"What Democracy Means to Me" by Johnny Carson
To me, democracy means placing trust in the little guy,
giving the fruits of nationhood to those who built the
nation.
Democracy means anyone can grow up to be president, and
anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
Democracy is people of all races, colors, and creeds
united by a single dream: to get rich and move to the
suburbs away from people of all races, colors, and creeds.
Democracy is having time set aside to worship -- 18 years
if you're Jim Bakker.
Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money
you don't have to impress people you wish were dead. And,
unlike communism, democracy does not mean having just one
ineffective political party; it means having two ineffective
political parties.
Democracy means freedom of sexual choice between any two
consenting adults; Utopia means freedom of choice between
three or more consenting adults. But I digress.
Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving
them something to hold onto -- usually a mop or a leaf
blower. It means that with proper timing and scrupulous
bookkeeping, anyone can die owing the government a huge
amount of money.
Democracy means a thriving heartland with rolling fields
of Alfalfa, Buckwheat, Spanky, and Wheezer.
Democracy means our elected officials bow to the will of
the people, but more often they bow to the big butts of
campaign contributors.
Yes, democracy means fighting every day for what you deserve,
and fighting even harder to keep other weaker people from
getting what they deserve.
Democracy means never having the Secret Police show up at
your door. Of course, it also means never having the cable
guy show up at your door. It's a tradeoff.
Democracy means free television, not good television, but
free.
Democracy is being able to pick up the phone and, within
a minute, be talking to anyone in the country, and, within
two minutes, be interrupted by call waiting.
Democracy means no taxation without representation, and
god knows, we've just about had the hell represented out
of us. It means the freedom to bear arms so you can blow
the "o" out of any rural stop sign you want.
And finally, democracy is the eagle on the back of a dollar
bill, with 13 arrows in one claw, 13 leaves on a branch, 13
tail feathers, and 13 stars over its head--this signifies
that when the white man came to this country, it was bad
luck for the Indians, bad luck for the trees, bad luck for
the wildlife, and lights out for the American eagle.
To me, democracy means placing trust in the little guy,
giving the fruits of nationhood to those who built the
nation.
Democracy means anyone can grow up to be president, and
anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.
Democracy is people of all races, colors, and creeds
united by a single dream: to get rich and move to the
suburbs away from people of all races, colors, and creeds.
Democracy is having time set aside to worship -- 18 years
if you're Jim Bakker.
Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money
you don't have to impress people you wish were dead. And,
unlike communism, democracy does not mean having just one
ineffective political party; it means having two ineffective
political parties.
Democracy means freedom of sexual choice between any two
consenting adults; Utopia means freedom of choice between
three or more consenting adults. But I digress.
Democracy is welcoming people from other lands, and giving
them something to hold onto -- usually a mop or a leaf
blower. It means that with proper timing and scrupulous
bookkeeping, anyone can die owing the government a huge
amount of money.
Democracy means a thriving heartland with rolling fields
of Alfalfa, Buckwheat, Spanky, and Wheezer.
Democracy means our elected officials bow to the will of
the people, but more often they bow to the big butts of
campaign contributors.
Yes, democracy means fighting every day for what you deserve,
and fighting even harder to keep other weaker people from
getting what they deserve.
Democracy means never having the Secret Police show up at
your door. Of course, it also means never having the cable
guy show up at your door. It's a tradeoff.
Democracy means free television, not good television, but
free.
Democracy is being able to pick up the phone and, within
a minute, be talking to anyone in the country, and, within
two minutes, be interrupted by call waiting.
Democracy means no taxation without representation, and
god knows, we've just about had the hell represented out
of us. It means the freedom to bear arms so you can blow
the "o" out of any rural stop sign you want.
And finally, democracy is the eagle on the back of a dollar
bill, with 13 arrows in one claw, 13 leaves on a branch, 13
tail feathers, and 13 stars over its head--this signifies
that when the white man came to this country, it was bad
luck for the Indians, bad luck for the trees, bad luck for
the wildlife, and lights out for the American eagle.
