I'm sure she appreciates what you are doing for her. I knw how hard it is to see cancer taking its toll on someone close to you. I have been there 3 times before.

Now as for your sister. Also I have been in your shoes, not so directly however. My aunt is/was a scam artist. Her last husband is in prison because hei made his living passing bad checks and conning people out of money, namely my family. If I were in your shoes I'd take my sister aside and tell her straight up, your husband and you kids dont need to be here. Get a hotel for your family or send them back home.

My family cut the rope from my aunt a while ago, she hit rock bottom and now she is working and making her own money. For the first time in 20 years she is supporting herself... granted, she lives in a $hithols and makes next to nothing but she is actually proud of her accomplishment and so is my family, for the most part.

 

[douglas]

I am very sorry to hear about your mom.

I say tell sis she needs to stay/sleep somewhere else, but she is more than welcome to visit/help take care of your mom.

like DVNT, both of my parents are deceased...if you ever need to rant or get something off your chest, feel free to pm me

 

[SkaredShtles]

I will hand them each a toothbrush and request that the house shines. I can't trust them to do any skilled work.

Oooh - I know. Make 'em go out and buy you stuff. Make sure it's under the guise of "it's for Mom"........ bike upgrades and stuff would be a good starter.

-S.S.-

 

[SkaredShtles]

<snip> granted, she lives in a $hithols

Is there anything else in OK?

-S.S.-

 

[JRB]

Wow bummer Westy. I did the nurse the mom thing and it is horrible. You can't begin to know the stresses you will come under. I hated my brother and he finally would come and help. If your sister is there to really help, good on her. If not, let her go. You are super cool holmes. Don't let em sink your ship.

 

[jdcamb]

Dude sorry to hear about your Mom. Except for the Sister and her Husband part I am essentially doing the same thing. My Mom has had 2 heart attacks and is in Cardio Pulminary rehab. She is not responding well and has given up. My Dad is your Aunt . I have basically spent every penny on her trying to make her comfortable and keep her going. My life is a shambles. But she is my Mom and I will do anything for her. It is getting to the point where we no longer have the ability to take care of her and we are facing the smae situation as you. If I had to complicate things with some other family BS I don't think I could handle that. Dude goodluck and my prayers are with you and your Mom. Kick the deadbeats out now is my suggestion.......jdcamb

 

[zod]

I got some "non-workers" in my family too..........they suck and they're good for nothing. My blood boils when I have to be around them for more than 10 seconds :mumble:

 

[reflux]

Westy, was that you who invited the ex from high school to come and stay with you? When she showed up, after not seeing her for years, she had a shaved head and was a loser with a loser bf.

It's nice to hear of someone giving back to their parents for all they've given for us.

 

[Westy]

Westy, was that you who invited the ex from high school to come and stay with you? When she showed up, after not seeing her for years, she had a shaved head and was a loser with a loser bf.
QUOTE]

Nah, that was not me. I have a low tolerance for deadbeats. I think I am very generous to my friends but for some reason I refuse to give a drop of spittle to beggars. I have busted my ass for everything I have and respect others that have done the same. I have 0 respect for parasites.

 

[golgiaparatus]

Is there anything else in OK?

-S.S.-

No were poor hillbillies and we all screw and eat donkeys

 

[Westy]

Dude sorry to hear about your Mom. Except for the Sister and her Husband part I am essentially doing the same thing. My Mom has had 2 heart attacks and is in Cardio Pulminary rehab. She is not responding well and has given up. My Dad is your Aunt . I have basically spent every penny on her trying to make her comfortable and keep her going. My life is a shambles. But she is my Mom and I will do anything for her. It is getting to the point where we no longer have the ability to take care of her and we are facing the smae situation as you. If I had to complicate things with some other family BS I don't think I could handle that. Dude goodluck and my prayers are with you and your Mom. Kick the deadbeats out now is my suggestion.......jdcamb

Sorry to hear about your mom, it's a tough bit, but worth every moment.

 

[SkaredShtles]

No were poor hillbillies and we all screw and eat donkeys

You're allowed to eat *donkeys*?!?

I figured they were too close to horses for that to be allowed........

