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Dispatcher Fired For Living With Boyfriend

Atomic Dog

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Oct 22, 2002
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In the basement at Weekly World News
I don't post here, really, but I find the debates entertaining. I saw this story and was curious what you folks thought of it. It's a few weeks old, but I don't recall seeing it here.

Seems like a pretty ridiculous law to me.

Dispatcher Fired For Living With Boyfriend
N.C. Law Prohibits Unmarried Adults Of Opposite Sex From Living Together

POSTED: 7:04 pm EDT June 27, 2004

WILMINGTON, N.C. -- A former dispatcher for the Pender County Sheriff's Department said her bosses forced her to choose between her job and her live-in boyfriend.


linky to the rest of the story
 

Lexx D

Dirty Dozen
Mar 8, 2004
1,480
0
NY
That cop needs a good old fashioned :nuts: . "lots of things legal that shouldn't" be. :nuts: again.
 

Slugman

Frankenbike
Apr 29, 2004
4,024
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Miami, FL
What a stupid and antiquated law. That state needs a :nuts:

The irony of it being if the dispatcher was gay and living with their lover it would be OK.... :blah:
 

RhinofromWA

Brevity R Us
Aug 16, 2001
4,622
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Lynnwood, WA
Well if that isn't a law taylor made for gay couples I don't know what is!

And everyone thinks NC is a backwards state....:D

It isn't a bad idea...generally to not live with someone when you aren't married. I am not OKing the law but when I lived with a GF(ex-GF) right out of college it was a mistake.

14yrs for them huh? Maybe they should get married (duh!) or maybe side skirt the law as a common law couple or something?
 

Slugman

Frankenbike
Apr 29, 2004
4,024
0
Miami, FL
RhinofromWA said:
It isn't a bad idea...generally to not live with someone when you aren't married. I am not OKing the law but when I lived with a GF(ex-GF) right out of college it was a mistake.
Actually I would recomend that everyone live with someone BEFORE they are even engaged... but I think after 14 years it's time to take the next step.
 

RhinofromWA

Brevity R Us
Aug 16, 2001
4,622
0
Lynnwood, WA
Slugman said:
Actually I would recomend that everyone live with someone BEFORE they are even engaged... but I think after 14 years it's time to take the next step.
No way.

Spend the night but have that safe haven called "your own place" to go to if something goes sour. It is a good thing to have a safe haven especially before you "know she/he is the one"

Live with "someone"....get a roommate, not a GF/BF. Learn your social skills outside a couple relationship.

14yrs......yeah drop him, or figure out why that bastard won't marry you! :D

I am going on 3yrs :eek: but I am recently engaged....:) When she comes back out here we will most likely live together, but before then we did have seperate, but close by, homes of our own. I know I wrote Marriage in my first post....but I meant pre-commitment. And living with your babies mommy/daddy isn't commitment....it is playing house.
 

Slugman

Frankenbike
Apr 29, 2004
4,024
0
Miami, FL
RhinofromWA said:
Spend the night but have that safe haven called "your own place" to go to if something goes sour.
RhinofromWA said:
I am going on 3yrs :eek: but I am recently engaged....:) When she comes back out here we will most likely live together, but before then we did have seperate, but close by, homes of our own.
I moved in after 6 months... proposed a year later... married year and a half after that. I could not imagine commiting to someone without knowing if I could handle living with them. That is how you kow your ready to commit the rest of your life - when you don't need a "safe haven" regardless of what happens between the two of you!
 

MMike

A fowl peckerwood.
Sep 5, 2001
18,207
105
just sittin' here drinkin' scotch
Of course you don't move in together after 2 weeks of dating. But you HAVE to live together first. I dated my ex girlfriend for year, then we moved in together. We were together for six years. (Longer than I've been with my wife!)

and... she is my EX girlfriend. It would have been a disaster if we'd gotten married. LIVE TOGETHER FIRST!!
 

RhinofromWA

Brevity R Us
Aug 16, 2001
4,622
0
Lynnwood, WA
Slugman said:
I moved in after 6 months... proposed a year later... married year and a half after that. I could not imagine commiting to someone without knowing if I could handle living with them. That is how you kow your ready to commit the rest of your life - when you don't need a "safe haven" regardless of what happens between the two of you!
Yes yes......so you are saying spending almost all your time with each other and staying over on weekends (or even during the week, etc) will not give you as good idea as living togeather?

Poppy-cock :) Rubish....and all that.

To many people move in with F-buddies. The safe haven rule is still in effect. It is a buffer zone, not a cop out. When did you commit to your wife? Not being engaged but serious about her...more than a F-buddy? Before or after you moved in with her?

