[big-ted]

See my custom sig...

Also, soon after starting a job in my lbs at age 22, an attractive girl walks in. I make a sarcastic comment to the mechanic, "it's ok man. I've got this one!"

He looks at the door. Looks back at me & says, "so, you've not meet the boss' 13 year old daughter then?"

Thankfully it was the mechanic & not the boss. Still, I never lived that one down so long as I worked there.

 

[boostindoubles]

I ran a yellow light in a semi while hauling 80,000 lbs of pears. The ticket was only $280. The WSP guy was trying to roll his red light and get a jump on the green. Hard to do with a semi in the way running the yellow! haha

 

[HardtailHack]

Finished repairing a garbage truck and was the last job of the night, rushed and forgot to lower the tines, punched two holes through the big roller door, ooops.

 

[Austin Bike]

Back in the 90's when the internet was getting started I worked at compaq. The head of HR sends a message to the whole company about not using the internet to look at porn.

Some bonewipe was trying to send a message to a friend at work that said "I do that at home, I have a 17" monitor" (that was considered big at the time.)

He hits "reply to all" which sent it to the whole company.

Then this starts:

"take me off this list"

"you idiot, it's a list of the whole company"

"no, you're the idiot, you just 'replied to all' too"

"you guys are all idiots, stop replying to all"


This goes into a tailspin that creates so much mail traffic that it takes all of the mail servers down for 2 days.

Best part about it? His wife also worked at the company. It's been almost 20 years and I still remember his name.

 

[Pesqueeb]

let the record show that it required 3 individuals to achieve this level of stupid

Indeed. Those specific shenanigans would actually be physically impossible for only one person. None of us are as dumb as all of us.

Needless to say, some people got fired over this.

The defense rests.

 

[DirtyMike]

This isn't something that I did at work, but I did witness it.

We were getting a delivery of (liquid?) nitrogen, the only problem was that they sent the tank on a truck with a crane. All of the loading docks at this building are elevated, none are at ground level.

I told them it couldn't be done as it wasn't safe to do any other way. The lead scientist in the lab who placed the order, as well as my supervisor AND the truck driver all thought it was a smart idea to try to squeeze the tank into one of the docks with the crane.

Of course, said crane would not fit into the bay door. So, the crane operator ended up letting the tank and platform hang outside of the dock while my supervisor drove his forklift to the edge of the same dock and "caught" it with the forks...all while being inches from sliding off the dock plate and having the tank swinging in the breeze.

I don't know what the pressure was inside of the tank, but if you've ever heard them vent, it isn't a pleasant sound. It would be been a bad day if the fork lift punctured the tank or if the fork lift slipped off the edge of the dock.

Needless to say, some people got fired over this.

Here is a picture that I took, before they brought the forklift over. I went and hid in another room.

Vents at 600 psi, double layer tank if it fell would just go bouncy bouncy. We had one of those at my last job in caand the valve assembly failed over night. We came into the six bat shop full of snow. Fun stuff, way safer than given credit

 

[AngryMetalsmith]

I once reached over and picked up a ring bare-handed (usually use tongs or tweezers) that I had just soldered. It stuck to my finger tips and I had to flick my hand to get it off. The studio smelled like burn steak for a while.

 

[I Are Baboon]

I was on a conference call/webinar once and yelled to my coworker in the next cube "THIS WEBINAR SUCKS!" not realizing I hadn't muted my phone. WHOOPS!

 

[canadmos]

^I always fear that. What was the response? Must have been great.

Vents at 600 psi, double layer tank if it fell would just go bouncy bouncy. We had one of those at my last job in caand the valve assembly failed over night. We came into the six bat shop full of snow. Fun stuff, way safer than given credit

I'd like to see that. What about if a fork lift lands on a tank?

 

[DirtyMike]

^I always fear that. What was the response? Must have been great.



I'd like to see that. What about if a fork lift lands on a tank?

It would take one hell of a hit to get into the inner tank for it to actually rupture. Even if you ran into it full speed the fork lift probably will not do more than dent the outer tank

 

[canadmos]

I'm thinking this needs to be thoroughly tested and recorded for YouTube.

 

[Westy]

Show up.