-S.S.-

 

[BillT]

As cold as it might sound, you need to kick those people out now. The longer they stay the more difficult it will be to get them to leave and the more it will cost you - not only in terms of money (feeding them, etc), but in terms of your sanitity, etc. Be sure to watch anything remotely valuable (including your mom's morphine) and consider moving it to a friends house until the freeloaders leave.

 

[Skookum]

There's not enough room in your house or heart for em. Assertively escort them out of both. i've been through a very similiar situation and believe me you need people surrounding you to help support "you" as well as your mom. it's hard to think about the importance of self when you start from a selfless stance, but it's necessary to protect yourself, otherwise your capacity for helping others diminishes.

 

[TreeSaw]

Westy I am SO sorry to hear about your mother. I will definately keep you and your mother in my thoughts and prayers. This is an extremely difficult time and you are a wonderful son to take on this responsibility. I agree with most of what everyone else has said regarding your sister. I would let her know how you feel. Reiterate what she told you about wanting to help out and give her a "To Do" list. Let her know that what she's doing is unacceptable and is actually not making things any easier for you or your mother. Best of luck to you...

 

[Westy]

I've calmed down a bit on the whole topic. But I think I can only give my sister a week at my place, I desperately need some peace and quiet in my house. But I will only be buying super healthy food I know they hate. The brother in law only likes Bud Light so I should be able to keep IPA's safely in stock. Any mess they leave behind will be thrown in their bed or burnt in the driveway.

 

[SkaredShtles]

<snip> so I should be able to keep IPA's safely in stock.

I'm on my way shortly to get a 6'er of Great Divide Hercules Double IPA.......

-S.S.-

 

[Westy]

I'm on my way shortly to get a 6'er of Great Divide Hercules Double IPA.......

-S.S.-

Tasty, I :heart: hoppy beers.

 

[COmtbiker12]

Sorry to hear about your mom. Thats cool you took the plate and did whats best for her. You should give your sis and her husband the boot since they have such lack of motivation to get a job or anything. Just because she's biologically related to you shouldnt mean you ought to feel obligated to take them in if there's no way of her helping out or anything.

 

[Toshi]

Be sure to watch anything remotely valuable (including your mom's morphine)

big ditto. morphine is highly addictive.

 

[SkaredShtles]

Tasty, I :heart: hoppy beers.

This one positively *REEKS* of hops when you pour it. And it's pushing 10% alcohol.

-S.S.-

 

[-BB-]

:mumble: :mumble: :mumble: :mumble:

Dude... I'm sorry to hear that.

Once your mother has passed away

MOVE. Pack up all your stuff and MOVE somewhere else and Don't tell your sister where!!

 

[Westy]

OK a bit of an update.

My sister has been buying all of her own food and trying to help around the house. Her husband does little more than sleep, eat and watch television, been pretty much worthless. But they have truly made themselves at home and I feel like a visitor in my own house. But what I could not bring myself to do my mother has done for me. With tons of medication and a brain tumor she has become quite paranoid and has a mean streak a mile wide. If my sister tries to do anything other than sit quietly in the corner my mother goes completely ballistic on her. I actually feel sorry for my sister at this point. But she plans on leaving some time next week because she can no longer handle the emotional stress of the verbal abuse.

 

[Ian F]

Dude, you are the Man. And I mean that seriously.

Sounds like your mother may be releasing some built-up feelings towards your sister.

Hopefully, everything will work out for you.

 

[pixelninja]

But what I could not bring myself to do my mother has done for me. With tons of medication and a brain tumor she has become quite paranoid and has a mean streak a mile wide. If my sister tries to do anything other than sit quietly in the corner my mother goes completely ballistic on her. I actually feel sorry for my sister at this point. But she plans on leaving some time next week because she can no longer handle the emotional stress of the verbal abuse.

I'm sorry for your situation, but it looks like things (as far as your sister goes) might work themselves out without you being the bad guy.

Still sorry about your mom.

 

[dh girlie]

Wow...sorry to hear about your mom. I'm sure the bad situation with the sister and good for nothing husband is exacerbated by the stress.

 

[Leethal]

I lost my Dad to cancer over several months a couple years ago and stress out about how my deadbeat cousin and family is living a few miles away from my now vulnerable mom while I live 3.5 hrs away, same thing with them his wife goes in and out of jail for passing bad checks has worked at every fast food place for like 1 week at a time until she gets fired etc.