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DRB got the wrong house

Da Peach

Outwitted by a rodent
Jul 2, 2002
12,977
2,675
North Van
So around 2 am this morning I got jolted out of bed as my girlfriend flung the covers off the bed and wouldn't stop saying "OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD!". This pretty much gave me a heart attack straight away.

I ask what's the matter and it takes a few seconds to extract an answer. "I dunno, but it just ran down the stairs!" We hadn't been asleep that long, but long enough to get pretty disoriented with a start like that.

"What?, like, a, what?"

"A mouse!"

Having not seen what the hell the thing was, I was kind of dismissive at first, but then I have to admit my imagination started to get the better of me. I put on my bathrobe and after some "yo go first" looks between us I finally lead the way downstairs to see what the deal was.

On our way, we discovered a... pellet. Perhaps a badger pellet? Got to the bottom of the stairs where we have a closet for shoes and jackets and stuff. We look around for appropriate weapons but find nothing, but finally found the old shreiking lady's weapon of choice: a broom.

We heard a rustling in the closet. Opened the front door hoping to shoo it outside, and started plucking shoes out of the closet with the broom handle. Didn't want to hurt the little fella, just get him to breathe the fresh air and be on his merry way.

I lifted up the shoe rack and then the little bastard leaps out like a raging flame of vermin rage! A plague bearing filthy pest! A rat. I freak out and make an uninteligible "bluhwaeh" noise because the thing is about 3 times the size of creature I expected to see. As I rocked back I bumped the door to the basement which doesn't engage quite right, it swings open and the little bastard kinda half-clings to my bathrobe and skitters down into the basement. "FVCK IT!"

Of course, my girlfriend had been on the verge of a nervous breakdown half laughing, half stiffling back tears (hilarious, by the way, but sure gets the blood pumping...) She missed the whole thing because she'd been around the corned in the kitchen.

I tell her it is actually a rat, not a mouse, and has now retreated to the depths of the basement, where she keeps her commuter bike which she'll be needing in about 4 hours. "Fvck."

I stomp down and can't see the little fvcker anywhere. I've got a broken finger and can't lift her bike, so she creeps down and we have a look around, still no luck. I keep watch while she schleps her bike upstairs.

Not knowing what to do next, we just closed the door to the basement and went back to bed. You could hear it scratching, trying to get out... Not the most restful sleep.

Then we got up and went to work.

I've just laid 2 huge rat traps at the top of the stairs baited with peanut butter.

Now, I wait.

Damn you DRB. Get it straight next time.
 
OK, Da Peach and Da Hug:

Get over it. It's a fvcking rat. They get into houses occasionally. So do raccoons, birds, mice, squirrels, bats and other critters. Sit down and stop hyperventilating. They are not going to eat you, give you the bubonic plague or inseminate you. Shoo 'em out at your leisure, but spare yourselves the drama.

That is all.
 

Da Peach

Outwitted by a rodent
Jul 2, 2002
12,977
2,675
North Van
OK, Da Peach and Da Hug:

Get over it. It's a fvcking rat. They get into houses occasionally. So do raccoons, birds, mice, squirrels, bats and other critters. Sit down and stop hyperventilating. They are not going to eat you, give you the bubonic plague or inseminate you. Shoo 'em out at your leisure, but spare yourselves the drama.

That is all.
it's still in the basement....
 

Da Peach

Outwitted by a rodent
Jul 2, 2002
12,977
2,675
North Van
This is true. It was.

We had been sleeping with the window open, as usual, and we don't have screens. The little bastard made it up to the 2nd story, crawled up the wall, through the window, up onto the bed (which is strangely high...ask MMike...) and onto Sara's face.

No luck with the 3 traps last night. Not sure how to step this up.

He'd better not poop in my new helmet.
 

Da Peach

Outwitted by a rodent
Jul 2, 2002
12,977
2,675
North Van
Can you borrow a big mean cat from a friend?
That was actually my first thought when the bastard retreated to the basement. But we don't know anyone with a big mean cat. (RIP Jake...)

Sara proposed posting an ad on Craigslist to pay someone $50 to hunt down the little bastard. I didn't think that was a great idea.

Maybe we could post a "Found" ad instead. Maybe he's someone's pet.
 

Da Peach

Outwitted by a rodent
Jul 2, 2002
12,977
2,675
North Van
My 70 year old landlord is currently in the basement actively hunting Rodger.

This is hilarious.

I've got a killer cat on standby, but he has a no cats policy.

I guess this is how they did it in the old country.
 

Da Peach

Outwitted by a rodent
Jul 2, 2002
12,977
2,675
North Van
we may have to resort to something like that.

Still no luck!

I guess we have to keep constricting him into a smaller and smaller space and line the perimeter with traps. But this is taking way longer than expected. He must be smarter than I realise...

Boy, my landlord is going to be busy...
 

AngryMetalsmith

Business is good, thanks for asking
Jun 4, 2006
16,076
3,329
I have no idea where I am
My 70 year old landlord is currently in the basement actively hunting Rodger.

This is hilarious.

I've got a killer cat on standby, but he has a no cats policy.

I guess this is how they did it in the old country.


Are you going to have him change your diaper while he's at it ?


You know he is going to tell all of his friends about his wuss of a tenant.
 

AngryMetalsmith

Business is good, thanks for asking
Jun 4, 2006
16,076
3,329
I have no idea where I am
Come on dude, you ride Whistler and some of the gnarliest trails in the world, but you're afraid of a rodent.

WTF ?


Suck it up, put your armor and full face on, grab a blunt object and face your demons.