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DRB got the wrong house

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Da Peach, Oct 2, 2008.

  1. Da Peach

    Da Peach Outwitted by a rodent

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    So around 2 am this morning I got jolted out of bed as my girlfriend flung the covers off the bed and wouldn't stop saying "OMIGOD OMIGOD OMIGOD!". This pretty much gave me a heart attack straight away.

    I ask what's the matter and it takes a few seconds to extract an answer. "I dunno, but it just ran down the stairs!" We hadn't been asleep that long, but long enough to get pretty disoriented with a start like that.

    "What?, like, a, what?"

    "A mouse!"

    Having not seen what the hell the thing was, I was kind of dismissive at first, but then I have to admit my imagination started to get the better of me. I put on my bathrobe and after some "yo go first" looks between us I finally lead the way downstairs to see what the deal was.

    On our way, we discovered a... pellet. Perhaps a badger pellet? Got to the bottom of the stairs where we have a closet for shoes and jackets and stuff. We look around for appropriate weapons but find nothing, but finally found the old shreiking lady's weapon of choice: a broom.

    We heard a rustling in the closet. Opened the front door hoping to shoo it outside, and started plucking shoes out of the closet with the broom handle. Didn't want to hurt the little fella, just get him to breathe the fresh air and be on his merry way.

    I lifted up the shoe rack and then the little bastard leaps out like a raging flame of vermin rage! A plague bearing filthy pest! A rat. I freak out and make an uninteligible "bluhwaeh" noise because the thing is about 3 times the size of creature I expected to see. As I rocked back I bumped the door to the basement which doesn't engage quite right, it swings open and the little bastard kinda half-clings to my bathrobe and skitters down into the basement. "FVCK IT!"

    Of course, my girlfriend had been on the verge of a nervous breakdown half laughing, half stiffling back tears (hilarious, by the way, but sure gets the blood pumping...) She missed the whole thing because she'd been around the corned in the kitchen.

    I tell her it is actually a rat, not a mouse, and has now retreated to the depths of the basement, where she keeps her commuter bike which she'll be needing in about 4 hours. "Fvck."

    I stomp down and can't see the little fvcker anywhere. I've got a broken finger and can't lift her bike, so she creeps down and we have a look around, still no luck. I keep watch while she schleps her bike upstairs.

    Not knowing what to do next, we just closed the door to the basement and went back to bed. You could hear it scratching, trying to get out... Not the most restful sleep.

    Then we got up and went to work.

    I've just laid 2 huge rat traps at the top of the stairs baited with peanut butter.

    Now, I wait.

    Damn you DRB. Get it straight next time.
     
    #1 -   Oct 2, 2008

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  2. johnbryanpeters

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    I smell a rat, and not DRB.
     
    #2 -   Oct 2, 2008
  3. Arkayne

    Arkayne I come bearing GIFs

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    That's better than opening the door to find this

     
    #3 -   Oct 2, 2008
  4. pinkshirtphotos

    pinkshirtphotos site moron

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    buy a pellet gun
     
    #4 -   Oct 2, 2008
  5. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

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    #5 -   Oct 2, 2008
  6. binary visions

    binary visions The voice of reason

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    :rofl:
     
    #6 -   Oct 2, 2008
  7. Secret Squirrel

    Secret Squirrel There is no Justice!

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    Up sh*t creek, without a paddle
    So much win.....
     
    #7 -   Oct 2, 2008
  8. Arkayne

    Arkayne I come bearing GIFs

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    #8 -   Oct 2, 2008
  9. Secret Squirrel

    Secret Squirrel There is no Justice!

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    Up sh*t creek, without a paddle
    ^^bwwahahahah....pwnt...
     
    #9 -   Oct 2, 2008
  10. Da Peach

    Da Peach Outwitted by a rodent

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    saw it coming a mile away...

    it's a tricky staircase without killer rodents and busted phalanges! and it's heavy!
     
  11. Da Peach

    Da Peach Outwitted by a rodent

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    at least they're OUTSIDE. this is a key factor...
     
  12. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

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  13. johnbryanpeters

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    OK, Da Peach and Da Hug:

    Get over it. It's a fvcking rat. They get into houses occasionally. So do raccoons, birds, mice, squirrels, bats and other critters. Sit down and stop hyperventilating. They are not going to eat you, give you the bubonic plague or inseminate you. Shoo 'em out at your leisure, but spare yourselves the drama.