 

[DaveW]

Only two really dumb things at work that I can think of?
1st Job after I left school in a plastics factory, in therr in the weekend me and some others had been told to crush/flatten this huge pile of old boxes.
After a while were were pretty bored and had the idea to build this big wall of boxes and charge it with the fork hoist. Built the wall and while we were fart arsing around getting the fork hoist lined up and arguing over who had first go, the boss drove his car into the factory and stopped on the other side of the wall.
Fork hoist prongs as they went through the side of the car missed him by maybe 12"?

2nd job I had an affair with the owners daughter, her office was on the upper floor overlooking the factory.
Had a big glass window, you couldn't see into it from the factory floor...... Yeah pity about that security camera on the far side of the factory.

 

[JohnE]

Pics or youknwowhattodo...

Was working construction clean up one summer in college. New build houses were lousy with field mice...my co worker and I started chasing one, and it ran behind a stack of drywall leaned against a wall. We try to pull the stack out, and it topples over. Resulting impact to floor breaks a joist supporting the first floor of the house. Hilarity ensued as the builders called the Cops...of course we knew nothing.

Later when I decided construction wasnt for me, I was cooking for my brother (A chef...) in a small line kitchen that was part of the resort kitchen he ran. One of our duties was to feed the employees...the barbacks and waitresses were always well taken care of, the rest, well..whatever. Anyway, there was an over night security guard, a retired Chicago Cop I think, who always came down asking for a BLT...which he wasnt supposed to get. Compound that with the fact that he always came at closing, after we had cleaned and closed down everything. We argued and bitched about him to no avail, it was always "Just make Fred a sammich and shaddup, alright?" One night I suggest to my buddy, jokingly of course, that we fix him a really good sandwich. Buddy says "I am going to make him the best BLT ever..." Only this BLT was bacon, lettuce and Tabasco. ALOT of Tabasco...

Next day when I am clocking in, brother and the Food and Beverage Manager drag me into the office and ask about the sandwich...I plead ignorance (Which I excel at...) of course, inisisting that I only knew about the proper BLT...buddy did the same, we figured old Fred was a little tetched in the head and all and probably did it to his own food. Funny thing is, Fred never asked us for food again.

 

[JohnE]

In 24 months I will start telling Sky Cop stories that will shock and amaze some of you...

 

[jdcamb]

I am a retired Teamster. I could write a book on Stupid. We phugged shlt up.

 

[jonKranked]

In 24 months I will start telling Sky Cop stories that will shock and amaze some of you...

clock is ticking...

 

[jonKranked]

I am a retired Teamster. I could write a book on Stupid. We phugged shlt up.

how many chapters devoted to glitter?

 

[jonKranked]

anyone you know 'squeeb?

http://jalopnik.com/truck-driver-somehow-crashes-into-parked-plane-on-video-1569188716

 

[jdcamb]

how many chapters devoted to glitter?

The last one....

 

[Pesqueeb]

anyone you know 'squeeb?

http://jalopnik.com/truck-driver-somehow-crashes-into-parked-plane-on-video-1569188716

No. Not in Miami. If I had a nickel though for every time someone drove a sh!tter cart, belt loader, fuel truck, de-ice truck, etc., etc., into the side of an airplane, I'd have a metric fvck ton of nickels.

 

[CrabJoe StretchPants]

Is a nickle a nitride coated pickle?

 

[Pesqueeb]

Is a nickle a nitride coated pickle?

It can be if that's what you're into.

 

[ButtersNZ]

I used to be a stoner. At my old workplace, you have to buy a box of beer for everyone to share on Friday if you cock something up and anyone sees it. This leads to a great deal of covering up of mistakes.

Got a forklift stuck in the mud, and then a second forklift stuck when trying to pull the first forklift out. The boss had to use his 4WD to pull them out. 1 hour of downtime. Box.

Using a hanging suction lift to pick up a 1.5x3m, 1mm sheet of polished stainless. Turns out there were two stuck together. One fell off during the trip. $200. Box.

Showing off I tried to do a donut in a forklift with 1500kg of new galvanised sheets counter-weighting the rear wheels. It under-steered toward a stack of pallets, then grabbed. The packaging broke and the sheets broke free and slid across the floor, scratching most of them. $500. Box.

Put a metal offcut onto the laser bed the wrong way around. The laser head dropped off and snapped. $1500+ and two days of down time. Fired.

 

[canadmos]

^Must have been fun working with you haha

Good 'ole warehouse work....