You assume you can't know if you want to commit with someone before living with them...that is pretty short sighted thinking. I say to you if you don't know then there is no reason to move in together.
 

RhinofromWA

Brevity R Us
Aug 16, 2001
4,622
0
Lynnwood, WA
MMike said:
Of course you don't move in together after 2 weeks of dating. But you HAVE to live together first. I dated my ex girlfriend for year, then we moved in together. We were together for six years. (Longer than I've been with my wife!)

and... she is my EX girlfriend. It would have been a disaster if we'd gotten married. LIVE TOGETHER FIRST!!
So you would have married your EX if you did not live with her before? No way. It would have happened regardless...I suspect (granted I did not know you and her). What did living together get you over having seperate places? Other than easy access to sex? ;) It isn't a magic 8 ball into your future. You can jsut as easily know that this other person is not right for you without living with them before being committed.

Saying most definately live together first is bogus...and bad advice. How was the break up with the EX after 6yrs of co-habitating? I assume it was much worse than if you lived apart and could just end.

Let me be clear in saying "not to move in before marriage" (or some serious level of commitment) does not mean to rush in to marriage( to live with that person). Far from it. That is the stupid 70's show version. Have your own place do your thing apart AND together. When you are ready to really commit then it is time to move in together. Nothing is gained by rushing into co-habitation...other than ruining a relationship because you weren't ready to commit to the person already.
 

MMike

A fowl peckerwood.
Sep 5, 2001
18,207
105
just sittin' here drinkin' scotch
RhinofromWA said:
So you would have married your EX if you did not live with her before? No way. It would have happened regardless...I suspect (granted I did not know you and her). What did living together get you over having seperate places? Other than easy access to sex? ;) It isn't a magic 8 ball into your future. You can jsut as easily know that this other person is not right for you without living with them before being committed.

Saying most definately live together first is bogus...and bad advice. How was the break up with the EX after 6yrs of co-habitating? I assume it was much worse than if you lived apart and could just end.

Let me be clear in saying "not to move in before marriage" (or some serious level of commitment) does not mean to rush in to marriage( to live with that person). Far from it. That is the stupid 70's show version. Have your own place do your thing apart AND together. When you are ready to really commit then it is time to move in together. Nothing is gained by rushing into co-habitation...other than ruining a relationship because you weren't ready to commit to the person already.
The amount of disagreement with this approaches N8-like proportions...
 

RhinofromWA

Brevity R Us
Aug 16, 2001
4,622
0
Lynnwood, WA
MMike said:
The amount of disagreement with this approaches N8-like proportions...
*in best Dude wheres my car impression*

"......and theeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnn?"

I guess that is supposed to insult me enough to change my opinion....:rolleyes:

I said living with someone before you are "commited" to them(wich can happen before a ring is given) is not the best idea. I am glad that you found the secret to a happy relationship....is moving in with them. :nope: When living with them is coincedental to the chances of you meshing well or not.

I am sorry if I am SO WRONG on that thought. :sneaky: :rolleyes:

"N8-like proportions"...hahahaha Ah, right back at you?

*and to continue with my Ashton bit*

"Ohhh, BURN!"
 

MMike

A fowl peckerwood.
Sep 5, 2001
18,207
105
just sittin' here drinkin' scotch
That wasn't supposed to be an insult. I'm just saying I strongly disagree with you. We're both entitled to our opinions...even if yours is WRONG WRONG WORNG!!

And I never said that you should shack up if you are not committed. I was pretty committed to my ex at the time. But if we hadn't lived together, we likely would have gotten married sooner...maybe after being together for say 4 years(?). But then it would have ended in divorce. And a divorce is even more difficult than just breaking up...

Maybe it's a cultural thing. Common law is recognized in Canada. I have a few friends who have kids together and they are not married....but they've been together forever.

RhinofromWA said:
*in best Dude wheres my car impression*

"......and theeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnn?"

I guess that is supposed to insult me enough to change my opinion....:rolleyes:

I said living with someone before you are "commited" to them(wich can happen before a ring is given) is not the best idea. I am glad that you found the secret to a happy relationship....is moving in with them. :nope: When living with them is coincedental to the chances of you meshing well or not.

I am sorry if I am SO WRONG on that thought. :sneaky: :rolleyes:

"N8-like proportions"...hahahaha Ah, right back at you?

*and to continue with my Ashton bit*

"Ohhh, BURN!"
 