    That is all.
     
  14. aeffertz

    aeffertz Monkey

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  15. norbar

    norbar Turbo Monkey

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    Next time take this:
     
  16. [tHe] Saint

    [tHe] Saint Monkey

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    i have done this.... and they also get under the house right under my bed and make a ton of noise... bastards wake me up a lot.... I don't want to pay someone to get rid of them... but I may have to
     
  17. Da Peach

    Da Peach Outwitted by a rodent

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    it's still in the basement....
     
  18. stevew

    stevew unique white person

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    that would be awesome.

    i one saw one in a mcdonalds garbage can tossing aside sh*t it didn't want.
     
  19. MMike

    MMike A fowl peckerwood.

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    If it makes you feel any better, your story has provided Brenda with the gift of laughter.
     
  20. DRB

    DRB unemployed bum

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    I'm still fleshing out the science of long range mind control of animals.
     
  21. binary visions

    binary visions The voice of reason

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    Shut up, pussy.

    You no longer have the right to speak.
     
  22. Da Peach

    Da Peach Outwitted by a rodent

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    I wish I had a big strong nerd here to exterminate this pest...
     
  23. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

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  24. Da Peach

    Da Peach Outwitted by a rodent

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    No rat blood? Ooo! Maybe a rat necklace!
     
  25. DirtyMike

    DirtyMike Turbo Fluffer

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    Firecrackers work great.
     
  26. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

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  27. MMike

    MMike A fowl peckerwood.

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    You never did mention that Sara was woken up with the rat ON her chest sniffing at her face......
     
  28. Da Peach

    Da Peach Outwitted by a rodent

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    This is true. It was.

    We had been sleeping with the window open, as usual, and we don't have screens. The little bastard made it up to the 2nd story, crawled up the wall, through the window, up onto the bed (which is strangely high...ask MMike...) and onto Sara's face.

    No luck with the 3 traps last night. Not sure how to step this up.

    He'd better not poop in my new helmet.
     
  29. w00dy

    w00dy In heaven there is no beer

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    that's why we drink it here
    Can you borrow a big mean cat from a friend?
     
  30. Da Peach

    Da Peach Outwitted by a rodent

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    That was actually my first thought when the bastard retreated to the basement. But we don't know anyone with a big mean cat. (RIP Jake...)

    Sara proposed posting an ad on Craigslist to pay someone $50 to hunt down the little bastard. I didn't think that was a great idea.

    Maybe we could post a "Found" ad instead. Maybe he's someone's pet.
     
  31. Da Peach

    Da Peach Outwitted by a rodent

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    My 70 year old landlord is currently in the basement actively hunting Rodger.

    This is hilarious.

    I've got a killer cat on standby, but he has a no cats policy.

    I guess this is how they did it in the old country.
     
  32. BurlyShirley

    BurlyShirley Rex Grossman Will Rise Again

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    The right tool makes almost any job enjoyable.

     
  33. Da Peach

    Da Peach Outwitted by a rodent

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    we may have to resort to something like that.

    Still no luck!

    I guess we have to keep constricting him into a smaller and smaller space and line the perimeter with traps. But this is taking way longer than expected. He must be smarter than I realise...

    Boy, my landlord is going to be busy...
     
  34. SkaredShtles

    SkaredShtles I love NEWCASTLE and will ONLY drink NEWCASTLE!!!!

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    Fixed!
     
  35. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

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    You just need a bowl of milk.







    Oh, just to let you know, if you see one rat there are dozens more.
     
  36. binary visions

    binary visions The voice of reason

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    Beat me to it :D
     
  37. SkaredShtles

    SkaredShtles I love NEWCASTLE and will ONLY drink NEWCASTLE!!!!

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    I just caught a fvckin' mouse about an hour ago.

    Showed my kids the still twitching vermin... they'll probably want to grow up to be:

     
  38. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

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    Are you going to have him change your diaper while he's at it ?


    You know he is going to tell all of his friends about his wuss of a tenant.
     
  39. Da Peach

    Da Peach Outwitted by a rodent

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    Wow, great minds...
     
  40. AngryMetalsmith

    AngryMetalsmith Business is good, thanks for asking

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    Come on dude, you ride Whistler and some of the gnarliest trails in the world, but you're afraid of a rodent.

    WTF ?


    Suck it up, put your armor and full face on, grab a blunt object and face your demons.