Everyone I've ever known who was seriously ill or hurt has been very close to me (eg. father), so people did stuff for me when things got rough. Now I have a friend who's going through chemo and I didn't really know what to do... my memory is fuzzy from people helping me through tough times, so I don't really remember the good stuff (specifically) people did.
My friend sent out this email and though if you know someone who could use some help, this list might give you some ideas for a friend of yours...
My friend sent out this email and though if you know someone who could use some help, this list might give you some ideas for a friend of yours...
Ok, those of you who know me pretty well, know that I have a hard time asking for help. I broke my ankle back in 2000, and that taught me a lot about learning to ask because I couldnt actually drive for six weeks and I was on crutches, so couldnt carry anything either. I figure I learned my lesson with that one. So in response to so many of you asking, How can I help? and saying, If you need anything at all . . . I decided to sit down and think about exactly what I do need. And I realized that neither my needs nor my problems have changed one iota really during this experience. They are only magnified by it. Everything seems harder (laundry, errands, groceries, work etc. etc. etc) or more pronounced (loneliness, fear, anxiety) or takes longer (writing thank you notes, walking, returning phone calls).
My friend Beth told me about a great site to help keep people updated. It is: carepages.com. It is sponsored by tlc, who incidentally is also who I bought my first wig from last weekend. =) I have only done one posting so far, but will spend some time this weekend updating it more, so feel free to share the address with others who might be interested. My site name is xxxxx. There is a message board for you to post notes and I will continue to share photos and other news as it is available.
ME: My friends have already done so much. I hate to impose on them even more.
FRIEND: We want to help. Tell us what we can do.
You can help if you are next door or 1,0000 miles away. Heres how:
Invite me to do stuff with you picnics, concerts, movies, parties, meals, walks, happy hour, etc. It is sometimes tough to plan things because I never know how I will feel, so feel free to also just call spur of the moment and say, Lets go now. Keep asking me even if I am not feeling up to it the first time.
Call to check on me periodically or drop an email to just let me know you are thinking of me.
Bring me dinner or take me out for brunch or ice cream or coffee!
Offer your expertise deciphering medical bills or insurance paperwork.
Invite me to scrapbook with you (I am sooooo behind).
Call and ask, Do you need anything this week, today, right now?
Send me a hat, head scarf, turban, wig or other fun head gear. I will try to take photos of me in them all and post them on the site.
Send me funny stuff (laughter helps a lot) by mail, email, carrier pigeon
Ask me to take a walk (I am slower these days). It is so hard to get motivated to exercise, but I need to walk since I cant do much other stuff.
Loan me a good book/movie/CD
Offer to take out my trash or carry in groceries. Im not allowed to lift more than 15 pounds for another couple weeks.
Pay for a reiki session, a massage or a cleaning service.
Invite me on a road-trip, to stay with you for a few days or spend the weekend at your cabin. I have been staring at my own four walls for a while now.
Give me a hug (even a virtual one is not bad). Hold it longer than usual.
Drop by with a DVD and some Cherry Garcia.
Take my car to get it washed and vacuumed.
Help me figure out a good, relaxing 3-5 day get-away sometime soon since I had to cancel my trip to Alaska.
Tell me you love me (or like me a lot).
Offer to go with me to chemo, Dr. appointments or my support group.
Just offer to hang out it gets lonely not being able to plan fun stuff as usual or do my typical summer activities.
Offer to unload my dishwasher, mop my floor, wipe down my microwave or do a quick tub cleansing. This can even be on the way out to a movie!
Keep being the great friend, parent, sister, aunt, cousin, co-worker you have always been, and dont be afraid to ask me anything or tell me you dont know what to say. Just saying something is enough. Thanks for being here for me, and for asking what you can do. I hope this helps.