RhinofromWA

Brevity R Us
Aug 16, 2001
4,622
0
Lynnwood, WA
MMike said:
That wasn't supposed to be an insult. I'm just saying I strongly disagree with you. We're both entitled to our opinions...even if yours is WRONG WRONG WORNG!!
:D :p ;)

And I never said that you should shack up if you are not committed. I was pretty committed to my ex at the time. But if we hadn't lived together, we likely would have gotten married sooner...maybe after being together for say 4 years(?). But then it would have ended in divorce. And a divorce is even more difficult than just breaking up...
You don't have to answer this, but what did you learn from living together that you could not have spending almost every waking (and over night) moment with her while still having your own apt? What happened after 6yrs that was all of a sudden apperant that it wasn't going to work? Did you guys waite to long and then things fizzled out?

My living together story involved a divorced (husband screwing around) mother of 2 (2 & 4yo) :rolleyes: I liked her alot but that was a end of college relationship that probably should have ended there....but we shacked up afterwords. I wasn't committed....I was infatuated. Living together didn't prove to use that it wasn't going to work out....the rest of life did. I still would have been to young (21yo) to stp in as daddy....she would still want to move to where parents were moving (I think Alabama from OR)...there were many things and living together wasn't the eye opening experience that it is made out to be. I probably stayed longer..... Live and learn. It took me 3yrs of dating and 1yr before that of getting to know my fiance before I fully committed to her (in that I proposed) I have no reservations of living with her now. I wouldn't have proposed if I did.

Ok enough Rhino life story babble.

Maybe I just take marriage more seriously than others(not you, but like this guy)...I have a buddy (from HS) who seams to get married at a drop of a hat. Divorced once and working #2 :rolleyes: He is against divorce (but found wife in the sack with other military person on base...oye) and said he would probably still be married to her...got married to a lady after knowing her for a month or so.....now he is having trouble again.

Maybe it's a cultural thing. Common law is recognized in Canada. I have a few friends who have kids together and they are not married....but they've been together forever.
Why not get married? :confused: I know a lady who has lived with her guy for like 20yrs never got married. It was always an oddity to me. What does that give you over marriage? Common law marriage is something you hear about around here but never really get exposed to...alteast for me.

What are the advantages? Does it protect the two people more than marriage?

Rhino
 

MMike

A fowl peckerwood.
Sep 5, 2001
18,207
105
just sittin' here drinkin' scotch
We parted ways because....well it was the proverbial "grew apart". She zigged in life and I zagged. Happens to most couples just as you finish university, in their early 20's.... which is why I don't advocate people getting married at like 22. You are just getting going in life and who knows where you will want to end up?

Three of my friends broke up with their long term girlfriends (one as little as 3 years, one as much as 8 years) all within two months of my break-up...all because they wanted to do different stuff.

If my ex and I had gotten married, we would have ended up resenting one another, because I would have wanted to do one thing, and she really wanted to do another.

As for common law, in quebec it is recognized 100% as a legal bond. It's viewed exactly the same as marriage. Same tax benefits, health insurance etc etc.... so the actual wedding would just be a formality and an expense. So many people just figure, why bother? If the two people know they are committed to each other, they don't need a ceremony to prove it to anyone.
 

RhinofromWA

Brevity R Us
Aug 16, 2001
4,622
0
Lynnwood, WA
MMike said:
We parted ways because....well it was the proverbial "grew apart". She zigged in life and I zagged. Happens to most couples just as you finish university, in their early 20's.... which is why I don't advocate people getting married at like 22. You are just getting going in life and who knows where you will want to end up?

Three of my friends broke up with their long term girlfriends (one as little as 3 years, one as much as 6 years) all within two months of my break-up...all because they wanted to do different stuff.

If my ex and I had gotten married, we would have ended up resenting one another, because I would have wanted to do one thing, and she really wanted to do another.
Very true. Was this a HS/college sweet heart? 8yrs is a long time and you aren't that old. ;) I was to young (just finishing college)...she was 4yrs my senior (but graduating from same school at teh same time. She was a mommy first) and it just wasn't "right" for us. Would you have married your EX if you didn't live together? Were you a common law couple after 6yrs?

As for common law, in quebec it is recognized 100% as a legal bond. It's viewed exactly the same as marriage. Same tax benefits, health insurance etc etc.... so the actual wedding would just be a formality and an expense. So many people just figure, why bother? If the two people know they are committed to each other, they don't need a ceremony to prove it to anyone.
That is cool. So do you have to file something with teh Government showing that you are cohbitating? Maybe prove that you shared the same household for X many years? I always thought that there was a time that needed to pass...4, 7, 10 or something....that is part of what makes it a common law couple. They essentially are married....right? Legally(assets, rights, insurance, etc.) just not in the eyes of the church? Does breaking up of a common law get nasty like a divorce can get since they are rocognized by the government?

We just don't hear much of this down here.