[JohnE]

Straight shit, no jokes.

I have a friend I met in Germany. Got along immediately when we met, similar likes/dislikes/attitudes etc. For the better part of 3 years, we hung out all the time. Played hockey together, went to punk shows, rode bikes and hung out. Families meshed well, dogs played well together...he and his soon to be ex are like family to me and mine. Turns out he is a highly functioning alcoholic, and now he is in hospital being treated for liver failure...I never saw any signs. I am the child of an alcoholic, albeit not a highly functioning one, and my family is full of addicts and compulsives. This has resulted in me being a fairly sober and quasi responsible dude. But this is not about me.

I have been talking to him, and dont know what to say. I want to be a guys guy with him, tell him I will beat his ass when we get together again, do the whole tough love thing...but as he has also been suicidal, I dont want to push him in that way. He messaged me today that he will be living a compromised life for the rest of it, and he will be off the bike and the ice, and out of the pit till he kicks off. I want to tell him he brought it on himself and he is reaping what he sowed, but he will be better and we will rock again, but I dont think that would help.

Thoughts on what/how to talk to him? Anybody?

 

[stoney]

Que @eric strt6

 

[eric strt6]

be straight with him just don't talk down or be preachy when you do it.

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

There is one absolute constant in the lives of addicts that is vastly different from non-addicts. The fear of death from our drug of choice is absolutely not a deterrent. So the possibility of complete liver failure, and any other long term demise of health really has no influence on an addict. With a mentality like that combined with a deeply selfish personality, there is literally nothing you can say that he will hear.

The best thing you can do is just be a consistent friend, and not be pushy. But be warned, trying to "save" an addict can backfire and cause you more grief than it's worth. He has to find the motivation to quit, or as they say, "hit rock bottom" on his own.

When I joke with other addicts about our nature, I often use the phrase, " did you ever wake up mad because you didn't die in your sleep ? " Recovered addicts laugh their asses off at that, normal people want to have me committed.

So if the very real possibility of death doesn't scare us, then you damn sure won't. It's good though that he's got a good friend like you. Just be careful.

 

[DirtyMike]

There is no good way to try and save him. I see a lot of addicts come and go, and every time they do the programs, get clean, swear never again then they are right back in the same element and using again.

If you really want to help him, you just plain need to be a good friend. He has to want to stop, and change his environment. Help him keep the course, and do not look down or speak down.

 

[jonKranked]

too bad you can't hire Matt Foley

 

[canadmos]

I have no input, other than that really blows and I hope it works out for you guys and the families.

 

[Pesqueeb]

There is one absolute constant in the lives of addicts that is vastly different from non-addicts. The fear of death from our drug of choice is absolutely not a deterrent. So the possibility of complete liver failure, and any other long term demise of health really has no influence on an addict. With a mentality like that combined with a deeply selfish personality, there is literally nothing you can say that he will hear.

The best thing you can do is just be a consistent friend, and not be pushy. But be warned, trying to "save" an addict can backfire and cause you more grief than it's worth. He has to find the motivation to quit, or as they say, "hit rock bottom" on his own.

When I joke with other addicts about our nature, I often use the phrase, " did you ever wake up mad because you didn't die in your sleep ? " Recovered addicts laugh their asses off at that, normal people want to have me committed.

So if the very real possibility of death doesn't scare us, then you damn sure won't. It's good though that he's got a good friend like you. Just be careful.

Can't say nothing to nobody who doesn't want to hear it.

 

[stevew]

i visited a friend from highschool who i had not seen since his younger brothers funeral....death by whippits...years of drinking have pretty much ruined his pancreas...he is at peace with dying in the next year or two....works on a farm and has access to some great herbal relief.

 

[cecil]

I have been talking to him, and dont know what to say. I want to be a guys guy with him, tell him I will beat his ass when we get together again, do the whole tough love thing...but as he has also been suicidal, I dont want to push him in that way. He messaged me today that he will be living a compromised life for the rest of it, and he will be off the bike and the ice, and out of the pit till he kicks off. I want to tell him he brought it on himself and he is reaping what he sowed, but he will be better and we will rock again, but I dont think that would help.

maybe basically just tell him this above

also how important his friendship is, how much you value everything your two family's have shared....

call him and let him hear your voice as you tell him you love him like a brother

 

[Serial Midget]

He is still your friend and friends don't judge each other, be there for him if you can and be honest when you can't. I would expect the initial news of liver failure would bring anyone crashing down, maybe you can help him see the future since there is nothing anyone can do about his past.