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Did you hear the one about the two guys arrested for telling lawyer jokes?

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N8 v2.0

Not the sharpest tool in the shed
Oct 18, 2002
11,003
149
The Cleft of Venus
Tooo funny....
:p:p:p


Tell a lawyer joke, go to jail?
Pair arrested outside Long Island courthouse
Associated Press | Jan. 12

Did you hear the one about the two guys arrested for telling lawyer jokes?

It happened this week to the founders of a group called Americans for Legal Reform, who were waiting in line to get into a Long Island courthouse.

“How do you tell when a lawyer is lying?” Harvey Kash reportedly asked Carl Lanzisera.

“His lips are moving,” they said in unison.

While some waiting to get into the courthouse giggled, a lawyer farther up the line Monday was not laughing.

He told them to pipe down, and when they did not, the lawyer reported the pair to court personnel, who charged them with disorderly conduct, a misdemeanor.

“They just can’t take it,” Kash said of lawyers in general. “This violates our First Amendment rights.”

Dan Bagnuola, a spokesman for the Nassau County courts, said the men were “being abusive and they were causing a disturbance.” He said he did not have the name of the lawyer who complained.

Americans for Legal Reform monitors the courts and uses confrontational tactics to push for greater access for the public. The pair said that for years they have stood outside courthouses on Long Island and mocked lawyers.

On Monday, however, Kash said he was due in court to answer a drunken driving charge from a year and a half ago. The men are due back in court on the disorderly conduct charge next month.
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
56,002
22,036
Sleazattle
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."

The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.

:devil:


You are cornered in an alley by a rapist, a murderer and their lawyer. You have a gun with three bullets, what do you do?

Shoot the lawyer three times.


:sneaky:

A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.

"How much does it cost for engineer brain?"

"Three dollars an ounce."

"How much does it cost for programmer brain?"

"Four dollars an ounce."

"How much for lawyer brain?"

"$1,000 an ounce."

"Why is lawyer brain so much more?"

"Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

:cool:


What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!

:D

What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum?

The bucket.

;)


What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

:monkey:

How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus?

Never enough.
 

henrymiller

Monkey
May 4, 2002
290
0
Denver-A-Go-Go
A Guide is taking a group thru the Congo, they see a tiger licking his ass and one of the people ask the guide if this is typical of tigers. The guide tells him, "No, he just ate a lawyer and he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth."
 

Pau11y

Turbo Monkey
This should prob go in the political forum, but I just heard that Bush's inaugural will be an event where the public sidewalk is accessible via a ticket. This makes it so there's no space for the protesters so Bush's car won't get egged like his last inaugural.
Is it me or is there something fundamentally wrong w/ this, something related to the 1st Amendment, security issues aside?
Oh, BTW, the source of this was NPR.

Edit: Dig the avatar henrymiller :)
 

TreeSaw

Mama Monkey
Oct 30, 2003
17,813
2,132
Dancin' over rocks n' roots!
What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist
-----------------------------------------
Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

No? Good!
---------------------------------------------
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

His lips are moving.
----------------------------------------------
What do lawyers use for birth control?

Their personalities
----------------------------------------------
What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
----------------------------------------------
Why does California have the most attorneys, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps?

New Jersey got first pick.
----------------------------------------------
 

syadasti

i heart mac
Apr 15, 2002
12,690
290
VT
TreeSaw said:
Why does California have the most attorneys, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps?

New Jersey got first pick.
I know its a joke but NJ has less toxic waste than CA...

It doesn't even have a top 100 site and is cleaner most of its neighbors (NY and PA)
 

Westy

the teste
Nov 22, 2002
56,002
22,036
Sleazattle
syadasti said:
I know its a joke but NJ has less toxic waste than CA...

It doesn't even have a top 100 site and is cleaner most of its neighbors (NY and PA)

The 2000 census revealed that NJ residents rank 49 just in front of Utah for sense of humour.