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Describe your most worthless family member:

BurlyShirley

Rex Grossman Will Rise Again
Jul 4, 2002
19,183
1
TN
Doesnt have to be immediate family either. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, whatever.


I have a couple of aunts who are certifiably mental. One of them chops off all her hair with scissors and buys wigs to cover up her butchery. She cant stop cutting it off either, she has some irresistable internal urge to do so. She buys those, what she calls "cheap speeders" from gas stations like "yellow jackets" or whatever and eats them by the handfull and stays up for days on end. She also smokes crack, and left her husband for a drug dealer. But her husband is worthless, and ended up moving in with she and the drug dealer. She has two teenage daughters who live with their friends/boyfriends. I havent seen the woman in 10 years at least, thankfully, but get the odd update from my dad.
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
36,637
3,452
Sleazattle
It is a tough call between my two brother in laws. One is a lazy ****er who refuses to work and cheats on my sister. My other brother in law is an insane alcoholic and can not work because he is usually in jail or hurt from his latest DWI car accident.
 

BrokenChain

Monkey
Oct 26, 2001
315
0
NWCT
I would have to say it's my uncle. He left his first wife as soon as she was diagnosed with MS. He left his second wife for the babysitter. As he was giving the eulogy at my father's funeral, he was pulling stuff out of his ass. Afterwards, I actually had someone ask me who he was, and they were shocked to find out that he could know so very little about his own brother. I had the misfortune of seeing him again at my great aunt's funeral this past September. He tried to come and shake my hand land strike up a conversation like we were best friends. I quietly said to him, "You know, I really enjoyed the past 12 years, where we pretended as though we had no idea each other existed. So, if you value your physical well-being...AT ALL...You will walk away, and we will continue that trend for the rest of our lives."

My dad used to say he had two sisters-in-law, and an ex-brother. I swear he is such a scumbag, be makes the sleazy used car salesman stereotype seem stand-up and trustworthy.
 

urbaindk

The Real Dr. Science
Jul 12, 2004
4,831
0
Sleepy Hollar
Brother-in-law or mother-in-law, it's pretty close. He's a junkie. She's a perscription pill addict and aneorexic. He has numerous drug related arrests, and a revoked driver's liscence (yet he still drives). He's also been arrested for making threats of physical voilence against one of his girlfriends. He's been arrested for some sort of internet fraud. That's just the stuff we know about. He's a freaking evil genious and usually figures away out of his charges with lawyers funded by his mother. He and his mother have a twisted codependent relationship.
 

BurlyShirley

Rex Grossman Will Rise Again
Jul 4, 2002
19,183
1
TN
I also have a trailer dwelling, non-working, obese cousin with several children who, as a youth, always acted very uppity. :rofl: She's gone through a couple husbands now.
 

amishmatt

Turbo Monkey
Sep 21, 2005
1,170
312
Lancaster, PA
That would be my cousin-in-law, Big Gay Randy. 300 lbs. of in-the-closet, bible thumping, SUV driving, farm developing, McMansion building waste of skin.

We'd all be better off without him.
 

mantispf2000

Turbo Monkey
Aug 9, 2001
1,726
183
Nevada, 2 hours from Mammoth
Mine would have to be my wife's ex and her parents. Ex hasn't paid child support since Oct. '05, and has been in jail twice since. Even took wife to have his support obligation lowered, and still hasn't paid a dime. His second stint in jail was due to probation violation, saying he couldn't say "no" when someone offered him a drink. Moronic @#$&*&&*$ !!!!!

Wife's parents are not any better. Last time I saw them, it was at our house. I was holding Alaina, and wife's dad was basically calling me a "zero". Wife wasn't home, but when they left and she got home, I told her her parents would never be allowed to come in to the house again. Since then I've written them twice, offering peace, that the kids/grandkids should come first, and so on. They proceeded to refer to me as a "monster", so @#$^*&^ to them as well.
 

DH Diva

Wonderwoman
Jun 12, 2002
1,808
1
Hmm. My sister's husband's brother thinks it's funny to break into peoples homes, tie them up, steal all their stuff and then beat the crap out of them. Pretty scary considering her husband used to be a sheriff and thinks it's equally "funny." Although I guess he was fired for insurance fraud so it figures. Hillbilly white trash.
 

JohnE

filthy rascist
May 13, 2005
12,647
664
Front Range, dude...
Definitely my fish. All they do is swim, eat, crap and sleep. Never had nor wanted jobs. At least they dont have student loans to default on...
 

Prettym1k3

Turbo Monkey
Aug 21, 2006
2,867
0
In your pants
My uncle.

He's about 63 now, I think. He is the oldest of 6 children on my mom's side (he's my mom's brother). About 35 years ago, after much to do with the hippie movement, he up and left his two children and wife, quit his job, and stopped paying bills all because "he didn't feel like it." He lives homeless in Santa Cruz and has for about that long, too. I see him around once in a while over by the beach, but he's too drunk to know who I am, and even if he was sober, he still wouldn't know me. He saw my dad once and thought my dad was my other uncle, Greg. My dad and my uncle Greg don't even look remotely similar.

He only comes back around when he gets injured or arrested, and in the past 25 years of my life, I've only met him 3 times. He's very friendly and jolly when he's sober and had a few days to clean up. But he simply can't stay that way. My mom's side of the family has a major history of addiction to alcohol, drugs (both prescription and illegal narcotics), smoking, shopping, debt, and so forth.

And people wonder why in 25 years, I haven't had a drink.
 

DH Diva

Wonderwoman
Jun 12, 2002
1,808
1
How about this:

I have a niece who's initials are intentionally KKK. Talk about really wise parenting choices.