Too bad it didn't go faster. It did have a pretty sweet custom made beer holder, though.

 

[DirtyMike]

Left my new boss locked in a sally port today... Comedy ensued

 

[canadmos]

What is Sally's port like this time of year?

 

[CrabJoe StretchPants]

What is Sally's port like this time of year?

Dark and musky, no doubt.

 

[rockofullr]

Chased a bear through the woods shooting it with frozen paintballs.

Almost got shot by my buddy who was shooting a 9mm over the same bear's head to scare it.

Tried to catch a climbing rope being thrown 50ft down a cliff. Almost got my arms ripped out of the socket.

Drank all night then took a bunch of little kids on a hike to watch the sun come up. Two of my coworkers passed out at the top when we were watching the sun come up. I couldn't wake them up so I left them and told the kids they were just sleeping. They came back to work about 3 hours later.

Led a 35 mile backpacking trip in sandals. Almost got my toes crushed when a big ass rock turned over in a scree field.

Ate mushrooms then paddled a bunch of kids around in a canoe at night.

Put one of my coworkers in a dryer then accidentally turned it on.

Felled a 100ft tree and almost took out a building.

 

[jdcamb]

Chased a bear through the woods shooting it with frozen paintballs.

Almost got shot by my buddy who was shooting a 9mm over the same bear's head to scare it.

Tried to catch a climbing rope being thrown 50ft down a cliff. Almost got my arms ripped out of the socket.

Drank all night then took a bunch of little kids on a hike to watch the sun come up. Two of my coworkers passed out at the top when we were watching the sun come up. I couldn't wake them up so I left them and told the kids they were just sleeping. They came back to work about 3 hours later.

Led a 35 mile backpacking trip in sandals. Almost got my toes crushed when a big ass rock turned over in a scree field.

Ate mushrooms then paddled a bunch of kids around in a canoe at night.

Put one of my coworkers in a dryer then accidentally turned it on.

Felled a 100ft tree and almost took out a building.

You win this thread! True greatness is never appreciated...

 

[DirtyMike]

What is Sally's port like this time of year?

A sally port is a secure entry into and out of a building, may have two or more doors that are controlled by a remote location. It is a felony to try and enter the secure side of the jail without proper clearnce. I had not yet met the sherrif here and he was entering in plain clothes, he said oh come on let me in, after I did not recognize him. I let him in the first door while I tried to find a matching photo. I could not find a match so i radioed the lt on duty that I had an attempted intruder locked in the sally, this would be sop for someone insistant on coming in without clearance. He ended up buying me lunch and everyone had a lot of laughs at my expence. This my second day on the job

 

[jonKranked]

i sharted

 

[CastleMaster]

i sharted

Did that on my way to work once. Pulled over to check 'cause something just didn't feel right, and sure enough there was a wet streak down the side of the bench seat in my '58 Chevy as I slid out. Had to turn around and go home to shower and change. Still don't know why that happened to me. I guess sometimes you just lose the gamble.

PS- my wife thought it was HILARIOUS!

 

[jonKranked]

i had been out extremely late drinking the night before. wasn't feeling well, yet decided mexican was a good idea for lunch. gambled and lost. pants were fine so i threw my drawers out and went commando the rest of the day.

 

[DirtyMike]

i had been out extremely late drinking the night before. wasn't feeling well, yet decided mexican was a good idea for lunch. gambled and lost. pants were fine so i threw my drawers out and went commando the rest of the day.

There are only two types of men in this world, those who have **** there pants, and those who lie about it

 

[jonKranked]

There are only two types of men in this world, those who have **** there pants, and those who lie about it

during an internship back in college, one of the other guys (nice guy but kind of a tool) got so drunk he sh*t his pants - on two separate occasions.

 

[rockofullr]

during an internship back in college, one of the other guys (nice guy but kind of a tool) got so drunk he sh*t his pants - on two separate occasions.

Fvcking over achievers messing up the curve for the rest of us

 

[eric strt6]

well there was that time when as a TA for the Biology Department at Santa Monica college in 77...

we were on a desert field trip and I led a night time hike to a hill top and gave a "Star" talk while tripping on Peyote...got lucky with a busty blond that was on the hike too. Too bad I found out in the morning that it was one of the Instructors girlfriends