I believe that would be FTW!
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
36,637
3,452
Sleazattle
I had a great uncle who survived being a POW of the Japanese during WWII. Years later he beat the crap out of a Japanese guy he thought was one of his guards. He was wrong and spent some time in the looney bin.
 

BurlyShirley

Rex Grossman Will Rise Again
Jul 4, 2002
19,183
1
TN
I had a great uncle who survived being a POW of the Japanese during WWII. Years later he beat the crap out of a Japanese guy he thought was one of his guards. He was wrong and spent some time in the looney bin.
LOL!
Not sure if PTSD makes someone "worthless" but I guess it qualifies for the thread. I wonder, if Mccain becomes president, if he'll flip out if he has to go back to Nam for a conference or something.
 

urbaindk

The Real Dr. Science
Jul 12, 2004
4,831
0
Sleepy Hollar
I had a great uncle who survived being a POW of the Japanese during WWII. Years later he beat the crap out of a Japanese guy he thought was one of his guards. He was wrong and spent some time in the looney bin.
Are you sure you aren't confusing your uncle for an episode of King of the Hill?
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
36,637
3,452
Sleazattle
I also have some cousins on the Redneck side of the family. My cousin Dan ran off with with my cousin Bubba's wife. Bubba and Dan's wife were left taking care of all the children. They helped each other out and ended up getting married. A real wife/sister swap. Actually bubba is really good guy, Dan is some ****tard hippie.
 

BurlyShirley

Rex Grossman Will Rise Again
Jul 4, 2002
19,183
1
TN
Who has relatives in prison for a violent crime? Come on, someone out there must. I bet someone on this site has a Lawn and Order SVU episode based on a family member. Fess up!
 

Red Rabbit

Picky Pooper
Jan 27, 2007
2,718
0
Colorado
I am the only normal one. Th rest of my family is nuts. They think it's me who needs help. HA.:monkeydance::crazy:;)

My uncle beat his drug dealer to a vegetable with a two by four last year. Now serving time at San Quentian.
 

H8R

Cranky Pants
Nov 10, 2004
13,971
20
My mother ran off with a drug addict when I was 13. She moved to Tuscon. She left behind me, my step dad and my two older siblings.

Drug addict fvckface broke her arm in an argument.

She stayed with him for many more years, even had a kid with him.

My little half brother is a worthless asshole just like his dad. In and out of trouble with the law, zero respect for anyone, etc.

My step dad is STILL MARRIED to her. He even helped raise the drug addict's son. He's insane.

My mom is crazy. She is sick but in complete denial that it might be from smoking for 40 years or that she drinks too much. She believes aliens are out to abduct her. (seriously). She can't sleep in her bed, she thinks aliens will attack her there. She gets only a couple hours of sleep per day, if that. (usually propped up on the couch)

My older brother is completely psycho. No one speaks to him any more. What was life like with him when we were younger?

Picture in your mind a violent cross between Steven Segall and Chet from Weird Science. With incredibly bad acne. And WAY more of a dick. He is actually my half brother as well, my mom has had four children from three fathers. My step dad raised them all, none of them his real kids.

My older sister is awesome. Totally cool. We have the same father. I think we got the "sane" genes.

I've only met my real father a couple times. He seems like a nice guy. Crazy mom chased him away years ago, I think I was about 3.


That's just the immediate family. I won't go into grandma who hung out with junkies back in the 40's or my step aunt who left her husband and three kids for a 15 year old gangster.

:D
 

BurlyShirley

Rex Grossman Will Rise Again
Jul 4, 2002
19,183
1
TN
That's just the immediate family. I won't go into grandma who hung out with junkies back in the 40's or my step aunt who left her husband and three kids for a 15 year old gangster.

:D
Nice. This is just the kind of dirt we're looking for. :busted: Aliens, awesome!

Let's hear about the step-aunt. :biggrin:
 

dirttastesgood

Turbo Monkey
Dec 12, 2006
1,517
0
CT
That would be my sister. My dad put her in the Air Force after he caught her doing cocaine. She then had a kid. Started asking my dad for money and wouldn't give him a reason so he said no. I havn't seen or heard from her in 4 years. My niece calls me once and while but she hasn't for a while.
 

stevew

unique white person
Sep 21, 2001
31,770
2,692
Who has relatives in prison for a violent crime? Come on, someone out there must. I bet someone on this site has a Lawn and Order SVU episode based on a family member. Fess up!
Undercover cops at my grandfathers funeral and wake waiting to take one of my cousins to jail...he was arrested on an outstanding warrant the night before.
 

maddog17

Turbo Monkey
Jan 20, 2008
2,782
90
Methuen, Mass. U.S.A.
my brother in laws uncle was pretty useless. i say was because he's dead now, has been for a few years. he was a fat, useless **** that was paid disability because he was so fat. had no problem during the holidays to eat all the food my sis and bro in law cooked. he was big, but not that big. my dad knew a guy who easily had to be 450lbs and he worked. guess it was just his poor timing the gov't didn't think he had a disability then.
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
36,637
3,452
Sleazattle
Not implying any are worthless, just airing dirty laundry.

Late in life we found out that my bible thumping grandmother had an illegitimate son when she was a teen and had put him up for adoption.

My "new" uncle bob ended up being some super wealthy NYC doctor instead of the dirt farmers the rest of us were. He was cool, taught me how to sail.

His son/my cousin was a closet case and committed suicide when he was 19.

When my mother was 15 she was forced to marry some older wealthy dude by her parents. When she turned 19 she ran away from her forced husband and baby daughter to the US.